mess with my family

The fact that I have no job and no proper home at the moment is really messing with me. The only thing I have is my relationships with my family and friends (which are so so valuable to me) but not having anything going for me besides that is making me feel like….. a tad hopeless.

i take a deep breath and swallow it down,
only to release it into the sky,
is it alright to believe that anyone can find happiness?
…even me?

The signs as my family on New Year's Eve
  • <p> <b>Aries:</b> My aunt Carol, who barely says a thing but suddenly gets overly active when you try to go to bed.<p/><b>Taurus:</b> My uncle Frank, who keeps sneaking into the kitchen to find some more snacks.<p/><b>Gemini:</b> My brother Jake, who is desperate to hit me with a fire cracker but ends up injuring himself.<p/><b>Cancer:</b> My aunt Silvia, who is screaming en trying really hard to get the whole fam to play a boardgame.<p/><b>Leo:</b> My cousin Carmen, who spends the whole night taking selfies to post the perfect new year picture.<p/><b>Libra:</b> My uncle George, who sleeps until 11.59 pm, wakes up to wish everyone a happy new year, and goes back to sleep at 00.01 am.<p/><b>Virgo:</b> My aunt Riley, who tries very hard to explain the importance of safety glasses to my brother.<p/><b>Sagittarius:</b> My sister Violet, who doesn't give a shit about the mess my family is as long as they don't ask her if she has a relationship yet.<p/><b>Scorpio:</b> My dad, who tends to get very philosophical as the new year approaches.<p/><b>Capricorn:</b> My cousin Raphael, who really needs to take a dump but is way to awkward to do it so he just sits, nodding and nervously smiling.<p/><b>Aquarius:</b> My best friend Sam, who stopped by to say borrow some matches but stayed for me (and the food).<p/><b>Pisces:</b> My mother, who suddenly turned into some sort of dancer/singer/comedian/chef and has her shit together.<p/></p>
What's going on?

I’ve seen nothing but hate towards my friends and fellow writers. What in the hell is going on? What makes this alright? What makes these rude ass anons think that it’s okay to demand such things?

Fanfic writers do this for free. Because we love it. Because, for some of us, it’s a chance to escape our pretty fucked up lives and get lost into a world that we’ve grown familiar with and can, with our imagination, turn it into our own as well.

We don’t work for anyone. We don’t ow anyone anything. We write when we feel inspired. We write when we feel that passion building up inside of us. We don’t write just because someone snaps their fingers and expects things to get done in that moment. We have lives, as much as it’s hard to believe (for those rude anons). We have priorities, that (and don’t panic rude anons) don’t have to do with SPN. It’s called reality. And it fucking sucks. But it’s a must. And we need to prioritize.

So take this, rude anons. Next time you request, try being more patient. Or better yet, if you want it done so badly, with no consideration for the writer, trying doing it yourself. Maybe then you’ll realize the hard work we put into our writing. The passion that transfers from pen to paper. From heart to hand.

Give it a go, yeah?

And stop fucking with my friends.

Love, Bev💜💕💋

my mom is crying. my friends are crying. my dad is pacing and i’m slowly trying to comprehend what’s happening


Hello, my name is Max. I have two brothers and two sisters, but I think I may have lost them forever. I don’t know if you can hear me. Your existence is unproven and seems extremely unlikely. But if you are there, and if you listen to things like me, please help. I don’t even have to see them again, just keep them safe.  — Max Elster 

Joker Imagine - Joker meets your family

Anonymous said:Hi! Could you do a joker X reader where the readers family is coming into town for Christmas and the reader has to get the jokers house perfect before her family arrives and jokers all excited to meet her family but the reader is worried. Then the story continues into the joker meeting her family and them opening Christmas presents. Thank you love your blog! <3

Originally posted by thebreakofdawn

Originally posted by makeyourchristmaswish

Your P.O.V.

No no no no..

Everything was a big mess.My family was coming to Gotham city all the way from fucking (Your home town)! They wanted to meet my boyfriend that I had been with for a year now. Oh and they’re coming here today, on fucking Christmas eve! I was cleaning the penthouse so it would be in a perfect condition. Joker was still working so I had to break the news for him. My family didn’t really know that I was with Joker. I always called him J so they thought his name was Jay. They would kill me, but there’s no stopping my family.

Just as I finished emptying the dishwasher, the timer beeped, letting me know that the christmas ham was done. I grabbed the pot holders and then took it out of the oven. Tomorrow we’d only have to warm it up again because it was huge enough to feed 30 people. I put the ham aside to rest and just then Joker walked into the kitchen. ‘’Oh it smells delicious’’, he let me know and put his hands on my hips. I sighed and turned around so I was between the counter and him. ‘’We have a problem’’, I admitted nervously and looked into his icy blue eyes. His smile faded and he nodded, allowing me to continue.

‘’My family is coming here in less than an hour to spend the Christmas. I tried to make them stay away, but I couldn’t’’, I spoke quietly and then played with a strand of my hair. Instead of being yelled out, he chuckled. ‘’That’s great. I can’t wait to meet them’’, he purred and grabbed my jaw, making me look at him. ‘’But they don’t know who you are! They only know that you’re J or as they think you’re Jay. They’re going to kill me!’’ , I groaned and felt anxious. How could they accept me with fucking Joker?

‘’Don’t worry, I’ll be kind to them and maybe they’ll melt’’ ,He winked happily. It’s like it didn’t bother him at all.’’Well I can’t promise that they’ll be good’’ , I whispered and then looked at his chest. J was wearing a red button up shirt with a green tie and black pants, very Christmasy. I was wearing a red dress and black heels. ‘’Besides we don’t have to send their gifts through mail because they can get them here today’’ ,he added and tried to keep me happy.

‘’Yeah..’’ I mumbled but still felt anxious. ‘’Oh merry Christmas Y/N, it’s going to be alright’’ ,J giggled and pecked my cheek. Just then the doorbell rang and I knew they were here. Joker looked into my eyes and then grabbed my hand. ‘’Let’s meet your family’’, he declared warmly and we walked to the door. Oh no..They were one big loud mess and my siblings (let’s pretend you have if you don’t) would make him lose his temper. Here goes nothing.

I opened the door and saw them standing there with suitcases and then two henchmen behind them, pointing at them with guns. Oh great. ‘’Gentlemen, lower your guns. They are our guests’’ ,Joker told his henchmen who listened immediately. My family looked already traumatized. ‘’Hi mum, hi dad..hi rats’’ ,I looked at my family members. My dad looked both shocked and angry. ‘’Come inside’’, J stepped aside so they could walk inside. My siblings got in first, then dad and my mum who hugged me. 

‘’Is this a joke?’’ ,She whispered into my ear and pulled back. ‘’Nope’’, I admitted shortly and then walked next to Joker. I was so nervous. ‘’I’m Joker, but you can call me J like Y/N does’’ ,Joker broke the silence as he led us to the dining room. I had set the table for everyone and most of the food was already there. ‘’You can leave your suitcases there. I’ll show you the guest rooms later’’, I told them and pointed at the floor somewhere. My family introduced themselves and sounded nervous. Just as I thought they wouldn’t say anything stupid, my sister , a real pain in the ass spoke up. ‘’Y/N are you a criminal?’’, She asked me seriously and stepped right in front of me. Everyone turned to look at me, probably curious to find out. Joker was just smiling, obviously finding this amusing.

‘’Shut up Y/S/N’’ ,I spat and tried to walk past her. ‘’I’ll show you the table’, J offered and left me alone with my stupid sister. ‘’Why the hell are you together with Joker? Do you even realize how dangerous he is?’’ ,she whisper-yelled and held onto my arms. ‘’Oh calm down sis. He’s nice to me. Besides I can date whoever I want’’ ,I defended myself and got pissed that this was such a big deal.

‘’I don’t know much about Gotham, but pretty much the entire world knows about Joker and whoever this girl of his is. I had no idea that you were the damn jester’’, She admitted, sounding very lost. ‘’Well boo hoo. Merry Christmas’’ ,I giggled, trying to make her calm down. ‘’Let’s go’’ ,I told her and walked into the dining room. Everyone sat down around the table and there was a seat for me next to Joker and my dad. ‘As he saw me, he stood up. ‘’We’ll go and get the rest of the food’’, He said calmly and walked up to me. His hand touched my back and he led us to the kitchen, away from their eyes.

‘’They seem nice’’, was the first thing he said while grabbing the tray with the big ham. I grabbed the gravy and some vegetables. There was wine and soda and more food in the dining room so I think we had everything. ‘’It’s not really funny J, they’re going to be asking you the most idiotic things’’, I warned him before walking back. ‘’Well if they raised you, they can’t be that bad’’, He winked and spoke loud enough for them to hear. Oh great.

We joined them in the dining room again and everything was set. ‘’It’s a pleasure to have you here. Please dig in’’, J said and let them take food first. A few minutes passed as we all grabbed food and Joker was a gentleman and poured everyone something to drink. Most of us took wine, but my siblings got soda. Finally some food. At least I could ignore my family and eat the delicious Christmas food.

‘’How did you meet?’’ ,Dad asked us, causing me to nearly choke on my red wine. I glared at Joker and mentally asked him not to tell them every fucking detail. I didn’t want my family to lose respect of me, because little did they know I was an assassin. We met at a meeting where he was interviewing me. I needed a job so I was ready to be his henchman. Little did we know that we would make out already then and he hired me. I managed to work for him a few days until we realized we were literally made for each other. Ever since I have been his partner in crime.

‘’She was at my club asking for a-’’ ,he opened his big red mouth, making panic kick in. ‘’Asking for a drink and I happened to bump into him’’ ,I finished his sentence for him. He glared at me strangely until he understood. Thank god. My family shared strange looks, but didn’t say anything about it. ‘’Y/N has always been such a good girl. I never thought she’d be into so called bad guys’’ ,my brother teased me, making me angry. What a prick.

‘’Well she’s sure full of surprises. Talking about surprises..’’ ,J started and then cleared his throat. ‘’I’ve got one, but I’ll save it for later’’,he changed his mind in the middle of everything. Was he nervous because of my family too?

                      After eating a little too much food, we started talking a little more normally. My parents put the presents the had taken with them under the big Christmas tree that was in the living room. So did J and I. I showed them their rooms and an hour passed quickly. Before I knew it, we were sitting in the living room, talking and I made sure J wouldn’t spill my secret.

‘’Oh Puddin you’re so funny’’ ,I purred and poked his chest. I was partly sitting on his lap ,not thinking much about it because I always sat on his lap. I bet my family found it weird. His arm was around me safely and he was smiling. ‘’Oh..I know that we’re going to open the presents now because Christmas morning already passed, but there’s one thing I want to do first’’ ,Joker said and then stood up. Everyone was sitting and now looking at him. I just wished with all my heart he wouldn’t do anything bad now.

‘’I know that you might think of me as unfitting for Y/N, but she’s my world’’, He let them know and I knew he was trying to make them accept him. It was kinda sweet. ‘’But there’s something Y/N doesn’t know’’ ,J smiled and that made my blood freeze. I had no idea what he was doing anymore. What didn’t I know?’’I talked to your father and he seemed fine about this. You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me. I know I’m not good with words, but I’m dead serious when I say that I love you. You’re one of the few people I really care about and I don’t ever want to lose you..’’ ,He explained and turned to face me. My heart started hammering in my chest and I felt surprised.He wasn’t the tpe of guy the declare his love like this in front of everyone.

‘’Y/N will you marry me?’’ ,Joker asked me a little nervously and got down on one knee. He grabbed a black velvet box and opened it, revealing a beautiful golden ring with diamonds on it. I covered my mouth because I literally gasped. Was this even real anymore? Did the clown prince of crime, one of the most dangerous people on earth just propose to me? I felt lightheaded and super happy at the same time. Tears stung my eyes and suddenly I was smiling wildly. Joker seemed nervous so I decided to help him out of that situation. ‘’Yes..’’, I managed to push the word out of my mouth. He looked so relieved and let me jump into his arms and hug him.

‘’Yes..Yes yes J’’,I said over and over again and felt happy tears running down my face. His strong arms held me safely and I could tell that he was happy. My family awed and clapped ,but I only focused on J. I pulled back and he grabbed my hand. Then I watched as he put the ring around my finger. ‘’I love you’’, I said softly and then pressed my lips against his. J kissed me back and that’s when I knew my life was completed. J had me and now he was sure I wouldn’t go so easily.

Best Christmas ever.


where the ship of the world sinks is not the ocean

My mom sends me a message. (My mom sends (everybody) so many messages).

I am practicing deep listening. There is space in me to receive the story. (There is space in me for love to get in.) I recieve the story she tells me along with the one she doesn’t (yet) dare tell. (Maybe never will). Hearing them both, I wonder: how sound, how strong, how sea-worthy is my vessel. How porous, how generous. Where does it go, where to release it. Or to hold. To absorb. The boat becomes the ocean becomes the world. 

Mom wants, nay needs to explain why the word “fuck” is so offensive to her. She has raised the topic as part of why she is so hurt and upset by family interactions (particularly if they do not match her pre-approved scripts). “Fuck” does not fit well, so she feels and says now, in any of her scripts. 

And here it is. Whatever the story she tells, whatever the details - about her father and his need to protect her from Ed the milk truck driver who spoke “crassly in dirty words” or about later, when as a teenager, her father failed to protect her from her aunt’s predatory lover. Whatever the story is, it is about avoiding anything that does not fit “The Good Life Script”.  We are good people and so The Good Life Script is the only one we will ever read or act out. Period. 

So my mother has no idea what to do with this rift in the way the world was always presented to her and the way it really is. She could not ditch the script as a child, and as an adult, even when the world crashed in around her she dared not lose her script. Even as she was forced to write new and less than satisfactory scripts just to get through her life, she refused to give up the idea that the script was the thing to do – the thing to save her, the thing to make it all okay. A script was a script was a safe place to be, regardless of how much (or how little) honesty was involved, or how much real-life was left out. 

Mom has zero practice with improvisation. She has no experience dealing with the reality of life moment to moment, dirty words and all. The truth of just how un-okay so much of the human-touched world is, is something she just goes back into her daddy’s house and denies. She has spent her entire lifetime denying it. Her scripts and her dedication to the script was the key to her father’s house, the ticket in. The only way she learn to cope with the world was by running back home. Thus, her deep devotion to the home scripts. But the house has fallen and the key is shattered and her denial has stranded her with no place to go, no place to get in, no shelter from a world she now has an unrelenting view of. 

Eventually, denial always catches you up short. Now, our family is in crisis and perhaps some of it ties directly back to her lifelong refusal to deal with her own crises all throughout life. Certainly much of it ties to the crises of the larger world and the larger denial of our peril. Microcosm and macro, so clearly connected and reciprocal and reflective. 

But whatever the causes the current crises can be traced back to, it is all the past. It is no more relevant to the now than the future is if we cannot learn to pay attention to what is real. 

I listen to my mother. I let myself be filled with the righteous logical explanations she provides to justify her indignation. I find the worthy bits within them. I say: I understand, Mother. You hate the word because when we say it, it feels like we are dishonoring the love and protection your father gave you - the love and protection you valued so much. 

I do not speak the rest of my understanding aloud. To myself, then, I say: When we say “fuck”, it feels like we are poking our fingers in the wound of all the ways Grandpa (and his practice of denial) failed to protect our mother. It feels like we are forcing her to look at what was lacking in her own parenting.  At the same time, we are asking her to face the difficult parts of the world (the dirty words) that her father’s protective approach left her ill-equipped to deal with. She is overwhelmed and feels like she is drowning. Of course for her, it becomes then, all about her. 

All of that puts me way out away from where she is now - further through the woods, closer to the now. I want to spend all my time in the now… mom still needs lots of practice letting go of the (imagined) past and the (imaginary) future. All of this puts me way out away from where she is now – but now I can see her from here. I can see her there, in the distance. She is alive, she is moving, she knows I am here. She knows I can still see her. 

Personal news!

I know I have not been around for a while, even if I’m still drawing, I have not feeling like uploading and I’m not really know why. Is weird, I know, but stuff like this happen to me from time to time.

Well, the thing is that… I have a boyfriend! Since when? September 15! Who is him? He is a cute cuddly bear who I meet here, in Tumbler, shortly after I started be active. We get along so well and, before months of knowing each other, we give an opportunity to ourselves.

Well, as a birthday gift I travel to his city to stay for a whole week. We both were very nervous and the planes delays didn’t help. But at last we meet.

And that was the start of one of the best weeks of my life.

He is a wonderful, caring and hardworking person and we share so many good moments that even if we feel that we need more time to know more of each other. But we make sure to make that little time to count

Thank you babe, I love you and I can’t wait to be together again.

Gotta Love Kids

Not so much a fuck customers but a I fucking love my kids. I’m a preschool teacher and the moment I walk in I’m flooded with kids clinging to my legs and arms and demands to let them show me their arts and crafts and overnight homework. I’ve never??? Had a job better than this?? My boss is the sweetest peach ever and has never scolded me for anything, only reminding me if I’m messing something up. My coworkers are dolls and it feels like a big family. I hope everybody can find a job as awesome as mine one day.


JS: I was thinking about it…and I really seemed ridiculous!

shameless S07E3

Carl finding out the hoe he cut his dick for is cheating on him

Originally posted by n-e-v-e-r-m-0-r-3

Carl snitching on the hoe like she deserves

Originally posted by ghienphim

Liam actually saying sentences

Originally posted by dxsobedient

When you find a store that sells Kpop merch
  • Me: *sees the only store in your city with kpop merch*
  • Brain: No. Not again. This isn't happening again. No.
  • Me: I promise, I'll go in to have a look. I won't buy anything
  • Brain: You better
  • Me: *comes out with 5 albums, 10 posters, 3 photocards, a calendar and disappointed family*
  • Brain: Fuck you.