men who dont need to ask

sex, trauma tw, like if u read please, advice welcome <3

tonight at the thing i was at we were talking a lot about sex and hookups and stuff and it just made me think about how sex is largely not a happy thing for me. i mean it’s almost definitely due to trauma but. idk. i freak out about consent during and after, i sleep with anyone who wants to sleep with me, i seek out sex with men when im feeling bad about myself, i have sex with randos when im manic, i have panic attacks, i dissociate…..

and the worst thing is. im gay. and sex with girls freaks me out bc w/men it’s so easy. they dont give a shit about you. most of the time they just do what they want without asking you what you want or need. but with girls? there’s so much give and take, so much pressure, so much more CARING about them. i always get scared that im coming on too strong, that im doing something that makes them uncomfortable and im not like that with men

oh and also? ive had more sex w/men than w/non-men. and i had sex with most of those men after i realized im a lesbian.

idk what to do. i want to be able to have sex like a normal person and not always regret if afterwards. i want to stop doing that thing where i push people away once ive slept with them. i want to know that im not predatory. 

i dont think im asexual, i just think im fucked up

LORD HAVE MERCY OMG I AM JUST SO LOST IF I HAVE EVER IN MY LIFE HAVE SINNED ….. I APOLOGIZE FOR I HAVE SINNED. I CANT THINK RIGHT NOW WTF IS THIS I WANT THIS TO NOW THIS IS TURNING IN TOO MUCH BAEK, XIUMIN AND CHEN ARE COMING AND I AM NOT REALLY READY FOR THIS LIKE FUCK ME YO… LIKE BAEK WHO ARE YOU? WHERE HAVE YOU GONE?… I CANT HANDEL EXO GETTING FIT THIS IS UNFAIR. I AM SUING FOR FALSE ADVERTISEMENT THIS ISNT THE REALITY I ASKED FOR I DONT WANT TO DEAL WITH THIS I AM SO ASHAMED OF BEING THIS WAY… WHY DO I HAVE A STRONG ATTRACTION TO MEN IN THE GYM… I NEED TO STOP… GOD BLESS ALL YOU BAEK STANS….. YOU ARE GOING TO NEED JESUS AND A SHRINK IN THE UP COMING MONTHS. I AM THROWING LAWSUITS I’M SUEING SM … THE TRAINER AND BAEK THIS IS NOT OKAY…. I FEEL SO THREATENED…. 



a fun feminist rant for you

asking a feminist to quickly summarize everything they’ve ever said on the topic of feminism because you’re “thinking of becoming a feminist” is belittling and entitled.

it undermines the fact that I deliberately publish my thoughts on social media to provide informed insight into my perspectives on feminism on a platform that encourages informed, intelligent discussion.

not to mention it’s as offensively reductionist as the ‘meninists’ who comment 'NAME ONE SINGLE RIGHT MEN HAVE THAT WOMEN DONT!!!1’ ignoring the fact that ten seconds of research would demonstrate that the need for feminism is way beyond government enforced laws and regulations and extends to a much broader concept of cultural treatment and perception based on a history of trivializing and marginalizing the strength and capabilities of women and girls.

you have to put in the leg work of curiosity-based learning and come back to me with informed, research based inquiries.

this question is especially insulting if you retort with a defensive comment that could basically translate to 'your unwillingness to reduce 25 years of experience to a few sentences shows that you’re not a true feminist, and I will therefore be joining the anti-feminist club because you were sort of rude to me when I ask a broad strokes question that I was too lazy to realize you have answered 200+ times before.’

I DO want to help educate people on the need for feminism in our current culture. That’s literally why I publish my thoughts on Instagram, Twitter, and tumblr on a DAILY BASIS.

I DO want to have important and intelligent conversations about new perspectives in feminism and the evolution of the movement in the 21st century.

I DO want feminism to feel like a club that everyone is invited to, provided we check our privileges at the door and understand whose voices are most relevant in which discussions.

What I DON’T want is to be insulted, belittled, or otherwise harassed for not dropping whatever I’m doing to regurgitate opinions I’ve expressed hundreds of times to someone who feels entitled to a synopsis of my life’s passion without having done a shred of personal investigation.

Like for fucks sake you are asking me these questions on AN INTERNET MACHINE! Literally a world of knowledge at your actual fingertips.

would you ask JK Rowling 'I’m thinking of becoming a Harry Potter fan, what are the books about?’

would you ask a mechanic 'I’m thinking of building a car from scratch, how do you do it?’

would you ask MLK 'I heard you had a dream, what was it?’

(and if you would- I guess you have bigger entitlement issues than I give you credit for)

I’m not saying this to sound rude, I’m saying this because you have an incredible opportunity to become involved in a community of love, support, equality, and empowerment, and I don’t want to take that away from you by reducing the meaning of this community to a paragraph or two in the comments section on a blog post somewhere.

I appreciate your interest in something that is so dear to me, and I hope you understand that I’m very excited for the informed, intelligent discussions that we will have on the topic of feminism in the future.

My friend asked me why we need feminism
  • Friend: but why do we need feminism??? We should just all need humanism! Feminism is only for girl's gain.
  • Me: *sighs* People aren't acknowledging that men get raped or abused? THAT is why we need feminism. We need feminism to stop stereotypes. We need feminism to end ALL abuse and ALL rape. We need feminism so that everywhere, men and women get equal pay and not 75c while men get 1$. We need feminism for the girls who dont get to go to school because of their gender (see: Malala (the girl who got shot in the head for wanting an education)) We need feminism to help and protect members of the LGBTQIA+ community who get abused and bullied because of their sexuality and gender. We need feminism because it is believed by many men that women are lesser than men, that it is believed that women cant be pretty and smart at the same time. Because women are always sexualised much more than men in the media. In interviews, men will be asked 'so tell us about your family life' (or something nothing to do with their body type *most of the time*) but most women are mostly asked 'so, what diet did you take to be able to fit into that suit?' (This actually happened to Scarlett Johansen once or twice). Because women are getting murdered for saying 'no' to men. Because when a girl says no to a guy, she's rude. Because when a women asks a guy out, she's desperate. Because 'girly' is still used as an insult. Because people get bullied and abused because some people think that any sexuality other than straight is a bad thing. Because Leelah Alcorn (transgender girl, born with a boys body) was unable to be who she is because her parents were idiots and disrespected her, took her out of school and took away all of her technology so she had no contact with the outside world just because she came out as trans. Because Leelah Alcorn committed suicide because she couldn't handle her parent's abuse. Because on her gravestone it says her birth name (Josh Alcorn). Because Leelah Alcorn's parents would rather have a dead son than a happy daughter. Because women are still getting blamed when they get raped (“well what were you wearing?” “She was wearing a tank top and shorts, she was basically asking for it!”) Because when men get abused or raped, nobody takes it seriously, (“are you sure you didnt want it?” “Whyre you complaining? You got free sex!” “But you got an erection, you must have enjoyed it!”) (I.E- Getting an erection or getting wet DOES NOT mean they give consent! Most people can not control their body's responses!! Also, erections can be gained by fear (or when blood starts pumping around your body quickly, something caused by fear)). Because girls are getting sent home from school for wearing short skirts and shorts and shirts that show off their arms and shoulders because it 'arouses men'. Because even TEACHERS are having to be told to not stare at STUDENT's legs and cleavage. Because when a women says they want equality, most men will respond “OH DOES THAT MEAN I CAN HIT YOU NOW”
  • Without feminism, girls wouldn't be able to go to school, vote, work, drive or do anything a man can do. Please please please understand this.
  • Friend: ......