mellie's growing on me even more

Scandal Review, Episode Who The Fuck Knows, aka Full Circle aka Gladiators Don't Run

Guys, I was enjoying the episode, right up until the writers started doing that thing they did with Mellie last season that pissed me off so much. Turning her into a freaking saint and sidelining Olivia.  Mellie for president? In what fucking world? Seriously, in what fucking world?

Anyway, let’s get into this.

What I Hated

1.   Every fucking scene with Jake Ballard in it.

Yes, he’s back at the top of my hate list. He was beyond useless this episode, weak-ass mother-fucker. What kind of freaking spy are you?
The irony of him calling Huck an animal, then hacking away at the head of one of the drug dealers. I can’t.

2.   They killed Ian. 

Seriously, they killed off Ian. What was the fucking point?  And yes he kidnapped Olivia, but why did he have to die like that? Why couldn’t he at least have been killed by one of the good guys?  Now Olivia just went from the frying pan into the fire. Fire the freaking writer!

RIP Ian, we hardly knew ya.

3.  "Did you know that Mellie meets every plane?

No, I didn’t fucking know, and quite frankly, I couldn’t give a rat’s fucking ass. If this show ends with Mellie being president, I’ll be side-eyeing Shonda forever and ever Amen. If Hillary Clinton couldn’t even be considered presidential material after her husband’s term was over, and she had all the right credentials, no way would hooch-drinking, hasn’t-worked-since-1976- Mellie get the job. I will go more into this later, because damn it made me mad.

4.  Jake being a useless asshole.

5.   Fitz being willing to use American money to bid on Olivia. 

I know I’m not the only person who was uncomfortable with that. These writers really have it in for this character.

6:  Fitz’s growing guilt over all the soldiers who were killed in a war that he waged for one person.

You know what will be worse? If after all this, that fucking triangle continues. It will make a complete mockery of everything that Fitz did to get Olivia back, and it would make zero sense for Olivia to keep dangling these two men when the show went so damned far to show how Fitz is Olivia’s happy place, and how he  started a freaking war just to get her back.  If these two don’t end up together, then really, what was the point in every story line that tried to tell us how much these two people love each other?

7.   "You’re not a Gladiator anymore”

Poor Abby. Huck was harsh, but let’s face it, she didn’t just leave Olivia behind, she left Huck and Quinn too. She pretty much left her family, in much the same way that Olivia did.  Still, it was harsh.

8.   Jake being in the Situation Room and still being the most pointless character on the show.

I need for somebody to tell me what this guy is doing on this show? Why was he even in the Situation Room? He hasn’t done a damned thing other than follow, firstly,  Fitz’s instructions, then Huck and Quinn’s. Just, no.

9.   Jake:  “I have two million dollars in a Swiss bank account”

I swear to god, the writers aren’t even trying to make Jake look useful.

10.  The reliance on shock value. 

It was all too freaking much. To freaking much. Huck didn’t have to turn into a blood-letting psycho, Olivia didn’t have to watch somebody else die in front of her, she didn’t have to get covered in blood again, Ian didn’t have to be shot, and that fucking auction didn’t need to actually lead to anything. 

11.  Gus.

They took one tolerable villain and replaced him with a less tolerable villain. What the fuck?

Olivia, honey you should have killed his ass.

12.   Andrew

This mother fucker needs to feel the slice of Huck’s knife.

13.   “Going to war for your side-piece doesn’t just make you an unpopular president, it makes you a criminal”

Shonda and her writers actually hate Fitz.

14.   “We can’t trust the White House. Abby is the White House.”

I need for Shonda to fix OPA ASAP. This split between them and Abby is hurting my head.

Jake: “What would Liv say if she saw you right now?”

Please die.

15.   The fact that Olivia actually got sold.

Shonda, what the actual fuck man? You couldn’t have just had people bid on her, then have her rescued at the last moment like any other sane showrunner? You had to exacerbate the feelings of unease that had already been slowly spreading among the fans? Girl, you need to give your Black Card all the way fucking back for going through with this mess.

16.   “Olivia Pope is dead

Huck, I need you to sit down and get a grip sweetie.

17.   "Fitz, ask me, ask me what I want that feels possible"Fitz: “What do you want."Mellie: I want to be the president of the United States. I want to run the world”
Fitz: “So, Andrew walks. Ok then”

So Mellie wants to be president? Can the show let us live? Like, seriously, can they let us live?They have had ample opportunities to show us  a smart version of Mellie, but have they? Hell naw! We’ve had Power Hungry Mellie, we’ve had Mellie The Liar, we’ve had Drunk Mellie, we’ve had Smelly Mellie, we’ve Had Saint Mellie, we’ve had Let-Me-Forge-Reinstatement-Documents Mellie, we’ve had, Let-Me-Induce-My-Baby-Four-Weeks-Early-To-Manipulate-My-Husband Mellie, we’ve had the Mellie who helped orchestrate the trap that ended with Daniel Douglas being murdered. We’ve had the Mellie who doesn’t know the meaning of foreign diplomacy. We’ve had the Mellie who hates other people’s kids. 

We’ve had all these ratchet versions of Melie, yet somehow, the writers have never seen fit to show us a politically astute Melie. Never have we had a Mellie who didn’t constantly put her foot in it. Never have we had a Mellie who didn’t have to be rescued from her own foolishness. And this is the Mellie that the writers expect us to take seriously as a presidential hopeful? 


1.   Abby finally figuring out that something happened to her friend.

And showing more emotion in a one minute scene with Huck than Jake managed to, for two seasons. Why can Scott Foley’s face not change with different emotions? Why is this man such a terrible actor? Why god why??

2.   Mama Pope.

I need her to die, but she was hella funny, plus she shaded Jake and I’m always here for that.

3.   Fitz: “She could be anywhere by now”
Mellie: “You will get her back”
Mellie: “Fitz, signed the executive orders, you are doing everything you can to get Olivia back, that’s all that matters”

Look at these two being all adult and freaking weirdly talking about Fitz’s mistress, and Mellie being all saintly and understanding about her husband’s ex mistress. 

4.   Fitz: “We can win this, who has more money than the United States of America?
Cyrus: ”China"
Mellie: “Erm, United Arab Emirates”

5.   “Wait a minute, we had a deal. I have to return her unharmed, that’s how this works. If something happens to her…The president has to get her back.

Hmmm, why does she have to be unharmed? I smell Rowan all over this mess.

6.   Huck having over two billion dollars that he stole from B613. 

Now, that’s the kind of money that you needed to have to even begin bidding on Olivia Jake, you useless piece of shit. I get that the writers were trying to illustrate that he’d use every last cent that he had to free Olivia, but guess what? It fell flat and made him seem even more stupid than he usually seems. Can somebody get Scott Foley an acting lesson for the love of Beyonce?

6B.   Quinn: “Who has money? All I have is student loans! It doesn’t matter how many times you reinvent your identity, Sallie Mae will find you.”


7.   “I want a library filled with books

So many lols. Maya tried it.

8.  Maya and David’s bargaining.


9.   Cyrus side-eyeing and shading the fuck out of Andrew.

10.  LizzieBear being all jumpy


11.   “You will however be my bitch until the end of time.”

Here for Cyrus right now.

12.   “I got this

Huck being ride or die.  See Jake, Huck ain’t even fucking her and he shows way more emotion about Olivia’s predicament than you can muster. Go home Roger. In fact just die.

13.   “Because if they come after me, I will tell them about every filthy thing we did”

(So many lols at Bellamy’s sex face and the non-boob graze)

Andrew blackmailing the love of his life. This is the woman who’s judgement the writers expect us to trust as president?

14.   “You don’t belong here

Olivia still trying to Gladiate. Unfortunately, her attempt at psyching the hackers out had zero effect.

15.   “It’s Olivia. She’s not the best at returning calls, but this is different. Something’s wrong. I know something happened but I just. I really don’t want to bother you but erm…have you spoken with her recently?

Poor Abby. As if Fitz had to be the one to tell her.

16.  Abby:   “Someone kidnapped my best friend. Listen to that sentence, David! Someone kidnapped my best friend. No. Someone kidnapped my only friend. She is my only friend. I don’t have friends. I have Liv and something bad has happened to her and I didn’t even get a chance to be her gladiator because no one bothered to let me know that she was missing, that she was in trouble, that she needed me. All the times–All the times that she saves me. All the times. I would save her, David. I would go over a cliff for her.


17.   Mellie: “what’s the word on Olivia
Fitz: “The CIA’s confident they’ll have her home within 24 hours.”
Mellie: “Whew. We sleep better when she’s lying between us.”
Fitz: “I don’t know how to respond to that”
Mellie: “The truth shall set you free”

This is some unnatural shit, but I liked the conversation between them. It’s more than Olivia and Fitz or Olivia and anybody else ever gets. I’m convinced that Shonda doesn’t know how to write for black women.

18.   “We’re going to have to let Andrew Walk”

I hope that the writers aren’t going to let Andrew get away scot-free, his ass needs to be sliced open by a blunt knife.

19.   “America can forgive a man a hundred infidelities, but they’ll never forgive a woman even one. I will be ruined, finished, done.”

There Shonda goes on her feminism bent again. What Mellie says is true, but I hate that Shonda constantly tries to speak through the privileged white woman who happens to be the First Lady of the United States of America.

20.  "Mellie: Let me ask you something, what do you want, really want. More than anything  in the world?
Fitz: "Jerry, alive again
Mellie: “What do you want that you can actually have? What do you want that feels possible?”
Fitz: “Liv. Home. Safe

You know what I love about this part of the conversation?  That Fitz first of all said Jerry, and then when Mellie prompted him again, he said that he just wanted Olivia home safe. There was no expectation that she’d be with him, that she’d come back to him. He just wanted her safe. That’s love man. Now why can’t the writers explore the Olivia and Fitz relationship with this much depth?

21.  "There are no other options than extractions!! We are not neutralizing the asset!“

Go the fuck off Fitz.

22.   Fitz: We have to get Olivia back, not just because I love her, not just because having her out there is a threat to national security. There are soldiers who are never coming home because I tried to get her back. Someone’s father, someone’s husband. I have killed so many mothers’ sons trying to get her back. The flags placed on the coffins where they lay are there because they had the courage to give their lives and I did not have the courage to give Liv’s, so she has to come back because their sacrifice damn well has to mean something. They cannot have died for nothing. They cannot have gone to their death for no other reason than I asked them to.
Cyrus: We will get her back. I promise you sir, I will do everything in my power to make sure we get her back.

I loved this monologue, but man it’s problematic as hell. I really feel for Fitz as a character so much, and honestly, the more the writers screw him over, the more I feel for him. This is obviously partly the way that Tony Goldwyn plays him, because let’s face it, on paper, Fitz is a douchey, self-serving man-child. But because Tony is such a wonderful actor, he manages to instill a lot of humanity into his character.  Now if only Scott Foley could learn to depict more than two facial expressions…


I think I always knew it, but my dissatisfaction with any episode is when Olivia is losing and when I see way too much of Mellie and Jake. Parts of this episode made my lip curl up in disgust at whoever wrote this crappy mess, because they were obviously a  Mellie fan, and I am not here for Mellie fans at all. Not in the media and not in the writers’ room.

Anyway, moving on, so do we think that Mellie and Fitz had sex?  The writers certainly left it ambiguous enough.

Andrew was definitely not the mastermind behind this whole plot, I think his anger at Ian double crossing him seemed to suggest that he was working for a higher power. 

So somehow Mellie manages to evolve from a power happy, raging maniacal botch who hates her kids, hates other people’s children and generally loathes Olivia to a saint helping her husband get his mistress back?

These writers are killing me.  The fact that they split the episode into two parts again just to prolong the kidnap plot? The writers just can’t leave a good thing alone can they? No, they have to beat it to death until you forget that you ever thought it was a good story arc in the first place.

Who do you guys think paid for Olivia? Well we know it wasn’t Iran. I have three theories: Firstly, it’s likely to be Rowan, secondly, it might be Stephen Finch with backing from somebody, or my wildcard option, General Flores’ wife from season one. 

That’s the end of this week’s review folks, and because this episode was mainly apple pie smothered in horse shit, here are Jamie and Claire Fraser to make us all feel better…

Surfbort. Lol