me too taka me too

i am in hell

  • gintoki blaming himself everyday for the day he wasn’t able to prevent shouyou being taken away by the naraku
  • gintoki also blaming and hating and loathing himself every second of his life for having to behead shouyou
  • gintoki not being able to talk to or to even look katsura and takasugi into their eyes for weeks after cutting down shouyou
  • gintoki constantly having nightmares about these events and often not even being able to sleep at all
  • gintoki waking up screaming at times and when ppl ask him what’s wrong he tries to assure them that everything is ok and although no one buys into that they never ask any further
  • some days gintoki not being able to even wake up and function but forcing himself to get up because of kagura and shinpachi and the others
  • gintoki never being able to talk about this with anyone ever
  • him enduring all the guilt and self-hate dwelling inside him everyday although it eats him up so much
  • gintoki constantly thinking he could never actually fulfill his promise to shouyou and therefore thinking that he will eventually disappoint everyone in his life and that he and his life is worth nothing
  • gintoki himself wondering how the hell he is even able to keep on living but then he looks at his kagura and shinpachi and all the other important people to him and he tries to live at least for their sake
  • gintoki making himself believe that he moves forward at first but then actually slowly and bit for bit at least trying to move on
  • maybe gintoki finally slowly realizing that although he is by all definition a broken man that his life is indeed worth living and that he changed the life for so many people and that even though the pain will always be inside him that there are still things worth living and that he means so much to the people around him
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October Skating Challenge Day 3: Favorite competing man
↳ Shoma Uno (x)