Accusing someone of faking their mental illness is, frankly, sick. But for those of you who are gleefully claiming that I am a liar, let me make myself clear:
I’ve been treated for anxiety and depression, on and off, since I was 14 years old. (That’s a bit over a decade, if you care). I see a therapist once a week and I have a prescription for anti-anxiety medication for when it gets so bad that I can’t breathe and I feel like the world is closing in on me. I have worked my ass off - my fucking ass off - to get to a place where, on most days, I can function, despite this sometimes mentally and physically debilitating condition.
I’m sure some of my anxiety is genetic and most of it is the result of the fact that I grew up in an alcoholic household with a mother who screamed at me when I did so much as brush my teeth in the morning (the sound of running water didn’t mesh well with her hangover, I guess), who told me on multiple occasions that I was a fucking idiot and who once said her life would have been so much better if I hadn’t ever been a part of it.
I’m not an idiot. It’s taken me a long time, and a lot of hard work, to be able to say that and believe it.
If you can’t understand how my anxiety could be exacerbated by having my intelligence ridiculed and insulted and by being made to feel like anything I say or do will be ridiculed and put under a microscope by people I don’t even know, then I don’t know what to tell you. I’m sorry, I guess, that you have such a small capacity for empathy in your heart.
Once again, I will say: that person you’re ridiculing? The one you reblogged and interacted with, only to turn around and make fun of when they said something you disagreed with? The one you accuse of being a liar without having any insight whatsoever into what their life is like? They are a human being with feelings, just like you. They aren’t less of a human because you disagree with them, or because you can’t see their face.
This is the last thing I’m going to say about all of this for now. I’m taking a break so I can at least try to get through the next few days, which will already be hard enough as I enter the belly of the beast that is my dysfunctional family, without having a full-fledged panic attack.
Again, thank you to the many, many, many kind people who’ve reached out to me over the last 24 hours. If you celebrate Thanksgiving, I hope yours is restful, and peaceful, and full of joy. If you don’t, I hope your non-holiday days are every bit as nice.