a junior who was taking the psat today ditched the idea of pulling the fire alrm to get out of testing and instead hacked into the school’s alarm system to set it off exactly when the English section was scheduled to start
THIS KID WAS SLICK ENOUGH TO HACK INTO AN ALARM SYSTEM BECAUSE HE WASN’T PREPARED FOR THE PSAT
and there you have it
that’s the summary of the American education system
I cannot believe that Hermione did not take advantage of that Rita skeeter’ article that said she was dating harry. I would be like HELL YES BITCHES I FUCKED THE BOY WHO LIVED, THE BOY WHO LIVED IS MY FUCKING SEX TOY! GUESS WHAT? HE ALSO DID DRACO MALFOY, 70% OF THE GRYFFINDOR HOUSE, YOUR SISTER, AND YOU ARE THE NEXT!
she could ask their friends to spread they also fucked harry potter to different prophet’ reporters until gets so ridiculous that it lost all credibility.
“Yes, I did the potter” -Viktor Krum
“Of course, Harry is so lovely” - Fleur Delacour
“I showed to him some nice stuff in the bath” - Cedric Digory (does not like to lie)
“He and Malfoy are often at each other” -Severus Snape and the entire Slytherin house
“At the same time” - Fred and George Weasley
“Harry truly is amazing, he is always gentle with us.” - Luna Lovegood with Neville Longbottom hiding behind her, nodding, mortified.
“Let’s just say that he can ride more than just a broom”- Oliver wood “Let’s just say that he being able to catch the snitch with his mouth was not a coincidence” - Ginerva Weasley.
“He made us gay” - Seamus Finnigan and Dean Thomas.
the harry potter books rated by how many times someone says "er"
(5) three of the five are used by hagrid and an astonishing zero by harry. altogether an underwhelming turnout. (3/10)
chamber of secrets:
(6) a good third of the "er"s are a result of lucius malfoy being a dick about hagrid's hut. not a fan but still a better showing than the first book. (4/10)
prisoner of azkaban:
(11) lupin enters the scene and the "er"s double, mostly because he is an awkward prince, but also because malfoy inherits his father's cute quirk of being a dick to poor people. (6/10)
goblet of fire:
(23) the er count skyrockets as harry hits puberty and becomes progressively more awkward. baby boy is growing up and has forgotten how to put a sentence together. also serves as a minor plot point with the sphinx's riddle in the third task, giving er its well-deserved moment in the spotlight. (10/10)
order of the phoenix:
(36) “So — so — they — er — they — er— they actually exist, do they — er — dementy-whatsits?”. excellent. still cannot comprehend what this sentence would actually sound like out loud. (9/10)
(18) offsets the rising er trend which is disappointing. nothing to report other than harry is still unable to construct a sentence that does not contain ellipses (5/10)
(8) hp is all grown up and has no need for speech disfluencies. brings a tear to the eye. (8/10)
harry potter meme;2/9 relationships: romione
Everything was quiet except for Ron and Hermione’s slow, deep breathing. Harry glanced over at the dark shapes they made on the floor beside him. Ron had had a fit of gallantry and insisted that Hermione sleep on the cushions from the sofa, so that her silhouette was raised above his. Her arm curved to the floor, her fingers inches from Ron’s. Harry wondered whether they had fallen asleep holding hands.