me telling jokes with my friends

anonymous asked:

hey buddy when a gay person tells you things about the community and how you as a straight person should treat us then try not to joke about it.......

Oops, sorry, I forgot that I need to value the opinions of anonymous strangers on the internet who seem to spend every waking moment finding reasons to question everything I’ve ever done more than I value the opinions of my Actual Gay Friends Who Brought Me Here.

I also forgot that my own sexuality should be public knowledge and that all you chucklefucks are entitled to every goddamn detail of my personal life.

Suck my butt.

In addition to the latest installment of Dadswap allow me to throw some jokes in the tag about it because I can’t stay serious for too long:

Gunmar in the Void talking with other Trollhunter ghosts- wait, so you’re telling me I’m going to have to completely isolate myself from my friends, family, hell even my own son to be a proper trollhunter? Pfffff screw that he’s training with me does it look like I care later suckers it’s not like the Amulet can just change it’s mind about the chosen hero ok peace

*Bular sitting the the Forge waiting for dad to come back when Gunmar just poofs back into existence*


*Right after Bular beats the crap outta Jim*

Vendel standing besides Stricker- I want to congratulate you, Strickler

Strickler- wait really?

Vendel- oh yes. Thanks to you and your student, I’ll see to it that the Forge gets a level zero training exercise. It seems much more you hero’s level of expertise.

And finally

just imagine Angor Rot picking Toby up by his shirt collar so he doesn’t try to kick Bular in the shin for hurting his best friend. Just imagine it for me. thank you.

when i was like 14, i once wore contact lenses instead of glasses to school bc i had just learned how to put them on and i wanted to show them to my friends right, and this one guy goes and tells me “i thought girls were supposed to become beautiful when they stopped wearing glasses. something obviously went wrong with you” and that was??? so incredibly rude i wanted to cry but i just stood there not knowing what to say bc i honestly thought we were friends

but the girl sitting in front of him (who was also his crush, mind u) hears him and turns around with the most disgusted expression on her face, and calls him out on it like “omg i cant believe you said that have you even seen yourself in a mirror you have no right to tell her shit” and then she turns to me and says “dont listen to him, you look gorgeous with or without glasses” and she probably already forgot about that but i always remember it whenever i feel self-conscious about myself

so the moral of the story is: if u see someone being a jerk to someone else, dont laugh along and call them out on it. stick together and bring all the fuckboys down

Send me one and I’ll respond to each!

☕: How do you take your coffee?
🎂: I feel happy when I see you in my notifications.
🍰: You’re sweet and I like you!
🍜: I wish I could be a person who makes you happy.
🍌: Seeing you makes me feel optimistic.
🌠: What gives you hope for the future?
🌨: What do you like to do on rainy days?
🌈: Are you open to making new friends?
🎀: You’re a gift to this world.
🎃: I want to play and tell jokes with you.
🔭: What holds your attention lately?
🏹: I wish I could know you personally.
🎳: We share a lot of interests and opinions.
🎲: We don’t have much in common but I like how you express yourself.
🐣: You’re an angel.
🐢: Your presence is relaxing.
💤: I have a platonic crush on you.
💌: I have a romantic crush on you.

Even if you find
someone new,
to talk to every night,
to hang out with every day,
to share the giggles and
laughter at some
secret jokes,
to walk with and tell
wonderful stories,
I am still here,
waiting for you
to knock at my door
and sit beside me,
like we never missed
each other,
I am still here,
even if you’re not asking.
I am still here,
even if you weren’t
going to be there
for me anymore.
—  ma.c.a // A Promise

LOOK one time i met dan avidan and the space around him was just…. soft, his aura was soft and chill and there was no stress and he made sleepy jokes at me and sleepy smiled at my phone for a picture and i am just so grateful

and then the next day i walked past him on the street and his soft aura of chill no-stress love and peace was 100% STILL THERE. IT’S REAL. like i s2g i SENSED dan walk by me more than i even recognized him because there was like, peace in my heart after we crossed paths

anyways dan is pure soul thank you for reading

Slytherin + Hufflepuff friendship would include...

  • both being very protective of their friend in different ways
  • “Do not touch my friend if you ever want to see the light of day again.”
  • sneaking the other one into the dorm at night to have a sleepover
  • “You shouldn’t do that.”
  • the hufflepuff always baking / cooking for the slytherin and bringing it over, the slytherin shutting anyone down who dares to try and make a comment about it
  • sitting together in silence without getting bored
  • wearing each others scarves
  • the hufflepuff standing up for their slytherin friend, no matter how many rude comments they get from other houses
  • “I made you a knitter.” - “Please tell me you’re joking.” - “No, but you don’t have to wear it if you don’t want to.” - “Give it to me.”
  • the slytherin dragging their friend outside because they stayed up in their room for days, snuggled up into layers of blankets
  • the slytherin having to hold back the hufflepuff because once they get mad they’re scary as hell
  • “Do you want me to beat them up?” - “…” - “Is that a no?” - “Maybe just a little.”
  • the hufflepuff introducing the slytherin to all their other friends, so they can all hang out together
  • staying up late together and starting to talk about weird shit
  • “Do you want me to talk to him for you?” - “NOOO!”
  • endlessly loyal to each other
  • the hufflepuff always laughing at the slytherins sarcastic retorts
  • knowing all the family members and embarrassing family stories of the other one and having met them all at least once
  • the hufflepuff always singing along to horrible songs and the slytherin just silently putting up with it

anonymous asked:

Do birds make you more attractive to the opposite sex?

This is a difficult question to answer specifically, because obviously, and statistically, birds make you more attractive to literally everyone. Are you a human? Have you seen this mysterious stranger with a bird? Are you suddenly and inexplicably intrigued?? Are you the opposite sex? Same sex? Any sex?? Gender? Any gender??? EVERYBODY??!? GET ON IT


Look, I know I’m not funny, okay?

Anyways, my friend was telling me about how she went to this party and everyone tried to greet her, but she just got really serious and said “I’m motherfuckin’ starboy” before turning around and leaving immediately and I was like “wow that’s the most Derek Malik Nurse thing I’ve ever heard in my entire life” so I present to you:

Nursey literally does this for two weeks straight after the song comes out because he thinks he’s funny or something and everyone is so fed up w him but lowkey, Dex thinks it’s dumb and funny and cute and will like snicker every time Nursey does it so uhhhh he continues doing it just to make Dex laugh. Okay now fastforward a few months, they’re dating, Dex does not find it funny anymore.  

a list of the things i never told you:
i. when we first started talking, we were only 14, i never thought i’d fall in love with you. i just wanted to be friends but something about you gave me butterflies and made my heart skip a beat.
ii. though we are no longer together or on speaking terms, i don’t regret talking to you or being with you. i’m thankful for all the laughs and tears and fights and memories. i’m happy i got the privilege to fall in love with you.
iii. throughout the 3+ years we were in each other’s lives, i felt like a secret. i always felt like i wasn’t enough and that our relationship was a joke…that because we weren’t physically together, our relationship wasn’t real.
iv. it was so fucking real to me.
v. i told everyone about you. i told my parents, my friends, my family, my counselor. you were everything to me and you couldn’t even tell your mom about me. the only reason she knew about me was because your friend accidentally said something about me in front of her. i never told you how much that hurt.
vi. i still think about you everyday.
vii. i wish i didn’t.
viii. when we were together, for the very last time, i thought that was it, that you were the absolute one for me, i was so ready to be with you, i was so ready to fall more helplessly in love with you than i already was, i was ready to risk everything to be with you…it never felt mutual.
ix. i always wonder what it would have been like if we lived in the same state, the same city…if things would have been easier or harder.
x. i questioned if you loved me or not way too often.
xi. the whole time we were together, i only vocalized what you did wrong or what you weren’t doing, i always failed to mention everything you did right. i am so sorry for that.
xii. i got to witness you grow and change as a person and go through phases and watch you fall in love with other people and make memories but i only got to witness your life through pictures and a phone screen and it was so painful for me.
xiii. BUT through that phone screen i got to hear your voice and watch your nose crinkle when you giggled and see you cry and you were always so beautiful.
xiv. in all honesty, i still wish today that i could have met you, to physically see the person i’ve immersed myself in for so long.
xv. i’m happy without you.
xvi. i’m not happy without you.
xvii. my mom still asks about you, she seriously doesn’t hate you.
xviii. i hate us for not being strong enough to keep fighting. but i’m proud of us. i am proud we made it as far as we did. and i am proud that, separately we have the strength not to go back.
xix. i get genuinely mad seeing other couples (you know who) together because we deserved that, it should’ve been us…but it isn’t and i guess that means something.
xx. you’re the hardest fucking person to let go of, i swear to god.
xxi. i never reminded you enough of how much you meant to me and how truly amazing you were. i quite often took you for granted. i’m sorry i did that. i’m sorry for absolutely everything that i did…or didn’t do.
xxii. i wish you the best in life. i hope you pursue a career in photography or early childhood education or whatever your heart desires now. i hope you get that little farm house and fill it with cute animals and have horses. i hope you accomplish all of your dreams & genuinely live life as happy as can be. you have been through so much and you deserve to not be in hell anymore. and as much as it burns my heart, i hope you find someone that can love you so much better than i ever did.
And don’t even fucking try to tell me that I don’t miss you. Don’t even think you have or deserve the audacity to do that. You can’t make me fall in love with you and then decide that I don’t miss you. That isn’t how this works. Because I miss you with every inch of my being. All I do anymore is miss you. I miss your smell and your fingers and your laugh. I miss how you would make fun of me and all of our inside jokes, our conversations about the universe and our place in the world. I miss my best friend. And you most certainly don’t get to try to tell me otherwise.
—  missing you is consuming me
The Paladins as things I've done
  • Pidge: asked my mom for money for a school event only to have my friends pay for me and keep the money for myself
  • Lance: yelled, "I'M GAY!" in the hallways to see how people reacted, and later said, "Just kidding; I'm bisexual."
  • Hunk: went to a buffet only to eat one real meal before going straight to the dessert section
  • Keith: went through the "it's not a phase" phase™ and causing my uncle to tell my mother to take me to a shrink
  • Shiro: told dad jokes at a really inappropriate time

they told me that love was a high school relationship with roses and happiness and prom king and queen

they did not tell me that gripping the same person for four years would wear my fingernails down to blood and bone

they told me that loving him would improve my life and all my friends would joke around with him and get along

they did not tell me that my friends would have to stay up until four am talking me out of suicide and into leaving him

they told me I’d wrap myself between him and some bedsheets and he’d whisper “I love you” every chance he got

they did not tell me that I’d be crying and lying with him because he screamed “if you really love me you’d prove it”

they told me I’d be happy and full of life
they told me he’d be my one and only
they told me he’s the best I’d get

they didn’t tell me that the grip of his hands would turn my face red
or that I’d spend more time in my bed than in the sun
or that I’d stop paying attention to the rest of my life

—  they didn’t tell me how to recognize abuse ( d-xv )
Plants (Part 1)

Prompt: You get a “tattoo” that says what your soulmate is most passionate about.

Pairing: Neville Longbottom/Reader

Word Count: 928

A.N.: I’m going to try and make a series, but I suck at endings so I don’t know how this is going to work lol. This is my first go at one, so wish me luck, and hope it doesn't suck.  This takes place in the middle of the 5th year.

Originally posted by harrypottersources

(PART 2) (PART 3)

The word on your wrist had always puzzled you. When you woke up on your sixteenth birthday, you had thought it was a joke. That maybe one of your friends had wrote the word with a marker, or a pen. But after the third wash under the tap you knew it was real. Plants. The word was plants. 

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