Scars Map - A Remus Lupin Imagine part 3
Okay, here is part three of Scars Map. It’s pretty long though, there’s some crazy action going on.
Warnings : nothing, really? Blood maybe? No smut this time, boohoo. Maybe in part four, if a part four will be.
It’s a full moon tonight. You are aware of it because Sirius told you he wouldn’t be available tonight.
Usually Friday are the days you two hang up together but you are not really disappointed about staying home alone tonight.
Since that night with Remus, you feel guilty. Not because it feels like you cheated on Sirius, anyway you two were never exclusive. But you feel that way because it crushed Remus. You remember the look on his face and it destroys any happiness you’d feel every time you’d think back of that night spent in his arms.
Okay there might be a little bit of guilt towards Sirius too.
You never planned to fall for his friend. You always felt for Remus what you felt for the other marauders: just a true and real friendship. But that night back at Sirius’ flat, when you saw how hurt he was, when you tried to heal his wounds, something happened in your heart. For the first time you felt like you didn’t want to lose him, in a visceral way. You wanted to protect him from any harm. It was more than what a caring friend would feel for someone. It ached your soul.
When you touched his skin, when you saw him at his most vulnerable, trying to hide himself, being too ashamed of who he was, you just wanted Remus to feel loved. You wanted to melt into him. You would take all of his pain if you could. So the burden wouldn’t be so heavy for him. You’d carry it with you, no matter what.
And tonight, he was going to suffer, again.
At least he wasn’t alone. There would be Sirius, James and Peter at his sides, protecting himself from harm. Protecting him from himself…
Since your plans with Sirius were cancelled, you gladly accepted to take a coworker’s shift at St-Mungos. Night shifts are usually the worst, but it keeps you busy. Seeing all that action taking place.
As you enter the hospital, you see already how a busy night it is going to be.
‘Y/L/N!’ there’s a splinch in room 4, can you take care of it?’ says Anna, the healer in charge for the night.
You nod. Entering the small room, you see a young girl crying in pain, holding her thigh. She can’t be older than seventeen and it reminds you that not so long ago, you were her age.
‘What’s your name?’ you ask.
She doesn’t answer. You look at the man beside her. He looks worried and upset.
'What’s her name?’ you ask him.
He looks at you, suddenly noticing your presence.
'Elizabeth’ he whispers.
'Okay, Elizabeth? I’m Y/N. Can I look at your wound, please?’ you say, standing in front of her.
She shakes her head.
'It hurts’ she says between two moans of pain.
'I know, but it’s going to be fine. What happened?’ you say, turning your head towards the man.
'There was an attack - I…’ he says but his voice is smothered by cries.
'Is this your daughter?’ you ask him.
'We had to escape and I thought disapparating would be faster but she’s not used to…’
You try to smile.
Attacks. There are more of it every damn days. It was probably Death Eaters and you shake with horror just to think about it.
You need to focus, to give all of your attention to the teenager in front of you.
'Okay, Eli, I can call you Eli? I need to see your thigh if you want me to help you, alright?’
Her hands are covered in blood.
'I can’t’ she cries. 'It’s too painful!’
'I know, sweetie, I know. Just look at me, alright?’
She stares at you with her big brown eyes. She’s so innocent, yet she witnessed such horrible things. She moves her hands away from her severed thigh. It’s not as bad as it looks. You’ve seen more wounds from a crappier disapparating than this one. Still, you know how painful it is.
'When I was your age, the first time I disapparated, I completely tore my hand open. I know how you feel. But see?’ you say, showing her your left hand. ‘It’s fine, like it never happened. I’m going to take care of you.’
You go for a Dittany elixir in the cabinet and start to apply some on her wound. It slowly starts to resorb itself.
'See?’ you say, smiling to her.
Although she seems relieved, there’s still a frightened expression on her face. What she lived tonight, whatever it was, scared her a lot.
'I’m going to let you heal calmly and I’m going to check back on you later, alright?’ you say, holding the door in front of you. 'You’re safe here’ you add, trying to make her feel secure.
'Damn it’ you whisper when you close the door.
Anna, your chief, looks at you.
'Everything alright, Y/L/N?’ she says.
'Fine. It’s just… it’s overwhelming. Her father said they were attacked… I believe it was the work of-’
'HELP!’ interrupts a voice behind you.
You have the curious impression to recall the voice of the man who just yelled. You slowly turn around and you are devastated by the sight of a bloody Sirius, transported into an emergency room followed by a completely ravaged Remus sprawling on a stretcher, not looking responsive at all. Behind them, an out of breath James is running, in total panic.
'James!’ you yell as you see the young man looking slightly relieved at the sight of you.
'Y/N!’ he shouts, hugging you immediately. 'I hoped you’d be there!’
'What the hell happened?’ you say, not knowing who to follow first.
'Everything was fine, he transformed and we tried to keep him calm and, Merlin-’ he says, not able to continue.
'James, I need you to stay with me here’ you reply, hanging on his lips.
'We were attacked, so obviously Moony, he panicked, he totally lost it!’ he continues, messing with his already pretty chaotic hair.
'What do you mean, attacked?’
'In the village, where we went to hide, I recall it was Death Eaters, they burnt the whole place down like it was nothing, Godric, Y/N! Remus was uncontrollable and we feared he’d do something stupid like killing the people who were running from the chaos, or being killed by them or worse, being enlisted against his will, shit-’
You look at the Healers all focusing on Remus as he is still unconscious on the small bed.
'Sirius, he ran after him, they fought, it was bad Y/N, I’m telling you.’
'Why is Remus unconscious?’ you say, terrified.
'When he realized Padfoot was following him, Moony, he turned around and started to chase Sirius and… I had no choice, I had to…’ he stops again, shaking with emotion.
'You had to what?’ you ask.
'I had to stun him, I couldn’t do otherwise, he was going to kill Padfoot. He was going to kill him’ he replies, with tremor in his voice. 'But I stunned him so hard because I was scared and now he’s… There was just a matter of minutes before he’d be human again and this whole thing wouldn’t have happened…’
You try to stay focused but you can’t believe what’s happening in front of you. Anna is bended on Remus as your colleagues are trying to help him.
'You did what you had to, James. You really did’ you say, trying to reassure him.
But even yourself, you’re not convinced.
'Tell me they’re both going to be fine, Y/N. I can’t lose neither one of them.’
Seeing that Remus is in good hands with Anna, and being aware that you’re not really having the expertise to treat his case, you run into Sirius’ room. Two healers, Julia and Liam, are tearing his shirt from him.
'How is he?’ you say, looking at his heavily scratched neck.
'We haven’t seen a bite yet’ says your Liam.
'Y/N, can you help me here?’ says Julia, pressuring Sirius’ neck. 'I need you to put your hands here while I grab the …..’
As she let her hands go of his neck to make room for you, a major bleeding escapes the wound.
'Shit!’ you shout, urging to push your fingers on it.
'It’s a bad lesion, let me put this on him’ Julia says, pouring a blue liquid on the bleeding mess.
It closes immediately. You’re glad there’s some magic in this world.
'Sirius, can you hear me?’ you say to the immobile body.
'You know him?’ Julia says.
'He’s a… he’s my friend.’
'You’re going to have to step away then’ Liam says. 'You know you can’t treat a relative. You’re vulnerable to making mistakes.’
'Come on, I’m fine’ you say, looking at him with angry eyes.
'Clearly you’re not! You’re shaking. Send Anna in, we cannot afford making a mistake here. For all we know he might have been bitten by the wolf-’
'Remus’ you say without thinking.
'It’s his name. And he’s not a wolf, he’s a human being.’
'Like I care right now Y/L/N. Send us Anna, she’ll take over!’
With frustration, you leave the room, hoping Sirius is going to be alright. You go for Anna and join James in the waiting room. He looks terrorized.
'We knew those things could happen but it never was this bad.’
'They’re going to be fine, James’ you say, putting your hand on his.
'Y/N, I stunned him so hard…’
'I told you already. You did what you had to.’
He sighs heavily.
'You know, I’d trade place with him’ James says, after a few minutes. 'He didn’t deserve this.’
'Nobody deserves to be afflicted with such an awful condition’ you reply, thinking how sad it is for Remus to go through these painful stages.
'And this war coming, there’s nothing we can do to avoid it. I feel so useless.’
'James, you’re not thinking straight right now. Why don’t you go home to Lily and get some sleep?’
He sighs again.
'Are you staying here?’
'I’ll be by their sides, don’t worry.’
He starts to walk and stops. He turns back to you.
'You know, Sirius can be arrogant and a bit of a prick sometimes. But we all know he’s fond of you. He won’t just admit it.’
You smile weakly.
'He’ll be happier to see you when he wakes up than me.’
You’re on your own now. There is so much going on around you but you feel like the loneliest person in the world. You can’t be much help right now, neither for Remus or Sirius. You feel weak, your head is buzzing lightly.
When you decided you wanted to become a healer, you knew you were doing right. You knew it was your fate. You were never really mastering defensive spells of some sort. But you were a caring soul: to heal people, it was what you were supposed to do.
'Y/N’? says Anna, looking for you.
You turn your head immediately to see her.
'What is it?’
'Mr. Black. He’s awake.’
'Thank you’ you say, while you’re running to his room.
'I’m telling you I’m fine, I don’t need to rest, I need to see my friend!’ Sirius says, trying to get up from the tiny bed. 'Y/N, tell them I’m fine!’
Your colleagues looks at you, not knowing what to do with the prick that escaped death by a hair, claiming he’s fine.
'Stay in bed, Sirius!’ you shout at him, pushing on his chest.
'You know, usually, I wouldn’t be opposed to it, love, but I really need to see Moony-’
'Shut up, Black!’ you say as you push him harder on the bed. 'You stay in this room until we tell you otherwise, is that clear?’
Sirius looks at you, impressed.
‘I’m not used to see you bossing around, Y/N.’
‘Well, here, I am your boss. And right now, I’m not allowing you to get up. Liam, can you go and check what’s going on with Mr. Lupin, please?’
Liam shakes his head in exasperation and leaves the room. You turn to face Sirius, hands on your hips.
'You know, you really need to learn how to be kind towards the people who take care of you, Sirius.’
'I’m telling you I’m fine’ he answers, rolling his eyes.
You feel like you want to cry. You’re annoyed with his arrogance but you’re so glad he’s himself, even though he’s behaving like a kid.
'James told me what happened… he says it was Death Eaters?’ you ask, sitting on the bed towards him.
Sirius, without being conscious of it, takes your hand in his hand starts rubbing it.
'Of course it was. They bloody burned the whole village down. Do you know how a werewolf likes fire? I didn’t! And I’m telling you right now, Y/N, it fucking doesn’t.’
'What were they looking for?
'You tell me! All I remember is a flash of orange light, then feeling like my blood is boiling in my veins. Remus started to run away and there were people coming in our direction, so it appealed him. I ran after him and, being the funny Moony he is, he didn’t like that. We fought. I’m used to it, at some point I always end up having to, but this time, he was really scary.’
'He ripped your neck, you lost a lot of blood.’
Sirius looks away and raises his shoulders.
'I just hope he’s okay. Your nosey colleague-’
‘Liam, whatever, doesn’t seem to be coming back. Can you go check on Moony?’
'Sure. You get some rest, alright? It’s been a long night.’
‘When you come back, can you stay?’ he says, doing the puppy eyes.
‘You’re impossible, you know that?’ you answer, rolling your eyes.
He laughs with his usual lovely bark and you shut the door behind you.
You walk in the halls, feeling a bit lighter. At least he’s alright. He made it.
You pass in front of Remus’ room, where Liam is just coming out.
He looks at you, concerned.
'How is he?’ you ask, feeling like you’re going to be sick out of a sudden.
'He was stunned pretty hard by your friend, but he’s strong. Anna is optimistic.’
He shakes his head.
'What do you mean, is there a chance he won’t recover?’
Liam looks away, clearly feeling nervous and not at ease.
'Y/N, he is a werewolf…’
He raises his shoulders and vanishes away. You don’t want to deal with him right now, anyway.
You enter the tiny room where Remus is laying. He looks sound asleep. He looks quite peaceful though. Like you ever saw him.
'Remus?’ you ask, standing in front of him. 'I’m sorry I couldn’t come sooner.’
You see him opening a weak eyelid.
'Sirius… is he okay?’ he whispers, coughing, trying to sit down.
‘He’s fine, believe me. Don’t worry. Don’t move, please.’
You take Remus’ hand but he pushes it away from you.
'Hey, you scared me. I was really worried.’
'I don’t remember anything. The healer, she told me I attacked him and I thought I killed him, Y/N. I really thought this was it.’
'Shh, he’s alright’ you say, feeling tears coming out of your eyes. 'Get some rest, okay?’
‘I can’t let them near me anymore. It’s too dangerous…’
Remus closes his eyes. There’s dark shadows underneath it. If he looked peaceful when he was asleep, he now looks more tormented than ever. It makes you feel so powerless. You wish you could just send him all the love you feel for him.
'I can’t stand it, Y/N. I can’t stand it anymore, it’s just…’ he whispers, his voice suddenly cut by the sobs.
'Hey, hey, look at me!’ you say, crying too.
You lay in his bed and take him in your arms. There’s nothing you want more to tell him it’s going to be alright. It’s going to be fine. You both sobs like crazy, until he finally fall asleep in your arms. When you feel his breathing getting slower, you allow yourself to close your eyelids too.
'I love you’ you whisper, maybe more for yourself than for him. 'I love you so much.’
It was a rough night. But you’re relieved he’s okay. There will be more scars, but nothing you can’t handle.