I just want to be able to say that I’ve done something with my life. That I’ve gone new places, done exciting and worthwhile things, and met interesting people. It should be beside the point if I “got somewhere” or “became a success”. The experience alone should be worth it. I’m done being scared of failure. Nothing exciting ever happens in your comfort zone.

Do you ever watch an old home movie or hear a story about yourself as a child and feel like you’ve lost something? Like you took some aspect of yourself and hid it or pushed it back over the years because it made you different. I want to be true to my child-self. No, she was far from perfect, but she was much more of a person.


I absolutely hate how consumed I am with the idea of being in a relationship. I can’t talk to guys without the seeing them as potential boyfriends rather than brothers in Christ. I spend most of my time daydreaming about being asked out. And yes, it embarrasses me to be honest about it. I feel like a failure as a person because no one (that I know of) has ever liked me. I even set myself up for failure because I always crush on guys waaay out of my league. I need God’s help, but He seems so far away…

What makes me so unloveable? So repulsive? I’m not that fat. I’m not that ugly. I’m not that boring. Do I seem desperate? Awkward? Lame? Is there something written on my forehead, saying, “You don’t want this girl; she’s not worth it; you could do better.” What’s wrong with me?