i know what it’s like to kiss ruin. ruins of what could’ve
been – i can hear the words trapped in the back of your

maybe i never learned how to accept my darkness so all
i did was deny it and make it strong. they never taught us
how to deal with the shadow in our psychology class

do you remember showing me your bruises? and me
clothing you and trying to soothe you? i’m not the one
to abuse you. damn i cried because i know what it’s
like when you have pain trapped inside –

so you cut to release the poison and watched yourself
bleed in relief

i remember you told me there are depths of emotional
hurting that feeling the most excruciating physical pain
in comparison would be a relief

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Holding You

A/N: There my brain goes again. I was listening to Wicked last night and I got to “As Long As You’re Mine,” which immediately made me think of a fic where Emily and the Reader are together. She gets attacked by Doyle in season 6, leaves the hospital, and has one night with her girlfriend before leaving for witness protection. @coveofmemories @sexualemobitch @jamiemelyn


The week before the attack she told you she loved you - and now this. A man from her past, Ian Doyle, came back to haunt her, her team, and by extension, you. She’d barely made it through alive, and in the eyes of her teammates, she hadn’t. Emily Prentiss was dead. But you knew differently, as did two of her teammates who you’d never met before.

She was on her way to the safe house where you were staying. One night. One night was all you had before you had to pretend your girlfriend was dead and go about your life as you normally would. No matter what she said, and you knew what she’d say the moment she saw you, you’d wait for as long as it took to put Doyle back behind bars. You were in love with her. You wouldn’t desert her now. No way.

I’ll make every last moment last, as long as you’re mine

When you saw the door open, your heart skipped a beat. Even after all that, being staked in the side for fucks sake, she still looked just as beautiful - tired, but she was beautiful just the same. “Hey baby,” you whispered, hugging her softly. When you saw her in the hospital, she was so fragile you hadn’t even been able to touch her, but she’d been recovering for six weeks now. As you pressed your lips to hers, you could feel her hesitancy. You knew what was coming. 

“Hey, love,” she said. For a few moments, you just stood in the doorway trading kisses back and forth. “I have to leave tomorrow morning.”

“I know.”

“I don’t want you to wait for me.” There it was. She ran her fingers through your hair and pulled you back to take a close look at you, probably memorizing your features for when they weren’t in front of her any longer. 

You grasped her face in your hands and parted her lips with yours. “I want to wait. Me. My decision.” She was about to give you a litany of reasons why you shouldn’t wait, but you didn’t want to hear them. “From what you’ve told me about your team, they won’t stop until Doyle is found and Declan is safe. I love you, Emily Prentiss. And I won’t desert you now. When you come home, I’ll be here.”

A stream of heated tears flowed down her face as she took you in her arms and backed you into the bedroom. 

Kiss me too fiercely
Hold me too tight

“God, I’ve missed you,” she breathed against your chest. “I can’t believe we have to do this.” This. Witness protection. Not your usual reason for separation. Her lips glided up through the hollow of your breasts, around your neck and ended at your ear, where she bit down gently, sending a shockwave through your body. 

You responded in kind, sliding your hands under her shirt and over the now slightly raised scar from where she’d been staked by that bastard. “Just as beautiful,” you said, feeling her pull away slightly as you ran your finger over the scar. Once backed up into the bed, you fell, catching her and removing her shirt and bra while she did the same for you. There was a moment, when you first found out about Doyle’s attack on her, that she was going to die and you were never going to be able to touch her again. You never imagined you’d be here.

My wildest dreamings
Could not foresee
Lying beside you
With you wanting me

Clothes were shed and soon you found yourselves tangled around each other, a mess of limbs and lips. As you made love to the woman you adored for what would be the last time for a long time, you took in her scent, the soft velveteen feel of her skin against yours, the silkiness of her hair as it made its way through your fingers…everything. You were determined to remember in detail everything she was to you as you waited for her return. “I love you, Emily,” you cried.

“Don’t cry,” she said, her eyes glazing over. “You’ll make me cry.” She rolled you over and seemingly did the same, running her lips and hands over every inch of you. With reckless abandon, you both began to grind against each other, in search of that ever elusive connection with each other. When that crescendo finally came, you clutched onto each other for dear life, collapsing into the bed and curling into each other. “I don’t want to leave,” she cried, pulling you toward her.

After all she’d been through, it was amazing she hadn’t broken down before. Despite the fact that you wanted to scream and cry and tell the gods how unfair they were being, you chose to stay strong for her and let her have her moment. “I don’t want you to either. But you’re not alone, love. No matter how far away you are from me, you are not alone.” You held her in your arms until she the sobs rocked her to sleep. 

Once you knew she was out for the night, you allowed yourself to go to sleep. You wanted to cry, but you didn’t want to wake her. Tomorrow, when she left, you’d allow yourself a meltdown, but not now. Not when the woman you loved already had the weight of the world on her shoulders.


And if it turns out
It’s over too fast
I’ll make every last moment last

When you woke up in the morning it was still early, so without words, you curled into each other, syncing up your breathing. After a shower and getting dressed, it was time for her to go, and you couldn’t accompany her to the airport. Where she was going now had to remain a secret to everyone except Jennifer, who was her liaison and would be setting her up with funds to get her by. “When I get back, I’m going to scream from the rooftops how much I love you, Y/N. Everyone will know.” Her voice was shaky. You could tell she didn’t know whether or not she was going to come back, but you had faith. Her team wouldn’t stop. 

Say there’s no future
For us as a pair
And though I may know
I don’t care
Just for this moment
As long as you’re mine
Come be how you want to
And see how bright we shine
Borrow the moonlight
Until it is through
And know I’ll be here
Holding you

“I love you,” you said pointedly, taking her face in your hands one last time and kissing her as if you never would again. “Remember, no matter how far away you are from me, you’re not alone.”

The corner of her mouth twitched upward, but she was still hesitant. “I love you, too, Y/N. I promise I’ll never forget that.” 

“You better not,” you replied half-heartedly. With one last look that you made last as long as possible, Emily turned and closed the door to the safe house behind her. You went over to the window and watched the car drive away. Another would be here soon to take you home. As soon as you knew she was gone, a sob wracked your body and you fell to the floor. She was gone. You did have faith in her team, but how long would it be until you could hold her again?

Fenris for Kass

Considering it took me almost half a day it should look way better FUCK ME

Clothes reference