mens walk

Worst day in a while

Crying very loudly, very alone. An hour-long panic attack, crying loudly in the crowded street, crying loudly on the crowded bus. Getting yelled at and laughed at and told to smile by old men. Walking and walking and crying but nobody stops to ask if I’m ok. Feeling very nauseous, my head hurts and I can’t breathe. Heavily dissociating.

I’m at home and in bed now and I really wish I was dead lol

Monday 8:27am
I woke up with you on my mind.
You called me babe last night —
my heart is still pounding.

Tuesday 10:53pm
Today I realized we won’t work.
What we are is hurting her.
And I think she matters more to me than you do.

Wednesday 11:52pm
I broke things off with you today.
She barely said a word.
I’ve never regretted anything more than this.

Thursday 4:03pm
I shouldn’t have sent that message.
You shouldn’t have been so okay with receiving it.

Friday 9:57pm
I almost messaged you today.
I didn’t.

Saturday 8:49pm
I’m walking around town in search of alcohol.
They say that liquor numbs the pain of having a broken heart.
I want to put that to the test.

Sunday 2:32am
I heard you texted a girl you’ve never spoken to before.
I wonder if it’s because you’re trying to replace me.
I can’t help but wish you weren’t.
I thought I was irreplaceable.

—  a week with you on my mind, c.j.n.
  • boy: falls out
  • disco: gets panicked at
  • direction: is singular
  • dragons: are imagined
  • summer: lasts five seconds
  • sirens: being slept with
  • vampires: on the weekend
  • pilot: multiplied by twenty one
  • moon: walked on
  • cities: are capital
  • authors: are american
  • monsters: of themselves and men
  • day: is green
  • my chemical romance: breaks up
We throw around the word never likes its nothing but a small rose petal. The word never is a doubled edged sword. On one side it says ‘I will never leave you’ and on the other it says ‘I will never love you.’
—  The Word Never