The hardest part for me about having BPD is the fact that it’s chronic. No matter how much I do to get better and ~recover~, I will always be seen as defective and I don’t know if I want to live a life where this suffering never leaves.
It terrifies me that my brain is wired to react like this, that it could affect my possible marriage; future children’s lives, and a long term career. So when I say I want to kill myself, I am doing it for everyone’s sake- the least selfish thing I can do.

Holy shit guys. I just re-watched a few scenes from 3B, cause I’m soooooo bored and went snooping through my favourite episodes and watched a few minutes here and there. THE. EARLY. EPISODES. ARE. SO. FKING. GOOD. I just re-watched the scene where Spencer crafts Toby’s name into his mother’s marble. I got the chills. It was so beautiful. And then I re-watched some snippets from 4A when they all thought CeCe is A. Good days. The good days were when the mystery was actually that; a mystery, as opposed to spending a whole episode looking for a bloody golf club and flash drive and thinking a person who was introduced 15 episodes ago is A. That’s not a mystery. That’s a super boring filler which shouldn’t be happening with only 25 episodes left.