Thank you everyone for the words of support yesterday. I know that everyone finds first codes/deaths/emergencies/big giant events in the hospital difficult, but it’s good to actually hear that from people right after you’ve seen it.
I know I haven’t been around much, and have a lot of messages to catch up on. It’s partially because I am tired all the time now but also partially because I’ve been feeling down. I’m not depressed, but I am also not at my baseline. I am sure that being tired is not helping with that.
I’m not really worried about burning out or crashing. I’m not unhappy, or unfulfilled, or sad…. I’m just not feeling motivated.
I also think that there are a lot of things I want to do, and I have very high expectations for myself, and I’m just not meeting them right now. I’m definitely getting everything done for my clerkship, my resident just gave me great feedback, but I feel like my personal life is really lacking. I miss my close non-medical school friends, I miss going out with people and NOT talking about medical school, I miss writing poetry, I miss my tumblr time.
I just need to figure out how to make my new schedule work for me. Which is hard because I’m still not completely settled in, and I’m not feeling motivated, etc., etc.
Anyway, I am sorry that I’ve been lacking on the messages front and the posting front. I’m just not feeling like myself, and it’s been really hard to go beyond preparing material for the next day and reading about the day’s patient’s conditions and living through call, etc., etc.
Thanks for being patient with me.