meaningless thoughts

I find kinda interesting that in this season, Sana’s season, we don’t have literally enough time to be sad for sana. We never experienced this before. In season 3, we were desperate as hell only for isak and noora in s2 and Eva in s1. We weren’t sad for anyone else, just for the main. We were focused on the main.

But in this season, first we were worried about even and now we are upset about noora. And from the beginning of the season I asked the same question with anger ; WHY DO I FEEL WORRIED ABOUT OTHERS? THIS IS SANA’S SEASON, WHY DO I KNOW FEEL ANXIOUS ABOUT OTHERS? and I feel so dumb that I finally understand this now. Because Sana is worried about others. This is why I feel anxious. because she feels anxious. Sana is not only fighting with her own demons, but fighting for/with others. Everyone trusts her because Sana knows™, right? She takes everyone’s problems as herselfs and be sad for them. She even can’t find enough time to be sad for herself because her friends are not doing ok. And even though this fills my heart with warm feelings, it triples the pain. Now we are sorry not only for Sana but even and noora and others. Because my girl has this huge heart that can’t stand see anyone sad.

Heaven is Hotter Than Hell

Characters: CastielXReader, Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester

Word Count: 1980

A/N: Jealous!Cas with a hint of Dom!Cas for extra spice. Public sex. Adult/NSFW/smut warning!!! A little fluffy, because I don’t know how to write Castiel without the fluff. I am not ashamed of this.

Effervescent laughter rose above all else - the din of bar conversation, the clinking of glass, the sloshing of alcohol, and the classic rock humming on repeat from the jukebox. It needled at the patient reserve of the angel isolated in a dimly lit corner. Castiel’s steel-blue eyes smoldered - fixed on the raven-haired man in a well-fitted suit situated at the bar - lids burdened with disdain.

Bouncing hair flirtatiously tossed, teasingly dragging your lower lip through biting teeth, fingers playing with the lapel of the man’s coat, you exuded virility.

The delighted pitch of your giggle pierced the seraph more painfully than any angel blade could - fuel to the flame, his fiery gaze flared, the wrath directed towards this stranger barely contained in tightly wound muscles primed to snap. Cas observed you dance this dance before – the choreography a festering lesion seared into his memory. Next, you would excuse yourself on some pretext to reapply needless makeup and straighten already perfectly mussed hair. Upon returning, you would whisper something meant only for the stranger’s ears, yet also perceived by angelic ones - an invitation to call it a night and join you in your motel room. The rare evening such as this one, witnessing you escape the rigors of the hunter life into a stranger’s arms, was nearly overwhelming. The angel seethed with envy, longing for those words to be uttered from your honeyed lips - spoken only for him. But you didn’t look at him that way, and never laughed so freely when he spoke.

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What does he think of me…? I always had that in mind. Even if he had a good opinion, i couldn’t feel happy. I can’t, because the person he sees isn’t Goro. This isn’t me. Me… Who am i? I don’t know. I can’t think. No. I don’t want to think. I don’t want for him to like me. Not this. Or maybe i do…? I just want to feel loved. Does that mean that anyone’s fine? No… It’s not like that. It’s not like that at all…

It’s stupid. I’m stupid. It wasn’t supposed to end like this… So cliché. I feel sick. If i talk to him as a friend, it’ll only be worse. I’d fall, deeper, deeper in a spiral of horror and pain. I have things to do. Things i MUST do. No matter how i feel. No matter how other’s feel. Isn’t just natural to ignore all these meaningless thoughts, if they’ll only make the end more bitter? I’ve never met kindness. I’ve never met love. If i do… If i let it be… If my soul reaches at least a fragment of yearning… I’ll miss it. I’ll miss him. I’ll feel hopeless, more than i can imagine. I don’t want that. I… Don’t.

I’m not in love. Love is pure, sincere, beautiful, healing. Love isn’t selfish. Love isn’t a martyr. Love isn’t something you’d want to run away from.

I’m not in love.

I’m in pain. ”

He told me to never apologize because “I’m sorry” has lost its meaning. Too often it is thrown around thoughtlessly and pointlessly. You apologize when you don’t even know what you’re sorry for. You apologize, not because you mean it, but because it is expected.
—  Words are too easy - Jess Amelia 

If Durarara!! has taught me anything, its that the law is meaningless and morality is abstract as long as youre cute

On my way home from work I was thinking about Sherlock and how much of what I loved about it was trying to piece together clues from the show, whether in subtext or set design or dialogue.  I loved reading and analysing and writing meta.  It was like we were detectives too and the game was on.  

And then season 4 happened and everything became meaningless.  Nothing we thought was important actually was and all those narrative threads we’d been following through the seasons had been severed.  Why should we care about a show when so little thought was put into its continuation?  Why would we support it by purchasing DVDs or tickets to conventions when fans have been disregarded so completely?  

I’ve felt adrift these last few months (which might sound rather dramatic as it’s just a TV show, but it’s true).  Adrift and sad and angry about the fact that a show I once loved no longer plays a role in my life.

I’ll always have fandom, and for that I am thankful, but my experience of the show has forever been changed. 

Someone once told me that
time is meaningless for
two people who are in love.
That when things are
not meant to be now,
it’ll eventually be,
at the right time,
at the right moment,
the way they’ve always
dreamed it would be.
—  Mae, time is meaningless