You love him and that more than anything is why you let him go. You’re the villain in his story. The bad guy.
You’re poisonous. You don’t need to do anything to tear him down. It’s who you are, your very essence. Your presence infects him. Kills him slowly.
The hardest part is that he knows it.
Maybe there would have been some comfort if he didn’t. That he’d still love you even when you had to leave. That he’d remember you like he first saw you. Beautiful, radiant, pure. Maybe if he didn’t know, your heart wouldn’t hurt this much.
You press your hand to your chest and let the stillness fill you. There is no beat under your palm, no roaring of your blood. Everything is still, so very very still.
You hate it. You hate the stillness.
You run into the city. You’ve never been to a city before but you can’t stop and admire it now. You need to go. Run. Crawl. Anything to keep the stillness from catching up to you.
I couldn’t sleep so I doodled Stewart and Abuil instead. I wanted to think of something witty for them to say but I fell short lol. Most likely Abuil is trying to encourage Stewart to drink and snack even though Stewart dislikes both activities.