mel you're perfect

mishachu submitted:

Here’s my story and why Misha means so much to me.

Misha Collins is a lot of things. He’s a brilliant actor, a kind-hearted philanthropist, my favourite character on one of my favourite TV shows, and a little bit on the strange side. But most importantly, Misha Collins is a hero, not just for the amazing things he and his co-founded charity Random Acts does, but because he’s had so much of an impact on my life that he’s actually saved it. Yep. Misha Collins saved my life.

The past few years haven’t exactly been the easiest of times for me or my family. We struggled with the threat of foreclosure and becoming homeless while dealing with my sister and her incredible drug addiction that lead to her arrest more than 5 times. My parents were enablers, and my sister took advantage of their unconditional love and kindness, which was, unfortunately, their biggest mistake. After she and her now-ex-boyfriend stole thousands of dollars from my mother and grandmother in both jewelry and actual cash, my parents cut her off.

She was a successful RN, making a great amount of money from working two jobs. She was on the fast-track to adulthood, but she made the biggest mistake of her life and it cost her everything. She worked in a caretaker facility and she helped take care of the elderly. One day, she decided she needed drugs badly enough to steal a gold necklace from one of the elderly women she had been taking care of.

My sister wound up in prison for 6 months. Visiting her was more than embarrassing, not just because of what she had done, but because this was my sister, a kind person, behind bars and wearing an orange jumpsuit because she wanted some oxy cotton. Her life went down the drain and she took everyone else down with her.

She totaled a total of 6 vehicles before her final arrest. She completely trashed my mother’s credit , which also wound up affecting me. Now I can’t go to college until I get my own credit score up enough. Which is a shame, but I like to look at it as waiting until I’m more mature to be able to attend college. I have more time to figure out what I want to do, which is nice.

Anyhow, while all of these things happened, I pushed everyone I had out of my life. I didn’t want to get my friends entangled in the mess that my life was, and I’m sure they didn’t want to be involved in it, either. I felt miserable. I was unemployed for a year (but don’t think I wasn’t working my ass off, trying to find a job) and I had a lot of time to myself to think about how pathetic and lonely and miserable I was. I remember crying myself to sleep on numerous occasions and I even attempted to end it all a few times. I was hopeless. I saw no end in sight. When I thought it couldn’t get any worse, it did. I just kept plunging deeper and deeper into a sort of depression that almost drove me completely insane. I didn’t see an end in sight, and I tried hard to be done with it, to stop the pain, to just make it all go away.

The last straw was the death of my friends Tierney, Zinri, and Andy. Zinri and Andy died in car accidents and Tierney had a lot of medical complications that put her in the hospital constantly. It’s one thing to see these sort of things on the news, but to have it happen to people you knew, loved, and cared about — I just wouldn’t wish that feeling on my worst enemy.  I’m still i the process of getting over it, but I leave flowers on Tierney’s grave every year.

The night after I tried to kill myself by overdosing on sleep medication, an online friend of mine told me that absolutely HAD to watch this TV show that everyone and their mother seemed to love. You might know it as Supernatural. I figured, hey, why not? I had been meaning to watch the show anyhow — it looked to me like a male version of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and that was my absolute favourite show growing up. I also wanted to watch it for the awkward trenchcoat-wearing angel that always made me smile, even before I knew what his name was.

I watched ‘My Heart Will Go On’ through ‘The Man Who Knew Too Much’ through the CW’s website and fell in love with the show instantly. I immediately attached to Castiel and his actor, Misha, who was quite funny and adorable in interviews and convention videos. I decided to start watching more interviews and things because I found his sense of humour endearing — it was a lot like mine. I also realized quickly that he was a bit misunderstood because of his strangeness — another thing we had in common.

When I was in elementary school, I had rocks and sand thrown at me constantly because I was the only kid in school with red hair. I used to be extremely self-conscious of this attribute of mine despite the kind older ladies we’d run into in the grocery stores who would say, “Oh, look! Your hair is so beautiful!” I didn’t believe them. i didn’t for a long time. The emotional and physical abuse from my peers lasted into my high school years. No one forgets anything you do, even when you were only 6 years old.

I once had a kid try to light my arm on fire because he and his friends were convinced that I was a witch or alien. I had no friends and my family was extremely dysfunctional and abusive, both emotionally and physically. Everyone thought I was strange for not having friends and for liking comic books and other “nerdy” things. I was different, and people treated me like it.

But it was okay. Misha makes me feel like it’s okay to be different and that we should embrace our strangeness. I’m starting to not hate myself anymore and it’s all because of Misha. I’m weird, but so what? It’s okay to be weird. And I know that now.

A while back, I had a girlfriend who has an extremely overbearing best friend (who also happened to be her ex-boyfriend) that always had to tag along whenever we wanted to do something. I dealt with it because I wanted to be with her, and dealing with him was the only way I could. Things got really messy one night after he sexually assaulted me. I’m still scared of some men because of him.

But thanks to Misha, I’ve started to heal. He gave me everything, he gave me my life back. I had hope. I got a job, I got a car, I had REAL-LIFE friends who actually, really, TRULY cared about me. I suddenly had this huge family that loved me unconditionally and I was pulled out of the darkness that was slowly consuming my life.

I’m moving out next Fall thanks to Misha. I never would have dreamed anything like this could ACTUALLY happen to me. I have all of this going for me, and I essentially owe my entire life to this incredible man that inspires me every single day to do kind things for others. He was a stranger and he walked into my life and changed everything. He might not know it, but he saved my life. And I don’t think I could ever do enough to thank him for that. He gave me another chance at turning my life around, and seeing where I am today in comparison to where I was last year is just incredible.

Misha coming into my life was no accident. At least I don’t think so.

Misha Collins may only just play an angel on my favourite TV show, but to me, he’ll always be a real-life angel. And he’ll always, ALWAYS be a hero. So thank you, Misha. Thank you for saving my life and giving me the amazing family I have now. I wouldn’t be here today had it not been for you. So thank you, so much, for everything.