me when i see indian women

An Indonesian Chinese Ally

Hello, so this is going to be a bit of a long rant, so please bear with me.
I’m Indonesian-Chinese. I live at the northern part of my country where it’s relatively close to Singapore, so I visit a lot.

First of all, I need to say a thing or two about racial/ethnic relations in Indonesia, since it’s a little complicated when compared to Singapore, where the Chinese obviously have the upper hand in most, if not all, aspects. Basically, the Chinese here have economic privilege, it’s pretty obvious. Meanwhile, native Indonesians (**side note: Indonesia is pretty diverse and even among its natives there is still discrimination, like how the people from the Nusa Tenggara and Papua islands are the butt of many jokes because of they’re supposed “backwardness” and black skin smh) have political privilege.

The divide between these roles that the races are supposed to stick to is real to the point where when I chose my major in uni, which is International Politics, people were legitimately surprised because I’m Chinese, and Chinese people aren’t supposed to be interested in politics.

So anyway, here in Indonesia, the community as a whole is still traumatized from the ethnic genocide of the 1960s and the 1990s where they hunt down people of Chinese descent and killed them. As a result of that fear, the Indonesian-Chinese community separated themselves even more, and one of the ways of coping with that fear was by teaching children and grandchildren that we are the “better” race, and it develops a warped view in Chinese children, so I guess in that aspect Chinese-Indonesians aren’t much better than Chinese-Singaporeans.

Knowing all this, you wouldn’t be surprised if my generation of Chinese-Indonesians would prefer to only be friends with other Chinese people, no matter where they come from. Usually this is the case, as many of us feel a sense of familiarity with the Chinese living in Malaysia and Singapore, and would side with fellow Chinese no matter what in a really misguided, stubborn way. It annoys me to no ends, especially every time my friends talked about how much better Singapore is compared to Indonesia in terms of racial relations (obviously because the Chinese there are free to do whatever they want to everyone else).

Ever since I became more aware of how the real world works (and not what my elderly Chinese relatives taught me), every time I visit Singapore I get a weird vibe off of the Chinese-Singaporeans that I couldn’t put my finger on. It wasn’t until I found this blog (which is wonderful btw kudos) that I realized what it was.
Not only are the Singaporean-Chinese racist towards other the minorities in Singapore, they also adopt the same hoity-toity, snobbish, holier-than-thou attitude towards foreigners, even if they’re, well, Chinese. I’ve eavesdropped on people’s conversations many times, and they’re usually middle-aged Chinese uncles making fun of me and the country I’m from, saying really insulting things in Mandarin or Hokkien because they assume I couldn’t understand what they were saying as Chinese-Indonesians are generally more assimilated into Indonesian culture. Everywhere I go, it’s like once they find out I’m not Singaporean, they would suddenly turn unfriendly and arrogant.

It’s a treatment that I don’t get from the minorities in Singapore, only the Chinese. In my own experience, I found the Malays and Indians are generally friendlier to me, from strangers I ask for directions on the street, to servers, to taxi drivers. Every time I get on a taxi, the Chinese drivers would ask where I’m from, and proceed to say demeaning things about my country and how far they are behind compared to Singapore, much like the submissions I’ve read on this blog where these racist drivers would make unsolicited comments about other races being lazy. I mean, I’m not one for nationalism-bordering-fascism myself, but COME ON, THAT IS SO UNCALLED FOR?? Meanwhile, the Malay minority drivers would be SO NICE and we would chat in Bahasa and it would be a wonderful and joyous taxi ride, I would feel like “Wow! Everyone is not so different after all! National borders, schmational schmorders”. I would get off the taxi saying “Terima kasih!” and the Malay drivers would respond in a really nice manner, wish me a fun trip and tell me to be careful, WHILE I CAN’T EVEN GET A SINGLE NOD FROM THE CHINESE DRIVERS WHEN I SAY “THANK YOU”.

Reading this blog, I realized something else about the Chinese-Singaporeans. Sometimes when we visit Singapore, my mom would go to one of the yoga studios and I would sit and wait while she does her thing. While I wait, I would see a lot of young and middle aged Chinese women, talking about how yoga has changed their lives and how great it is, all the while apparently they are holding their noses when they get in an elevator with an actual Indian?? The nerve they must have to pull off that kind of move OMG. I would also see the studio’s staffs explaining to new potential members the origins of yoga, the benefits of yoga, and why they should join the studio, and these staffs would usually be Chinese, while actual Indian staffs are relegated to cleaning up and/or being behind the desk. I find that very ironic and, sadly after reading this blog, unsurprising: a Chinese person acting as some sort of authority on a product of Indian culture while actual Indians don’t get to have a word in.

Anyway, I think I’ve experienced some more xenophobia/witnessed more racism, but I can’t really think of one at the moment, and I have to go. So all in all, this blog enabled me to connect the dots on why I feel so strangely about Chinese-Singaporeans. To some extent, I can relate to the confessions on this blog, because some of it I’ve experienced myself in my own country. Of course, this doesn’t mean I don’t have at least some privilege when I visit Singapore. If I don’t open my mouth, I can pass as a Singaporean-Chinese after all, and I probably get treated a lot better by the Chinese than Singaporean minorities; a privilege I wouldn’t choose to have because I know what it’s like to be on the other side.

So to everyone reading this blog, know that you have an ally in your neighboring country. Please stay strong and stay united against bullshit, know that you deserve love and respect as much as the Chinese do.

Sending lots of hugs and kisses xoxo

Submitted by Cynthia Ongga

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I’m an Indian-looking (technically Pakistani) girl, and I’ve always hated explaining that. Why? Because the question comes exclusively from creeps trying to hit on me. That, coupled with the Indian cultural preoccupation of ‘marrying off’, has given me a lot of negative feelings about my skin colour.

I always shudder to see portrayals of the stereotypical Indian family who talk about their daughters like cattle and in uncomfortably sexual ways. Even though my parents didn’t do anything remotely like that (thank God I have liberal parents), I constantly have the instinct to recoil when I see it. Bend It Like Beckham, in particular, inspired a lot of hatred from me; their objectification of women is treated like a charming cultural quirk, and I could never stand that.

Once I realized I was probably asexual, though, a lot of that repulsion made sense to me. It wasn’t the culture in general that bothered me; it was that, as an Indian girl, I narrowly missed being thrust into a role centred around my sexuality.

In retrospect, there were hundreds of early signs I was ace, long before I knew that was a thing you could be. I arbitrarily picked crushes, because people didn’t believe I didn’t have any. I rarely dated, but somehow became the extremely level-headed relationship advisor in my friend groups. I remember getting so offended that ‘sex’ was in the mandatory level of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, and having no idea why. Sex scenes, and characters motivated by sex, baffled and bored me.

And as I went to college, I realized with some surprise that I couldn’t remember ever being legitimately attracted to someone. I’ve had romantic relationships that I’ve enjoyed, but never sexual attraction. I started to worry about it, like I was overdue or something. At one point, a cute guy asked me out, and I automatically said yes - that’s what I should do, right? But on our dates, all I could do was panic that he would touch me (I’m not a fan of strangers touching me, especially dudes). I broke it off, even though he was super nice and great on paper. I had the inevitable ace existential crisis: why wasn’t I feeling it? Was there something wrong with me? Was I broken?

I’m so glad I found AVEN, because never have I felt more reassured than when I discovered asexuality was a thing, and that it was totally okay. Although I’m still figuring it all out, the validation took a huge weight off my shoulders. Now I know why I used to get angry at aspects of our sex-obsessed society, and why I was annoyed that my race seemed so entwined with sexuality; I was frustrated that I wasn’t enjoying/chasing the same things everyone else was. But now, I really don’t care what everyone else is chasing. I’m in a different race altogether, and it’s a lot nicer over here.

Suho’s dating profile (based on facts)

Name: Kim Joon Myun ($uho)

Age:  24

I bet: you didn’t expect me here! Well I did say once in an interview that skin color doesn’t matter, but no one believed me, they think I would only be into Korean women. But I saw pictures of Indian women and I was in awe of how beautiful they are! I couldn’t stop looking! I do seem to get a bit happy when I see that we have Black fangirls, but I try to act like it’s an every day thing.I’m always calm, so I’m hard to read, no one knows what I like…but I do. *wink, wink*

Because my dash is still 75% the Steven Universe/Brony drama...

I’m just going to put my two cents out, like anybody really demanded them in the first place tho…

When MLP:FIM first came out, I was in college.  I saw the animation, laughed at the Adobe Flash-y style, and didn’t think much of it.  Then I kept hearing about the writing quality and gave it a second chance.  The show turned out to be really good.  Not only that, but it was gaining the attention of guys as well as girls!  The controversy opened my eyes again to the debate of “boy-targeted media = everybody and must be top quality, while girl-targeted media = girls and therefore it can be done lazily”; and I started to get behind the fanbase.  Because fuck yeah, a show for little girls (and their families) can be of good quality, there is no reason for it to be lazily written, acted and animated.  Also fuck yeah at the idea of grown men liking a show aimed at little girls and not feeling like their precious testosterone would be destroyed when they looked at something with pink in it.

So yeah, I was a big brony supporter.  I debated in their favor multiple times online and offline.  Who the fuck says a boy can’t like a show like that?  It was great, gender roles were being discussed and it felt like girl’s media would be treated differently in the future.

But then things started to turn south.  Honestly, I started to notice it when the infamous “Derpy” scene popped out.  You don’t need me to give a backstory of this character, she’s a nod to the brony fanbase and was always treated like an easter egg.  This was the first time she was treated like a character, and it was pretty awesome to see the team behind the show acknowledging the more adult fanbase in a subtle yet cute way.  But then a certain someone voiced their opinion.  I didn’t agree with them 100% on the matter (at the time, my views have changed since) and thought they were being too sensitive, again, I was behind the bronies.

Then I noticed their Deviantart page.

Nothing but shouts on their page containing nothing but death threats, slurs, and attacking their gender.  Then more and more people cross the line, usually I am 100% behind brony music, but then THIS was brought up to my attention during the time of the controversy (warning for death threats, transphobic messages, homophobic messages and slurs).

That was the point when I started to drift from their favor.  Before, the phrase when met with hate was “Love and Tolerate”, aka “let them be angry at these folks liking a show, don’t mudsling, don’t attack back, be the better person”.

This was no longer the case.  I also started noticing stories of brony behavior at cons, then noticed how they did NOTHING to hide the more 18+ fanart/songs/fanfiction/etc.  Everything started piling up.

When the show brought Discord back, it was then that I started to notice just… how the team kept with the show’s target audience, little kids.  Soon, almost every plot point, every in-joke, it was all catering to bronies.  Wait a minute, WHO is this show made for again?

I dropped out of their support all together, yes, there DO exist bronies out there with their hearts in the right place.  I support the people behind “Safe Search Wrap-Up” and the people that are still genuine fans of the show while being respectful to the initial audience.  And yes, I still watch the show.

But the “Brony” label has soured over time.

It went from being a group of adults marching for the support of a genuine show that was actually well written DESPITE the fact that it could have been so EASILY botched… to a group of men that literally made anything relate-able to the show toxic.

I know mothers that don’t let their little girls watch My Little Pony because of the bronies.  I know mothers that don’t let their little girls search for My Little Pony related things online because of the bronies.

Let me repeat that so it can sink in.

I personally know mothers that don’t let their little girls watch My Little Pony because of the bronies.  I personally know mothers that don’t let their little girls search for My Little Pony related things online because of the bronies.

There are mothers that have to put a parental block on My Fucking Little Pony.

When little girls can’t safety look up a show about friendship pastel colored plastic horses online because of all the porn and the attitude of a community saying “this show was made for men”, then you have yourself a gigantic mondo problem.  And I’m not saying that drawing porn of a show is the problem.  That was inevitable, porn of MLP existed before FIM came around.  The problem is that the bronies treated it like MLP was an adult show that little kids wouldn’t be looking for online.

Little kids aren’t going to google “Bob’s Burgers” or “Cowboy Bebop”, and even then porn of those shows is pretty well hidden!  You have to go on an 18+ site in order to even FIND the shit!  My Little Pony on the other hand can be easily accessible on Deviantart, Tumblr, Google, and the various MLP sites without any filters (need I bring up the Molestia controversy?).  And that’s not to say that Steven Universe isn’t without porn either, I’ve personally had to report child porn three times on the SU tag because I find the very idea of CP disgusting whether the character is drawn or not.  But guess how many times I’ve had to report CP on an MLP blog.  I’ll give you a hint, it’s more than twice than what I’ve had to report on the SU tag.

If you’ve kept up with me through this, then do you see why the Steven Universe fanbase acted the way they did when it was announced that there might be an Equestria Daily equivalent to Steven Universe?

Nobody is saying that you’re not allowed to watch the show if you’re a man.  Nobody is saying that you can’t like the show or enjoy it.  But Steven Universe is an incredibly important show for so many, women, bigendered, chubby, skinny, black, hispanic, indian, LGBT, etc.  This is a show I plan to raise my future children on because of how perfect it is at showing the power of love, family, and representation.

When bronies grew too overpowered, they kicked little girls out of their own show.  We just don’t want that to happen to the Steven and his family.

If you want to watch the show and become a part of the community, then by fucking all means, watch the show.  It’s a beautiful show, it’s well written, has a gorgeous soundtrack, has fantastic messages, it’s just a good, good, GOOD show.  But for the love of god, don’t make it about YOU by trying to make a “gemtleman” label and grabbing for attention.  This isn’t a show strictly for you, it’s a show for everybody.  Just call yourself a fan of Steven Universe and leave it at that.  This is too important of a show to let that happen again.