Shame is the deeply held belief that, at core, there is something wrong with me. So, no matter what I do, or how hard I try, I’ll never measure up and be good enough. Thus, I expect other people to reject me in the end, and deep down inside I reject myself.
If I have a shame based identity, I am likely to battle with the following feelings:
- Feeling like a fraud
- Feeling like I have to cover up all the time
- Fear of being exposed for who and what I truly am
- Feeling powerless
- Feeling as if I don’t have, or deserve, a voice
- Wishing I could just disappear
- Feeling vulnerable
- Feeling very needy – and perhaps too needy, compared to other people
- Feeling like I always disappoint myself and others.
The “shame bound” person is constantly struggling against these persistent and negative feelings. They are triggered easily, and by innocuous triggers, such as being overlooked or contradicted by a friend. This can then result in a powerful “shame attack” that is so intense that we’re completely paralysed, and overwhelmed, by a sense of worthlessness. These feelings can persist for days, for weeks or even months.
FUN GIFTS FOR THE MILLENNIAL IN YOUR LIFE THIS HOLIDAY SEASON
dinosaur onesie! keep them cozy in this super cute gift
A return to a stable housing market! fulfill their wildest dreams by allowing them to survive by themselves :)
satisfy the nerd in them with pokemon sun and moon!
an end to police brutality :)
music and theatre lovers alike will get a huge kick from hamilton tickets! throw in the mixtape for good measure, followed by the moana soundtrack!
student loan forgiveness and a stable job! what’s cuter than not drowning in debt?
our “miscellaneous” friend is the hardest to shop for… surprise her big-time by deprivatizing medicine, education, and prisons :)
chicken nugget gift card. whether it’s the ol’ mcdonald’s or some fancy place he’s always talking about, following up with food is always a good idea.
if the electoral college fails to remove trump from office, do the right thing this holiday season. it’s a classic. i’m not going to say it, but you know what it is. remember to turn your flamethrower on “low” for a nice, even roast, which is sure to please.