med school relationships

          two weeks camping, two weeks to get to know each other, two weeks to fall in love

                                        || a clexa camping AU ||

                 part 1 - part 2 - part 3 - part 4 - part 5 - part 6 - part 7 - part 8 - part 9  - part 10

                   - part 11 - part 12 - part 13 - part 14 - part 15 - part 16 - part 17 - part 18

                                 - part 19 - part 20 - part 21 - part 22 - part 23 - epilogue

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anonymous asked:

my life has become a shitty romance novel. i've been in a steady relationship with this guy for 3+ years, and we are basically best friends. he wants to be a doctor and is well on his way to med school. we did break up once before because he cheated on me, but got back together a long time later. recently, i've been hanging out with this other guy friend, who could not be more different than the first. he's a college drop out in a moderately successful local garage band, working full time. (1)

Continued: the first guy hardly has any time for me anymore, but talks a big game via text, about our future together and whatnot. we haven’t seen each other in weeks. the second guy, however, i’ve somehow managed to see 4/7 days this week. today he confessed to having feelings for me, and i can’t say i don’t feel the same way. but the first guy and i built a strong relationship over the years, despite his mistakes. should i continue being in a lengthy relationship with someone entering into a stable (2) career path, or pursue my newfound feelings for his more rebellious counterpart? thank you so much in advance. (3)

Jennie: This doesn’t have to be a choice between two people. Focus on one at a time, starting with the relationship that you’re currently in. 

Are you happy with your current boyfriend? From what you’ve said, it doesn’t really sound like you are. The best thing you’ve said about him is that he’s going to be a doctor, which is great for him if that’s what he wants, but it’s not something to base a whole relationship on. You haven’t talked about how much you love him and enjoy spending time with him. You haven’t talked about how close you are and how much you trust him. You haven’t talked about how much fun you have together and how happy he makes you. All you’ve said is that he’s going to med school, he cheated on you once and he hardly has any time for you. That doesn’t sound like a great relationship to me. If you’re not happy with him any more, then it sounds like you should break up with him.

That doesn’t mean you’re choosing the band guy over him. If you’re going to break up with your boyfriend, then spend some time being single, and processing the end of your relationship. Then, once you’ve moved on, you can ask yourself if you want to try getting involved with the band guy, if you’re still interested in him. 

It’s not a choice between two people. It’s two separate choices, and you need to make one before you can make the other.

Relationships, Parenting, and Med School

I’ve essentially survived med school at this point (4.8ish years out of 5 done), been married for almost 7 years, and have been parenting for 3 years. I’ve come to the conclusion that: this is a hard situation. 

I’ve gotten a lot of private asks lately about how I balance that load. 

Here’s the truth: I don’t. There’s always a part of my life that’s falling apart. I can have a clean house and talk to my husband and get some studying done, or I can play with my kid and talk to my husband and study, or I can play with my kid and clean the house and talk to my husband. 

I used to be an honors level student. I graduated college magna cum laude, 0.01 away from summa; with field research, while working three jobs. I met my husband the first week of college, and we got married just before junior year. School and work and a relationship are totally manageable. Parenting and a relationship and work are totally manageable. School AND work AND parenting AND relationship is just putting out fires, every day.  Here’s how I put out fires:

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Sacrifices

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about the sacrifices we make in medical school.

There are the less obvious ones, such as our mental health and well-being. This is something that I have really focused on managing better in the last year. As rising professionals, we sacrifice our own wellness for the wellness of our patients. We push ourselves to study harder, go the extra mile, and ace the exams - and only when we have sacrificed so much do we realize how much we have lost.

Then there are the more obvious sacrifices: friendships and relationships. Trading in our social life for the quiet friends of our books and notes has a detrimental effect on our relationships. The things we care about need love and nurture to grow; neglecting the people we hold most dear can unintentionally burn bridges and cut ties.

And while some of these things may be necessary to let go of for the gratification of small successes, I have found myself questioning when? When is the sacrifice enough? When can I choose to do something for myself and my relationships in order to salvage what may be remaining?

In a few months, I will be at a crossroads. At the end of September, my family is throwing a surprise 90th birthday party for my grandma in Chicago. Yet, I already know that at the end of September, I will be preparing for my neurology shelf. 

In October, my sweetheart wants to take me to his Alma mater’s homecoming football game; yet this is in the middle of pharmacology when I may have an exam coming up.

Do I sacrifice getting to spend such a special time with the family I hardly see for an extra day of cramming? Do I sacrifice making wonderful memories with my sweet, caring boyfriend to spend more time studying?

I know that life doesn’t stop just because we’re studying. But medical school guilt is real, and I feel it often. My brain and my heart are in two different places; I just wish there was an easy answer.

History Taking

In a previous post I highlighted some positive feedback I received about my history taking. I received a lot of comments about sharing what I was doing. I think that history taking is a very individualized process. In all honesty, there is no right or wrong way to take a history. Each person’s style is a reflection of their thinking process, their knowledge base, and their comfort level and that naturally evolves over time.

Having said that, this is what I generally do now.

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anonymous asked:

Do you have any dating advice for girls in med school? I've never been too popular but since I've started med school 3 years ago, guys started to like me more (I'm more confident and I grew up), and I go on dates sometimes. But med students only talk about school stuff which is boring, and the non-med guys don't understand my worries and struggles, not to mention my dreams. Some of my classmates do the dating stuff well, some of them are already married (we're 20-24 years old), it feels weird.

Hi anon!

I was initially going to tell you I am the last person to ask because I consider myself a relationship failure and romance is my Achille’s heel (I’m a hopeless INTJ). But…I thought about it and I think even I could offer some suggestions in this department.

So I present unto you…

MD-A’s dating advice to med students (initially requested for girls, but can apply to most everyone)

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juptiers  asked:

i just starting thinking abt ransom and holster graduating and moving in together and arguing over grocery lists and watching 30 rock and cuddling and ransom getting stressed n anxious over med school and holster hugging him and encouraging him and being like "i love you i believe in you bro" and all ransom's med school friends like "ur relationship is so solid n good wtf" and them bein domestic and Made For Each Other and i literally felt close to tears please advise

!!!!!!! THIS IS SO GOOD !!!!!!!! AND WHOLESOME (lmao get it) !!!!!!! but Truly i love htem…… i just rly love the concept of them being happy adults who are still in love and still ridiculous but a lil more mature…..they go to a farmers’ market together every saturday and the old woman from the bread stand loves them..they become friends with her and get invited 2 her family barbecue……holster is known and beloved by rans’ med school friends….holster always brings rans to work functions and holster is 100% certain his boss likes rans more than him…..but honestly just think about these two coming home to each other..and they’re tired and sometimes they’re annoyed or fight but like, 98% of the time they’re just in love and happy to be together….sleeping in the same bed that they went furniture shopping for together…….this is rans’ life and holtzy’s life but it’s also Their life, the two of them together for the rest of their dumb lives, ransom and holster’s, adam and justin’s, eventually-to-be mr. and mr. oluransi’s…….im dying domestic rans/holster owns my ass i can’t advise you because i too am Dead. embrace the feeling

anonymous asked:

May I ask you how you met The Cabbage? One of my great fears as a premed is not having time for relationships/meeting "the one" later in med school/residency/internship. You guys are #relationshipgoals!

I had a friend from art school over to watch James Bond movies and eat cheeseburgers and drink champagne. She told me her boyfriend had loads of cute friends and we started shopping on her facebook. My criteria were likes science (because med school), is funny (last relationship we didn’t ever laugh), and loose morals (because I was just trying to have fun, not date anyone). And she showed me a couple guys that I didn’t think were very cute, and then she showed me the Cabbage and I was all like “GIMME”. Her birthday party was the next week and she told me he’d be there and to wear something cute.

So we met at this party (both of us thinking the other was unaware of the trap) and hit it off, and right before leaving I got his number because I don’t play when I want something. We went on a date a couple days later… And I knew basically right away he was my person.

It is hard to meet people in this life, and even the easiest relationship still requires work and effort. Keep your eyes and your heart open, you never know when or where your person is. Don’t give up or get frustrated if you haven’t met them yet- he was 28 when we met! And, most importantly, be ok with being with yourself.