Isolation in BPD

They chose to see their other friend over me, they clearly hate me and don’t want to be around me, it’s all just an act.

But that’s fine. I hate them now too.

These are the words that buzz in my mind whenever something as minor as seeing a picture of my favourite friend with their other friend happens. It sounds crazy, but it sends me and others into isolation because even the faintest hint at abandonment or replacement, real or imagined is simply too much to bear. My relationship with folk could change in an instant, depending on what they do. Communication is always a double edged sword for me.

I have a lonely and needy desire to interact with people on a personal level, but an overwhelming voice of doubt in my head is always there to remind me of what could happen.

What if they do this? Or say that?

What if they are just pretending to be nice?

And that is how we isolate ourselves. We push genuine people away because we’re so terrified of being left or replaced. We don’t mean to do this. And it’s much worse if we have commonly experienced the actual result of being abandoned. It reinforces the belief that we are stuck with, and makes it even harder to create/maintain personal relationships.

I’ve seen a lot of people talk about how they want to be okay, feel better, and I’m gonna drop some knowledge on you right now. Just the fact that you want to feel okay means you’re getting better. You saying ‘this isn’t where I want to be in life’ means you are looking forward, looking to get better. And just that little bit of motivation means that you are okay, because you’re still alive and still looking forward. You haven’t lost hope yet, and I’m sure that’s better compared to where you used to be. I believe in you. Keep getting better.

i’d like to take a moment for people who struggle with “scary” mental illnesses. psychosis, did, substance abuse, schizophrenia, aspd, paranoia, spd, etc. horror movies and bad jokes can portray such an ugly picture, but you are wonderful and so much more than what you deal with.

Seeking Help

Pshycologist • What seems to be the problem?

Me • I have estranged eating habits?

Phsycologist • How so?

Me • I restrict to very low calorie consumption, compulsively exercise and purge when I’ve eaten so much as 1 calorie over my limit. I fast 24hr every day. I constantly think of food. I fear high calorie foods. I hate my body image. I love the control I have over my food!

Phsycologist • Please hop on the scales!

Me • *nervously jumps on scale*

Phsycologist • You don’t seem underweight! Just eat properly and be on your way!

Me • *I hate my life*

You can’t stand it when others treat you badly, but why is it that you allow for yourself to do it? Please, don’t allow for either one. Take care of yourself at this very moment, tomorrow, and for many more days to come.

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