medieval murder

Favorite scene from tonight

Sansa, laughing: You have a list of people to kill?

Creepy Bran: Here’s a Valyrian steel knife to do it most efficiently.

It’s time for a round of How Disappointing is My Unicorn?, the game show no one wants to win.*
*I think this might have been unclear to some people, but disappointing is absolutely a term of endearment in this context. These unicorns are awful and I love them.

This unicorn is sort of disappointing, like maybe it could be someone’s dog with a toilet paper roll taped to its head? But it’s probably a nice dog.  6/10

This unicorn skipped school to play World of Warcraft 4 days in a row. It is going to die of scurvy if it doesn’t consume some vitamins soon. Look at that lank, receding hair. Stare into those sunken eyes. 3/10

This unicorn has eaten all the snacks and left silly string everywhere, and it’s not even sorry.  That is bloodshot eye of the terminally unemployable. At some point you’ll turn around and it’ll have a lampshade on its head. 2/10

This unicorn made an elderly relative cry at its last family dinner.  It’s not even trying any more, see how its tail vanishes into greyish fog?  Even its raised hooves and frolicksome posture can’t hide the desperation in its eyes. 4/10

This unicorn partied so hard someone called the fun police. Here they are with their old man socks and bulging calves ready to take it away so it can think about what it has done. 5/10

This unicorn owns every Alice Cooper album ever made and spends its parents’ money on liquid eyeliner.  It’s thinking of getting a tattoo. Maybe a skull, you know, or a bleeding heart. 4/10

Look, I know I should say something about brawling and youth violence, gosh isn’t it terrible, I blame video games, but this unicorn is fighting bears.  That is possibly the most metal thing a unicorn has ever done?  I’m not disappointed at all. 10/10 would buy the comic and the feature film.

Image Sources [x]

A Comedy Drama from the 1400′s. 

May contain flashing images - Bettina’s dress was just too revealing, Sorry!

It’s MURDER! At The Medieval Manor…

For those of you who might struggle with the ‘British-ness’ of it all, here - have a Subtitled Version:

Some Credits below the cut.

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anonymous asked:

do you have designs for august and linnae from before their corruptions?

I was just asked this on twitter, actually!

Augustine will be a mystery forever because my personal pet peeve for cool helmeted monsters is when you see their normal-person face. Use your imagination! All headcanons work!

As for Linnae, I actually plan to do an Errant prequel story with her, so I do have her human design. She was not out in her village or her home (she lived with her v large family working in the family business and there were…complications) so she only presented as female when she left on solo business trips to a much larger city every few months. she should probably look a bit older here actually but you get the idea

She was the only one in her fam able to travel for various reasons, and the Errant-verse is like alt-medieval so it wasn’t weird to have a daughter head a business, and Linnae is smart, so no one ever found out. She had plans to eventually crawl out of the mudpit of obligations she had to her family at some point and live her life in the city, but of course it all went to shit when she turned into a giant fucking dragon and her neighbors called the medieval murder police on her. 

she was a bangin babe and she definitely knew it

Steter medieval AU

I don’t know if this has been done before, but instead of the Hales being very well off people, they are blacksmiths. They all have things they are better at crafting and with their werewolf senses their crafting is superior to that of normal humans. 

Their sharp eyes seeing the smallest of inconsistencies. Their strength making the whole process not as taxing. Their endurance ment more hours spend crafting. 

But one day a new family of blacksmiths moved into town: the Argents.

Jealous of the Hale’s succsess, the Argents crafted a special weapon and burned the Hales down in the forge that previously brought them life and happyness.

Laura and Derek run. Maybe to find Cora who was on a journey to learn new crafts at the time. Peter, however, is left with nothing but scars and ashes.

Maybe he walks from town to town - still working as a blacksmith because that is what the Hales have always stood for even if the smell, the flames make everything in him scream to run. Run far away and never look back.

But he does.

He never forgets. After a while he finds a small village. “Beacon Hills” or something rediculous like that. The village is in dire need for a blacksmith, the last one having died nearly a decade ago without anyone who he left his knowledge with.

Wandering blacksmiths have taken advantage of the situation by overpricing their pieces. Peter takes the opportunity to act on his plans of revenge. With all of the job request going to him he has more than enough money to work on some private things. Like weapons and armor.

One day, the son of the village’s warden drops in unexpectedly to check on the progress of his rapier. Instead, he finds Peter crafting heavy body armor. Confused by his findings he promptly tripped over some tools and landed on the floor in front of Peter.

Peter is of course sceptical of handly such a clumsy human such a weapon, especially because he doesn’t want to get into trouble with the warden.

Imagine his surprise when the clumsy human transforms into a graceful fighter in front of his eyes as he takes the sword. He is more than a little impressed and maybe if he plays it right he will have someone at his side when he takes Argent’s head.

Maybe he will have someone at his side for longer than that.

Maybe he’ll settle down in the small village.

Maybe, once it is known that the Hale’s are in business again, he’ll help the small village prosper and become a center of trade.

Maybe he’ll end up very well off after all. 

But he won’t be alone. That’s for sure.

The She Wolf of Naboo

An Anidala Queen Isabella the She Wolf AU: Mistreated by her tyrannical husband, Queen Amidala of Naboo flees to her homeland and falls in love with an exiled knight. Written for Padme Defence Squad Week Day 3: Queenhood.

Read it on AO3 here.

Author’s Note: Huge thanks to @kylorenvevo for the original prompt suggestion, and @lariren-shadow, @reylotrashcompactor, and @bruceclarkd for beta editing! I love all you ladies so much. The historical parallels are not 100%, but I tried to make them accurate and interesting. I used Queen Isabella: Treachery, Adultery, and Murder in Medieval England as my reference text.


“The Queen is young and naive, my lord. She would not dare to oppose you.”

Nute Gunray, Earl of Lancaster, hoped that his words would be true. Surely a fourteen year old queen could not dare to oppose her husband, who had armies at his disposal.

“Everything is proceeding as I have foreseen,” the King said, nodding at his viceroy, one of the few noble lords who remained by his side and would support him in the coming war. Even though he supported the King publicly, in private Lancaster scorned the King and wished to build his own power base. He hated the favoritism the King showed to Lord Maul, an upjumped foreigner who did whatever the King asked and flaunted his powers and wealth before the far more noble, distinguished lords who had come before him.

The Earl of Hereford was siding with the opposing lords, as were the Earls of Warwick and Surrey. Bail Organa, Earl of Pembroke, was perhaps the most dangerous of the opposition, for he had served the Crown loyally all his life and had proven himself as capable on the battlefield as abroad as a diplomat.

Pembroke also became a dear friend to the Queen, an ally and mentor.

He would have to watch them all closely, Viceroy Gunray decided. King Palpatine and Lord Maul were the future, and the lords owed their king their allegiance. Besides, the king held the treasury–and the armies.

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Enjoy new, unBOOlievable HSS content in the High School Story update! 🎃 In this update…

NEW OUTFITS
Trick or treat yo’ self with 14 NEW OUTFITS! Show some seasonal love with Fall Feels and Jiving in Jeans. For Halloween costumes, try on Steel Babe or Scaly Sir! See the store for more.

NEW QUESTS
Seek out a killer during a spooky medieval murder mystery party at Sakura’s house! Keep on celebrating Halloween with fan-favorite quests like Love at First Fright, and then gobble down a Thanksgiving feast in Friendsgiving. New quests are released every week, so stay tuned.

Think this update is fangtastic? Let us know with a FIVE STAR REVIEW! Thank you for playing HSS!

Eshani
Level 7 Glee and Writer

9

Bernadette Mayer | Studying Hunger

Catherine Malabou | The New Wounded

Doris Lessing | The Golden Notebook

Ian James | Catherine Malabou: The Destiny of Form | The New French Philosophy

Catherine Malabou | The New Wounded

Sylvia Townsend Warner | The Corner That Held Them

Alice Notley | The Book of Dead | Songs and Stories of the Ghouls

John Le Carré | Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy

Bernadette Mayer | Studying Hunger

MEDIEVAL AU

When a young peasant girl in the village near the Organa’s manor is found brutally murdered, ripped apart and stuffed back together, young Lord Benjman Organa’s health is gravely affected. Fearing for her son and wary of the still-raging Inquisition, Lady Leia Organa sends Lord Ben to the realm of their distant relatives in England, the Huxes.

Lord Armitage Bathory Hux, pretending to mourn his late father, is enjoying his newfound free reign over his castle and the villages it commands. Specifically, his tastes stray towards murder, torment, and sadism. To him, sensitive and devotedly religious Lord Organa is a entertaining new plaything that will eventually be discarded.

But Ben’s inner conflict only increases as he is torn between his cherished Catholic moral creed and his terrible attraction to Lord Armitage—as well as his own compulsion to kill.

he has a type

“An unhealthy fixation?” Paige questioned, narrowing her eyes at Detective Styles and Captain Horan. She pushed a strand of hair behind her ear and shot a look at Harry, his eyes surprisingly showing actual concern, something she wasn’t used to due to their rocky past. That’s how she knew this was serious. 

Captain Horan nodded, “Yes, Officer McNally, it turns out our Medieval Murderer has placed his attention on you.” 

Paige’s eyes went from Harry to the Captain. “What does that mean?” 

“It means,” Harry mumbled, clapping his palms onto his thighs, “that we’re going to need your help catching the killer.” 

a cop au
coming (one day) to 1dff and tumblr