men's closet

there’s this really disturbing brand of straight humor that like pokes fun at the suffering of gay men in the closet particularly like, older/adult gay men who have families and shit and i see it a lot in jabs towards homophobic politicians and etc like “he’s probably in the closet” “lol someone find his grindr” and it’s just so cruel, first nice job moving the blame for homophobia off of your hetero backs and putting it on closeted gay people, second how is it fucking funny that heteronormativity and homophobia literally force people to go their whole lives pretending to be straight, people in these situations are miserable, being in the closet fucking sucks and that shit increases tenfold when you bring forced relationships into it and im sure it is unbearable once you’ve got kids and shit, how the fuck can you take this pain that these real people feel every day and twist it into material for a fuckin gag

edit: politicians was not the greatest example; to be clear im not attempting to absolve anyone individually of blame for any homophobia they possess or god forbid legislate i am saying that str8s going “oh well US STRAIGHTS would never be like that he must be one of you homos” is an unfair and awful thing to do to closeted people when the majority of these homophobic politicians are actually straight.

Gay men are reportedly being arrested, killed in Chechnya

  • Authorities are rounding up and killing gay men in the Russian-controlled region of Chechnya, according to a report from a Russian paper, covered by the New York Times

  • Novaya Gazeta reportedly spoke with federal Russian authorities, who confirmed that local law enforcement was detaining closeted gay men “in connection with their nontraditional sexual orientation, or suspicion of such.” The paper named three murder victims, and made the educated guess that there had been many more, as more than 100 men have been arrested so far. Read more. (4/2/2017 6:02 PM)

Straight popular comedians (such as Alec Baldwin and Stephen Colbert) just adore the idea of portraying disgusting, violent political figures as closeted gay men. It’s so funny, isn’t it, painting people who wish death and pain to us gays as being gay themselves? It’s almost as if straights didn’t want to deal with the concept of homophobia being still very much a thing that exists, and and tried to pin the fault of the horrible, horrible things that happen to us to gay people themselves. So much fun!!

The ‘You’re Assuming Sexuality Based on Stereotypes’ Argument pt. 1

In many of the bi!Dean arguments floating around the fandom, people often use as ‘supplementary’ evidence for Dean’s queerness various moments in the text which show Dean doing or liking something that is stereotypically feminine. Many of the antis have taken this to mean we are using questionable stereotypes to interpret Dean as queer. However, often this critique is based on a misunderstanding of what the analysis/claim actually is regarding such moments. 

Often these textual disclosures occur in a larger context wherein Dean has previously said he’s not into X thing (which is coded as feminine) and then later on it is revealed that he, in fact, IS into X thing, and was simply putting on a front of masculinity (what many in the queer Dean meta community have dubbed “Performing Dean”) 

A non-exhaustive list of examples (GIFs not mine):

This pattern has developed into a standing aspect of Dean’s characterization. Sometimes it takes 10 seasons worth of time for Dean to admit he likes the thing. Sometimes it will happen in the space of an episode, and sometimes even within the space of a single scene. But it follows a very predictable pattern: Dean expresses distaste for the thing, and then later on he’s like, actually, I like the thing, and I was just trying to maintain the front of my own masculinity when I said I didn’t. Now, this textual pattern’s relationship to understanding Dean’s sexuality has nothing whatsoever to do with whether or not Dean likes ‘feminine’ things. That is not the issue at all. Him liking feminine things is not what matters here. What matters here is the initial denial.  

What reads as queer about all of this is the multiple interconnected patterns it establishes:

1) Dean is a character who lies and misrepresents his true feelings about what he actually likes and does not like (one of the reasons why his ‘I don’t play for your team’ declarations don’t really hold a lot of water with us) 

2) Dean is especially apt to lie about liking things that undermine his own sense of ‘proper’ masculinity (which being queer likely also would in his mind)

Our argument regarding these moments is not Dean likes chick flicks, or Taylor Swift music, or cucumber water, therefore he is queer. That simply IS NOT the argument. 

The argument is, Dean repeatedly and consistently hides and denies liking things he actually does like because those things are – in HIS mind – too feminine. This pattern of behavior is explicable by interpreting Dean as queer, given that it would explain why he has so much anxiety about these other ‘threats’ to his masculinity, petty and insignificant though they may be. Him being revealed as queer would also simply fit in with that larger pattern (i.e. he denies being into dudes, because his precious masculinity is threatened by it, and then he eventually breaks down and admits, yeah I actually do like dudes, just like I actually do like silly soap operas, and chick flicks, and Taylor Swift music, and cucumber water, and, and…)

And AGAIN, we’re not making a correlative argument that if you like feminine things (as a man) you are queer, or more likely to be queer. We are arguing that a repeated investment in hiding your actual enjoyment of ‘feminine’ things, as a man, suggests you a) aren’t always honest about what you like, and b) you clearly have some masculinity issues, which could easily be explicable by being closeted. It doesn’t automatically mean that, but those two things often are correlated (having masculinity anxiety and being closeted, as man). 

TL;DR

It’s not the liking of feminine things that suggests the queer reading. It’s the initial denial attached to liking feminine things that suggests the queer reading. And not because feminine (in men) = queer, but because anxiety about appearing feminine (in men) implies a potential closeted state (due to the false but still often operative correlation in our culture between male heterosexuality and ‘proper’ masculinity)

Closeted lesbians who have to pretend to like men, closeted lesbians who have boyfriends to keep their cover, closeted lesbians who can’t dress the way they want to, closeted lesbians who can’t transition and have to pretend to be men, and closeted lesbians who are closeted for their own physical safety are all good lesbians. I promise you one day it won’t have to be like this, and you’ll be able to be freely and authentically you, but until then, know that I am proud of you and that I love you. You are so strong and one day it won’t hurt like this anymore💖💖

anonymous asked:

So we got Amber Heard saying there's a ton of closeted gay men in Hollywood, and now Barry Manilow came out after being with his partner for 40 years. Antis still wanna go with the "closeting doesn't exist larries make everything up" narrative? 🤔

I already knew barry manilow was married to a man like at least a year ago (ETA: april 2015)  so it’s interesting that he’s just commenting on it now (and yes, using it as a pr boost for his new album but more power to him).

we’re not making anything up. this is how the industry works. i’d suggest the antis either open their eyes or find a new fandom (though good luck finding any kind of media related fandom that doesn’t also rely heavily on pr stunts).

LGBT movies I recommend!

Brokeback Mountain 

(I really hope you have already seen this tho, its a classic. Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger plays two shepherds falling in love in 1960 Wyoming)

Jongens 

(Dutch, two teenage boys fall in love and deals with it) 

Freier Fall 
(German, two police officers, one with a baby on the way, develops feelings for one another. One of my favourite movies of all time) 

Keep reading

unpopular opinion time but the rhetoric painting all men as abusive and/or disgusting was a major factor in keeping me in the closet for years after i knew i was a trans man, because i was living in fear that the second i accepted my manhood, i would become that abusive and disgusting person.

there’s a big difference between separating cis and trans men because cis men are “real men” and trans men are “other” and recognizing that trans men have a different relationship with manhood and masculinity than cis men when they’re younger, closeted, and later pre-transition (or if they choose not to transition). ignoring the fact that trans men were raised differently than cis men ignores reality. we were force-fed the same misogyny as women, and despite the fact that it was misdirected that still affects us. i have many “feminine” mannerisms left over from before i realized i was trans, and later, when i was masquerading as female due to the constraints of my environment.

this isn’t to say that trans men will always experience misdirected misogyny or that this makes us “lesser men”, but when making blanket statements about men it’s important to remember that not all men are cishet white men. it’s not radical to call black men abusive or rapists; it’s perpetuating a dangerous stereotype. in the same way, these statements tell trans men that their experiences are identical to that of cis men, when that’s a ridiculous claim. we have different experiences, and they’re both the experiences of men, but they still have profound effects on who we are and how we interact with masculinity.

the trans male community suffers from a misogyny problem just like any other male community, and exempting us from rhetoric regarding misogyny is wrong. however, there’s a way to do it without forcing us deeper into the closet with toxicity. the male experience is varied, and men can be privileged as men and oppressed in other aspects. stop acting like the male experience is exclusive to those that are in the most privileged of positions.

I’m screaming just thinking about the residual shame and fear and disgust and self-hatred that Mac and Dennis have built up over almost four decades of living as closeted gay men who have experienced abuse and neglect for more or less their entire lives and struggled so hard with compulsory heterosexuality and conflicts of faith and sexual trauma and how revelatory it’ll be for them even to admit they love each other and what an immense weight is going to be lifted off of both of their shoulders when they realize they don’t have to struggle alone

Oh, Dylan Sprayberry, please come out of the closet. You’re on the gayest show on TV, with the gayest cast of pretty boys. And come on, look at you: No straight boy stands like that with his arms around his “best friend.” And look at that look on your face. Come on, little man! We all know. We’ll still love you just as much. Come out!