men with fangs!

Why I didn’t like the Maximum Ride movie

It’s awful. This film only takes half, at most, of what Maximum Ride is about. Let’s rhyme it off.

- The house in the mountains is supposed to be the safest and most comfortable place the flock has ever been to. They. Do. Not. Want. To. Leave. Angel gets captured when the flock are ambushed by a team of Erasers with a CHOPPER while out picking wild strawberries near their secret house in the woods, where they are not cooped up inside all the time; they can go outside and fly around freely.

- Max’s first encounter with Nudge in the film is her threatening and yelling at Nudge. Max is their mother figure; she doesn’t yell at the flock, with the exception of Fang.

- They mis-aged all the characters. Angel is supposed to be 6, Gazzy is 8, Nudge is 11, and Max, Iggy and Fang are 14. Not so in the film.

- Max NEVER had the files on their identities hidden in the house. Ever. Those were found by the flock at the school much later in the storyline.

- When the flock abandoned the house and went on the run, all 5 (not including the captured Angel) were on the way to Lake Mead. Max split from the group to help Ella (the unnamed girl who Max rescued in the film), who was being bullied by several boys, and not from some drunk boyfriend, as Ella is also only 14.

- When Max is shot, Dr. Martinez, who is a VET and not a DOCTOR, examined her and discovered Max’s wings due to the fact that the bullet injured Max’s wing as well as her shoulder. Max was x-rayed and her chip was found in her FOREARM. Dr. Martinez and Ella both know about the Flock and their avian-hybrid capabilities, and in the film, they’re left in the dark and are barely a blip on the plot-line map. Max is then made to wait at somewhere around 3 days before her wing is healed enough to fly to Lake Mead.

- When Max catches up to the flock at Lake Mead, the flock are staying in a CAVE. Not a cabin, with food and warmth and beds. A cave. Eating stolen food out of dumpsters and snacking on some chocolate chip cookies that Dr. Martinez made for Max before Max left. They learn new flying techniques from the family of hawks that nest nearby.

- It appears that all of the flock have chips embedded in them somewhere, as the School seems able to monitor their physical statuses.

- Max is meant to accidentally kill Ari in a one-on-one fight in the sewers below the School while escaping with the flock and several other able-bodied recombinant DNA kids, and Total, the talking dog. Jeb finds Ari as Max is leaving the tunnel behind the rest of the pack, and as Max is flying away, he yells after her that she killed her own brother. Whoops. Way to forget a super important plot twist.

- Max’s first encounter with the Voice, the thing that showed her all those images of her childhood and New York at the end of the film, is supposed to be VERBAL. It’s the VOICE. It speaks.

- They neglected to mention that Ari, Jeb’s son and the main Eraser character of the film, is only 7 years old, and aged physically due to his DNA being effed with when he became and Eraser.

- Angel does actually speak. She doesn’t say a word in the film until almost the end of the movie. She does actually talk.

- Max sees none of those images about her childhood or about a file. She sees images of New York and the word Institution repeated over and over. That is the only clue they have when they set out for New York.

- Nudge is a much more happy-go-lucky character than she is portrayed as in the movie, where she is an emotional, angsty teenager.

- Wtf was with the casting choices, dude? Max needs to be way move average build, not a toothpick. Toothpicks can’t hold their own in a fight against superhuman wolf-men. Fang needed long black hair. Iggy’s wings were supposed to be white, as were Gazzy’s and Angel’s. Not to mention they were all several years too old for their characters. Ew. Just ew.

Other than all that, the pacing was terrible, there was no sense of urgency to the film, and no real sense of danger in the scenes where Angel is being experimented on. The tests in the book were portrayed to be much more severe, and they were more like rat-in-a-maze type tests than intellectual, solve-the-equation type tests.

Also, the scars on their backs are complete BS. The wings fold up small, close to their backs. Not INTO their backs. They don’t just go poof. Sorry. Way to avoid any of the potentially-accurate sciencey bits, Mr. Director. I can’t believe James Patterson signed off on this bullcrap.

Character Bio

GenderTale:

Gendertale is like the original Undertale but everyone is the opposite gender.

Sans memories before her sister, Papyrus, was born was all gone to her. She doesn’t remember a time without Papyrus or mother. This memory includes her father, she has zero memory of even ever even having a father. Sans and Papyrus grew up happily with their mother, Gaster. Gaster worked as the doctor for the Underground, she also work as the royal scienctist. One day an accident befallen Gaster in which Sans was their to witness her own mother’s death. Sans was only 15 and Papyrus 11 when Gaster had died. Sans worked harder in order to support her sister and continue her dream to be just like her mother. At the age of 18 Sans finally became a doctor and the new royal scientist just like her own mother. Though she was not a doctor for no longer than two years. A child had been rushed to the hospital in extreme critical condition. Sans worked for 19 hours straight trying to help the child but they died even with all she knew. The child’s condition were still unknown of how it happened but Sans blamed herself for no able to save them. She quit being the royal scientist and a doctor telling Queen Asgore she was not fit to continue in her mental state. It didn’t take long for people to move on but Sans could not move on from everything that had happened. She worked multiple odd jobs, gave her dreams, and continue to raise and protect her sister at any cost. Papyrus understood her sister condition but not how much pain she was in. Sans thought things were getting better until the human came. She lived the same nightmare over and over again. Some time it would end happy, other times it ended in horrible death. Sans was close to breaking completely until one day the resets stopped. They lived above ground, slowly with the humans. But there was no resets, she never even saw the flower or child again. Papyrus was happy and safe working as Mettaton personal designer, though she had many humans ask her to work for them. Sans in still on medication for depression but she’s been doing a lot better than she ever had before her mother died.


Name: Sans (FemSans)
Family: Mother (Gaster) [Deceased], Father (Unknown), Younger Sister (Papyrus)
Job: Sentry Patrol, Hotdog Stands, and odd vary jobs
Age: 25
Talents: Magic Bones, Teleportation, Gaster Blasters, Sleeping
Likes: Papyrus (will always protect no matter what), Sleeping, Jokes/Pranks, Ketchup, hanging out at Grillby’s
Dislikes: Bullies, Anyone who say anything bad about Papyrus, Chores, Dressing up.
Friends: Papyrus (it counts for her), Grillby, Toriel, Bluebell (mamajebbun), Pansy (mamajebbun), Josephine (7goodangel), [Others that I’m sure I’m forgetting]
Pairings: Pansy (mamajebbun)
Tag: FemSans


Name: Papyrus (FemPapyrus)
Family: Mother (Gaster) [Deceased], Father (Unknown), Older Sister (Sans)
Job: Designer for Mettaton
Age: 21
Talents: Magic Bones (but very little), Healing magic, Clothes Designing, Cooking/Baking
Likes: Sewing, Cooking, Making Friends, Watching Mettaton’s Show
Dislikes: Bullying, People Being Mean to Sans
Friends: Undyne, Sans
Pairings: M!Undyne
Tag: FemPapyrus

GenderFell:

Genderfell is the Underfell version of Gendertale. There is no complete story with this because I only use the skeleton girls. So the focus of Genderfell is on Brat and Scamp.

Brat was three years old when her sister, Scamp, was born. Her mother, Gilda, show her love for Scamp was more than she ever had for herself. Then one night Brat was dragged out of her room and taken to Gilda’s secret underground lab. Gilda was the royal scientist but some called her a mad scientist doing crazy experiments on other monsters for her own gain. Brat was taken away for her stats being much more weaker than Scamp’s, even as a baby Scamp stats were always perfect. Brat was also know to looked more like her father, who went missing before Brat was born. As time passed the two sister lived different lives, never meeting one another. Brat was tortured and experimented on while Scamp was training and learning. When Scamp was around the age of 13 she learn of a plan that her mother made to over throw the queen and the rule over the Underground. Scamp learn that she herself was the main part of the plan, she was being raised as a weapon to be used for Gilda’s own plans. Gilda didn’t love her like a mother should love a child, she loved her as being the main part of her plan. This made Scamp extremely angry, she hated to be control and more so but the only person she trusted. It was the moment she sought revenge against her mother. Once she had enough evidence against her mother she sent it anonymously to the Queen. The Queen in rage for the person she had trusted and loved to betray her in such a way. The queen sent out her guard to hunt her down and bring Gilda to her so she could kill her. Gilda heard the new and ran to her secret underground lab, the only place that no one knew about. Gilda was in a fit of rage, her perfect plan that she had been working of for years was over. she turned her rage to Brat, the reminder of her of something she hated. She began to strangle Brat, intent of killing her. When Scamp saw her mother strangling the girl she learned to be her own sister, she acted on instinct to save her sister by killing her own mother without a second thought. Scamp then took her mother’s head to the Queen and was granted their own house in Snowdin and head of the Royal Guards. Brat made it her life goal to serve her sister for saving her life. Scamp had controlled her sister because she saw how broken Brat’s mental state was, she need someone to control her. Brat lived her whole life up to the point of their mother’s death living in pain and controlling environment. Scamp knew she had to do this to protect her sister. After a while she began to ease her sister in a less controlling environment and now the no longer live in the Underground she gives Brat more freedom than she had ever had. Brat is still shy but has more confident. Scamp is even more over protective over sister now that she lets her do what she wants. She trust Brat but she will never trust others.


Name: Brat
Family: Gilda (Mother) [Deceased], Father (Unknown), Younger Sister (Scamp)
Job: Prostitute(former) Odd jobs with her sister
Age: 25
Talents: Has A Huge Amount of Magic (though unable to control it properly), Magic Bones, Gaster Blaster
Likes: Mustard, Her Sister, Her Fluffy Coat, Being Away From Others
Dislikes: Anyone Who Isn’t Scamp
Friends: N/A
Pairings: Song (utanokiba)
Tag: Brat


Name: Scamp
Family: Gilda (Mother/Clone of) [Deceased], Older Sister (Brat)
Job: Head of the Royal Guard (former) Odd jobs.dirty work
Age: 21
Talents: Magic Bones, Agility, Quick Thinking, Cooking, Gathering Information
Likes: Being in Control, Knowing Brat is Safe, Learning New Information
Dislikes: Disobedience, Anyone Who Harms Brat, Not Getting Her Way, Chocolate
Friends: N/A(?)
Pairings: N/A
Tag: Scamp

Genderswap:

Genderswap is the Underswap version of Gendertale. There is no complete story with this because I only use the skeleton girls. So the focus of Genderswap is on Cotton Candy and Peaches.

Peaches and Cotton Candy’s parents abandon them when Cotton Candy was just a baby. Peaches told her sister that died to save from explain why their parents didn’t love them, because she didn’t know the answer herself. Peaches had to find ways to keep her and her sister alive. It was hard stealing food for the both for them so she mostly just fed her sister. Until one day a scientist ask if Peaches would like to partake in some experiments in exchange for a house and money to live off of. Peaches agree without second thought because she wanted to do all she could for her little sister. The experiments were harsh and unforgiving at times but Peaches tried to tough through it for her sister. When Peaches was around 10 years old the scientist vanished, which was a relief but also terrible because they no longer had money coming in. She had to looked for other jobs but due to her age no one would hire her. One day she was approached by a man who said he’d pay her for a small “favor”. Peaches, not knowing what he meant and desperate for money, accepted. Once the deed was done she felt sick and dirty. She distanced herself from her sister, afraid to make her dirty as well. She could this line of work because it paid well and she wanted more than anything to keep her sister healthy and happy. Years passed and she felt trapped and was looking to get out but couldn’t. Cotton Candy had accidentally got gum into Peaches hair, causing her to cut her hair extremely short. The was a blessing because her new hair style didn’t do well with her clients. This finally gave the courage to go out and get a real job. She was still to young to get a job but with her lying about her age and some her accepted out of pity she manged to land some small part time jobs. It was around this time Cotton Candy mentioned joining the Royal Guard with her friend Alphys but Peaches refused her to getting such a dangerous job. Peaches spent all her life protecting her sister, making big sacrifices for her that she was not going to let her go and get herself killed by being a guard. The two sister had a fight but after a while Cotton Candy came to understand Peaches and knew her sister didn’t want her to get hurt. She gave up being a guard which no one mind, Cotton Candy was to sweet to hurt anyone. They live together happily and Cotton Candy had even talked about starting a family.


Name: Peaches
Family: Parents [Unknown], Younger Sister (Cotton Candy)
Job: Corndog Stand, Odd Jobs, Part-Time at Muffet’s
Age: 27
Talents: Magic Bones, Teleportation, Gaster Blasters, Physical Strength
Likes: Her Sister, Honey, Sweets, Relaxing
Dislikes: Gasters (Of any AU), Labs/Hospitals, Drug Use, Abuse(Even more so from men), Fang (scarredlove) [use to]
Friends: Poppy (mamajebbun)
Pairings: N/A
Tag: Peaches


Name: Cotton Candy
Family: Parents [Unknown], Older Sister (Peaches)
Job: N/A
Age: 22
Talents: Cleaning, Baking, Magic Healing, Bone Attacks (very very little)
Likes: Candies, Anything Sweet, Bright Pastel Colors, Friendship
Dislikes: Bullies, Salty/Bitter/Spicy
Friends: Sugar (sugartalesans), Pepoberry (misslaytale), Fang (scarredlove) [I’m sure there are other but these are the one with the most impact]
Pairings: Fang (scarredlove)
Tag: CottonCandy

Genderswapfell:

Genderswapfell is the Underswapfell of Gendertale. These are now more based of the original Swapfell by Kkhoppang

When Xena was three and Blaze was seven their parents had killed themselves. Blaze had woke up and saw them hanging in the living. Without a care Blaze continue to the kitchen to get cereal for her and her sister. It was natural to see death around them and even those taking their own lives. Though Blaze did realize without parents meant they had no income or food. She would take Xena out with her once a week to go steal food or/and money. One day Blaze was approached by a stranger in an ally, he asked Blaze if she would like to work for him. Blaze agree without a care but as soon as he stroke her hair she knew what he had meant. She killed in cold blood without a second thought. While Xena played in the pool of blood Blaze had the idea that she could lure other like this guy and kill them and steal their possessions. She did that until she was about 12, she then went on to work with drug dealers. She didn’t tried an drugs until she was 15 and that when she understood more about the business. She became one of the best drug dealers in the whole underground and none of the guards could even find her. At the age of 18 Blaze began to make her own drugs and selling them by herself so she didn’t have to share with anyone. This started a gang war because drug dealers were loosing profit while she gain all their clients. Even if the amount these gangs had none of them could even come close to Blaze’s strength and powers. While Blaze selling drugs, Xena goes around making “art”. Xena art involves dead bodies. Guards have tried to find these two but without any luck. Until one day they were no longer in the underground, the girls manged to make it upside with the help of a human and a wilted flower.


Name: Xena
Family: Older Sister (Blaze)
Job: Serial Killer
Age: 22
Talents: Using a Chainsaw, Making Art From Killing, Lying, Bone Attack
Likes: Death, Blood Red, Hearing People Beg, Meat
Dislikes: Being Told No, Her Victims Escaping
Friends: Vamprus (scarredlove)
Pairings: N/A (offically)
Tag: Xena


Name: Blaze
Family: Younger Sister (Xena)
Job: Drug Maker and Dealer
Age: 26
Talents: Physical Strength, Teleportation, Gaster Blaster, Bone Attack, Agility
Likes: Fighting, Winning, Showing Her Strength, Impressing Others, Flirting
Dislikes: Losing, Someone Strong, Being Rejected
Friends: Shawn (underr63)
Pairings: N/A (officially)
Tag: Blaze

Genderfellswap:

Genderfellswap is the Fellswap of Gendertale.

Diana and Trixie grew up in a normal two parents household. Their mother the conductor for the underground train and their father the royal scientist. When Diana was eight and Trixie was six they were being bullied by the dog gang. One day the dog gang attacked Trixie while she was walking home alone. Diana helped stay at school to help the teacher so Trixie left before her, not wanting to wait. Diana walked Trixie home crying while Trixie was cover in cuts, blood, and bruises. No one knows what ever happen to those who attacked Trixie, because after that day they had disappeared. Trixie grew more quiet after the attack but Diana tried her best to do everything to make her sister happy. When Trixie turned nine and Diana was 11 their father had disappeared. No one could explain what had happened, he was in his lab one second and the next he was gone. Trixie was close with her father so she took it the hardest but instead of crying she lashed out, got into fights, stayed away from her family. Diana followed her sister around to protect her, to make her happy, to do anything she needed. This eventually turned into Trixie controlling Diana, making her do everything she want her to do. Diana never complained or questioned her sister. Their mother tried talking to Trixie but she was ignored. Trixie never hated her mother nor does she now but she feels like her mother didn’t do enough for them. Trixie and Diana now live outside of the underground but visit their mother from time to time.


Name: Trixie
Family: Older sister (Diana)
Job: N/A
Age: 26
Talents: Speed, Agility, Bone Attack, Military Tactics, Torture
Likes: Being in command, obedience, fear of others, being right
Dislikes: Being ignored, called short, failure, sweaty people
Friends: N/A
Pairings: N/A
Tag: Trixie


Name: Diana
Family: Younger Sister (Trixie)
Job: Unknown
Age: 28
Talents: Unknown
Likes: Trixie being happy, Sweets
Dislikes: Punishments, when Trixie is mad, pain, blood
Friends: N/A
Pairings: N/A
Tag: Diana

anonymous asked:

Uncle Karthus, umm... My curiosity is killing me: just how long is your tongue?


((sorry you had to wait for this answer, anon! No idea if you’re still watching… Also everybody, sorry, I got a little too in-depth. Hahahaha. ))

Long enough, my dear. You know… I have never really … measured. Let us find out.”

flood of blood to the heart // a mix for when the world fades away. for awakening ghosts. for pulling skeletons out of the closet. for unearthing sins and starting anew. a mix for when you are left all alone in the dark.

TRACKLIST:

bloodflood / alt-j; coattails / broods; bones / ms mr; ribs / lorde; ribbons & detours / silversun pickups; yellow light / of monsters and men; animal urges / lo-fang; never gonna change / broods; your bones / of monsters and men; buzzcut season / lorde; permutations / lo-fang; i follow rivers (itunes session) / lykke li; golden girl / the naked and famous; bloodflood, pt. ii / alt-j

[LISTEN]