memorable meme

for your own peace of mind, maybe dont pay too close attention to the lyrics of some christmas songs.

this is the christmas card im sending out. steve didnt know what text i was gonna put behind it when he drew the picture.

(You can get this on redbubble!)

and it turns out that clint, who has been humming christmas carols for weeks now, doesnt actually know any of the real lyrics, and has just been making them up as he goes along. this is his latest masterpiece:

Winter Soldier’s Gunnin’ You Down (To the tune of Santa Claus is Coming to Town)

You better watch out, you better not cry

You’ll probably bleed out, I’m tellin’ you why

Winter Soldier’s gunnin’ you down

He’s got a hit list, he’s starting a fight

He’s clenching his fist, it’s shiny and bright

Winter Soldier’s gunnin’ you down!

He sees you when you’re sleeping

He knows when you’re awake

His aim is really fucking good and he’s gonna assassinate

You better watch out, you better not cry

You’ll probably bleed out, I’m tellin’ you why

Winter Soldier’s gunnin’ you down

He’s yanking out wheels and firing guns

If you were smart you’d probably run

Winter Soldier’s gunning you down!

Winter Soldier’s gunning you down!

Deadpool (2016) Sentence Starters
  • "Shit... did I leave the stove on?"
  • "You're my hero!"
  • "No, no, no, THAT I ain't."
  • "I had another Liam Neeson nightmare."
  • "You know, they made three of those movies. At some point you have to wonder if he's just a bad parent."
  • "What the SHIT?"
  • "I'm gonna wait out here, okay?"
  • "Fake laughter. Hiding real pain."
  • "I'm about to do to you what Limp Bizkit did to music in the late 90s."
  • "Yeah, technically, this is murder."
  • "Love is blind, ____."
  • "This shit's gonna have nuts in it."
  • "You're a lovely lady/man, but I'm saving myself for ____."
  • "That's why I brought him/her."
  • "Do you like what you see?"
  • "Your face is the stuff of nightmares."
  • "Like a testicle with teeth."
  • "You will die alone."
  • "You look like an avocado had sex with an older, more disgusting avocado."
  • "So, am I suppose to just smile and wave you out the door?"
  • "Think of it like spring cleaning."
  • "Life is an endless series of trainwrecks with only brief, commercial-like breaks of happiness."
  • "Finish fucking her the fuck up."
  • "Language, please."
  • "Suck a cock!"
  • "I'd go with you, but... I don't want to."
  • "If your right leg is Thanksgiving and your left leg is Christmas, can I visit you between the holidays?"
  • "Maximum effort."
  • "I'd say that you sound like an infomercial. But not a good one, like Slap Chop, more Shake Weight-y."
  • "Do you want any clothes that are not monochromatic? Have fun at your midnight showing of Blade II."
  • "Listen ___, if I never see you again, I want you to know that I love you very much."
  • "Wanna get fucked up?"
  • "Have you decided what you're gonna say to her?"
  • "Fuck me!"
  • "I don't have time for your goody two-shoes bullshit right now!"
  • "Why such a douche this morning?"
  • "Why don't you do us all a favor and shut the fuck up."
  • "Today was about as much fun as a sandpaper dildo."
  • "Oh, I wouldn't do that if I were you."
  • "You can't buy love, but you can rent it for three minutes!"
  • "That's the shit emoji. You know the turd with the smiling face and the eyes. I thought it was chocolate yogurt for so long."
  • "You're really gonna fuck this up for me?"
  • "You've got something in your teeth."
  • "Do you have an off switch?"
  • "We have everything we need now."
  • "I swear to God, I will find you in the next life and I'm gonna boom-box Careless Whisper outside your window."
  • "Ever had a cigarette put out on your skin?"
  • "That was not mean! I'm proud of you!"
  • "I'm gonna need all the guns."
  • "What the fuck is wrong with you?"
  • "Seltzer water and lemon for blood."
  • "It reeks like old lady pants in here."
  • "Your crazy matches my crazy. Big time."
  • "Four or five moments. That's all it takes to become a hero."

the old spice ‘man your man could smell like’ commercials exist in the sh universe and it’s a long-running joke with both the fray family and the pack that the dude in them looks a lot like luke

10

Kuroshitsuji Graphic Meme

Most Memorable Moments (2/5):

                   ↳ “ And today, I shall rob                                                                                         you and your allies of your futures.                                                                    That’s all there is to it.”

Tagged by @sookashira, thank you!

Rules: Tag 10 people you want to know better

Relationship Status:

  • In a relationship with her unhealthy obsessions.

Favorite colours:

  • Green.

Pets: 

  • I have a bird but I never wanted it and I want to set it free because I don’t like birds trapped in a cage but if I do I think that little cutie thing won’t survive in the nature so… Anyway, I have a bird.

Last Song I listened to:

First Fandom:

  • Well, the first fandom I have ever joined on Tumblr is Snk but before that there was FMA and even before that there was Bleach… DAMN IT KUBO DAMN IT! But if you are asking my childhood memories, I am rewatching and rewatching Lord of The Rings since 5 year old so I guess it is Lotr? I swear to you all, one of my first memories is me and my mom watching second movie at cinema.

Hobbies:

  • Reading books.
  • Re-reading Snk.
  • Re-watching same things over thousands of times.
  • I used to play violin but this became a childhood memory.
  • Listening music, sometimes crying sometimes dancing and sometimes doing both.
  • I used to like playing computer games a lot but I am not playing them anymore. I don’t know why. I miss Age of Empires most.
  • Tagging my metafam to everything cause I can cause why not.

Favorite book:

  • What kind of an idiotic question is this? I am passing it, I can’t chose between my children.

Worst thing I have even eaten:

  • When I was in Germany I ate something so bad I chocked and was literally going to throw up. I don’t remember what that is though, it had a strange name. Probably I didn’t like it because it tasted so different than what I usually eat.

Favorite place:

  • My warm bed <3

Tagging metafam cause I can cause why not: @momtaku @guyinlovewitheremika @leapingtitan @mikasackerman835 that cheater called @daydream24-7 ,@kuchen-ackerman @all-my-ships-are-snking @enochmandus @falcon94ssy and everyone else I can’t remember cause my family is so frekin’ huge.

Calum Imagine: Your Child Says “I Hate You”

Author: Rhine

-

It was silly, really.

Over a scolding of mud tracked into the house, a ban of dessert for a day – you could never keep track, you could never remember, what with all the careful discipline you tried to teach your child with Calum.

You were trying to shape them, and puppy pouts and tiger tantrums weren’t going to stop you from making sure your kid didn’t think it was okay to do something wrong and get away with it.

But this time, it’s a little more severe – a harsh sit-down, stern voices with an authority behind the words do you understand me and furrowed eye contact with crossed arms – all the things you hated as a child yourself but understood now that you were a parent.

And maybe it was a little too much – the words a bit too biting for the small crime, the first time with a pressure that was just a little too strong over something you weren’t prepared for – not uneaten broccoli or toys left out anymore – and there’s a crack from the force he put onto it.

I hate you!

The words are thrown out and he’s taken aback, all traces of stern parenting disappearing to a childlike hurt at the knives of the phrase.

You hear the outburst and the loud clamber up the stairs of an angry child, the slam of a door and the stunned silence after it – and you find your shocked husband at the bottom of the stairs, unmoving in his rigid stance.

“Calum?”

He never thought he would hear the words before, not from his child – the child he put so much love into, the child that he did everything out of love for – his precious baby that he wanted the best for, the one person that he never wanted to disappoint and loved unconditionally.

The words ring in his head.

I hate you!

And it feels like all of his love that he gave out was being thrown back into his face like trash no one wanted anymore.

“Calum, babe – look at me.”

And he sees your worried look, eye-level to him as you stand a few steps above him.

He doesn’t know why, but the words that sink into his skin cause an overflow that pricks at the corner of his eyes, tears he doesn’t want to let fall.

“Hey, Cal – it doesn’t mean a thing, it doesn’t mean a thing… it’s just some stray emotions, just the heat of the moment – you know that.”

You wipe at the skin where the tears are supposed to fall and he takes a shaky breath, holding your hand to his jaw like a support he needs to keep the dam from spilling.

“I just never thought – thought that I could do something so wrong to be hated by my own child.”

“Oh Cal, sweetie – it’s just a word that doesn’t mean a thing. We all have those kinds of memories with those we love and we can’t expect a smooth ride – but it doesn’t mean you’re loved any less. You are loved, and the meaning of the word hate isn’t understood the way we understand it but the feeling of love always is. Because you gave it. You continue to give love, day after day – and there’s no hate, just some bitter moments that we say all wrong.”

His dark brown eyes are still troubled but he lets your calm words of reassurance replace the shouted ones that still echoes in his ears, waiting for them to fade as you whispered comfort into his neck.

“I just…”

“I know, Cal. I know it hurts, but this won’t be the last – oh my god, just wait until the teenage years and then we’ll have to add fuck you to the mix – but you have to remember which words you want to keep in your heart.”

He nods, forehead brushing yours softly.

“We’ll have our little wrongs, but nothing ever enough to take away all the love and replace it for hate. We just have to learn as we teach.”

He takes a deep breath, a tender brush of his thumb on your cheek as he manages a small smile.

“What would I do without you?”

“Probably live on takeout and ten-year dirty laundry.”

He pouts but his smile returns quickly, a little bigger this time, a swift brush of his lips on yours.

“True. Though I’d probably just skip out on clothes in general at that point.”

“I didn’t need that image in my head.”

“Nothing you haven’t already seen before.”

He winks cheekily at you and you pinch his nose teasingly, laughing at his nasal ow ow ow and playfully furrowed eyebrows when you let go.

The two of you sober from your laughter, sitting on the staircase with your head on his shoulders and your hands in his as he drew soft circles on your knuckles, and you know despite the smiles Calum still feels a weight on his heart.

After a few more moments of silence and trying to decode the head you knew so well, you nudge him slightly and he turns to you with an expectant look on his face.

“You should go talk now,” you nod to the still-closed door of your child on the floor above you. “Get things cleared up before dinner.”

He bites his lips in hesitance, nervous eyes at the closed door.

“What if…?”

You brush the stray hairs away from his face in the reassuring mother way that you’ve adapted, placing a quick kiss on his forehead before standing up.

“You’ll be fine. It’s nothing you can’t talk out with some apologies and explanations – and I won’t have the two of you using me like a broken telephone to convey messages during dinner to pass the pepper because you’re having a silent treatment.”

“Never, babe.”

You cross your arms but grin at him, pushing him up the stairs a little after he stands up.

“Good to hear, but we’ll see if you can carry that out. Now go on, I’ll be expecting some helping hands from the two of you for making dinner when you’re through, okay?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

You roll your eyes and he blows a kiss, though you can still see the worry in his eyes as he climbs up the stairs.

You linger on the stairway, tiptoeing with your head peeking around the corner of the hallway as Calum knocks on the closed door softly, a hesitant, hey can I come in?

The door cracks open just the slightest and you watch Calum step in, shutting the door with a quiet click behind him.

You hear the familiar rumble of bass that was Calum – gentler, softer than usual – with the higher tones of your child through the closed door, the voices steady and mild.

You think you catch an I’m sorry daddy and you smile to yourself before walking down the stairs to the kitchen, already knowing that the load on Calum was lightened with those simple words.

You wait for the two of them to bound downstairs like they usually did, the air clear and love on their lips once again.

-

more imagines here!

  • friend: [in a crowd and can't find me] this calls for drastic measures.
  • friend: [uses hands as microphone] BEFORE YOU, BELLA, MY--
  • me: [from across the room] LIFE WAS LIKE A MOONLESS NIGHT. DARK, BUT THERE WERE STARS, POINTS OF LIGHT AND REASON... AND THEN YOU SHOT ACROSS MY SKY LIKE A METEOR. SUDDENLY, EVERYTHING WAS ON FIRE; THERE WAS BRILLIANCY, THERE WAS BEAUTY. WHEN YOU WERE GONE, WHEN THE METEOR HAD FALLEN OVER THE HORIZON, EVERYTHING WENT BLACK. NOTHING HAD CHANGED, BUT MY EYES WERE BLINDED BY THE LIGHT. I COULDN'T SEE THE STARS ANYMORE. AND THERE WAS NO MORE REASON FOR ANYTHING.
  • friend: there she is
Tag Yourself, ‘Children I Used to Teach’ Edition:

Rachel:

  •  new favorite color every week 
  •  didn’t like frozen
  •  knew what they wanted and how to get it 
  •  called everyone on their bullshit 

 Kennedy: 

  • wanted to be famous 
  • loved cats 
  • didn’t want people knowing things about them
  • very independent but liked having company 

 Emily 

  • small and scared
  • loved to pretend 
  • very concerned about their hair
  • great at coloring 

Will 

  • worrisome
  • big easily excitable nerd
  • could quote any line from Wreck it Ralph
  • told great jokes 

Adam

  • a little bit of a crybaby 
  • very gentle 
  • always gave people gifts and hugs 
  • got excited about animals 

McKenzie

  • the physical embodiment of the ‘painting nails’ emoji 
  • bloodstream was probably 90% glitter 
  • fashionable
  • a little bit of a weirdo