**ANYBODY CAN REBLOG THIS SPECIFIC PERSONAL PHOTO**
This photo is a HUUUUGE step for me.
I haven’t smiled in a photo for nearly 10 years now. Yep. Ten years.
After my uncle’s suicide when I was 8 years old, my mental health got really bad and it has been a rough road ever since.
My depression made me HATE the way happiness looked on me. The way my chin pointed a bit when I smiled, the crookedness of my teeth…. I wanted to hide.
I would change the way I walked, hoping less people would look at me. I didn’t feel cute enough for that attention. I wanted to put on a cloak of invisiblity, conceal all the flaws.
I used to really, genuinely think I wasn’t going to make it to eighteen. I fully believed it, with all my heart. Some days I still struggle but I refuse to let my depression, anxiety, and OCD keep me anymore. They will 100% visit from time to time, maybe even stay in my home a bit longer because I’m not at that point in recovery yet… But, I now know that I own them.
“When I felt like killing myself I realized: “No, I don’t. I want to kill what is making me feel this way. I want to kill my mental illness. I want to kill that so I can be happy. That’s what I want. I want to metaphorically kill myself, not actually end my life.”
Madeline, Mental Illness Recovery Series, Story # 86
Try to pay special attention to taking care of yourself. If you’re hungry, feed yourself. If you’re tired, take a nap. When you’re ready to take on the world each day, get out there and shine your light! Create positive affirmations for yourself, and say them at the beginning of each and every day; things like;
Today will be an amazing day!
Today I am filled with energy and love!
Today I will give it my all and go to bed leaving the world a better place!
It’s astounding how things as simple as words can impact our beliefs. Please try to make moment to do this; whether it’s in the shower, on your way to work, or before bed. Even if you don’t believe what you’re saying, you must continue, for sometimes it takes a while to alter one’s attitude and state of mind.
Please don’t hurt yourself. Please don’t give up. If you are triggered in any way please find something to distract you. Reach out for help. Talk to someone. Take your mind off of the thoughts, at least for a moment.
I care about you. I am here for you. Stay strong.
I am proud of you. You are alive and that is amazing.
Say what you will about this movie but, as someone currently going through the long and gruelling and emotional recovery of an eating disorder, I found it beautiful.
It was a pure, real display of life dealing with an eating disorder that avoided any ‘triggers’ that weren’t necessary to the storyline/character development and had me in tears.
I LOVED it.
And to those complaining about it being 'triggering’, nobody forced you to watch it. So don’t pick faults at such an amazing film. Only you yourself know what will have a negative impact on you, and therefore only you can avoid these - so if you saw this film and watched it despite knowing the possible risks, that’s your fault. Not the director’s. Not the cast’s.