Keeping Your Friends Together
Before I begin, I’d like to mention a couple of things. One, I got permission from a friend to post this. He provided me with a semi-accurate transcript (this was like years ago on his end). Two, he avoids Tumblr like the plague, and I doubt the golden treasury of RPG shenanigans present here would attract him. Anyway, here goes.
Context: His campaign is minding their own business when they are approached by a time-lost merchant. Long story short, a time-lost merchant has IRL modern or futuristic tech (along with some other things) to sell. So the merchant shows his wares to the party, and my friend plays a female warlock (he doesn’t remember what race).
Merchant: And this, my friends, is a great tool! Keeping your friends together forever has never been easier!
Warlock: What is this called?
Merchant: It’s–er, I, uh…
A Perception roll from somebody reveals that the merchant is illiterate for some reason.
Warlock: (taking pity) I’ll buy it! How much?
So the warlock buys the object without knowing what it is, and a few hours of journeying in-session consists of the party wondering what it could be for. For most of the adventure, the warlock carries the object around in her hand like it is a luck charm.
Fast forward. They’re battling a dragon, things are not looking good.
Fighter: [Warlock’s name], DO SOMETHING!
Warlock: DO WHAT?!
Ranger: Anything, we’re gonna fucking die here!
Warlock (OOC): In a panic, I throw the last thing I purchased!
Bard (OOC): What?! (laughs)
DM: You mean what you got from the time-lost dude?
Warlock (OOC): Yeah.
DM: Okay. Folks, EVERYTHING is going to be staked on this one roll, because I feel like it. The outcome of this fight is all on this roll.
Fighter (OOC): What, why?!
Bard (OOC): We are so dead.
DM: Just roll.
My friend rolls a Nat 20. Then he rolls again for damage, which is a crit.
DM: It hits the dragon on the head. You can hear the sound of its skull breaking as it goes limp and falls over the edge.
Apparently they had to stop soon after that battle because it was getting way past their usual time. Just before everyone goes offline, though…
Friend: Hey, what was it that I bought earlier?
Ranger Player: Yeah, [DM’s moniker], what DID he buy from that kick-ass merchant earlier?
DM: Ohhhhh that. [Warlock’s name] bought a Nokia phone.
The party would grow to hail the warlock for buying the “magical weapon that pulls us through peril”. That Nokia phone lasted until the campaign disbanded.