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Since the latest Candi comics are featuring the telepathic ferret, Menjou, I decided to repost video of my old ferret, Bobby. :) I miss this silly creature. He was fun. 

The Musketeers master list (ish)

So, considering the last year or so me and my girlfriend went on a bit of a binge of various Musketeers films and tv series, I thought I might share some links (where available) and reviews with you guys. Obviously I have not seen all there is out there, so this is limited, but you are free to add stuff to this post of course, in fact you are encouraged. The list is chronological.

The Three Musketeers (1921)

Starring: Douglas Fairbanks, Marguerite De La Motte, Adolph Menjou, Barbara La Marr, Leon Barry, Eugene Pallette

A silent film, so clearly not everyone’s cup of tea. Some things I found funny/interesting: ‘d Artagnan’s dad tells ‘d Artagnan to basically get in as many duels as he can. Richelieu has kittens (the real Richelieu had 14 cats, so it’s a nice nod to history).They made Bonacieux Constance’ uncle for some reason? Surprisingly happy ending.

The Three Musketeers (1966)

(Couldn’t find a proper link, youtube only has the second half of each episode for some reason. It is on netflix though.)

Starring: Jeremy Brett, Jeremy Young, and Brian Blessed 

A BBC series of 10 25-minute episodes in black and white. Surprisingly lovely if you can stomach the 60s over-acting. Also played pretty true to the book without making the story into too much of a farce. Enjoyed it a lot. Also a good one to watch for Queen Anne/Constance shippers.

The Three Musketeers (1973), The Four Musketeers: Milady’s Revenge (1974) and The Return of the Musketeers (1989)

Starring:  Michael York, Charlton Heston, Raquel Welch, Oliver Reed, Frank Finlay, Richard Chamberlain, and Spike Milligan

Good and bad things to say about this one. It’s very seventies, including porn moustaches and exploitation of women. I didn’t like how pushy and assholeish ‘d Artagnan was to women, or the oversexualisation of them. What I did like, tremendously, was that Oliver Reed was completely hammered throughout the course of filming his part as Athos, which gave the role surprising credibility. Also Aramis is very pretty. It is very much a comedy and the Musketeers are very much incompetent. It is very funny. I’ve only seen the first one so far, so can’t say too much about the other two, but you can judge for yourself.

‘d Artagnan and the Three Musketeers/ д'Артаньян и три мушкетёра (1978) (Russian with English subtitles) pt.1, pt. 2, pt.3Musketeers twenty years after/ д'Артаньян и три мушкетёра (1992) (Russian no subtitles) pt. 1, pt. 2, pt. 3, pt. 4, The Secret of Queen Anne or Musketeers Thirty Years After/  Тайна королевы Анны, или Мушкетёры тридцать лет спустя (1993),  The Return of the Musketeers, or The Treasures of Cardinal Mazarin/  Возвращение мушкетёров, или Сокровища кардинала Мазарини (2009) pt. 1, pt. 2, pt. 3, pt. 4

Starring:  Mikhail Boyarsky, Veniamin Smekhov, Igor Starygin, Valentin Smirnitsky, Margarita Terekhova, Oleg Tabakov, Alisa Freindlich, and Aleksandr Trofimov

4 Russian tv mini-series. Where to start? I love these films to much! First of all the miniseries are musicals with great, catchy songs. Second, the whole thing spans 12 episodes of approx. 1,5 hour each. That’s almost 30 hours of Musketeers! It’s was recorded over 30 years (!) with the same cast. Then there is the fact it’s pretty true to canon (with the exception of the last one). It’s funny without being ridiculous, in a tragi-comical way. And it has soul. The kind of cinema that makes you nostalgic for better, simpler times. The horse stunts are superb. Aramis is fantastically canon. Just, seriously, go watch it now.

The Three Musketeers (1993)

(No link because no way am I going to encourage you watching this tripe.)

Starring: Charlie Sheen, Kiefer Sutherland, Chris O'Donnell,Oliver Platt, and Tim Curry

No. Stop. Don’t even consider watching this. Oh boy did Disney get this wrong! And it’s not even funny horrible, it’s just horrible. Who in their right mind would cast Charlie Sheen as Aramis? And the things they did with the Milady story literally made walk out of the room in anger (seriously, ask my girlfriend). Just save yourself the agony of watching this vomit.

3 Musketeers/ 3 Musketiers (2003) (Dutch with English subtitiles) 

Starring: Bastiaan Ragas, Pia Douwes, Henk Poort, and Stanley Burleson

A Dutch stage musical. Very enjoyable. Good songs. Lots of leather. Full of puns (especially jokes based on Rochefort’s eye-patch). Aramis is an adorable cupcake and gives last rites to his opponents while duelling them. Milady is awesome and is for a change played as a very sympathetic villain. Her backstory is tragic instead of malicious.

The Three Musketeers (2011)

Starring: Logan Lerman, Ray Stevenson, Luke Evans, Christoph Waltz, Mads Mikkelsen, Orlando Bloom, Milla Jovovich and Matthew Macfadyen

it’s ridiculous. This is the kind of it’s-so-bad-it’s-good film. The writing is crap, like really, really crap. It’s also steampunk, complete with flying ships (I shit you not). But it is FUN. It looks pretty. The casting is really good, shame that the dialogue is so ooc and bullshit. Watch drunk with pop corn. I think I’ve seen it thrice already and just thinking about it makes me want to watch it again.

The Musketeers (2014)

(Watch it on BBC iplayer with an extension like hola)

Starring: Luke Pasqualino, Tom Burke, Santiago Cabrera, and Howard Charles

BBC tv-series. Not going to say much about this show, because honestly, you all know it. This is why you’re reading this post.