mercedez benz

somehow this happened

If Qrow was a teacher at Beacon instead of Signal
  • Qrow: Alright, blonde coconut! What's your name?
  • Jaune: Ja-Jau-Ja...
  • Qrow: WELL, SWEET FALL MAIDEN ON THE HOOD OF A MERCEDEZ BENZ! YOU SOUND LIKE A MAJESTIC F***ING EAGLE!! DO YOU SING!?
  • Jaune: *stutters*
  • Qrow: HARMONISE WITH ME, MAGGOT!!!
  • Jaune: I don't know if I can-
  • Qrow: *sings a very high note*
  • Jaune: *SCREAMS*
  • Qrow: *snaps Jaune's neck*
  • Qrow: What about you, whitehead? What's your story?
  • Weiss: Oh, well, my name is Weiss, and after I ace this academy, I'll become one of the defenders of Remnant.
  • Qrow: Wow. You seem to have a good head on your shoulders.
  • Weiss: Oh, well thank you so m- *gets headbutted by Qrow*
  • Qrow: Now listen up, you double deckered PIG FART! You don't get to be a defender of Remnant, 'TIL AFTER, YOU PULL YOUR HEAD, OUT OF YOUR HAMSTER HOLE!
  • Qrow: What about you, kiddo? Where do you see yourself in three years?
  • Ren: I plan to give my body in service to Professor Ozpin, sir!
  • Qrow: Oh. OH, YOU THINK THIS IS HAREM OF THE DEAD!? Boy, if you can't beat a Grimm Parasite, WITHOUT ANY DUST, then you shouldn't even bother trying to be with Oz!
  • Qrow: *holding Cardin up by the face* WELL SWEET JOLLY F***ING RANCHERS, I BET YOUR MOM WISHES SHE HAD SWALLOWED YOU!
  • Nora: *starts eating a pancake*
  • [silence]
  • Qrow: So. What's going on in this neck of the woods? You got something to eat there?
  • Nora: Yeah, I'm just eating a pancake.
  • Qrow: Oh. Pancakes, huh? You, uh...You like that flapjack?
  • Nora: Mhm.
  • Qrow: Alright. Well, uh, from now on, you'll be known as Pancake Girl.
  • Nora: ...I don't like that name.
  • [silence]
  • Qrow: ...You know, those are actually quite high in calories. You know what's a real good way for burning off calories?
  • Nora: ...What?
  • [cut to her running and crying]