omg how many numbers did you — this is going to be long. college dissertation long.
2. Your 5 least favourite books of all time.
1. The Day No Pigs Would Die. Read it in 8th Grade, thought it was horrible, horrible fan fiction-quality writing. A pig was raped for insemination and the boy sees blood trickling down its leg—so graphic and so unnecessary. AND ALSO. THE PIG DIED. SO. IT’S ALL A LIE. But god, yeah, I thought that book was poorly written, overwrought horse manure.
2. Actually, we read Across Five Aprils that year too and it was a SLOG, utterly forgettable, just a whole lot of nope. (The teacher tried to make us read it in fifth grade and the whole class was SO BORED she gave up halfway through. She passed around a tub that we all threw our books into and CHEERED.) It was one of those historical fiction books where, everyone’s just plodding along … on this farm … occasionally someone listens to the radio and we get a page of ~updates from the war~. Literally all I remember is that a character’s name was Shad.
3. That My Dear Uncle Oswald book by Roahl Dahl that I read a while back. Just … a lot of rape going on. Rape, sexism, a weird little homophobic part … nagl. It was about … something to do with this guy inventing this pill from an ~insect in Africa~ that causes uncontainable, uncontrollable lust. And they were going to celebrities, drugging them, getting them to have sex with this girl, STEALING THEIR SEMEN, and then accusing them of rape afterwards. I could not really process why in the world I was reading it.
4. The Crane Wife by Patrick Ness doesn’t really deserve to be on this list because it wasn’t offensively terrible, but it was SO MIND NUMBINGLY BORING.
5. I hate to do it, but maaaaybe the number 5 slot goes to A Casual Vacancy? Like The Crane Wife, it isn’t that CA is offensively horrible, it didn’t murder my family or anything, but I think we were all SO EXCITED for JKR’s new book, the idea that she was going to keep writing, that maybe she would start on a project just as exciting and captivating as Harry Potter and … instead … we got … that. Lots of unnecessary words like “vulva” and “masturbation” being thrown around for what felt like shock value … I found the book so dry, and normally I wouldn’t take offense to that, but … It’s JKR. We were all hoping for something more.
FOR THE THREE PEOPLE STILL READING THIS POST … I SALUTE YOU. ONTO THE NEXT QUESTION.
4. Characters you hate.
Half the characters I read. No, um. There’s hating a character because they’re a bad, vile person, and then there’s hating a character because they’re such a waste of paper. I think I’ll say I disliked Heathcliff and Cathy from Wuthering Heights immensely, primarily because I was told to expect a wonderful love story??? and that heathcliff was such a romantic figure??? and then he throws a baby off a staircase????
okay I really need to cut this post. more madness beneath the read more.