meme: zodiac

hey i just unfollowed a bunch of inactive blogs and my dash is kinda dead these days so like or reblog this if you mostly post:
-aesthetic
-nature
-art
-astrology (!!!! most of the blogs i unfollowed were astrology blogs)
-witchcraft
-crystals
-colors
-memes/humor
-trauma stuff
-mental illness stuff
-rad feminism

WHAT'S WRONG WITH THE SIGNS?
  • Trust Issues: Scorpio, Capricorn
  • Extreme Anxiety: Sagittarius, Pisces, Virgo
  • Insecurity: Libra, Cancer
  • Stubbornness: Taurus, Aquarius
  • Constant Need for Attention: Leo, Gemini, Aries
what the signs need:

Aries: a bottle of vodka

Taurus: a sugar daddy

Gemini: some dick tbh

Cancer: fuckboy repellent

Leo: to go on a shopping spree

Virgo: a blunt

Libra: a puppy or kitty

Scorpio: to drop out of school and become a stripper

Sagittarius: two bottles of vodka

Capricorn: their school to burn down

Aquarius: to get their life together tbh

Pisces: better friends

The signs as my students

Aries: The girl who answered the question “what’s something that’s magnetic?” with “Beyonce” 

Taurus: The boy who ran around at recess screaming “I LIVE TO DIE”

Gemini: The kid who thought snapchat face filters were just some cool game and was always asking if he could ‘play snapchat’

Cancer: The student who looked me straight in the eyes and said “I can see things other people can’t” and then went right back to drawing velociraptors.

Leo: The girl who wrote a full-page story about a woman who fell in love with a giant ear of corn. The best line of the story being “The corn was always there for her.”

Virgo: The kid who would call me over to fill me in on the latest third grade gossip every morning

Libra: The student who dramatically sat down across from me after school and said, “Miss we need to talk business” when asked what kind of business replied, “Chip business”

Scorpio: The student who was not actually in my class at all but was somehow always in the classroom anyway

Sagittarius: The boy who during aftercare somehow snuck out of the school, walked to the 7-11, and then came back with a huge bag of chips

Capricorn: The boy who grabbed my hands one day, started humming tango music, and proceeded to pull me away to dance around the room with him

Aquarius: The kid that called me over in the middle of silent reading time to tell me that moth man did nothing wrong and was just a guy trying his best

Pieces: The little girl who every time she saw me would scream “warning you!” before jumping onto me and expecting me to catch her

what the signs really want

aries: happy credence
taurus: happy credence
gemini: happy credence
cancer: happy credence
leo: happy credence
virgo: happy credence
libra: happy credence
scorpio: happy credence
sagittarius: happy credence
capricorn: happy credence
aquarius: happy credence
pisces: happy credence

The Signs as Miyazaki/Studio Ghibli Films

Aries: Kiki’s Delivery Service

Originally posted by studioghifli

Taurus: My Neighbor Totoro

Originally posted by ghibli-forever

Gemini: Castle In The Sky

Originally posted by dailystudioghiblis

Cancer: From Up on Poppy Hill 

Originally posted by studioghifli

Leo: Porco Rosso

Originally posted by crystalpilot

Virgo: The Wind Rises

Originally posted by studioghifli

Libra: Howl’s Moving Castle 

Originally posted by oh-totoro

Scorpio: The Grave of the Fireflies

Originally posted by ghibli-forever

Sagittarius: Nausicaä of The Valley of The Wind

Originally posted by retro-anime-collective

Capricorn: Princess Mononoke 

Originally posted by avarothusknight

Aquarius: Spirited Away

Originally posted by animebigworld

Pisces: Ponyo

Originally posted by kirisshima

Signs As Misused Idioms
  • "Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back": Cancer, Gemini, Aquarius.
  • "The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb": Taurus, Libra, Sagittarius.
  • “Jack of all trades, master of none, though oftentimes better than master of one": Virgo, Capricorn, Pisces.
  • "Great minds think alike but fools rarely differ”: Aries, Leo, Scorpio.
the main difference between male and female

Aries: a female aries is lovely and charming, she has a spark to her that makes her determined to accomplish what she sets her mind to. She’s extremely erotic and open about her sexuality.

a male aries is very serious at first glance, almost shy but once they feel comfortable around you they get all weird with their drugs and anime fetiches

Taurus: a female taurus is down to earth, she appears to be quiet and softspoken but omg this girl has the craziest things going through her brain, and she will always to be hungry, is not always expressive about emotions but she gives the best gifts and hugs.

A male taurus is always really fucking strange, he’s super quirky, a gamer, addicted to game of thrones and always uses cartoon references. Funny sense of humour (borderline offensive) says love isn’t his thing, is the first one to fall.

Gemini: a gemini male almost always seems to be super attractive, either bc he’s the cute nerdy type, or the popular hot guy. really smart, likes to laugh a lot. Can be a real douche 

a female gemini is adorable and always in the mood to goof around, so freaking versatile, if she feels betrayed will spill out all ur secrets and call u out on everything bitch watch out

Cancer: cancer boys are huge babies, they are party guys, it’s all about fun and games until someone mentions ‘’love’’ and they will sit u down and ramble about what their perfect girl would be like. is always waiting on the ‘’one’’, has high af expectations but likes the simplest and most boring girls.

cancer girls are moms, they always hug you, but omg these women are so jealous with their friends, it’s like you can’t even co-exist in a room with their bestie bc they will give u the stinky eye, i can’t

Leo: leo girls are the funniest ever, end of story. they’re divas and vulgar ass men at the same time. Fashion on fleek, always looks high but it’s just their face. belongs in the 70′s.

male leos are friends with everyone, most popular guy ever, nice, likes to act all mean but it’s all playful. has a hard time settling down, deep down always wants more in a girl

Virgo: virgo women are fierce, they are softies on the inside although they always look anxious  on the outside, stressed 24/7, loves sex so much low-key addicted to it, organized but a big ass mess

virgo guys are intelectual but stubborn mofos, say a lot of dad jokes, god complex, act like they don’t know shit about trends but really loves buying clothes and dressing nice.

Libra: libra boys are guys who look like angels, so friendly and innocent, BUT BAM BITCH they hit you with their sass, they are flirty af but SO FUCKING OPINIONATED, will flat out say ‘’i don’t like girls who ____’’, expects for you to chase after them, they are actually explosive and get moody easily, really dirty jokes

libra girls are airheads, so nice and giggle all the damn time (it’s cute srry if i sound mad), they always laugh at what ur saying even if it’s dumb and not funny at all. always has a young face, most likely not very open about sexuality, modest, easily corrupted, ——–if u have a scorpio moon u are the devil regina george— :)

Scorpio: scorpio guys are psycho, 60% are sociopaths i swear, they never laugh but when they do it’s loud and crazy and no one knows why the fuck. always walk like they’re in a hurry, STARES, is a child 4ever

scorpio women are extreme, she will not shut up for hours and the next day will not speak at all. is sexual but probably a virgin, knows everyones secrets, jealous with friends, jealous with stranger guys, jealous with mom, jealous with pet, jealous with self. stalks crush and writes poems about him but will never admit it

Sagittarius: sag guys are soooooo cheesy romantic, i swear they’re the fourth water sign, literally so many emotions, likes art, falls in love so easily it’s ridiculous, IS ALWAYS FRIENDZONED OMg hilarious but with partner, lasts 4ever

Sag girls are the ones who friendzone, will forget ur name in a second, flakey, says she’s down to go out with friends and guess what, bish fell asleep.loves to gossip with u, will always wanna hook u up with her friends or find out details about ur crush. does the dirty work for everyone

Capricorn:  cap girls are outspoken, bitchy but if she likes you she will defend u till death (she’s still gonna be a bitch to u but a softer one), confident AF, always looks ready to go to a club, boys everywhere like girl where’d u get these bruhs from. everywhere you go, guys will flock them, will make u feel like a potato bc she’s so perfect. has a hard time making decisions and letting go

cap male is competitive, ambitious, smells gooooood, style on fleek, the funniest guy ever, dark humour, smart with money, is probably gonna be a CEO, mommy’s boy, loves whiskey idk, eats SO MUCH like more than anyone, is a puppy on the inside, fuckboy but diehard romantic deep down.

Aquarius: aquarius guys always look cool, bad boy, they look like they dont care (spoiler alert: they don’t) has like 219 ex girlfriends and another hundred friends with benefits, smart ass, feels superior to everyone, thinks he’s so deep, he probably is but can never show it so no one believes him.

 aqua girls are always popular, the quirky one, the one who likes things ‘’no one else likes’’, a huge hipster, simple but attractive, has so many guys who wanna be with her and she acts like she doesn’t even notice. has so many guy friends (theyallwannabangher but ok) probably artsy, has good taste in music

Pisces: pisces men walk so fucking fast, probably because of their fucking long ass legs, has a serious face almost like he’s analizing the situation but in reality they’re thinking about memes (has amazing memes), never follows his heart, has strong feelings but rarely ever acts on them. is in love with someone they dont know, always has that little shine in their eyes

pisces girls are always the cute girl, the baby, the good one. deep down these girls will say dirty shit and has that evil side that always wants to come out and play, easily makes friends, is a disney princess and loves warm things. 

the signs as songs that became memes

ARIES: Gangnam Style // Psy

TAURUS: Photograph // Nickelback

GEMINI: Crawling // Linkin Park

CANCER: A Thousand Miles // Vanessa Carlton

LEO: All Star // Smash Mouth

VIRGO: Careless Whisper // George Michael

LIBRA: Wonderwall // Oasis

SCORPIO: The Sound Of Silence // Simon & Garfunkel

SAGITTARIUS: Never Gonna Give You Up // Rick Astley

CAPRICORN: Last Resort // Papa Roach

AQUARIUS: Ocean Man // Ween

PISCES: Bring Me To Life // Evanescence

The Signs As Things My Teachers Have Said
  • Aries: “Tell me any place you want a one-way ticket to and I´ll buy it.”
  • Taurus: “One day has 24 hours and if that´s not enough for studying, use the night, too."
  • Gemini: “I honestly don´t care whether you come to my lessons or not, I´m getting paid anyways.”
  • Cancer: “Of course you can join my course next year; you don´t annoy me.”
  • Leo: *reads out the school rules* “…furthermore you are not allowed to eat or drink in the classroom.” *looks at coffee mug in his hand* “Well, f*ck it, whatever.”
  • Virgo: “I´m sorry, I didn´t manage to correct your essays; I spent the whole weekend binge-watching TV-series.”
  • Libra: *looks at test I just handed in* “Oh, I´m sorry. Have a good day anyways.”
  • Scorpio: In linguistics class: “These guys, what are they called? You know, these guys who research languages. It´s on the tip of my tongue, dammit. Oh, yes, of course, I remember- linguists!”
  • Sagittarius: “OH NO, I´VE RUN OUT OF SNICKERS!”
  • Capricorn: “The rumour that there is a body buried in the school yard is completely false and I don´t know where it comes from. There is no body buried in the school yard.”
  • Aquarius: “Will you learn this damn tense, or do I have to get my squeaky toy?”
  • Pisces: *gives me back my test* “You do plan on studying for the next one, though, don´t you?”