Mei:(Holds up two fingers on each hand) Satya, you and I have had sex with the same man. Therefore...(Locks the fingers in a scissoring position) We are coochie cousins. And where I come from, that’s stronger than family.
Mei:Oh, is it ridiculous, ladies?
(On the other side of the room, Tracer and Widowmaker have their fingers locked in a scissoring position. They both shake their heads.)
Mei:Gérard Lacroix. Both of them. One night. May he rest in peace.
Okay but can we talk about how SOUL CRUSHING some of the Overwatch character’s backstories are?
Like one was brutally killed by his brother and turned into
a cyborg, probably not entirely under his own will, then struggles to come to
terms with his new body?
Then there’s the brother who thought for years he killed his
own brother, honored him yearly out of guilt, shame, and regret, then whoops
surprise lil’ bro is alive and now a green cyborg ninja dude.
One girl got RIPPED FROM FUCKING TIME and now has to live
with a machine strapped to her otherwise she’ll literally disappear from existence.
Then a woman who was (probably) happily married and working
with the Overwatch crew gets kidnapped, brainwashed, goes back and kills her
husband, disappears Winter Soldier style, comes back as a mean purple killing
machine, and works for the organization that hand a hand in the downfall of her
previous home? If she ever manages to snap out of it she’ll LITERALLY lose her
Don’t get me STARTED on the cowboy, holy hell, this kid was
roped into a big-bad gang probably before he learned how to shave, probably doing
all sorts of illegal stuff cause that’s what Deadlock DID, then gets a second
chance at 17 (still a youngen) with a another group that ended up doing MORE
illegal shit on an INTERNATIONAL level, left there because he literally
could-not sacrifice his morals that much, and now is wanted because of who he
used to be affiliated with and because he’s a Bounty Hunter who doles out mad
ALSO LIKE JUNKRAT APPARENTLY IS THE EQUILIVANT OF THE HALF-LIFE
BOYS FROM MAD MAX???? RADIATION MADE HIM GO FUCKING NUTS? AND HE APPARENTLY
KNOWS SOME HARD-CORE DIRT ABOUT EITHER OVERWATCH OR TALON OR SOMETHING BIG
AFTER PICKING THROUGH A FALLEN OMNIUM?
Then there’s Mei who was the sole survivor of a devastating
polar storm that wiped out her base and her crew while researching the extreme
climate change in Antarctica, and she survived cryostasis for flippin’ years
because rescue didn’t come till they were like “Oh, wait, didn’t we have people
out there? They okay? Shit.” Like HOW DO YOU LIVE WITH THAT?
Then holy crap we got the tragedy of Edgelord and Soldier
Boi, who were best friends for YEARS and fought side by side in the biggest war
humanity has ever seen, then Edgelord got snubbed and they placed Soldier Boi
in the Strike Commander position even though Edgelord was the one who commanded
Overwatch during the crisis and they won? They started drifting apart and shit
started getting darker and darker in Edgelord’s new commission Blackwatch and finally
they had a fight so big they BLEW UP A WHOLE FUCKING BASE. Everyone thinks they’re
DEAD and technically Edgelord is but he isn’t? He’s constantly disintegrating and
regenerating so he probably always feels agonizing pain, and Soldier Boi
obviously hates himself immensely but wants to avenge Overwatch so he’s a
freakin’ vigilante now? OkAy?!?!
Also IKEA man built a LOT of the omnics that ended up going
nuts after they were all hacked by something or someone- Let’s face it it’s
Sombra’s fault- so imagine watching the very things you helped create but
warned people about how dangerous they could be end up being deadlier than you
ever dared fear and your creations cut down cities but the millions? How do you
live with yourself?!
Oh, and let’s not forget Angel Lady, who BROUGHT EDGELORD
BACK FROM THE DEAD AND NOW HAS TO LIVE WITH THE FACT THAT SHE DID THAT TO HIM
INSTEAD OF LETTING HIM REST IN PEACE, SHE WENT AND PULLED A FUCKING
FRANKENSTEIN. MORALS? WHAT MORALS?!
Just. They all pain me so much they need hugs and blankets
and a support group so fuckin’ bad.