me too karl

I think the reason I have no friends is bc I just spend the day singing and dancing to Lazytown songs.

Probably what happens:

Person: “Hey what’s up-”
Person: *starts to back up slowly*
Me: *bites into apple, aggressively* “nO ONES LAZY IN LAZYTOWN.”

I’ve been making/remaking gifs from The Tunnel season 2 this week and I thought to myself I’ll try to just think of it as a Stephen centric thing, but I couldn’t avoid my feelings. I’ve been feeling very much like I don’t belong on Tumblr, in The Tunnel fandom and, since a lot of those people are also Stephen fans, to some extent I feel on the outside of that too. It’s painful for someone who’s always been “different” and on the outside of everything in life. I hate it and I want so badly to be able to feel included in fandom. My life is very bleak and emotionally painful as it is, I needed the online community. I will of course keep sharing everything Stephen related and I am fond of the Stephen/Stannis fandom here, I just don’t feel I belong apart from my gifs.

The Tunnel is one of the shows dearest to me, because of the main characters and Stephen having a main role and such a good one at that. Elise in particular is unique to me because I she is and has the potential to be the only character that is enough like myself on the inside and in body language, to make me feel represented for once. 

But since last year, when I tried to connect to other people interested or potentially interested in Karl/Elise as a pairing, and promptly got shamed for shipping it, more than anything, I’ve been feeling very alienated both within whatever small fandom The Tunnel has and among Stephen fans(who ofc also watch the show). I’ve in fact felt generally alienated and alone in my quest to have a fandom experience like most do. I feel the need to be able to post K/E stuff without fearing they’ll either interest no one or, worse, that I’ll get shamed and bullied for. I feel the need to have a fandom experience, some people to ship it with on Tumblr, to make things with, fics, meta, etc.

I have my best friend who is into it and we ship it privately but that’s something different, it’s highly personal. That is invaluable and I would choose it over fandom every single time if I had to. It’s just a different matter.

What I’m talking about is the need to be out in the open too, to feel like this thing that is very important to you is something that can have some positive visibility, that can exist and thrive out in the open too, not just privately. It’s a need to feel these things that connect with you and matter to you can be expressed safely and be met with some interest. At the moment it feels I can’t even safely post about it. It may sound silly but, as is the case for a lot of people, there’s certain fictional things/relationships/characters that serve more than an entertaining purpose, that offer an outlet, a way to positively address and express your feelings and the way you experience the world. They can provide much needed representation and can make you feel included, like the person you are, the way you experience things, the way love would go for you, etc can exist and be interesting in other people’s minds as well, not just yours.

Because of Elise and because of how Karl’s character is, for me this is all that stated above and it’s the only one, the only time I felt oh look this is something i totally relate to and two characters who could fit together and have a connection that is closer to how these things are/would work for me. 

It’s terribly alienating when, in an online world where there’s at least small fandoms for every ship under the sun, for pairings made up of rapists and their victims, characters that never meet, siblings, you name it, I cannot seem to find my own little place with a few people. It feels like who I am and my experiences, the way things work for me, what matters to me and my needs is so utterly different it doesn’t occur to anyone else, doesn’t seem like interesting stories to tell, it’s something people can’t connect with. 

Of course, if any of you possibly reading this would be interested or are interested in Karl/Elise as a pairing, feel free to talk to me, I’d like to make a small tumblr fandom for it. I’m willing to do all I can, I’m sure my friend would too when she’s not busy. Unfortunately, I don’t really have fic writing skills, which is the best way to popularize something, but maybe some of you do.

If you don’t care for it, please, no reason to shame me, it’s very important to me and I don’t go shame anyone, anywhere!