A Package Marked “Return to sender”

Story by reddit user manen_lyset

My neighbor is one of those annoying wannabe YouTube personalities. Over the years, I’ve seen him cough out cinnamon, lay flat on the hood of his car as it slowly creeps down the driveway, and douse himself in lukewarm water, all the while screaming epic win, epic fail, or, fuck, epic maintenance of the status quo, for all I know. It can get tiring to watch him go about his shenanigans in the pursuit of viral fame. So, when he knocked on my door the other day, told me he was going away for a few weeks, and asked that I get his mail, honestly, it was a relief. I can’t explain the peace of mind I had knowing I didn’t have to brace myself for any of his stupidity for a while. I was always afraid his stunts would wind up bleeding over into my life.

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Tsukiyama Shuu (月山 習) - Gourmet

“We are just bags of meat. The weak bow down and the strong devour them. Rather, if you compared them to all living things, it’s humans who have shaved away the most lives. We are different than them.”

[after a long and eventful patrol]

Tim: You look …

Jason: Beautiful, I know. Can we move on?

Damian: No, you look like a cross between a zombie that’s been through a meat grinder and a bag of trash, Todd.

Jason: (shrugs) Eh, that works too.

Dick: No, it’s not. Dami! You can’t say that!

Jason: The kid’s technically a zombie too. I think he can make a pass.

Tim: Totally not the point.

anonymous asked:

Hi! It's my birthday today (yeah I have the same birthday as Park Jimin aint it cool), so I wanted to request something with Jimin. Maybe an assassin au? Or a random fantasy au, like a dragonshifter au, where a person can switch between dragon and human form? Idk it doesnt have to come out today, I just wanted to treat myself to a request today cause I dont normally do this. Thanks so much!

happy birthday kiddo!!! here’s dragon!jimin ~

  • your entire village knows about jimin
  • they know that he’s locked up within the cave at the upper east side of the mountain that casts a long, dark shadow over your village
  • and they all whisper,,,,,what a hideous boy he must be,,,,,,part dragon
  • and because your village knows jimin, they know you
  • the keeper of the dragon, the poor child that has to go up there and feed the ‘monster’ that has brought so much terror to the hearts of villagers
  • and you know - that all of this hatred for jimin is baseless bullshit
  • yes, he’s a dragon - but his form is mostly human and his personality is docile and shy
  • lore had lead people to believe he was malicious, ten feet tall, and grew horns on his spine,,,,,,but he was nothing like that
  • it took you three weeks,,,,,three entire weeks,,,,,to get him to show himself to you when you finally decided that fine, if no one else was going to take care of a poor boy banished to live in a cave, then you were going to be the one to do it
  • at first, you were a bit frightened too, but you trudged up there with clenched teeth and a bag of food to offer whatever was waiting in that cave
  • upon entering it, the dark and musky place echoed your footsteps. you didn’t hear anything else, but yourself - the dragon must be hiding
  • you were sure it was a little bizarre, but you started calling out. you introduced yourself, waited for an answer, and then went on to repeat what you said
  • finally, after three weeks of telling aimless stories of the village and waiting for replies you got one
  • in a hushed, gentle voice you heard a simple greeting. the dragon had said your name. he had been listening
  • “you remembered! im thankful. here, i brought more food. ill leave it at the entrance unless,,,,,,,,you want to come and get it?”
  • for a moment it was silent and maybe,,,,you thought,,,you were asking for too much
  • but then  -  footsteps, human footsteps
  • and the “dragon” emerged
  • blonde hair littered with tangles and overgrown bangs, eyes ringed with red from insomnia, and pale almost sickly looking skin - which you imagined came from his living conditions
  • looking up at you, his eyes were a brilliantly deep brown, that you were sure at one point glowed in the sunlight
  • but now, he looked weak and tired. this was the evil dragon everyone else seemed to fear
  • but in reality he was a thin, starving boy
  • you realized too, that the bags of meat you had been bringing were not going to benefit him at all. you made a mental note to bring fruits and vegetables next time, maybe something sweet
  • “may i?” 
  • he asked, quietly. eyes looking at the bag in your hands desperately.
  • “here, but also -”
  • you pulled the bottle of water which you brought up the mountain with you and handed it to jimin
  • he stared at it, but with shaky hands and a bow of his head accepted it
  • watching him eat, bare hands and crouched down like a frightened animal, made your heart ache
  • was jimin even a dragon? he just looked like a poor orphan, someone in need of a warm home and good meal
  • he seemed aware of your looks and slowed down, closing the bag and wiping at his mouth with the back of his hand “t-thank you”
  • you wanted to say something, but just as he appeared from the dark, he disappeared back inside
  • after that, you visited jimin even more often. you brought better food, hauled blankets up the mountain for him, at one point you even attempted to gift him a comb to tame his hair
  • but he had looked at it, tried to bite it, and said he didn’t know what to do
  • you had giggled, telling him that if he wanted - you could help
  • he looked like a chlld, with wide eyes, watching carefully as you ran the comb through his long bangs
  • not to hurt him, you tried to get through the knots with small, precise movements
  • at some point, jimin had closed his eyes. entrusting himself to you completely
  • your relationship with him only got better, you’d never even seen his dragon form, just the human boy who awaited your arrival everyday with eagerness
  • a friend of yours had made a joke that the dragon was becoming your boyfriend - you spent hours up there with him
  • but you blushed,,,,,jimin?,,,,,,boyfriend?,,,,,
  • well there was no opposing it, after getting his hair unmatted and the sparkle returning to his eyes, jimin was handsome
  • and, most of the time he had his chest exposed. some kind of healed scars ran down his back, but other than that he was lean. getting more toned with the better diet
  • you tried to shake the thought, but when you saw him the next time,,,,,,, smiling, innocent eyes and soft voice,,,,,,,,,,,,ok,,,,,,,,he was kinda like totally your type
  • you were humming happily up your climb to see jimin one sunny afternoon, usually you had hated the hike but now it made you happy
  • you didn’t notice the other villager following you up, your lovestruck neighbor since you were kids who had taken unkindly to your job as ‘keeper of the dragon’
  • once you got to the entrance of the cave, you set down the bag with you and opened your mouth to call out jimin’s name
  • that is until,,,,,,a hand clasped around your mouth and you let out a muffled sound of surprise 
  • turning you around, the neighbor told you not to scream it was only him
  • letting go you caught your breath and asked “what are you doing here?”
  • he snorted, eyes averting to the mouth of the cave “i wanna see that demonic thing you’ve been taking care of. running up here like you’re married to it.”
  • you winced at the disgust in his tone, who was he to talk - he knew nothing about jimin
  • but without even letting you retort, he took a hold of your waist and smiled with wicked intent; “how about this? i kill that thing and you come down to the village and start taking care of me. a human, not whatever creature-”
  • your hand came up on its own, slapping across his face with a sound that scared some of the birds in the surrounding trees
  • “you better not lay a hand on him. if you even dare -”
  • “you’ll what? what will you do, you’re weak and no one in the village understands your obsession with a dragon. you’re crazy, the villagers won’t even notice you if you’re gone -”
  • and with that he pulled the dagger he’d brought with him, holding it dangerously close to the skin of your throat
  • closing your eyes, you tried to wrench his hand off of you, but even if something happened in the back of your head you prayed he wouldn’t find jimin
  • you didn’t have to worry though, because with a roar that rumbled like thunder and a body three times the size of any person
  • the dragon finally showed it’s true form
  • emerging from the cave was jimin, but he had transformed into a large, brightly scaled dragon, with a tail ten feet long and a wingspan as wide as the mountain
  • his eyes locked on those of your neighbor, who began to shake - dropping the dagger in his hand
  • in a deep, unrecognizable voice jimin hissed out “let them go”
  • your neighbor obeyed, letting his grip loosen as you pushed out of it and backed yourself into the shadow of the cave
  • jimin flee above the opening, diving down to unleash another sound that made the world feel like it was shaking
  • your neighbor needed no more convincing, he was running and tumbling his way through the brush to get away from the dragon
  • and you watched, protected by jimin who landed himself in front of you and blew wind from his nose that practically barreled your neighbor right to the bottom
  • after he was gone, jimin turned his head to look at you
  • his eyes were a shimmering yellow, long teeth visible through his partially open mouth. his scales were a mix of burnt orange and gold, beautiful
  • you took a step closer to him, hand out to touch the scales of his skin
  • he didn’t flinch, but let you comfortably take in this side of him. the side your village had learned to hate.
  • once you were close enough, jimin muttered something in a language you were sure died out years ago and in an instant his form was shrunken, the wings disappearing and left in the small mist was jimin, human jimin
  • his teeth were still barred in anger, the fangs retracting slowly into his mouth
  • a line of scales still visible on his cheekbones and the yellow of his eyes just made him all the more handsome
  • and before you could stop yourself, you ran into his arms, pulling him close
  • jimin was shocked, slightly weak from suddenly transforming, but after a moment he lifted his hands to embrace you back tightly
  • you buried your head in his neck and thanked him for saving you
  • you could feel him slightly relax when he realized you weren’t afraid of his dragon form, you didn’t think he was horrid, you were actually nothing but happy to be in his arms in that moment
  • “nothing will hurt you ever again, i will forever be by your side.”
  • his voice was still gentle as he spoke, but the sense of urgency was real. 
  • you weren’t the dragons keeper anymore, you were jimin’s most beloved treasure and he was going to protect you till the end of time - he vowed it 
Company | Brett Talbot

Originally posted by teenwolf--imagines

You Chose The Overconfident Brett 

Song inspo: Company by Tinashe

I don’t need the lovin’
So don’t make this something, see
I’m nothing like a girlfriend
I’m not like someone I’m supposed to be
And I just want some company, company
I just need some company
I just need some company
I just need some company

Part One

After truth and dare, the party started to get a little boring. Everyone was either screwing their brains out or going home. I didn’t want to go home, I came to have a good time and a good lay. The only person who honestly intrigued me was Y/N. She had this energy around her that made my skin heat and blood boil.

Y/N leaned against a wall, drinking probably beer out of a red cup. Her legs looked tasty with those shorts on, the same shorts that accentuated her ass in the most magnificent way. I had to leave here with a victory and you bet I was for damn sure leaving with that sex symbol. I walked over to her and stood in front of her.

“Talbot, how may I help you?”
“I’m a horny teenager slash shark who needs to feed”
“So why do you need me?”
“Don’t play coy, right about now, you look like a juicy, fresh, thick bag of meat,” Brett leaned in close to your face and nipped your bottom lip with his teeth.
“Just waiting to be devoured.”
He smiled at the significant change in your heartbeat because as he got close to you, his hand traveled up your side, his palm burning your skin upon contact.
“So, how about my place?”
Y/N appeared flustered and confused with what just happened. Brett caught her squeezing her thighs together to ease the wetness dripping into her panties.
“Let’s go.”
Brett smiled and took her hand to lead the way out of the party.

Brett allowed you to use his aux cord to listen to music. Forgetting that the phone was on shuffle, the speakers began to play Kiss it better by Rihanna. He smirked and kept his eyes on the road. Just as you looked away, you could feel a hand rested on your knee. You didn’t react until it traveled up your thigh and massaged your inner thighs. You considered letting Brett finger you right now in this car seat but decided against it. You grabbed his hand and moved it away when he looked at you, you gave him a wicked smile. Perhaps if he was Isaac, you would’ve let him but this was Brett and you wanted to torture him as much as he could bear it.

You leaned over the seat and rubbed little circles around his thigh. He didn’t move because he didn’t want you to think you were affecting him. Truth be told, it took a lot to impress Brett, considering how many girls he’d been with. You kissed along his neck, your hand now resting on his crotch, gently palming him through his jeans.

You reached for his zipper and slowly pulled it down the reached into his boxers to fish out his long, semi-hard cock. You couldn’t help but gape at how big it was. It was wasn’t fat or thick but it had to be around 8 inches and he wasn’t even fully hard. Brett smirked once he felt you pause, “What’s the matter, sweetheart? You can’t do the job?” You rolled your eyes even if he couldn’t see you. Your goal was to make this boy moan or groan by the end of this endeavor. You stroked his length up and down, just to get started.

Once again, Brett did not respond to your touches. You adjusted yourself in the seat and lower your face to his lap. Thankfully, your buns provided to be a confidence booster so you wouldn’t have to worry about any hair in your face. You kissed his tip as if it were his lips then you sank your head down halfway while stroking the base. Brett didn’t expect you to go straight for it and lost his concentration. The car veered to the left just a bit before he gained back control. Got him.

Brett tried so hard not to moan as your warm mouth suckled on his cock, lapping up the precum dripping out the tip. He could feel himself hardening against the underside of your tongue as you licked his shaft from bottom to top. In order to stop the upcoming moans, Brett tightened his grip on the wheel and closed his eyes to feel the pleasure of your warm and inviting mouth wrapped around his cock.  

A horn from another car jerked Brett out of his euphoria. He yanked on the wheel and flew his eyes open. You took a risk and sank a bit deeper, moaning to prevent gagging on his long erection.

“Ahh…god!” He groaned aloud.

You bobbed your head up and down, taking him further in you each time you went down. Your hands never failed to get the parts of him you couldn’t reach. Brett was now under your control. The car hit a bumpy surface and the next thing you knew, Brett’s hand was on your head.

“Just like that, oh my… Fuck me,” Brett’s moaning became louder and you knew what was to come. You let go of him and stroked him furiously. Once you felt him twitch you latched back on and swirled your head around. A burst of saltiness sprayed into your mouth cum his viscous fluid swam down your throat. You made sure to get every drop. Brett pulled you off of him in a hurry.

“If I don’t fuck you right now, I will murder the next person I see.”

You smiled at Brett’s hungry words and stepped outside of the car. You unbuttoned your shorts and slid them off. Brett watched you climb on top of the hood and lay with your legs spread out. Just as Brett got out the car, you pulled the bralette down and began to play with your nipples, rolling them in between your fingers and tugging on it to create friction. You moaned as you pleasure yourself and having Brett watch you, added to your enjoyment.

Luckily your eyes were closed so you couldn’t see his gold eyes shine in the dark as he watched you play with yourself. Brett locked his arms under your knees and kissed your clothed clit. You gasped as he began to suck on it through the fabric. Finally, he brought a claw to shred the underwear off so he could suck the juices that were built up while you blew him in the car. You arched your back towards his mouth, your hips practically rode his face as you moved up and down on his expert tongue. You were so close to an orgasm but Brett was getting impatient. He had to have you now.

Forgetting about a condom, Brett pulled his pants and boxers down to his ankles, placed his hands under your knees, and rammed himself inside you. You both cried in relief, your walls immediately closed around him.

“Holy shit… Y/N, your so fucking tight, oh my God.”

Thankfully, your wet pussy allowed him to slide in and out. After a few thrusts, you came around him. Once you adjusted, Brett pushed all that he had so deep into you that you could feel the tip prodding against your womb. His pace picked up and he started to go hard and fast, the car moving a little with each deep thrust. You were both moaning and grunting as you both fucked on the car for anyone passing to see.

Reaching down with one hand, you circled Brett’s cock with your fingers as it slipped in and out of your pussy. Brett groaned at this new incredible feeling as no one had ever done that before. You used one of your wet fingers to touch your clit, rubbing it quickly, going with the rhythm of his thrusts.

Once you felt your stomach knot, you pulsed around his cock. Brett took note of that, placing one of your legs over his shoulder then wrapping a hand around your red choker. The new position allowed Brett to slam against your g-spot.

Headlights shone in your direction and you could hear a few gasps. You recognized one of the voices as Mason and Hayden, “Oh my God, is that, Y/N?”

Feelings of pure lust, mixed with the thrill of being exposed to your friends, coursed through your body as you laid panting on the car hood. Brett groaned, signaling the start of his orgasm as he too looked at the passing car.

“Oh fuck, I’m coming…”

Your tightening and release forced Brett to cum into you, your throbbing walls milking his hot, ropes of white cum. Brett still continued with some pretty powerful thrusts, making the both of your orgasms last. The car completely drove away as the two of you crashed.

His cock softened as he stood between your quivering legs, you softly moaned as it slipped out of you. The mixture of both cum had Brett thinking how it was going to leave a stain on his car. “So, you’re gonna clean my car, right?”
You chuckled at his sly comment, “only if you promise to fuck me like that again.”

Grey Eyes

Part 2:

Keith swallowed painfully, barley able to breath thanks to Not-Lances choke hold.
“So Paladins to start off I think you should get me a ship with enough supplies to get me halfway across the galaxy.”
The voice coming out of Lance was just so wrong, it was smooth and calm like it would stare down at a pile of dead bodies like they were nothing more then inconveniences in its path.
Keith could hear the others quietly muttering something, he hoped it was a plan.
“Ok, give us some time and we can send the green-”
Shiro was cut off my a sickening crack that echoed through the room.
For a moment Keith didn’t understand what had happened.
Until a scream filled with agony erupted from next to him.
Even worse it was unmistakably Lance.
“One rib Paladins for your pathetic attempt to outsmart me.”
“We weren’t trying anything!” Shiro was trying to keep his voice steady and calm but Keith knew his too well. He could hear the panic and the guilt already setting in.

“Please, its obvious that you were going to send the little green one and perhaps the yellow one as well so that they could retrieve the ship with a kill switch or a tracking device inside so that you could all play heroes and pick me up later.”
Not-Lance smirked not looking to be in pain in the slightest.
“But do correct me if I’m wrong.”
There was silence over the coms and he chuckled as he shoved Keith roughly to the ground picking up his fallen bayard before the red Paladin had a chance to lunge for it.
“Here’s how this is going to work. Every 100 ticks I don’t have my ship I’m going to break a bone in the blue Paladins body. I’ll start with the ribs, then the legs, then the arms and so on you get the idea.”
“Let then go, take me instead.” Shiro hissed.
“Oh dear black paladin don’t be foolish. I have plans for you and they don’t involve being my hostage. Start counting Paladins. I will be.” With that he cut off the coms and tossed the helmet to the side.
“Oh I do hope your friends don’t do anything stupid, it’s not exactly comfortable a body your inhabiting.”
Keith had the dig his nails into his palm to keep himself from attacking. Anything he did to Not-Lance would only hurt Lance.
“Who are you…what are you?” Keith demanded.
Not-Lance looked down at him in surprise “hmmm it’s been a long time since anyone’s asked me that. I honestly don’t remember my given name, my chosen name however is Garax.”
Keith hadn’t expected an answer, much less to be actually be given a name.
That was something at least.
It helped him distance this thing from Lance and made it easier to make his next request just as the 100 ticks came to an end.
“Hurt me instead, leave Lance alone.”
Garax grinned as he stood over Keith “you care about him don’t you?”
“Of course I do, he’s my team mate and friend.” Keith glared.
“Oh that’s not what he thinks” he kneeled down as he tapped Lance’s temple “im in his head. And boy does he think you loath him. It’s actually pretty funny since he’s also completely in love with you too.” Garax stroked Keith hair “not that I can blame him, your certainly pretty for a Galra.”
Keith jerked away as Garax straightened up chuckling and walked over to retrieve the forgotten helmet.
“J-just don’t hurt him again.” Keith managed to stutter out.
Garax sighed “I’m afraid I need you in tip top condition. See tall and blue here is a perfect little meat bag to put pressure on the others. They will be so busy trying to keep him alive I will be able to sneak right past them.” He paused for a moment and grinned “in your body.”
Keith paled at the realisation that Lance was going to suffer more.
The fact that he was next to be possessed was at the back of his mind as Garax put the helmet back on and turned on the coms.
“So black Paladin is my ship here yet?”
“Just give us a little more time.”
Garax chuckled.
“Wrong answer.”
Keith closed his eyes and covered his ears as another of Lance’s ribs were broken.
However even with his hands firmly clamped over his ears, the screams of pure agony still got through.

Ask the Timekids!!!

Undyne: FUHUHUHU!!! ALRIGHT, ya MEAT BAGS and MEAT SACKS ALIKE, While Perf be busy in her blog answering about “QUANTUMTALE” and all her other crap! Why don’t y’all throw questions at the TIMEKIDS! NGAAAAAAHHH!! yeah this is gonna be swell!!!

Alphys: O-Okay, U-U-Undyne, you can p-p-p-p-put the rock down n-now…..

*Undyne suplexes the stone because she caaan.

I feel like I really need to get back on track and have these Timekids answer stuff xD

Tokyo Ghoul sentence starters
  • “If an angelic being fell from the sky and tried to live in this world of ours, I think even they would commit many wrongs.”
  • “I already know what will happen to me the next time I wake up.”
  • “The bird fights it’s way out of the egg. The egg is the world. Who would be born, must first destroy a world.”
  • “I know I haven’t always made the right decisions up to now… Whether I was right, or whether I was wrong, may not even matter in the first place.”
  • “Running up against my sins like this– all of the choices I’ve made up to this point– today, being able to die for someone– is something I’m glad for…”
  • “There’s no way someone who can’t even protect himself can protect anyone else, is there?”
  • “Whose fault is it that things ended up like this? Coincidence? An accident? Fate? There’s no such thing as fate. It’s simply a combination of one circumstance and the next. And who is it that creates those circumstances? Who is it? It’s you.”
  • “All suffering in the world is born from an individual’s incompetence.”
  • “We’re always trying to justify our actions with ideals. But ideals cannot give grounds for killing another person. The act of taking a life will always be considered… evil.”
  • “You think something like that would hurt, after all I’ve been through?”
  • “Why is it that the beautiful things are entwined more deeply with death than with life?”
  • “Isn’t it arrogant to put a price on whether a life is “higher” or “lower”?”
  • “We’re just bags of meat. The weak bow down and the strong devour them.”
  • “You don’t need to blame yourself just because you’ve hurt someone, just like when you’re walking you can’t really blame yourself to crush some ants… that’s what being stronger ones means.”
  • “I’m not going to protect you by being your shield or armor, but I’ll be the dagger hidden below your pillow.”
  • “The act of taking is equally evil. We, from the moment of birth, continue to take.”
  • “Living is to constantly sin.”
  • “Life is evil in itself.”
  • “I am aware I’m evil… And so are you all.”
  • “Now come, kill me. And I shall do the same!”
  • “You only need a strong will and a clear purpose.”
  • “The world runs on power. Everything is determined by the superior power.”
  • “You are weak. That is why you lose.”
  • “We need to have a mask that we never take off.”
  • “It’s better to be hurt than to hurt others. Nice people can be happy with just that.”
  • “I’m begging you, don’t make me a killer!”
  • “Doing what one likes is the right of the powerful.”
  • “If you were to write a story with me in the lead role, it would certainly be… A tragedy.”
  • “There are times when you have to give up on one thing to preserve the other.”
  • “That isn’t kindness. That’s just being weak.”
  • “Sometimes good people make bad choices. It doesn’t mean they’re bad people. It means they’re human.”
  • “When you’re in front of the enemy, even if your hands are trembling - fight.”
  • “What’s wrong isn’t me, what’s wrong is the world!”
  • “If you like, you can stay over here tonight.”
  • “If you’re lucky, you may see some cannibalism and that’s always fun.”
  • “I  can neither live with you. Nor without you.”
  • “All of the disadvantage in this world stems from a person’s lack of ability.”
  • “It’s not because we can’t take vengeance that we should feel sorry. The real reason to feel sorry… is when one is hung up on revenge and can’t live their own life.”
  • “What is one thousand minus seven?”
  • “Send all those from your presence except for those distinguished men whom you wish to die beside.”
  • “Très bien!”
  • “Sweet harmonies!”
  • “I’m not gonna die. I’ve got a cat that’s waiting for me at home.”
  • “You pretend to care about other people, but in the end, it’s all about you. You are just afraid of being alone, aren’t you?”
  • “You are a bird in a birdcage. There is no escape.”
  • “Go wild.”
  • “So I’ll be strong for and without them.”
  • “I don’t want to eat anymore.”
  • “Devour this.”
  • “Shut up and listen. I’m talking.”
  • “I’m happy living like this.”
  • “I already knew, man! Who cares about that? Let’s just go home already!”
  • “…Sorry. Can you fight all you’ve got just one more time?”
When their S/O feels insecure about their weight

Ultimate Masterlist

BTS Masterlist

Hello! Sorry about the delay but the admins are working diligently to create your reactions, texts, fics, etc. (Shout out to our newest admin!!) On with the show~!

Admin Cole❄️

Rap Monster/Namjoon: Namjoon understands what it’s like to feel insecure about one’s looks. He also knows that hugs and kisses don’t always put fears so rest so he would take a different approach. Namjoon would write them small notes or letters telling them how amazing they are. Telling them how much he loves them, how intelligent they are, how they inspire him, etc. He would build their confidence in a holistic manner. He would also make sure they are eating well and living healthy. 

Jin/Seokjin: As Jin is known to be one of the most, if not the most, confident member of the group he might have a bit of trouble initially understanding what’s going on with his S/O. His natural confidence in his looks and his S/O’s looks would leave him a little befuddled when he finds out his S/O has been feeling unattractive as of late. Seokjin would, however, pick up the ball rather quickly and enter a mothering mode. He would probably shower them with physical affection and compliments. He would tell them how pretty they are, albeit not as pretty as he is. In trying to get them to laugh, he would tell some of his worst “dad” jokes to date.  Jin would do his best to ensure his S/O that they were attractive and beautiful. If he had the slightest inkling, they were skipping out on meals he would throw a fit and cook for them, making sure they ate a good amount.

Suga/Yoongi: He would notice almost immediately that his S/O was not feeling their best. While me many have a cool character, Suga is very in tune with the emotions of his friends and loved ones. While not confrontational, he is quite blunt so he would probably straight out ask them what was going on. Upon hearing the answer that they are feeling insecure about their body, Yoongi would have a serious talk with them. He would remind his S/O that they are not together because of something as physical and malleable as the human body.  He would let them know what they have is so much stronger than some meat bag that would eventually fail the both of them anyway. He would even participate in skinship, cuddling his S/O until the felt better about themselves, all the while teasing them for feeling sorry about something so trivial.

J-Hope/Hoseok: As one of the most openly affectionate and expressive members, I think J-Hope would be vocal about how upset he was that his S/O was feeling insecure. Probably a bit panicked, he would ask the other members for advice. He would try everything and anything to make sure his S/O knew how much he valued them and their presence in his life. Hoseok would talk to them, cuddle them and even release “Vocal Hope” if he felt it was necessary.

Jimin: Jimin is known for being the cuddler and the comforting member of the group and would employ his skills to the best of his ability in this situation. As he battled his self-image issues, Jimin would understand that his S/O might need some time to themselves and would give them the space they needed.  However, if he felt they were pulling away and into themselves, he would cuddle them and whine about missing their presence. If his S/O wanted to talk about it with him, he would listen diligently, ensuring to hear their insecurities loud and clear. He would formulate some plan to make them feel appreciated and desirable. 

V/Taehyung: While he often seems to be in a world of his own, V would be quite aware of his S/O mental and emotional shift. He would make an effort to figure out what was wrong with his S/O through their actions rather than their words. Once he’d figured out that they were having body image issues, Taehyung would focus on the physical. He would initiate more skinship that usual. He would call them terms of affection more often and would tell them he loves them quite often too.

Jungkook: While not the best at feelings and dealing with emotional things, he would make an effort to understand what was happening with his S/O. Jungkook would go to his older members and ask for advice on how to discuss the issue without hurting his S/O’s feelings or making it awkward. More than likely, he would try and be open and supportive of them in whatever way he could be. If they decided they wanted to chance their body, he would go workout with them whenever he could. If it turned out they just needed some reassurance, he would be sure to give it along with all of his love.

End Note: I hope you like it and I hope I fulfilled what you wanted ^.^. Thanks again for requesting from us.

anonymous asked:

hc: ned has been peters best friend since be4 peter moved to his new school and he was the first one peter came out to

peter: do you ever think about how big the universe is. we’re just specks in it. little specks made of organs and hair. that’s disgusting.

ned: okay

peter: do you think cats love us as much as we love them? i think they do

ned: okay

peter: hey i think i’m a boy, i think i’m transgender

ned: okay

peter: seriously? that’s it?

ned: dude, we’re all tiny meat bags in the infinite universe, cats probably love us, and you’re a boy, i get that and respect it, but game of thrones is on and you won’t stop talking oh my god

peter: i just came out here to have a good time and i feel so attacked right now

peter: do you get it

peter: i came out

ned: i’m going home

Day 10

You reach a certain threshold during those grueling eight hour shifts as a retail slave where everything becomes inexplicably funny. Maybe it’s a defense mechanism—your body’s way of ensuring that you laugh. Because if you’re not laughing, then you’d definitely be crying instead. 

Frankly, I’m surprised it took me 10 days to finally reach the threshold. But reach it I did.

So a mother and her 10 year-old daughter came in about an hour before the end of my shift. It was a suspiciously quiet evening in the store, so I was glad that they chose to come through my lane (particularly because the store has a policy that if a cashier isn’t busy, they need to reevaluate their actions and turn up the friendliness to 11 because they must be doing something wrong.)

The woman’s purchase ended up to be almost entirely meat. And there was a lot of it–maybe two or three different animals’ worth? It looked like she had gone through and cleared out the entirety of our meat department. So I’m bagging hunk after hunk of raw meat and getting blood all over my hands, and then I see it. The last item in her cart. 

A massive, industrial-sized roll of packing tape. 

And I fucking lose it.

I’m struck with images of this woman trying to tape all of the slippery hunks of meat back together into their original animal shape and oh my god it’s the funniest thing I’ve ever imagined and I can’t breathe because I’m laughing so hard and it’s 11pm and I’ve been in this store for eight consecutive hours and—

In the end, one of my managers had to take over my lane because my unstoppable laughter was “very creepy” and I was “upsetting the customers.”

But on the bright side, I got to have my break 15 minutes early.

Silver linings. 

things you should have at your first apartment.

Keep in mind, my advice is to get most of these things at the dollar store/second hand if you can because if it’s your first apartment you’re probably broke as shit and it’s way cheaper to replace even if it is not as “luxurious” or comforting as you would want. 

I’m sure that there are people who will look at my list and declare half of these unnecessary luxuries but everyone’s experience is different. these are the most useful items based on my experience. 

  • Dish soap - because clean dishes keep you healthy and you can’t use all purpose cleaner on dishes.

  • Laundry detergent- because if your clothes are clean and well taken care of, people think better of you. people thinking better of you= better job opportunities= more $. If push comes to shove you can wash them in the bathtub and hang them to dry. 

  • All-purpose cleaner- use this for everything. Yes, even your non-carpet floors. it’s a pain in the ass but it works.

  • Broom - gets the big stuff into a pile so you can get it off the floor, so you can work on getting anything sticky or greasy off the floor. Helps prevent pest infestations. They sometimes come with dustpans, otherwise, just use an old piece of paper like a flyer or something. They are also good for getting the big messy looking stuff off carpets, just sweep the mess towards a non-carpeted area in order to sweep it up.

  • Wash cloths / rags -these are great for everything from dusting to washing your ass and mopping the floor. Literally, any cleaning job just grab one of these.  Dollar stores usually have them in 5-10 packs for $1

  • at least one spoon and fork, a spatula and one all purpose kitchen knife

  • a cup/glass

  • ziplock baggies - can be off brand. you can store anything in these if you break it down in to small enough bits. great for freezing meals and meats for later

  • garbage bags or plastic grocery bags- personally I get so many plastic grocery bags for free that I don’t bother with garbage bags. take them out as soon as you can to prevent pests.

  • pot - you can’t bake in one but you can cook just about anything in one, also convenient for eating out of and mixing things in before cooking.

  • something to sleep on, whether a camping cot, a pile of blankets or a mattress.

  • a sheet - not only will it make your bed comfier to sleep on but it will A. keep a blanket pile in a more useful shape and B extend the life of a mattress

  • blanket - because it can get cold, especially if you don’t turn on the heaters in your house to save on the electricity bill

  • something to store your clean clothes and dirty clothes in - milk crates and cardboard boxes work well and are usually free/fairly cheap if you ask for them around the backside of stores.

  •  a towel

  • personal hygiene products - because if you smell good people like you more and so on.

  • Toilet paper-  alternately, if water is not a problem in your area, you can use your shower to rinse the waste off instead. 

  • Plunger - because you may never need it but lord help you if you do need one and you haven’t got one. Not only is the clean up disgusting but repair bills are expensive.

  • First-Aid kit - should include bandages of various sizes and types, antibiotic ointment, mild painkiller such as aspirin or  ibuprofen and anything you personally will need in an emergency such as prescribed medication.

  • Shower curtain -  protects floor from water damage which is expensive

  • Period products

  • Light bulbs- if your apartment does not come with pre-installed light fixtures, get a small lamp that you can move from room to room as needed. 

  • small tool kit for minor repairs.

  • Flashlight/candles - for power outages

  • batteries / matches - for the flashlight/candles

  • Emergency Survival kit - pack it yourself if you can’t afford a pre-packed one. 

  • Fire extinguisher- like the plunger better to have and not need then need and not have.

  • carbon monoxide alarm/ fire alarm - these are supposed to be standard in the US but definitely not something you want to mess with not having.

  • your favorite condiments and seasonings
  • eggs
  • milk/ milk alternative
  • bread
  • peanut-butter - if you aren’t allergic this is a good source of protein when you’re on the tight end of your monthly budget.
  • rice
  • pasta
  • tomato sauce
  • fresh/ frozen vegetables
  • lentils
  • fresh/frozen fruit
  • meats
Bromance - ENFJ & INTP
  • INTP: *lounging on the couch, head half-propped up against the wall, double-chin-scrolling through tumblr*
  • INTP: ...ughhh...
  • ENFJ1: ...
  • INTP: ...ngggh...
  • ENF1: ...
  • INTP: ...hrreehh...
  • ENFJ: ...
  • INTP: ...orghh...
  • ENFJ1: ...what?
  • INTP: ...this is ...really uncomfortable.
  • ENFJ1: could... wait... let me think about this... move?
  • INTP: ...
  • INTP: ...ughhhh...
  • INTP: much...
  • INTP:
  • ENFJ1: *sighs*
  • ENFJ1: *drops a pillow on INTP's face*
  • ENFJ1: ...better?
  • INTP: ...
  • INTP: *muffled* ...yeah...way ...way better.
  • ***
  • ENFJ1: *watching a fail compilation on youtube*
  • ENFJ1:, physics sure is important.
  • INTP: *from under the pillow* ...word.
  • ENFJ1: I ain't talking to you, nerd.
  • ***
  • *renovating ENFJ's apartment*
  • INTP: Alright, what do you want me to do?
  • ENFJ1: *drops paint*
  • ENFJ1: Fucking hell.
  • INTP: ...
  • INTP: ...yeah, I could do that.
  • INTP: ...bit hot, though.
  • ***
  • *shopping, meat falls out of bag*
  • INTP: Ah, shoot your meat fell out.
  • ENFJ1: *giggling*
  • INTP: *giggling* Wait, wait, let me... let me hold your meat for you.
  • ENFJ1: *with tears in eyes* Yeah, can you ... can you handle my meat?
  • INTP: *heaving with laughter, failing to pick up the package* I'll try, but it's's just so big ...
  • ENFJ1: *bangs fist on supermarket wall and wheezes with laughter*
  • Both: *unable to articulate a proper word for the next two minutes*
  • ***
  • ENFJ1: So, how do we get to my new apartment from here?
  • INTP: ...hmm...
  • INTP: ...we could go to X, then Y, then Z?
  • ENFJ1: But wouldn't that be a major detour?
  • INTP: Yeah.
  • ENFJ1: Let's do it.
  • ***
  • ENFJ1: *wearing a washed out green parka, hand on hips, staring into oblivion*
  • INTP: *laughs* What's up with you, Brokeback Mountain?
  • ENFJ1: ...huh? What do you mean?
  • INTP: *copies posture*
  • INTP: *in Southern accent*
  • INTP: You sonofawhoreson bitch! I wish I knew how to quit you!
  • ENFJ1: *laughing* Fuck off!
  • *nudging war ensues*
  • ***
  • ENFJ1: Y'know what always bothers me? These online memes like "Would you punch your best friend in the face for a million dollars?" ...I mean...hell yeah?
  • INTP: Hell yeah, man - let's split the money 50/50.
  • ENFJ1: That's what I'm talking about.
  • Both: *high five each other while looking straight ahead and grinning*
Geometry part 5


Part 1 here / Part 2 here / Part 3 here / Part 4 here

As always, your comments, thoughts, likes and reblogs are the food that keep me going.  I’m too pathetic at this point not to tell you that up front. Hopefully, this is decent stuff…


The house looks deserted when I arrive.  I don’t see a light on, even though it’s pretty much dark now that the sun has gone down.  I knock, because it doesn’t feel right to just walk in.

No one answers.  

It’s much colder than when I left the bakery now too, and I have a choice: Go inside and accept that according to the contract I saw in the Justice Building I’m supposed to be there, or sit on the porch like I did yesterday and shiver.

The decision is an easy one.

I sit on the porch step and pull on the extra shirt I brought for work tomorrow, wondering why I hadn’t thought to grab my coat off the hook in the kitchen before I left.

Thankfully, Katniss and Prim show up only a minute or two later.  

I startle them in the dark and then Prim actually reprimands me for sitting out in the cold instead of going inside.  I don’t say anything.  I simply get to my feet.

As I bend to pick up my stuff, there’s a flood of light from a porch lamp.  I blink against it; Katniss has opened the front door and must have turned it on, because suddenly the inside goes bright too, and it might as well be as bright as the sun to my dark-adjusted eyes, leaving Katniss a silhouette in the doorway.

It’s a nice silhouette.

Even in her too-big leather jacket and boots.  

I realize I’m just staring when Prim bumps into me; she’s taking it onto herself to

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The Sun Will Set || Part 10 (Final) || BTS Gang AU ||

Originally posted by bestteamofsoulmates

A/N: After over a year of working on TSWS, it has finally come to an end. I am so grateful for the support I’ve received from you guys for this series, and I just want you to know that your feedback and love is what made me able to finish TSWS. Please let me know your thoughts and feelings. <3


Summary: After a series of unfortunate events, you’ve found yourself under the care and protection of your city’s most notorious gang: BTS.

Word Count: 6.9k

Genre: Angst, Drama, and some Fluff (but mostly Angst)

Warnings: Character death, violence, intense action

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Epilogue |

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y'all really think you’re going to attract wonderful healthy relationships when your aura smells like week old Taco Bell bagged meat

Annoying nihilism: nothing means anything we’re all just bags of meat spinning in an endless void nothing is real its all an illusion fuck you you’re a mindless sheep, an npc in a pointless illusion, we’re all going to die anyways why not now, i hate everything

Soft nihilism: Nothing matters so nmight as well have fun, being nice makes me feel less lonely, boy do i love flowers and bees and sand and perfume and fire and the sun a

Swerve X Reader – A Human Crewmate - Chapter 5

Chapter 5 – Movie Night

A/N – Based on a lot of @rocksinmuffin head-canons so extra special thanks to them for that. Sorry this one was late, I’m having my own troubles in what could possibly be the worst feeling ever; I hate having a crush.

Warnings – None.

Rating – T

Once again, Swerve found himself unable to concentrate. He was supposed to be serving energon but his optics kept travelling to the door. You said you’d visit today so why weren’t you there? He had something important to ask and he didn’t want to wait any longer.

Besides that, he was panicking. There were millions of things that could go wrong for a human on a large ship like this. What if you were lost? Were you injured? Was someone being rude to you? Would anybody be horrible enough to hurt you? Or was it much simpler than that? Was it possible you just didn’t want to see Swerve again? Was he too inadequate to earn your attention? Perhaps he wasn’t-

The depressive thoughts ended the second you stepped into the bar; you were being careful not to get underfoot of any bots. Swerve grinned stupidly, all too aware he couldn’t help it; you’d kept your promise and come to him. He resisted the urge to jump the counter and carry you to safety; so far, you were managing fine on your own and even some of the more overcharged mechs were being mindful of their step. Evidently, you didn’t need assistance getting up onto the counter top because you managed to get up with some rocket powered boots which had probably been provided by Brainstorm or someone of his calibre.

“Hey Swerve,” You grinned, plonking yourself down in front of him.

Swerve nodded at you, attempting to appear more composed than he was feeling. “Remember,” he told himself, “Just a hot alien babe… no need to be weird.

He offered you a bottle of water, commending himself for not spilling it. You thanked him before slipping back into the comfortable rapport you’d shared the night before.

“I’ve gotta say though, Earth has the best movies,” Swerve concluded after about an hour.

“Oh yeah? Any favourites?”

“Too many to list but if somebody had a gun to my head, Back to the Future, servos down.”

“Nice choice.”

“You like that one?”

“Are you kidding me? I love that film. ‘When this baby hits 88 miles per hour, you’re gonna see some serious shit,’” You impersonated Doc, giggling shortly after.

Swerve stared, wide eyed, his processor almost frying as he tried in vain to regain his composure. He’d learnt something about you, not about Earth but actually about you; it may not have been the most personal fact in the world but he was the first bot on the Lost Light to find out something you liked, even something as simple as a film you enjoyed.

“R-right, yeah, g-great impression,” he cursed himself for stumbling over his words.

Excusing himself to serve a customer, Swerve collected his thoughts. He was building up the courage to ask you out, not on a date, just to a quiet night in his hab-suite with a movie, where no other bots would interrupt.

With a determined nod, Swerve came back to you, “Hey (Y/N), today I close early for movie night, you wanna come?”

“Movie night,” Your eyes lit up animatedly, “Sure, who else is coming?”

Swerve faltered, “O-oh, um- You know, whoever can make it,” he lied, telling himself that he would simply say the others were busy if you asked.

“Sounds great.” You stood up, surveyed the bar and cupped your hands around your mouth, “HEY RODIMUS, YOU IN FOR MOVIE NIGHT AT SWERVE’S?”

“WHAT WOULD MOVIE NIGHT BE WITHOUT ME?” Rodimus yelled back obnoxiously.

You gave him a thumbs up, “CHROMEDOME? REWIND? WHAT ABOUT YOU?”

The two bots raised a glass in your direction. Soon enough, the whole room was shouting across to one-another, everyone using their private comm-links to invite yet more bots; the meeting place was even moved to one of the relaxation rooms to compensate for the extra mechs.

Swerve observed the chaos upset but unable to do anything. As the bizarre scenario unfolded, he wondered why he felt so despondent, after all, he didn’t have a crush on you; or so he kept telling himself.

The atmosphere in the relaxation room was far from relaxed. Everywhere you looked, mechs were bubbling with excitement, chatting to each other in their groups, finding comfy spaces in the impromptu theatre, sharing energon snacks, and giving the feeling of all round general merriment. Of all bots, you were surprised to see Rung there, though upon further reflection you supposed he was there to keep an eye on you rather than watch the film. You hovered at the door uneasily as several mechs, all in different spaces, waved at you to come and sit with them. Being friends with all of them didn’t help, you couldn’t decide who to sit with.

You were doing a silly rhyme in your head to decide, one you’d known from childhood when Whirl grabbed you from behind, holding you high above his head and making you groan in pain from the pressure.

“Whirl,” Rung reprimanded, barely audible even in his anger, “(Y/N) isn’t a toy, you can’t pick her up like that, she could be hurt.”

“The flesh stick’s fine,” Whirl argued petulantly but loosening his grip all the same, “Right meat bag?”

You fought to sit up correctly, rubbing bruised ribs, “S-sure, just a little ruffled.”

“See, I told you… stupid eyebrows,” he muttered under his breath. “Oh, and did I mention, she’s sitting with me!”

You didn’t care to argue as sitting with Whirl did solve the previous predicament, not to mention, Rung had told you in confidence that your presence aboard the ship seemed to calm Whirl to some extent. All the same, you seemed to notice Swerve sag slightly in the corner of the room, or perhaps it was merely your imagination.

After a few more disputes, and seat shuffling the film finally started. You laughed along with the crew as a young Eddie Murphey got into many daring and fun escapades as Axel Foley in Beverly Hills Cop. It felt good to fit in again; you were no longer a human or an alien, you were an audience member, conversing with everyone else about the events on screen.

Little did you know, Swerve wasn’t watching the film, he was watching you and unbeknownst to him, Rung’s observant gaze saw everything. Rung saw the slump in Swerve’s frame, the melancholy sighs, the longing gaze of his optics; everything was starting to fit into place.

After the film was over, Rung waited for most of the crowd to disperse before motioning Swerve to join him.

“Something wrong?” Swerve asked, plastering his usual, confident smile on.

“If you don’t mind Swerve, I’d like to speak to you in my office tonight,” Rung requested.

“Is this about Magnus because I swear, I never spiked that energon.”

“No, this is of a more… delicate matter, one concerning (Y/N).”

Swerve swallowed uncomfortably, he’d been subtle, right? It was probably nothing, Rung was always concerned over one thing or another; Swerve was sure he’d be just fine, if not placed under too much scrutiny, besides, there was nothing to tell, he didn’t have a crush on you, right?

Fucking Hell

Title: Fucking Hell

 Prompt: @wayward-mirage : Lucifer x Reader on their first date.  This is for the 26 Day Birthday Celebration.

 ***A/N: I decided to try a different format.  I hope that’s okay.

 Summary: Lucifer decides to take you, the human he can’t believe he has fallen for, out for a first date.  It doesn’t go well.

 Warnings: As you can tell from the title…Language.

 Masterlist of Fanfiction

Originally posted by heavnofhell

“Stop!” Lucifer shouted at his brother as he tightened the tie.  “This is idiotic!”

“Do you want to look nice for your date or not?!”  Gabriel said with a pout, putting his hands on his hips for added flair.  He waited until Lucifer rolled his eyes and nodded. “Good.  Now sit still…don’t you look so cute in a tie!”

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