“The obstacles of your past can become the gateways that lead to new beginnings” 


So I did it . After four very long years
I am finally discharged from all eating disorder services . Words cannot express how I will be forever grateful to not only the Leicestershire services but to Hampshire service too . Back when I was first diagnosed I thought that was it , that my life was over especially being re admitted into hospital and leaving uni. I didn’t have a life all that I consist of was constantly intensely fearing weight gain just barely surviving. I was a mess. And didn’t think I could ever get well enough again.

There are not enough words in the world to say how thankful and lucky for every single member of staff who helped me along the journey from therapists to nurses to hca those were the people who got me through every mouthful of food to every morning weigh ins. There were countless times when giving up just seemed so much easier but it was with the support from everyone who helped me through it and who believed in me when I couldn’t believe in myself I am where I am today because of them. I was proabbly months away from death , anorexia nearly killed me and they saved my life even though at the time I rebelled as much as I could but I’m glad that they were there to sort my sassy attitude out. You are the ones who have inspired me into even considering going back to uni and have inspired me to pick the course I want to pursue .

Looking back to the person I was i can’t believe that was even me. From nearly getting tube fed and constant threats of getting sectioned my mind can’t get around the fact that that was who I was.Now I’m able to think,be creative , And actually laugh at jokes where as before I had to force out a smile . I could barley walk for ten minutes without wanting to collapse . All these memories still haunt me to this day but that’s it , that’s what they are ,just memories, I’m now making new ones , happier ones to replace them.

I can honestly say for the first time in my life I’m proud of the person I am today and everything I’ve achieved and will achieve in the future . Ive proven to myself that I can do anything I want and that I am worth fighting for. I honestly don’t know what the furure holds and if anorexia will ever be apart of my life again but I do know that I can beat anything that I put my mind to .

I can’t thank enough my family who I put through hell and back and who stood by me even through the times I had screaming matches with them . Also thank you Beth , not only are you my twin but who has been my main inspiration through my recovery and will always be , I remember when all I wanted to be was you and you came for hospital visits even though you were in your final year of uni you’ll never know how much your inspire me , you are a reminder of what I want.

I’ve met so many people who really are friends for life and I’m so proud aswell on how far they’ve came . Who knew you could meet such good friends through horrible circumstances. And that’s why I always say I never regret getting ill without it I wouldn’t have known such amazing people . Once you get ill with anorexia I believe you never really get back to the person you once was before the illness but that said you become someone stronger and know yourself a bit more .

For the people struggling still, you’re never too far gone to recover even if it takes you 2,3 or even 10 years it gets better . I’ll always hold the hope for the people who can’t do it for themselves like others did for me .

Here’s to a brighter future ⭐️⭐️Here’s to the new chapter in life .

Hey fam it’s Katerina aka punk-teddylupin. Just a friendly reminder that I didn’t delete my multifandom blog, I just decided to make it a sideblog. Here it is if you wanna follow me again. thunderstormoon will be my main blog from now on with lots of personal/mental health/aesthetic/recovery posts. Please signal boost this. Thank you for following me and for being patient ily take care ♥♥ 

A PSA bc I really need to let this out

I’m just getting back into a road of mental and emotional recovery after 6 LONG FUCKING YEARS and I’m not abt to let a fandom I enjoy and my health be ruined by this mask business. What happened to the happy funny, creative, kind, community we had? Please I beg of you drop the masks and end this “cult” thing. Mark didn’t want this, he didn’t ask for this to happen. And to the people who brought someone to ATTEMPT SUICIDE I hope your happy bc that person is in the hospital with kidney failure after what you did. You people that leaked and doxxed users should be in jail. Please just stop.. Please my anxiety was getting better…now I’m shaking and on the verge of a panic attack. Please.. PLEASE JUST STOP

Shout out to all my mentally ill beans who get told their choice to isolate as a coping mechanism is “bad and unhelpful”

Shout out to beans who isolate themselves due to overstimulation

Shout out to beans who isolate to keep themselves safe

Shout out to beans who isolate to keep others around them safe

Shout out to beans whose isolation resulted in them being described as cold, unfriendly or antisocial

Shout out to beans whose isolation resulted in them losing friends and loved ones because they all misinterpreted it as being unwanted or hated

Shout out to beans who isolate but still desperately search for someone to reach out to them

Shout out to beans whose isolation helps, I’m glad you found something that works for you and I’m sorry people who don’t experience what you do feel the need to tell you what you’re doing for yourself is terrible. It isn’t. If it makes you feel better to take a few days to yourself, you do that bb. It isn’t selfish. It isn’t hurting anyone. You’re doing what you think is best for you

  • me when someone i love is sad: crying is a release of emotions, please cry if you need to, im here for you!!
  • me to me when im crying: wow ur seriously crying bc of a valid emotion? what a baby lmao suck it up

For those of you who think that “depressed” is equivalent to being “sad,” my intent here is to show you just how wrong you are. If you fail an exam, you’re sad. If someone doesn’t call you back after a first date, you’re SAD. When you have to physically resist the urge to throw yourself in front of a moving vehicle or swallow an entire bottle of pills, you are depressed. Depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain. When a depressed person says, “I want to die.” or “I want to kill myself.” WE GENUINELY DO, we mean it wholeheartedly. Our brains tell us that taking our lives is a logical way to end our suffering. Depression swallows you whole, it sucks the life right out of you. It alienates you from the entire world around you. You feel empty, hollow and alone. Your existence seems meaningless. It’s as if everyone else on Earth has the script to the play of life while you walk around, hoping to catch on to some of the lines and fall in line with everyone else. For those of you who romanticize mental illness, tell me this. What’s romantic about me screaming out and smashing at walls for someone to save me, because I can’t breathe during a panic attack? What’s ROMANTIC about a significant other leaving because they don’t have the patience to deal with a flat mood and negativity? Fuck any of you who fake mental disorders for attention. I do everything in my power to HIDE mine. I speak for every mentally ill person when I say that we don’t want attention, all we want is to be NORMAL, full functioning human beings. People who mock or disregard our REAL struggle are the reason why society doesn’t take us seriously. Depression is a silent demon, an overwhelming wave of absolute dread. It is a debilitating, life ruining BATTLE that I would not wish on my very worst enemy. Never treat it as anything less.

Reminder that you can always reach out for help and start again.
You are worth the change, you deserve recovery and you deserve a better life. Learn how to say sorry, how to forgive and forget your past. 
You can do it, warrior!

it’s so weird that i never heard anybody talk about this, but… one of the things you will notice when you start recovering is that your old coping mechanisms will stop working. they might even start hurting. which is absolutely scary, and you might even find yourself being nostalgic for worse times when you could still give into those impulses and feel the pain ease off for a while. but they stop working because you are healing. take a deep breath. see how far you’ve come. you’ll go much further yet. be proud of yourself.