me too bill me too

On today’s episode of ‘I need you to consider’: 
- summer time Mystery Shack employee!Bill:

  • Bill often making people overpay on purpose (Stan is so proud of him)
  • Bill soon known as ‘employee of the month’ 
  • Bill eating all the snacks from register
  • bubble gum? gone.
  • chocolate bars??? eaten.
  • chips???? sAME
  • he’s not even trying to be discreet about it tho
  • Stan never reprimands him but he still does reprimand Dip
  • Dip: *steals a chip from Bill’s open bag*
  • Stan: “NO eating the merchandise Dipper”
  • Dip: *outraged gesturing at Bill*
  • Bill wearing this instead of classic employee shirt ((to match we all know who)):
  • Bill giving not a single fuck about how the job is should be done
  • ‘ Bill you were supposed to put these in the alphabetical orde- ‘
    “There’s no reason for alphabet to be in order”
  • ‘ Bill you have to come in on time—’
    “Time is an illusion”
  • ‘ You have to follow the rules of this house ‘
    “Why?”
    ‘ My house my rules ’
    “Your house? My dimension”
  • Bill reading all the magazines at cash register
  • He always hums while reading
  • He also knows all the cosmo tips you bet it
  • Bill giving Dip all the right flirty smirks from behind the counter
  • Bill staying overtime to help Dipper with his job
  • even if it’s the night shift whOOPS
  • Whenever Bill is supposed to clean the MS he puts on music and starts swaying/dancing with a broom
  • after thousands of invitations dip joins him
  • ‘ disco girl coming through that girl is you!!!! ’ 
  • would you look at these dorks

On any given day, I can barely remember what I did an hour ago, but hey, I do remember things from those long-ago days when

- I played with my (inexplicably red-haired) She-Ra figurine! (The books had a proper golden-haired She-Ra, however, and the most quality Adora/Glimmer and Adora/Catra material.)

- The Little Mermaid came out and it was the greatest thing to ever happen in all my … uh. three years of life

- ROD STEWART HERE, ROD STEWART THERE, ROD STEWART EVERYWHEREEEEE

- we had a terrible Republican president who, nevertheless, inspired sullen dislike rather than existential dread

,,

sO i’m going to be running on like….. 3 hours of sleep for the rest of the day
and i don’t???? regret it bc guess who feels better about her everything???

7

Don’t Break This Deal AU, where Wirt tried to trick Bill, the demon underestimated Wirt, and both of them ended up sharing one body! Part 6, plot thickens. Please, read previous parts in order to understand this. In short: Wirt’s mind is sleeping, so Bill has a full control over the body without Wirt knowing.

Parts: | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7

10

I’m late to the hype but man, such a good episode 

4

Alpha Bill: “I DON’T BELIEVE YOU FOR AS FAR AS I CAN THROW YOU INTO THE NEAREST PLANET!!”

Omega Bill: “AHHH! PLEASE DON’T DO THAT! THE COLLISION WOULD LIKELY TEAR A HOLE IN REALITY!!”

“FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING; JUST LET ME GO!!”

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