I still remember the time I participated on what they call “the Battle of the Band” in our school. Me with a band from other church tried out. I was their lead singer with my friends, Sarah and Hannah. We practiced and practiced, and I still remember the great happiness in my heart while singing with friends that I already know are serving God already with their talents..their gifts. Then, unexpectedly, everyone in the band loved my voice, that even I, that time, didn’t know yet what gift God has given me. “Is this voice the gift I received from God?” I asked to myself.
I never expected that the said competition will be the most special day of my life. As I stepped on stage with Sarah and Hannah, I couldn’t see everyone’s face clearly. The only thing I remember is the huge light facing me. I just asked myself “Is this feeling natural for a first timer?”. I don’t know. I just sang..with confidence!
With confidence because I couldn’t see everyone clearly as I said. Then I thought, God was only my audience that night. Maybe He was very glad that time that I was singing praises and I closed my eyes and at that very moment I realized I’m singing for Him. He’s my only audience. He’s there watching me..so proud of me. As the song ended, everyone was beginning to be visible in my sight. The huge light was still there. Again, I felt the happiness.
I was not expecting to win the competition. I got the prize. That’s the joy that was still in my heart as I hugged my mom and some of my classmates. But I got the Best Female lead singer award. Everything that happened that night was so unexpected.
After that, people from a church welcomed me and made me a member of the Performing Arts Department. I had the chance to sing at the church once. Only once and that’s the saddest part of this story.
I hate that many things in the world pushed me down from my happy, perfect life with Him… I hate it that I chose to live my life believing that I’m doing the right thing until I realized I’m getting far away from Him… I studied and studied thinking that this is what I should do to reach my dream… All this time I just studied and I totally forgot that there was a moment in my life that I’ve been so happy and complete…
But He never leaved me.. When I was so busy studying and at the time I was in need of hope. I can’t believe He is doing this..Is He still waiting for me? I was the first one who leaved Him. I caused Him pain. I can still feel Him, next to me. “Oh God, I don’t deserve your love. But please, stay! I’m in pain. I missed you..”
A while ago, I heard from a radio station a news about David Archuleta’s announcement that he will put his singing career on hold for two years to fulfill his mission, to serve God. Sacrificing his dream just to serve God.. I envy him.
What is my mission? I don’t know. I know I won’t be able to know my mission if I am away from my creator, God.
“God, I missed you. I’m sorry…”
No one knows His plans for our lives. But I know that how He plan for our lives is better how we plan it ourselves. I hope and I pray that someday God and I will find our way to be together and happy again. And by the time He could fully entrust me with a mission, I pray that I’m ready spiritually for that.
“God, thank you for David Archuleta. Because of him, I’m eager to know You more and be your sheep as You are my shepherd. Bless him..He’s an inspiration to anyone.”