Things were good, actually no things were great before it all happened.
Now, I feel so lost, lost for words, lost with my sense of direction, lost in my thoughts…I am lost. I have so many questions, I’m starting to think my life has become nothing but a series of questions.
Thing is they are legitimate questions but they are still yet to be answered, will they ever be answered? Did I deserve this, does anyone deserve this?
Do you ever just look at someone and think to yourself, wow they are so lucky I wish I lived their life or when will I finally be satisfied with the life I live. I used to be like them you know, happy, or at least I thought I was happy.
Now..now I just sit, I feel numb, so numb in fact that I feel as if someone could drive a knife through me and I wouldn’t feel an ounce of pain.
Emotions, what are emotions?
Feelings, huh I feel nothing but emptiness…
Hope, I used to think that was all I needed to get through life, that was until you. You made me give up on hope, give up on practically everything I lived for.
Oh but look at you, everything has worked out pleasantly well for you hasn’t it?
Pain, I guess the only good thing is I no longer feel it, pain..that is. Or maybe I do, but I have become immune to it because that’s what anyone would do right?
— Tenari Ioapo - Everything I’m not // Excerpt from a book I’m writing.