me when im with family outside

i think one of the reasons that i like cal so much is that he has ambitions and goals and dreams outside of mare


The reason ive been less active...trying to get me away from my abuser.

I guess Ill just get right into it. I need help. And as always in this crazy fucked up world the answer: money. Yes im in desperate need of money. I am 22, I am still living with my dad who for a majority of my life has controlled and mentally and physically abused me. If some of you may know, I have been in a relationship for more than a year and we decided we wanted to go off and you know, make a life together. Sounds easy, I mean hey, 22 im an adult i should be able to go off and do what I want…no. My dad HATES me interacting with the outside world. If I try to hang out with friends he tells me im betraying the family and im a “honkey” lover. If I try to pick up more days at work he comes into my job and watches me, making sure im actually at work. He yells at me, even locks me out of the house and says he “didnt know I left”, When I hang with my boyfriend he calls me a slut, he tells me He’s using me for money and sex (just gonna put it out there couples help couples and we have EQUALLY helped each other). Whenever I try and tell my dad my opinion on anything he tells me im just a dumbass woman. Im fat and undesirable and people only hang with me to use me. He gets in my face, threatens to beat me etc etc…Its gotten me to a point where EVERYDAY I am fighting suicidal tendencies…I have attempted suicide over 50 times in 2016. Everytime I thought about doing it I told myself…it can get better, I have to hold on. I confided in many people who have tried helping me, some buying my art and some giving me money. On my birthday my boyfriend and I decided we would live together on April 17th, we have not been able to find anywhere to live but we can do that later, the rent at his house is pretty high, he lives with his mom who curently doesnt have a job so most of the rent would fall on him and I. We decided to move out on this date cause the weather would be clear and he would have some money saved, right after taxes and all and he said April just feels like a time of new beginnings. He felt my dad would come around to the idea…I know he wouldnt and it would be violent, possibly. I havent told him yet. And he doesnt work so sneaking out of the house would be impossible…I guess ill mention the other problem I have. Medicine. I suffer from trigeminal neuralgia. The medicine has been stripping me dry of money seeing as they only give me two weeks worth of it and I do not have health insurance right now, the one i was on told me I was making’too much’ and they could not help me anymore. So I am fucking struggling for money, I had a goal to earn between $4000-8000 before April 17th…and trust me i know thats pushing it! But I am determined. I have an art shop that I will be uploading in a few days and if people want to donate at Id appreciate it. My co-worker gave me an idea to put my story out there and just see what happened, doesnt hurt to try im sure I fucked up this whole thing im writing this in the bathroom on my lunch break so im rushing….im desperate. I need to FINALLY live my life…If you took the time to read this I appreciate it…and If you would repost this, id appreicate it too. Even if you cant donate or buy my art, just wishing me luck means so much to me!! Thank you for reading loves…

Relationship Goals

More than anything, I want a relationship like J2′s. Someone who loves me for me, not what I can do for them. Someone who will hug me when i need it, or just because they want to… public or not. Someone who is not only willing to spend 12+ hours a day with me, but actually wants to! Someone who has my back, even if Im wrong, and they call me out on it. Someone who wants our families to be close as well and will text me at midnight to see if I want to go out for drinks, or just to chat for a while. Someone who is fearcely protective of me, but not posessive, and doesnt get angry if I have more friends than just him/her. Someone to encourage me to go outside my comfort zone and see how far I can go. Someone who will look at me like every word I say is important and smiles when I smile. 

I dont care if theyre a real life couple or not, because after 12 years, even real life couples arent like this. Id be more than happy to return all these sentements to that person. 

anonymous asked:

@keith doesnt seem the romantic type: people around me keep getting surprised when they see me being super sweet and romantic about my girlfriend. Even my family was shocked when they first heard me talk fondly about her and being sappy about it because "you always sounded too cold and reclusive to it". Im also super cuddly and lovely with my close friends, but no one can tell from outside cuz i need a certain level of intimacy to let go of my sappiness in front of you. Im also hella autistic so

this is exactly how i imagine keith to be

@puppycat-eyes @vocalpmh  hello tHANK YALL FOR THE tAG!!! (i love you) lmao ive never done this before, im very excited

five things you’ll find in my bag: 

  • my (empty) wallet 
  • chapstick 
  • phone/headphones
  • lil cloth to clean my glasses 
  • pencils and i dont even know WHY

five things you’ll find in my bedroom:

  • so. many. POSTERS.
  • like 300 pillows im not joking 
  • painted handprints from when my room was a nursery (kinda creepy tbh, it was cute but i want to repaint)
  • several year’s worth of old school supplies in a very messy neat stack
  • BOOKS! i love books

five things I’ve always wanted to do:

  • learn a new language (outside of school)
  • learn to swim (it’s embarrassing and im a BABY bc im scared :/)
  • travel to Germany to meet family
  • learn piano/guitar
  • animate something!

five things that make me feel happy:

  • my family <3
  • astro of course
  • getting difficult math problems right 
  • music: making it AND listening to it
  • books books books 

five things I’m currently into:

  • piano tutorials for my fav songs
  • ‘Dear Evan Hansen’ (ive heard only two songs but i love it and need to watch it)
  • the TV show ‘Bones’ 
  • AKMU (they’re seriously so cute i-) 
  • lately, more choral music

five things on my to-do list:

  • learn my music for jazz choir bc im BEHIND
  • get out of my writer’s block asap
  • scholarship and college applications (h elp)
  • drive more, i have my license but i dont drive… like at all
  • get a summer job akskbf i need one 


ksdsjdn okAY jeez 15, thats so many?! i hope yall don’t mind:

@ultrocky @moonbeaned @myungjunsmile @biahblue @sanhatation @plutoxsanha @flanelltees @sanhasbinu @astros-noona @candyjinwoo @eatingrocky @arohha @mewhyuk @roygbiv96 @parkjinchu 

(if you would prefer i didn’t tag you in posts such as these, please let me know!! :) it will not be a problem)

actualpuppychriswood  asked:

I'm starting to train my dog to become my service dog, which I'm extremely happy about. I've looked at different websites but I just don't know where to start. I want to train her to help ground me when I have either a panic or anxiety attack or flashback, block/guard in big crowds, alert to when my anxiety is getting high, and alert my family when I don't want to be touched. What would you recommend? I also need to train her to not get distracted outside.

Hello! Good luck with the service dog training process!! Here are a few videos and articles relating to the tasks you mentioned. Hope this helps!

Panic attack alert: 

Anxiety Response:

Anger/Distress Response:

Body Blocking:

Self Harm Disruption: 

Guide handler out of a building: 

Go get help (tell a person/family member): 

Being Calm in Public & Behaving with Distractions: 

I think that’s all of them :) 
Let me know if you ever need anything!

phantasmfactory  asked:

Yesterday a frog got stuck between a sliding door idk how and my family made me get it immediately I asked can we keep it cause it was just cute to me but when they said no it jumped out my hand twice before i put it on the lily pads in the hufe pot of water outside i never held a frog before they're so soft n kinda squishy to me

omg!!!!!!!! yea im agree frogs are really cute and squishy

anonymous asked:

Not all alters control the body and a system can absolutely have only one alter! you dont even need DID to have it, it could be OSDD. That being said, if you're positive its not an alter, look into soulbonds perhaps!

loud shrugging with the huge influence that the paranormal as had on my life since before i can remember (my family says i first mentioned seeing ghosts when i was 2) and the amount of contact ive had with demons outside of my own i feel pretty comfortable calling Her a demon and it seems like thats what She likes being referred to as so i guess whether Shes there bc of did or osdd or any other sort of mental illness doesnt really matter to me? She reminds me of other demons ive talked to She likes being called a demon and shes here so. i dont really want to explain Her im content just saying im possessed

Lemme explain this problem. Ok?

Y'all probably wondering what my post earlier about having a rough couple of days was about. Well, as you may know, my parents abandoned me. So Im “technically an orphan”. But yesterday at a family reunion my “father” showed up. Yup, the one who was a convicted rapist. And well, I guess there’s been a joke about it. The call me “the daughter of Uncle Molester” and if that doesn’t seem to be enough, that’s right I was forced into a conversation with him where HE put his arms around ME. Now, maybe it doesn’t seem like a big deal, from the outside I seemed calm, but when he turned away and finally left me alone I had a panic attack. And it led me to having a depression attack. And well, I spent most of today Crying.

anonymous asked:

When i was young, i always walked outside to the front door and looked up at the biggest star, i always wished upon it. I even thought that it might be Cybertron. I was a lonely child whishing for a friend, and my wish came true! Can you believe it? :D we got a new home too, my aunt was mean to me and my family, i still dont know why. I found a best friend after years, now im always a patient person :)

“That is wonderful to hear, my friend. I am glad that you are living a full and wonderful life with a good friend.”

I HATE ANTS a rant by fucking Aiden Again

theyre one of the very few things im afraid of but i have good reason

when i was little my family which im am the youngest of by far was talking on the front porch about grown up things like moving houses or something, and we had fig newtons to satisy my child attention span and i was happily munching on them. eventually the conversation moved to the inner foyer but we had forgot the newtons! i only realised this after a few minutes of being inside and of course ran outside to get them. i brought them back in with me and didnt look down before grabbing one and shoving it in my mouth whole.
what i didnt realize was
-it was summer
-in missouri
-missouri has kind of a bug reputation
-bugs like sugar just as much as i do

so i took two whole bites before i felt something wriggle between my teeth, and only then did i look down at my craton of figgy beauty to find it /swarming/ with little black bugs
i raced back outside and spat over the rail into the bushes and when my family asked what was wrong i told them i had ants in my mouth and showed them the craton. they laughed. right in my four year old face. and i started bawling because we didnt have any water on hand to wash them out with

im a super oversensitive person so my feelings were deeply hurt and i have never liked ants or fig newtons ever again
and whenever i tell this story people laugh but my inner four year old’s pride is very hurt when they do

to be continued

im-starting-to-forget  asked:

Do you remember last time you did this and I got you to make a Taegi brother thing? Weeellllll would you mind going on with it?? ;)

((part 1))

Taehyung liked to say he was a big boy and big boys didn’t cry! That’s what his teacher said when one of his classmates started tearing up after his toy got broken. But sometimes he couldn’t help it! Because whenever he dreamt about the wheels slipping on the road and the car flipping upside down, he’d wake up and the tears would immediately fall down his cheeks. He was cared! He couldn’t help it!

But he didn’t want Yoongi to tell him off like the teacher did to his classmate or be laughed at like the older kids did whenever one of the younger children teared up in the playground, so he tried his best to muffle his sobs. He really did! But Yoongi somehow still heard him and came to see what was wrong.

Taehyung was really surprised when Yoongi didn’t scold him or laughed at him. He was even more surprised when he hugged him and rocked them back and forth gently while running a hand through his hair until his cries died out. Not just that, but then he even gave him ice cream! 

Yoongi told him that it was ok to cry. He told him that his teacher was wrong and a bitch (He wasn’t sure what that meant) and that boys were allowed to cry just as much as girls did and that he shouldn’t feel bad because of it. 

So next time one of his classmates got hurt and started crying and the teacher told him off, Taehyung quickly run up to her and pointed an accusing finger at her because she was wrong! Boys can cry too! Because they hurt too so it’s fine to cry! She’s just being mean because she’s a bitch!

(Yoongi couldn’t help but laugh his ass off when he was called to talk to the principal later. He also couldn’t help but agree with his baby brother who was waiting just outside the office because that teacher shouldn’t be in charge of such young and impressible minds if she can’t keep her head out of her ass)

Give me a pairing, an AU, and I will write a three-sentence fic

I hate how my mom thinks i should stand up to someone if they talk down about anyone in my family. Sorry but when im being verbally abused, and seeing verbal abuse in my family, im not standing up to anyone outside of my family if they say something rude. Obviously if it’s a more personal issue like someone dealing with anxiety or other mental disorders i’d say something.

me, on the outside: im good, im fine 

me, on the inside: i ok OK remember 55 weeks ago when mark posted that picture of him videochatting with his nieces and youngjae just like chillin next to him like im just ??? how often does that happen i NEED to know how often youngjae just sits next to mark while he talks to his family like i bet he tries so hard to talk to marks nieces or he just sits and listens to mark talk to his family bc i bet marks nieces remind him of his own and then im like,,, does mark do they same thing ??? does mark just sit next to youngjae while youngjae talks to his niece and nephew ?? chime in when he can but most of the time just listen to how happy youngjae sounds when he talks to his family 

anonymous asked:

<1/2> Matchup, please? I’m 5'4, and chubby, hazel eyes, and dark brown hair. I’m a bi (w/ preference for men) woman on my tearly wenties, and an aries. I’m an introvert, and I love reading (historical stuff are my faves). Despite being calm, I have a strong personality, and I don’t back down from arguments. Ppl seem to trust me- even strangers- and they also seem to enjoy being around me, even if I don’t talk much. I also can read the mood easily, and I know when someone is lying. It might not..

<2/2>seem from the outside, but I’m v family oriented and romantic, and I love when ppl show affection to me. Ppl also tell me Im a kind and polite person. I daydream too much, and idealize situations and relationships, which usually ends up hurting me. Im v loyal and protective of ppl I love. I’m curious, and when someone mention some interest of mine in a conversation, it’ll be difficult to shut me up. I also love buying things w nice scents lol Also, I really hate lies and ppl who mock others

Ohohohhohoho! The moment I thought through the characters, my instinct told me that dear Komui Lee is your match!!

You two have something in common with earning the trust of others around you (although it’s only 99% for Komui as the other 1% is murderous hate from his subordinates.) and also being family oriented! Komui is a bit extreme with Lenalee though lol Komui is the same with being loyal and protective of the ppl he loves, so you are in good hands! 

He can be extremely romantic with you, showering you in PDA of hugs and kisses on cheeks. Not to mention how he would make all these Komurin robots to surprise you and declare his love it always ends with the science division yelling at his love sick ass to get back to work. He would love it when you get along with Lenalee, knowing that she sees you as a family member as well, and Komui would proceed to tackle a group hug when he sees the two of you together. You would be the only person he shows his emotional state to, as he tries to hide from subordinates due to his position as the man in charge. He doesn’t like lying to you, and you always seems to pick up on how he’s feeling. Being able to not hide and be honest with you is what keeps him continue getting back up form a slump. You are his source of strength. Komui loves how you become so invested in conversations that holds your interest, finding it adorable. He probs like listening to you talk about history and other things you have read. You two would be like a power couple that seem like newly weds, but are actually still dating.

i despise when people laugh at me for asserting my maturity

i fucking hate being told to “grow up” or that im “immature”

i am 24 and i got kicked out @ 16 and again at 17. i wasn’t even a legal adult when i had to learn how to take care of myself. i’ve been nearly homeless on more than one occasion. i’ve slept outside on the sidewalk more than once to escape my abusive family (both my mother and my father separately)

i have supported myself while being completely fucking impoverished. ive supported myself and my past partners – including one of my partners who lived with me and was unemployed – on minimum wage. i worked so fucking hard. when i realized – when i was only about 20 or so – that i wasn’t making enough money to make ends meet i got a second job.

i was working 60+ hours a week at two different retail jobs to support me and my girlfriend.

we were still impoverished. when i finally couldn’t take it anymore i applied for food stamps. i was rejected on the basis that i had two jobs and therefore automatically must have been above the poverty line and “making too much” to need food stamps. this wasn’t true.

we were still FAR below the poverty line even with my two jobs. even with my two jobs i made under 20k a year despite busting my fucking ass. and yet i was completely denied government assistance – partially because my girlfriend was another woman and i could not technically claim my support of her.

we were so fucked up. we were so poor. i did so many drugs. we had so much alcohol and drugs surrounding the poor community that we were a part of. this was what becoming an adult was for me. learning the different ways to cope with being impoverished.

learning what it’s like to have the power shut off at your place bc your roommate spent the bill money on drugs. what it’s like to be arrested for shoplifting because you couldn’t afford new clothes for work after they’d told you your pants have too many holes. what it’s like to live with people who openly and readily bring sexual abusers into your home because you can’t object. they’re your roommate. you need to live there and can’t afford to speak up and risk losing the roof over your head.

after living in poverty for years my landlord sold the house i lived in from underneath us.

i was nearly homeless. the only reason – and believe me, i contacted both of my parents, who more or less said they “didn’t want me” or “couldn’t take me” for various reasons – i avoided homelessness was because a friend of mine’s mom had a room available in her house.

after living there i started cosmetology school. the good news? my family abandoning me paid off in the form of a grant of 12k. the bad news? i still had to pay hundreds of dollars a month to pay off the rest.

i was going to school full time while working full time. i was exhausted.

to this day im still paying back rent to this woman because i could not afford rent back then. she was gracious enough to let me stay nonetheless.

nowadays I live on my own in a big city w some roommates in an apartment. i struggle still, but i am a thousand times better off. i have a full time (+ some overtime, usually) job that I actually love and doesn’t wear me out too bad, plus i make tips.

but i’m 24 now. i’ve come a long ways.

i have lived through absolute hell to get where i am. i’ve lived through near homelessness and abandonment and abuse. i never even touched on my parents’ respective abuse but believe me: it was hideous.

i crawled my way out of that hole. i was kicked out as a legal minor and forced myself into adulthood. i’ve worked so hard. i’ve struggled so much.

no one has the right to tell me im childish or immature. you don’t know who the fuck i am, you don’t know what i’ve been through, you don’t know the fucking hole i crawled out of to make it where i am.

i am a grown self-sufficient mature adult – who is also a mentally ill trauma survivor struggling to live.

don’t act for a second like you know what my life has been.

ahillmadeof42dogs reblogged your photoset “Dean: You and me and Dad—I mean, I want us….I want us to be together again. I want us to be a family again. (1x16)” and added

#this scene was freaking heartbreaking #tbh im kinda mad at sam for being so upfront here #i dont think sam realizes how much he hurts dean when he says things like this # i mean yeah he wanted to become a lawyer and stop hunting and whatever #but for dean #there is no life outside of hunting #at least he doesnt see one #and sam comes out and just crushes dean’s thoughts #i don’t mean to hate on sam #i totally get where his angst is coming from #but i feel like he should have become a little more mature and not hurt his brother #especially when what dean wants/needs is really something very simple #to not be alone #to have the two people he loves the most be by his side #is that too much for him to ask?

I don’t know. I agree that it’s a really painful scene but I don’t think you could ask much more of Sam in the way of maturity. In this scene he’s trying to be as considerate as possible, in that he’s intervening to correct Dean’s expectation that they’ll continue hunting together forever, as soon as he realises that that’s what Dean is thinking - he doesn’t want Dean to spend a long time labouring under the wrong impression and then be hurt and disappointed all over again later on.  He’s being honest and straightforward. I think if he was less upfront it wouldn’t be fair.

Sam does know that his wanting to leave and go back to college is something that Dean finds hurtful. But his desire to do that is more than just ‘angst’: going to college and studying law represents a whole different life which Sam has basically wanted forever and for which he has worked extremely hard. Unless he is going to give up completely on something that is so very important to him (which is, of course, ultimately what happens over the course of SPN) then he has to hurt Dean by leaving again. It’s not a case of Sam being insufficiently mature or just casually crushing Dean’s dreams - it’s just unfortunately the case that what Dean 'wants/needs’ conflicts directly what Sam 'wants/needs’ and Sam (at this point) values his own hopes, aspirations and independence enough to put them first.

More than that, Sam also wants Dean to be able to conceive a life outside of hunting - because he (Sam) recognises that hunting isn’t really a healthy way of life nor is it a route to any real kind of happiness. In this same conversation, when Dean is so shocked that Sam wants to go back to school and 'be a person again’ (Sam’s words), Sam says to him, 'isn’t there anything you would want for yourself?’ It’s not like he’s purposely or even unthinkingly stomping on Dean’s dream, he wants them both to get out of a lifestyle that doesn’t do either of them any good. So I can see - especially, I imagine, for a Dean!girl - why this scene might be heartbreaking, but I think what’s heartbreaking about it is less Sam’s behaviour than the fact that Sam is behaving as kindly and considerately as he can (without completely compromising his own needs) but Dean is still doomed to be wounded and disappointed, because he’s been so conditioned to his weird, unhappy childhood that he can’t imagine anything outside it and the best thing he can imagine is to go on essentially exactly as he has before, but with Sam back in the family. That really is sad.