Characters named Jack have no chill

Handsome Jack? Sociopathic dictator.

Jack Harkness? Screwed everyone ever.

Jack Sparrow? HA where to I start with this one

Jack Dawson? Reckless as FUCK

Jack Merridew? Set an island on fire.

Jack from Jack and the Beanstalk? Stole shit from a fuckin GIANT

name ONE character named Jack who has any chill

i dont know if i’m normal anymore, cause i am a 16 years old girl, who feels butterflies in her stomach every time she sees gay couples kissing…

  • jack before the island: sings c#
  • start of the book jack: aggressively sings c#
  • end of the book jack: sC RE AMS c#. the sheer c# sends chills down everyone's spine. his lungs have developed into something inhuman. the c# causes minor earthquakes. clouds cover the skies and lightning strikes behind jack, illuminating him in his c# glory. he laughs maniacally in c# melodic minor. there is no escape
LOTF characters in Primary School:

Jack: Thinks he’s the hottest shit in the classroom, learned his ABC’s the fastest, never wants to play with his toys until someone else does (then they’re HIS toys), always has to be the king during king of the mountain or else he pushes you off the slide

Ralph: That one really oddly pretty little boy that behaves around adults and everyone thinks he’s the dream child but really he steals ur kids juice box and shoves the girls off the swing sets during recess so he can swing

Simon: The kid who braids grass and plays with ants and says the bugs are his friends. Brags about all his pets.

Roger: eats Simon’s bugs, cuts the tails off of lizards, bullies everyone, bitter child, the hellspawn parents thank God for not birthing

Piggy: that one dude who Naruto runs before collapsing after two seconds, plays trading card games with the other nerds, gets bullied, really smart, thinks he can defend himself but cAnnot

  • Maurice: I don't understand why we're playing Spin the Bottle. There are exactly zero girls here.
  • Ralph: My turn! It's my turn. *inhales deeply* *spins it* There. I just spun it.
  • Ralph: *internally* Dear God, if you really exist, please show me by landing it on Jack Merridew, so I can explore this confusing conflicting feelings I've been having lately.
  • Bottle: *lands on Piggy*
  • Jack: *quickly* Re-spin! New rule: you can re-spin.
  • Piggy: *throws Jack an 'are you fucking kidding me' face*
  • Ralph: *spins it again* *bottle lands on Jack*
  • Ralph: *smirking* Huh, Jack. I guess we have to kiss.
  • The biguns: *look on as they start heavily making out*