night 1: the moon was full tonight and so was my mind. it was racing with all these thoughts and it was easier to turn off my phone off than these ideas. i wish sleep would come easier. ill just stare at the moon.
day 1: i saw the sun for the first time in forever. but i peered at it from the safety of my sheets and pillows. the therapist said the medication would help my mental state of mind. i don’t know what that means but i know it isn’t working. the plate of food from yesterday was left untouched, the lettuce wilting and caving in like my heart. i know i should go outside but i don’t want to. i don’t want to see the sun.
night 2: the moon was back, but dimmed by clouds. i cried again. the numbing sensation isn’t as strong and i hate it. i want it to be stronger i want it to be stronger than my will to live. and i know it already is. i wouldn’t wish for death as much if all i ever had was that damn moon. no sun, no happiness, no brightness just the moon, and my everlasting thoughts.
day 2: school didn’t wait for me to come back. my assignments pile up on the chair by my bed but they are left untouched. the sun was out again today, brighter than ever. i despise the sun i don’t want to see the light of day, but to see the light of the moon cascading through my window and dancing across the walls. i refuse to go outside. i would wish death on me than to go near sunlight.
night 3: i am weak food has not touched my stomach in 4 days now for i can’t even choke it down without wanting to dig it out of me. the therapist thinks i am ill, the flu perhaps. i am ill, but no, no. it’s not the flu the flu doesn’t last 7 months and randomly flares up or calms down. that’s the depression talking. the moon was out tonight again which i guess i can say that good at least i know i can rely on something to always be there. i never want the sun to come up. just the damn moon.
— sun vs moon (via aloseshermind )