Is it possible to identify as nonbinary / trans because of internalised homophobia ? I used to identify as agender cause gender wasn't a big deal for me and the more comfortable I get with being a lesbian the less I want to be called agender
Y e s, anon, it most certainly is possible that internalized homophobia could lead to wanting to transition.
First of all, I define gender as social constructs that are linked by society to biological sex. Gender is feminine/masculine. Gender is men wearing pants and women wearing skirts. Gender is long hair in women and short hair in men. etc etc etc
The more you hear about non binary people’s experiences with gender, the more you realize the need we feel to identify with a new gender, which diverges from the gender aligned with our sex, is because we are gender-non-conforming.
Being gnc in societies which value the binary of gender roles has been historically linked to new genders being created, it’s the source of the concept of “third gender” in native societies. (x) It only makes sense that people who value gender roles/gender and link them to sex would invent “new genders” to explain what they couldn’t actually explain (for example, before modern age, females diverging from roles of nurturing nature, and males diverging from roles of hunters or whatever was expected of them).
Sometimes this “diversion” is just being a homosexual person. Being homosexual is inherently gender non conforming for both men/males and women/females, and we both suffer for it. But for women, internalized misogyny and lesbophobia lead to some deeper issues. Women are “meant to” be submissive to men, that is how we are socialized. So any glimpse of rebelion and homosexuality in us seems like a glimpse into a whole “new gender”, which is why so many females are now identifying with this myriad of genders which “nonbinary” is an umbrella for. It’s not a coincidence that most of the people I’ve seen identifying as nb are females, and the few males are homosexual.
It only makes sense that we have such a disconnect from womanhood, because womanhood has been equated with femininity, so any woman who isn’t feminine feels mind-boggled by her gender. Femininity is beyond skirts, pink colors, and makeup. Femininity is also roles, such as “home maker”, “wife to man”, etc etc
What people need to understand is that being a woman and being feminine are not interchangeable. Any man can be feminine, and any woman can be masculine. Feminine and masculine are nothing more than oppressive roles, meant to put women in their place (submission) and guarantee men stay in theirs (domination).
This culture of placing people into new genders has been carried on over the years, it just changed and adapted with time. Now, we got tumblr, telling young homosexual and bisexual people that they should reconsider their sexualities and “gender” for traits that quite frankly resume to personality.
I identified as non binary for a long time, and also as pansexual. Now I know I’m a lesbian, but it took a lot of analysis and work to disentangle myself from these harmful notions of gender which had been fed to me first by my extremely religious upbringing, and then by more or less well-meaning tumblr and youtube trans activists.
You said you identified as agender because “gender isn’t a big deal to you”… But do you think heterosexual “cis” men think about these concepts of gender even once in their lives? The answer is probably not, no heterosexual man spends his time contemplating gender issues, because they generally benefit* from gender roles. (Women are expected to put daily effort into shaving, managing long hair, makeup, wearing uncomfortable clothes, etc while men are just allowed to do as they wish with their bodies.) So are all straight men “agender” because they don’t care about gender? I wouldn’t think you’d say so.
((*One of the few things about gender roles men do not benefit from is that they are not allowed to express emotions and be comfortable with feelings, which can result in violent behavior towards others and themselves because of all the supression of their feelings.))
The genderist description of gender is simply “a label and pronouns which you identify with”. So of course we have a rising number of women identifying out of womanhood because we are raised to hate femaleness, to hate being a woman, because it is oppression. Women have such high expectations to abide to when it comes to gender. We’re expected to be contantly conscious of our appearance, constantly putting on the show of femininity, because that is how males get us in check, get us under control.
Now, after this you might be thinking of transwomen who are male but identify as “lesbians”. If heterosexual males don’t have to worry about gender, why are these heterosexual males not only worrying about it, but transitioning, and working with “activism” to break the so-called “cotton ceiling”?
Well that’s because most of those men have some degree of autogynephilia. They fetishize femininity and lesbiniasm to such a degree, that they start thinking they are “women” themselves. I recently ran across the idea of “gender euphoria” (as opposed to gender dysphoria). It is the idea that when you achieve the gender you identify with you would feel intense euphoria and happiness.
So it makes sense that when these men put on panties and other “feminine” clothing and get turned on, they’d equate that to being trans/being a “woman”. This is because they think, like I said earlier, that femininity and womanhood are one and the same. It is an inherently misogynistic and conservative way of thinking, because it equates all females with femininity.
Not all women are feminine. Not all women should be expected to be feminine. And certainly no woman should be told that every “non-feminine” aspect of her is somehow disconnecting her from womanhood.
Women are everything. They can have short or long hair, love sports or hate them, they can be wives or forever-spinsters, they can be lesbians, straight or bi, they can be whatever they want to be.
Also, I recently saw a radfem transman talking about his identity, and he said something very interesting.
“I see my experience as a transman as another way to experience being female” (x)
I believe women/females should not have to transition and go through invasive surgeries and hormones in order to be happy in their womanhood, whatever that entails, even if your view of womanhood is exactly what someone else might equate to manhood.
I believe lesbians should not be encouraged to transition because they are masculine, and because they suffer from internalized homophobia.
It is not coincidental that so many parents who are homophobic are okay with a child transitioning. Trans is conforming to archaic gender roles and expectations.
Stay aware, do your research, don’t fall back into the idea that homosexual individuals should have to conform to heterosexuality. I’m happy for you that you’ve been able to get to this conclusion pretty much on your own, and I hope you can come to fully embrance your lesbianism and womanhood.
You’re an amazing, valuable member of society, no matter how well you perform femininity. You’re no less of a woman if you don’t perform what other people expect you to. I personally love me my rebelious women, and I’m sure you’ll find support elsewhere too.