men we hate

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after a stupid long time, i’m finally able to post my rmit grad film, for fear of little men! this thing represents 8 months of delirious work surviving off pizza shapes and academic fear alongside my friends, please enjoy

Karamel/Supergirl Rant.

A few weeks ago I’d promised myself that I wouldn’t respond to Karamel hate on Tumblr, but I’ve had enough. I’ve seen so many posts about Mon-El being a misogynist, abusive, and toxic (like, WHAT THE HELL???), and recently I’ve seen people pop up here and there and saying that Kara being with Mon-El somehow went against the show’s “feminism”. This even goes to the point of saying that Kara shouldn’t be with Mon-El, a guy she seems to genuinely like, and instead be with Lena when she is obviously straight.

But we’ll come to that later. First, let’s look at what feminism is. Here are the couple of definitions I’ve found online:

the theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes
-Merriam Webster

a range of political movements, ideologies, and social movements that share a common goal: to define, establish, and achieve political, economic, personal, and social rights for women. This includes seeking to establish equal opportunities for women in education and employment.
-
Wikipedia

any ideology that seeks total equality in rights for women and people who self-identify as women, usually through improving the status of females. Feminism is rooted in ending men’s historical power over women
-Rational Wiki

As you see, feminism isn’t about demonizing men, it is about getting men and women to the same level in terms of rights. Men and women, and all other genders, should be equal in what they are and they aren’t allowed to do/feel/say etc. That in no way means women can’t be with men, that they need to be single if they want to be strong and independent (or be with other women) or being with a man undermines their strength and makes them weak. No. Just no. And that is a really, really unhealthy message to the young girls of the generation.

So, let me make a list of misconceptions about feminism, and let’s go through why it’s wrong to think that:

Women should be single in order to be strong and independent. 
Um, no. Just no. I don’t know what you think strength means, but it certainly doesn’t mean not ever loving someone and being in a relationship. You can still be with a man and be strong and independent. One doesn’t exclude the other. This is such a wrong message to give to girls, making them feel bad for loving someone, making them think that somehow that love is wrong and makes them weak. It doesn’t. Being with a man doesn’t make you dependent on them. You choose to be dependent on them or not. As long as you’re treated equally, as long as you have the say in the relationship as much as your boyfriend/husband does, as long as you want the relationship and you’re happy, it’s more than okay, it’s great

Now how does this ties to Karamel? Well, as far as I can see, Kara is more than happy with Mon-El. I haven’t watched season 1 in a very long time, but I can assure you that I haven’t seen her laugh this much around anyone. It’s seen in her face, you can see it in the way she smiles at/around him. Now how is that a bad thing? Would you really rather Kara feel sad instead of being with Mon-El? HOW IS THAT FEMINISM??? Women have the right to do the things that make them happy, be with people that make them happy, and if Mon-El is that person for her then WHY THE HELL SHOULD SHE NOT BE WITH HIM??? She chose him, right? We saw it in the last two episodes. She wanted to be with him. If she didn’t want Mon-El, the poor boy given her a lot of chances to back down, from accepting just being partners with her to stepping back when he thought she didn’t think they would be a good match. If she truly wanted that, you can bet that Kara would back down, just like she did with Winn, just like she did with James. Are you really so blind to realize that saying that Mon-El forced the relationship on Kara actually UNDERMINES HER CHARACTER? HER CHOICES? You are all obsessed on Kara being a feminism icon, how is her doing WHAT SHE WANTS is going against that? Her actions actually teach girls to be brave about their feelings, to go for what they want. 

Women shouldn’t be with men, they’re bad (but that only extends to white and straight men and not POC/LGBT+, because somehow those things exclude you from that “men” category).
Okay, why? Why shouldn’t women be with men if they want to be with men? Isn’t that, I don’t know, taking away their right? Isn’t feminism about giving women right, allowing them to do what they want? What if I’m straight? What if I want to be with men? Am I not allowed? I just don’t understand this, because as far as I can see, not all men are bad. There are some bad men that you should stay away, that’s true, but that doesn’t extend to everyone. I have many guy friends that respect me, support me, love me for who I am. I don’t have a boyfriend or a girlfriend, but that’s merely because I don’t really like someone right now (that’s a choice as well. If I liked someone, I’d definitely want to be with them). So if Kara likes Mon-El, why shouldn’t she be with her? Just because he’s white and straight? How does that equal to bad? I’m a very pragmatic person, and I can’t really see the logic there. Racism was bad because all humans should be equal, regardless of their skin color, beliefs, etc. Saying that Mon-El is abusive and toxic just because he’s white is also racism. It’s a different kind, but it’s still a prejudice against a certain race. That’s what racism is, right? Here’s the definition:

prejudice, discrimination, or antagonism directed against someone of a different race based on the belief that one’s own race is superior

Now that doesn’t mean that I think Mon-El is perfect. He’s not, not by far. But again, which one of us is perfect? Think about your best friends/boyfriends/girlfriends/family. Are all of them perfect? I’m gonna bet that they’re not. I love my best friend to the moon and back and do anything for her, yet that doesn’t mean I think her every action is right, that she can’t make a mistake. She does make mistakes. But I forgive her, because at the end of the day anyone can make mistakes. I might be angry at what she did, I might not approve it, but that doesn’t mean I’m just gonna leave her for it. I’ll point out that maybe she should’ve done it differently, and she’ll listen to me because she’ll know I want the best with her. Same happens when I make a mistake. I’m saying this because, as I’ve said, Mon-El isn’t perfect. He wasn’t a good person in the past, that is true. He even said it several times. That doesn’t mean he can’t change for good. M’gann had fought for White Martians, slaughtered Green Martians, yet I don’t see anyone accusing her for that, because she’s changed. Why can’t we extend the same courtesy to Mon-El? Why can’t we forgive him as well? It doesn’t make sense. Yes, he’s made mistakes. Yes, I don’t approve all of his actions. I was pretty mad at him when Kara found out he was beating people up for money. I was mad at him when he went after Mxy to fight and kill him. But I forgave him, because he was only human. Had feelings like a human, at least. He was jealous of Mxy. Can you blame him? If you were dating someone, and suddenly this beautiful, talented, and generally perfect person showed up and claimed they wanted to be with your lover, wouldn’t you be jealous? I would be. And it was pretty big of Mon-El to admit that he was jealous because he thought he couldn’t give Kara what Mxy could give her. 

All in all, yes, Mon-El made mistakes. But that doesn’t make him a bad person, just like the mistakes Kara made, the mistakes Barry made or Oliver made doesn’t make them bad people. Barry went back in time and really messed history up, yet I’m sure many people that hate on Mon-El forgave him. Oliver killed many people in the past, yet no one judges him for that. Why is Mon-El so different? 

And also, related to this point about not being with men, should I remind you that in the show Kara is straight? Is that too hard to understand? She never once showed interest to any women, not in a sexual way, except in some people’s dreams maybe? As a bisexual I know what it looks like to be attracted to women. I don’t see that in Kara. Is that a wrong thing? HELL NO! Why the hell being straight the wrong thing? Why the hell is that when people yell “WE SHOULD RESPECT LGBT+ PEOPLE” it’s right & honorable, but when us Karamel shippers point out that Kara is straight (so far) and we should respect her choices as well that we get roasted? Or branded homophobics? Do you people know what you’re talking about? I’m all for LGBT+ couples being represented in TV shows, but not by making an obviously straight character suddenly homosexual, or bisexual. No. Just no. That’s beyond forced. If you want to have a LGBT+ character on your show, then build up to it. Don’t force it down our throats. I don’t see writers taking that road with Kara. And frankly, that’s okay. Being straight is okay, it doesn’t make you a devil incarnate. It’s normal, just as being LGBT+ is normal. It’s not so different.

As a last point, I want to say to all of the people spreading hate and saying that Karamel is racist/homophobic, why are you doing that instead of supporting couples that are LGBT+ or POC? Spreading hate to straight white couples doesn’t earn you anything. Aren’t Iris&Barry dating in the Flash? Isn’t Sara bisexual? Isn’t Alex lesbian? And there’s also the thing between Nate and Amaya in LoT. Why don’t you go support those couples to show your love? Is it so hard to understand that hating on white&straight people actually undermine your cause? We should not promote LGBT+ and POC couples by hating straight and white couples, we should do that by supporting LGBT+ and POC couples. We shouldn’t promote feminism by hating men, we should promote it by supporting strong, independent women. Kara is a strong, independent woman, just like Alex, just like Maggie, just like Sara and Amaya and Caitlin and Iris and Felicity and Thea and more and more people in the DCTV universe. These are women that decide for themselves, that don’t take shit from anyone, that is open to love and relationships but don’t let men control them, that aren’t afraid to say no to the things they don’t want and pursue the things they want… We should support that. 

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            WOMEN HAVE TO WORK TWICE AS HARD AS
            MEN TO BE THOUGHT OF AS HALF AS GOOD.

                                                    independent ladies of the cw’s supergirl
                                                           ( non-rp blogs do not reblog )

something that speaks to the loneliness and self-deprecation intrinsic to bi women’s lives is that we understand our position in relation to straight men, we despise straight men for brutalizing us, and we know that our dynamic with straight men/attraction to men in general is extremely complex, whereas straight women don’t have this same view of and understanding of their relation and attraction to men 

even august isnt free from the freckles (but honestly makes him a whole lot cuter). anyways here’s a happy august since there’s not enough of that in this world ft. my messy tired coloring 
(does this man ever smile honestly)

anonymous asked:

Is it really weird that I'm scared of the idea that I'll ever fall in love with a guy? I've been out as a lesbian since I was 17 and I know it's who I am. I've never been interested in a guy. But I see so many stories about how lesbians end up falling in love with guys, more than I see stories about lesbians living their lives and never being with guys. The whole "I was an angry lesbian but then I opened my heart" thing. I don't want everyone who's told me that I'm really bi to be right.

so. here’s the deal with this.

i think its really fucking normal to be a lesbian and have the fear of falling in love with a man. i have the same fear. its a fear that we have because of the socialization we as women receive to believe that we need men to be happy and fulfilled. misogyny dictates that women not only need to be subservient to men, but also tells us that only by being subservient to men will we attain true happiness, and usually that’s reasoned out with some bullshit like “hormones!” or “biology!” or “natural place!” or something like that

the fact is that while we know women dont need men for jack shit, we are conditioned to believe this as a way to sustain the status quo. if women knew we didnt need men to achieve “true happiness” or whatever, then how on earth would women still continue to put up with the bullshit men put us through as a class? heterosexual relationships would either die, or men would have to square the fuck up and start seeing and treating women as people

and the main reason i frame this answer that way is because things start to make sense once you view it through that lens. once you understand why society conditions you to believe that you could “””one day!!!””” fall for a man, the fear often gets a lot less frightening, because you start to look at it for what it really is - the last-ditch effort at punishing lesbians for not withholding a heterosexual lifestyle. if you can’t be straight, society wants you to believe that you could always become straight, given the proper circumstances.

the “mean bitchy man-hating lesbian opens her evil frozen lesbian heart to discover she thought she was a lesbian only because she was so evil and bitchy but now that shes not she’s really bi or straight or god knows what and in love with a man the way God intended” trope is by far my least favorite. Framing lesbians as closed-minded is one of the oldest homophobic tricks in the homophobic book (”but have you tried guys yet??”) and yet it continues to be championed as some sort of liberal and progressive ideal (”sexuality is fluid!”)

and thats not to say there arent people who identified as lesbian for decades of their lives to discover they arent, that they were lying, or that sexuality is never fluid, because thats not the case, but human sexuality isnt something you can make blanket statements about (”all lesbians are closet bisexuals/all bisexuals are closet lesbians”, etc)

this trope bothers me especially because lesbians are always portrayed as mean and cold for not being into men (and yeah, technically, not being attracted to men doesnt mean we hate them, but also whether or not i hate a class of people who oppress me has no place in a judgement of my worth as an individual), but also because it’s not just lesbians who hate men? bi women can hate men, hell, even straight women hate men! men are shitty and it doesnt matter if you are attracted to them or not, plenty of women hate men!! some of the most avid man-haters i know are bisexual (trust me, that’s a compliment)

at the end of the day, this is my take away: you have been conditioned to have this fear in a last-ditch effort to convince you that you are not truly a lesbian, that you have actually been straight this whole time, and that there’s no point in resisting. heteronormative society knows that lesbians exist, but it will try its damnedest to limit how many lesbians are out and refuse to perform heterosexuality. that fear is the result of a society that failed to push you into a lifestyle that would ultimately leave you unfulfilled.

tl;dr: its normal, it sucks, but it means you have given heteronormativity a big “fuck you” in the face of years of heterosexual conditioning. you aren’t alone, and there’s no way to reassure you that you never will fall in love with a man, but i can assure you that your fear is based off overblown statistics of lesbians falling in love with men that dont represent the vast majority of lesbians

for people who hate how dramatic women are, men are really good at making a big deal out of literally everything.

don’t like the way another country does something? thousands of wars.

movies where women have dialogue or roles that don’t include sexual objection or submissive tasks? literally go on a rant for centuries.

rejected by someone who would rather just be a friend? stalk, rape, murder, kill.

made a pun? will literally never stop telling it.

feeling a sneeze coming on? lay in bed and moan about the black abyss of death for 2 weeks.

anonymous asked:

I just can't get behind living nests until she actually freaking apologizes to freaking feyre.

See, this is the exact thing that makes me love her even more. That she hasn’t apologised properly yet.

Bear with me here, Nonnie, because this is going to be a long one. 

Nesta is not perfect. She has made mistakes and stupid/bad things. One very stupid thing would be letting her little sister, our beloved High Lady, provide for them all by herself and letting her carry that burden while at the same time being unsupportive. But a stupid/bad action does not equal a bad person.

When I was a kid my mama always put emphasis and made one thing very clear to me, as she was handing my ass to me, and that thing can be boiled down to this: “You did a stupid thing. You are not stupid, the thing was. You are smarter than this. Make it right and next time do better.”

In my opinion, Nesta knows she fucked up. She is a smart woman. But she is also a proud woman. Nesta telling Feyre that she went after her when Tamlin took Feyre, that she braved the woods and the unknown to find a sister she loves only to be stopped when she could not find her way through the wall, is a part of her making it better. Another thing is letting the Inner Circle use their house for meetings with the Mortal Queens, despite the danger it put her and Elain in. I don’t know if she’ll apologise to Feyre straight out, we’ll see. But I believe she will make it right, she loves her sister too much not to. 

I also very much believe this situation is similar to the one with Rhysand in the hiatus between ACOTAR and ACOMAF. Many people wanted so badly to love him but couldn’t because he had not apologised to Feyre for the things he made her do Under the Mountain. I know, he did not do these things to Feyre for years and he was not someone Feyre are supposed to be able to rely on, her big sister. But for us fans it was similar, you like the character but you will not allow yourself to 100% go for it because they hurt our Feyre. From your ask it seems like an apology is what you are waiting for, that is the one thing standing in the way. Same as many felt with Rhys. 

We got an entire book where Rhys got to redeem himself, show us his true self and explain his actions to Feyre. We have not had this opportunity with Nesta, yet. I think ACOTAR 3 will give us a lot more Nesta and I am freaking ecstatic about that. To understand her motivations beyond protecting Elain, see how she deals with being Made (into an Illyrian), how she will handle being around Cassian, how Rhys will communicate and talk to her as he is still very much thinking about how she treated Feyre, and that pisses him off, understandably. And I look forward, beyond words, to see her interactions with Mor and Amren. Gah! I am so excited! 

Another reason for me to love Nesta’s character is the fact that she is almost Mor’s opposite. We need characters like Mor that are kind and warm and girl power and likeable, she overcame terrible circumstances and is still warm towards those she cares about. But we also need characters like Nesta. Women who go through bad things and deal with it by closing themselves off to those they cares about. We need this because women in our society are not allowed to just be one or a few things, we have to be everything. We have to be perfect. 

We have to be good students, beautiful, dress well, be funny and cool, yet not too cool because a girl can’t possibly know if she is smart and hot because then she is obnoxious and cocky. We have to be good mothers, good sisters, good daughters. A woman is supposed to be sexy but not so much so she is slutty. Virgins are boring and too much work and pressure but if she has had sex she is a whore. We are supposed to be independent on our own but also not too independent because then we hate men and will become lonely cat ladies. We are not to tell men we want marriage and kids  because then we seem desperate but at the same time the women who do not want kids are shamed for it. We are admired if we are strong, work out and know how to fight but then “oh god you work out so much aren’t you afraid you will get too many muscles and look like a man”? A woman has to be kind and emphatic but she also needs to be fierce and not care what anyone thinks. The list goes on.

What I am trying to say is that we can’t win. No matter what we do we are set up to fail because society puts so much pressure on women to be all these things, to an extent men does not have to live with. And so writing amazing characters, basically flawless, like Mor, I mean she has her struggles but we have yet to see a real flaw in Mor, can end up putting more pressure on young girls. But then SJM balance it out beautifully with Feyre and Nesta and Elain. These three sisters who are all incredible and admirable in their own ways but are also very much flawed, in a way that only male characters really get to be flawed. Because if a man has one redeeming quality, that is usually all it takes because we as a society ask so little of men compared to women. 

So we have a almost flawless character like Mor who loves and befriends a flawed character like Feyre. Showing us that you do not have to be perfect to be loved by something good. To deserve good things. 

To end this rant I would just like to say that I would love to see Nesta apologise to Feyre. But I will love her even if she doesn’t. I love her because she is interesting, I love her because she loves her sisters in her own way, I love her because SJM has written such a perfectly flawed female character that is still a good person and what that represents to young girls. I love her because, at the end of the day, Feyre does too. 

Nesta, my (illyrian) thunderstorm

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May I present to you : Jensen “I hate cats” Ackles and Misha “My true form is an *actual* cat” Collins. You’re welcome, Internet.

For interested parties: The ears came from this lovely vendor right here: https://www.etsy.com/shop/PricelessCompanions . She’s awesome. 

anonymous asked:

the difference when men hate women, they want to rape, hurt, control, abuse, humiliate, demean, dehumanize, and kill us when women hate men, we want men to leave us alone, we don’t want to go near men, we don’t want to interact with them at all misogyny is inherently a violence of destroying boundaries. women’s responding anger is a reaction to boundary violation. it is the subsequent defense of boundaries, of building them to be stronger, harder to break down

👆