medieval cat

How Deadly Are These Cats?

This cat has problems of its own. I’d worry more about the featureless death orb.  1/10

Absolutely draining Radical Humors from your lungs in the night, and will give you scurvy if you make eye contact. Do not make eye contact. Consider taking a long vacation.  6/10

4 on 1 is bad odds, but they’re distracted by levitating kittens.  If you stay quiet and provide offerings of fish and cream you might survive. 5/10

This cat has killed before, and it will kill again. If it has found you don’t bother packing, just go. 10/10

You will not see these cats. You will just feel a growing unease.  Dark spots in your peripheral vision. A smell of smoke.  Fur against your cheek in the middle of the night.  Maybe you’ll come home one day and find the house in flames and ruins, maybe they just want a friend. ???/10

When they say cat flesh is poisonous they are talking about this cat. It has hunted down a Toxic Sludge Rat and is absorbing it into its own body. Fortunately only found in chemical waste plants. No threat to you.  2/10

These cats know a dark magic.  You will find fur in your food for the rest of your life, no matter how far you travel. 3/10

A maverick. 8/10

Image Sources [x]

Medieval cats are surprisingly like modern cats. Not poisonous, not made of fire, only plotting murder in a casual, passive way. For once the weirdness was all the Renaissance. Here is Bartholomaeus Anglicus describing an average 14th century cat:

  • led by a straw, and playeth therewith
  • maketh a ruthful noise and ghastful, when one proffereth to fight with another
  • unneth is hurt when he is thrown down off an high place*
  • a right heavy beast in age and full sleepy

*this translation was edited in the 1800s, which is the only possible excuse for ‘unneth’

Here is a cat helping a nun. Yes, it has a face like a tiny skull, but some cats do.

[Image:British Library, Stowe MS 17, Folio 34r]

7

Tuesday 26th May 2015

With only two days left to go until the exam for my most hated module revision hit a pretty hectic stage today; I wrote so much that I now actually feel like I might have some kind of repetitive strain injury. I did get rewarded, however - not only with a beautiful new top from my mum, but also with a reunion with Peter’s cat. She’s absolutely gorgeous and I miss seeing her and playing with her so much when Peter’s away! As much as Peter would deny it, I’d say she seemed pretty happy and excited to see me. We then went out for dinner at Pizza Express and later had drinks and dessert at the pub we went to on the day we first got together. We are eating way too much food lately, but it has all been yummy!