meal one

“I live with my mom and uncles.  There are twelve of us in one house.  Everyone is sacrificing so that I can go to university.  My mom works in restaurants and cleans houses.  All her money goes to my tuition.  She always tells me just to focus on school.  We were short on money last semester, but she told me: ‘Don’t worry about it.  I’ll find it.  You just continue.’  She’s always been like that.  She never wants me to be stressed.  My dad passed away when I was a young child.  So we’ve always struggled.  Sometimes when I was growing up, there would only be enough for one meal.  And my mom always said that she wasn’t hungry.  I didn’t realize until I was older that she had only been pretending.”

(Lima, Peru)

2

This animal tastes frightened.

“We just shouldn’t promote that kind of lifestyle. It’s unhealthy.”

Listen to me. I’m putting two girls side-by-side.

The girl on the left is hip-bone collar-bone thigh-gap skinny because she’s whittled herself down to one meal a day and she fasts on weekends so she can “make up” for the calories in alcohol, so she can get drunk faster on less at parties and stay skinny, stay desirable while she lights up snapchat and Instagram with glimpses of a life that society, in no uncertain terms, glorifies.

The girl on the right is overweight because she eats too much food.

“We shouldnt promote it because it’s unhealthy.” Bullshit. Bullshit. Absolute hypocritical bullshit. Because only one of these girls is going to be labeled “unhealthy.” You know which. I know which. And It’s got jackshit to do with health.

This argument shouldn’t be allowed to exist until the internet gives some semblance of a genuine shit about eating disorders or binge drinking or malnourishment. Because those have been glorified and polished gold by every facet of media and somehow—somehow—the self-righteous assholes of the internet don’t feel compelled to voice their worthless two cents about the “health” of the Instagram models they jerk it to.

If you’re so driven to advocate for women’s health, get the fuck off the internet and go ask your little sister why she skipped dinner. And leave fat girls the fuck alone. 

~

youtube

uhhh bringing this back from the dead because I love it and hoseok looks incredible in this

People always say find reasons to keep living when you’re depressed. And you should, but they don’t have to be deep or profound reasons.

Keep living because a book you want to read doesn’t come out until next month.

Keep living because your mom said she’d make your favorite food for dinner.

Keep living because the weather is supposed to be nice tomorrow and you can go swimming, or biking, or just sit on the lawn.

Your reason doesn’t have to be “because I’ll find my purpose” or something equally grandiose. Stay alive because you want to visit the neighbor’s dog. Because of that movie you want to see. Because you want to read one more book, draw one more picture, cook one more meal, take one more walk.

Find those small reasons to keep going and then keep finding them. Sometimes those anchors can keep you afloat and that’s all you need. To keep staying afloat until it does get easier.

You can do this. Keep on living.

me, signing up for a course on Early Celtic legends: Oh Boy I Can’t Wait To Learn Everything This Class Has To Offer And Expand My Knowledge And Write About The Many Fascinating Attributes Of This Culture!!!

also me, 11pm on the night before the paper is due, looking at a blank document: fuck the early irish and their satanic love of Lists

🌹 small things that help me avoid binges 🌹

🌹🌼🍃

• keeping a litre bottle of water with me at all times; taking regular sips and whenever I get a craving

• making sure to have at least three solid meals at three distinct times; feeling absurdly hungry triggers binges quickly

• drinking one glass of water before a meal, one glass during a meal, and one glass after a meal helps to keep full and satisfied

• stocking up on high fibre fruits like apples, or fruits with high water content like watermelons

• doing sit-ups whilst watching documentaries, etc. or jogging, or any form of light exercise

• chewing gum throughout the day keeps the mouth busy and occupied; mint is most effective

• light body checking of wrists, or collarbones to remind myself of the progress made and what could be lost to a binge

• watching documentaries/reading about the dangers of binging, or obesity, or anything related to food

• school reading, or any other form of revision/studying; completing homework, or reorganising textbooks or writing books

• cleaning up; hoovering, wiping down surfaces, tidying desk/drawers, reorganising cupboards (clothes, jewelry, etc)

• creating new art for bedroom walls; posters, cards, paintings, canvases, decor, rearranging and recreating

• keeping a hairband around my wrist; this one is weird, but seeing it get looser and looser somehow helps

• practising hygiene; brushing teeth, or showering, or having a bubble bath – anything to make you feel fresh

🌹🌼🍃