me telling jokes with my friends

anonymous asked:

Do you guys have any tips on telling friends that I think I'm autistic? I'm pretty scared too bc they make a lot of autistic jokes and make fun of me for acting "differently" but I really want to tell them but I don't know how.

Something that worked for me was telling my friends things about autism first, and then transitioning into something more personal by telling them that I think I fit these traits after I had been teaching them for a little while.

So, for example, you could start by telling your friends that their jokes about autism are harmful and explaining why and in the process teach them about autism. Then, when you feel more comfortable with their opinions on autism, tell them you think you’re autistic.

If none of that works, I’d suggest dropping them as friends. I know that’s way easier said than done, but if your friends don’t treat you or others with respect and make ableist jokes, then they aren’t really worth keeping as friends in my opinion.

-Mads

keith after he sees the voltron show

Keith: Sooooooo…….Shiro the Hero, huh?
Shiro: Keith shut the fuck up


Keith: Hey Lance
Lance: ‘Sup?
Keith: …….bi bo bi
Lance: You FUCKING–


Keith: Hey Pidge could you, uh, teach me how to revert the the electron whizzer capacitors into a binomial matrix code in order to do a loop de loop through the Tesla comms– 
Pidge: JUST BECAUSE YOU MENTION TESLA DOESN’T MAKE IT ACTUAL SCIENCE KEITH


Keith: So do you tell jokes? Like…like if I asked you to tell me a joke would you be able to tell me one? Or is that not….is that not what you do?
Hunk: Keith…
Keith: I mean I’m just asking
Hunk: Keith, no…
Keith: Like a knock knock joke or something, nothing major


Keith: Hey Keith! Oh my god, HUGE fan. Listen, I was wondering if I could get an autograph? Maybe a selfie with you brooding and looking off to the side to show my friends back at the Blades? They’ll love it. 
Allura: …….. -__________-;


Bonus:

Kolivan: Keith. what’s so funny?
Keith, crying-laughing in the corner: VOLTRON!! ON FUCKING!! ICE!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Things the Hogwarts Houses say

(loosely based on conversations I’ve had/overheard)

Hufflepuff -

  • “If you don’t start singing along to High School Musical with me in under 30 seconds you will no longer be my best friend" 
  •  "I swear on my chicken nuggets-”
  • “Yes I made that joke up by my self - no it’s not from Spongebob Squarepants how dARE YOU-”
  • “Speaking of Spongebob can we just take a few moments to discuss how much of a masterpiece that first movie was please”
  • “Ah yes, it’s 3 in the morning, time to get emotional and tell all my friends how much I love them”
  • “You made me chocolate??? Oh my God I love you so much thank you I’ll have some right no - THIS HAS RAISINS IN IT YOU TRICKED ME
  • “Oh my God yeah I saw that movie, my favourite part was when - oh shit wait there’s this adorable kitten video I meant to show you last week and I completely forgot let me get it up on my phone”
  • “Sorry I’m late I was up all night watching those videos where kids get surprised with puppies”
  • “Are you awake? Great, let’s start planning our future homes together, I have a pinterest board ready”
  • “This is my favourite photo album! It’s full of photos of all the cats and dogs I’ve made friends with on my walks, I’ve even given them all names”
  • (crying) “Stop calling me emotional God damn it”

Ravenclaw -

  •  "Of course I remember you said you liked the colour red, you told me at like 1:35 am last year in May"
  • “What? Simplifying equations? No, I can’t help with that but I do know all the words to every Simpsons episode in the first 5 seasons if that helps"
  • “Sorry I really can’t go out today. No I’m fine, I’m just stressed I’m doing something important. I’m trying to memorise all the words to this documentary about frogs - What? Yes of course it’s important!”
  • “I discovered and fully analysed that meme 3 weeks ago, step up your game”
  • “What do you mean why do I have a folder full of strategic plans on how to succeed at animal crossing, that’s not weird?”
  • “Sir, I don’t mean to be rude but I’ve been doing my own research and you’re getting all of this wrong. Well yes I know I’m not the teacher here but - Yes, actually, I’d love to teach the class my self I’ve already made a lesson plan, thank you”
  • No, I won’t come and see Jurassic World with you. Because it’s completely unrealistic! Do you have any idea what dinosaurs are actually supposed to have sounded and looked like? Even adult velociraptors weren’t meant to be that b - OK you know what, I will come, but I’ll be pointing out every single problem to you. No, it’s too late, you already invited me. I’m buying our tickets right now, don’t move”
  • “You really think you can beat me at Mario Kart? I have spent YEARS studying this game and honing my skills, spending hours upon hours training until my hands cramp and even my tv is judging the amount of time I’ve spent playing and you think YOU can beat me? Let’s fucking go
  • “I think these guys think I want to murder them because I followed them home but it’s only because I overheard them talking about what would happen if Pokemon is real and I wanted to see how good their logic was”
  • “Shut up? Shut up? I haven’t shut up for 17 years and I’m not about to start now”
  • (crying) "I just want Shakespeare’s ghost to be proud of me”

Gryffindor - 

  • “I’d love to have a sleepover but it can only be when there’s a thunderstorm so we can dance in the rain, let me check the weather forecast”
  • “Did that bee just try and sting you? COME BACK HERE BEE YOU COWARD I’M GONNA FUCK YOU UP - wait shit no run”
  • "What did you say? Don’t touch it? Alright.” (touches it as soon as the person turns away) “Sucker”
  • “Whaaat? Someone wrote on the desk? No it wasn’t me I would never do th - My name was there? Well, I’m not the only one in the world with my na - My surname was there too? What are the chances?!”
  • “Help me I started saying lmao ironically and I can’t stop”
  • “Before you say anything it wasn’t me - unless it was something awesome then I definitely planned the whole thing”
  • Excuse me? They said what to you? … I have to go for a second, I just remembered something completely unrelated. No, no, I’m not taking this fork with me for any particular reason”
  • “Um, did you just tell me it’s impossible to sing along to a guitar solo? Stand back. Your mind is about to get blown”
  • “I am so not drunk! I’m completely drunk! … Wait shit I meant sober”
  • “I’M SO PROUD OF YOU AAAH LET ME HUG YOU! I’M NOT LETTING GO FOR THE NEXT 3 HOURS, GET COMFORTABLE BITCH”
  • “I bet I can stay up for longer than you - what no I’m not tired shut up - nO THAT WASN’T A YAWN I WAS JUST SHOWING YOU WHAT IT WOULD LOOK LIKE IF I WAS TIRED - SEE I DID IT AGAIN TOTALLY ON PURPO - ok fuck you I’m going to sleep”

Slytherin - 

  • “Oh my God, just tell me what you did already so I can start complaining”
  • “Sorry, I didn’t catch that. Did you say STOP saying fuck, or KEEP ON saying fuck?”
  • “Over your dead body? I was hoping you’d say that”
  • “If you even LOOK at them one more time I will take a stick as big as your ego and stick it right up your-”
  • “Don’t come near me or - OK fine, we can snuggle for exactly 15 minutes. I’m setting a timer now”
  • “Hey, I saw you posted a picture of us on instagram yesterday where my eyeliner isn’t completely straight? You’re gonna have to delete that, if anyone thinks my eyeliner isn’t drop dead perfect every day and that I’m not a literal make up goddess I’ll lose my reputation as the Regina George of the school”
  • “But keep the one where I’m wearing no make up so that all those bitches know I still kill it without trying”
  • “Oh come on, you know I’d never do anything to embarrass you! Speaking of which, that video I posted on youtube the other day of you falling down the flight of escalators in the shopping centre has reached over 1000 views”
  • “My dad told me tattoos were trashy so I got a giant tattoo saying ‘trashy’ on my back I’ll send you his reaction later”
  • “I’m not a sentimental person but if you touch my teddy bear I will turn you into a stuffed trophy to put next to him”
  • “What do you mean I look smug this is my normal face”

half-bloodbitch  asked:

i need a good pancake joke to tell my friends

**knock knock**
Who’s there?
Pancake.
Pancake who?
No, no, it’s just me a regular ol’ pancake.
Oh. How…how did you knock on my door?
What do you mean?
You don’t have hands.
Right. I sorta bumped my plate into the door.
Ah. Gotcha. Well, you wanna come in?
Sure.
You know you won’t be leaving though, right?
Oh, why’s that?
Well, probably gonna eat you for breakfast.
Cool. Cool.

[TRANS] ‘WINGS’ Concept Book Interview - Jungkook

© peach_kku
KRN - ENG © ktaebwi

Thinking of <WINGS>, I feel like I have a lot in common with Sinclair in <Demian>. He wants to break free from the care of others and be an adult, and so do I. Rather than saying it’s a special album, I would say it made me think a lot after hearing the album concept. “I want to be a real adult too.”

You graduated from high school.
“If I kept studying and spending time with my friends like an ordinary person, I would think ‘So I finally became an adult’ when I graduate. But since I started living sort of an adult like since I was 15, I still feel like I’m a kid. I’m 21 but my mental age is like 15 years old. There’re a lot of adults around me too.”

Do the other members treat you as an adult?
“Rather than treating me as an adult, they tell me “You’re an adult now”. Things like ‘Be mature’, ‘You’re an adult too, act carefully’ (laughs) Especially when my jokes go too far, they tell me to stay still, to not go too far. I tend to have to go through something to know it. If they tell me so, I’ll fix myself little by little. I’m gradually learning thanks to the hyungs,”

What you said earlier is what your solo song “Begin” is about.
“There was a time when Bang Shihyuk Producer-nim and the 7 of us gathered and talked about all the stress, the distress we had been piling up for a long time, and we all cried together. Rap Monster-hyung listened to my story from that time and wrote the lyrics.”

Comparing before and after debut, do you feel you have changed a lot thanks to the members?
“I changed a lot for sure. I gained a lot of confidence too. I couldn’t even talk like this before. I kept watching the hyungs doing interviews from the side and as time goes by, I started talking little by little and eventually was able to do interviews. Hyungs really made me. I learn music by watching foreign artists and pick up basically everything else thanks to the hyungs.”

Are you the type to express your feelings well?
“I’m not good at it. I feel embarrassed even from saying thank you so I basically never do it. I’m good at complaining though. (laughs) I can complain easily but when it comes to good talks, it always feels awkward. I can do it through texts since it’s somewhat easier, but talking directly is really hard.”

BTS grows up along with each album’s story, and Jungkook grows up along with BTS too.
“Thinking of <WINGS>, I feel like I have a lot in common with Sinclair in <Demian>. He wants to break free from the care of others and be an adult, and so do I. Rather than saying it’s a special album, I would say it made me think a lot after hearing the album concept. ‘I want to be a real adult too’. Looking at the other hyungs, don’t they know themselves and do well? They can think and create something by themselves, but I still lack a lot so there’s not much I can do by myself. It’s not like I’m good at composing or anything. I want to try my best and be able to do something well.”

Are you talking about wanting to compose music?
“On some level, yes. I stayed up until 7 in the morning to try composing with MIDI the day before this interview too. I don’t know piano chords since I didn’t learn it, so playing the song’s very hard. The hyungs were all tired, I didn’t want to bother them by asking what I don’t know. I want a certain sound to be at this part but finding it is difficult, so I just try pressing every key. I keep telling the company I want to learn piano so I can start composing, and now I’m planning to properly start working with MIDI.”

But is it necessary for every member of the team to make songs?
“Just because 2-3 members of the team will make songs doesn’t mean the others don’t have to do it. It’ll be great if everyone can. Besides, the kind of music and emotions I like are different from what the other members like. I want to make my emotions into a story and hear it in sound. But I’m upset that I still can’t do it well. Not long ago I was playing with MIDI before I slept and it make me think I want to get my name on the album credit soon too.”

To what level do you want to make it?
“I haven’t considered that. I just plan to do it slowly without thinking too hastily.”

What kind of music and emotions do you like?
“I like quiet songs. The emotional and sad songs, kind of gloomy rather than bright. I really like listening to piano and guitar sounds. When I want to get excited I listen to loud songs such as hip hop or EDM, but usually I listen to quiet songs, like pop ballad.”

You have been nicknamed “Golden Maknae” for being multi-talented since debut, is there any time when you have no confidence?
“Rather than having no confidence, I’m the type to cower inside a little bit. I tend to think I have a long way to go even if I dance well, or think “I can’t sing” even if they say I sing well. I would still be like that 10 years later, when I practice and become someone who can really sing well. I would keep this thought even if I’m the ultimate vocalist. I’m originally this type of person.”

Don’t idols have to show that they think “I’m the best” on stage?
“It’s different on stage. There, I must show everything I can there and then come down. Only after that do I think about myself. It’s closer to thinking I have a long way to go than me having no confidence.”

<WINGS> contains the solo songs of each member and it somewhat revealed each person’s color a little more in various ways. What do you think is your role in BTS?
“What am I in the team… I’m curious what the hyungs think about me but I have never asked them. Can I ask like ‘What do you think about me’? (laughs) I just wish I don’t cause harm to the team, that I’m helpful. And, of course the other members are doing very well but, I hope I can become the kind of existence that without me, a part of it will fall apart. I hope I can become a member that shows our synergy when the 7 of us gather.”

To do that, it would be important to find what is of your own.
“I still don’t have it yet, my core. I’m thinking so. That’s why I have to learn more and work harder so I can step up my game. Finding what only I have is, in some ways, the goal of my life.”

ipre memes

bc they were on the starblaster for 100 years come on

  • magnus: [points to any animal on any given planet] taako tell that motherfucker i want to fight him
  • honestly a bunch of jokes about taako, lup, and barry being disney princesses for talking to animals
    • barry: can you please help me clean this mess up?
      merle: why don’t you just ask your animal friends to help? gather up your woodland creatures–
      barry: THAT WAS JUST THE ONE PLANET IT DOESN’T WORK ANYWHERE ELSE
  • merle is jesus
  • making up increasingly ludicrous stories and trying to get lucretia to actually write them down
    • magnus: you know, my real name is actually studly burninglove
      lucretia: [without looking up] you know what, magnus? i’ll do it. i will actually write that down. future generations will know you as studly. would that make you happy?
  • in that vein, davenport knew absolutely nothing about pop culture, so they keep making up celebrities and events and acting like they happened
    • they like. maintain it too. they have a whole canon of made-up pop culture.
    • taako: [something explodes] ugh this is just like when fantasy billy ray cyrus had his mid-90s breakdown
      davenport: isn’t it more like when fantasy kesha and fantasy bill nye had a cage match?
      lup: [completely straight-faced as magnus and taako try to smother their laughter] yes, cap’nport. exactly like that.
    • taako and lup almost managed to convince him that they were celebrity chefs until lucretia stepped in
  • [something goes wrong on the ship]
    anyone: greg fucking grimauldis
  • [points at anything] is that a bond
    • lup: am i made of bonds?
      barry: in a sense, yes. everything is.
      taako: are shadows?
      barry:
      lup: are dreams?
  • barry and lup bullshitting scientific-sounding words whenever magnus or merle ask them a question

i’m autistic and have anxiety disorders and i personally live in fear of april fools day because every single april 1st i get “pranked” in a way that takes advantage of my disabilities. like for the first 9 years of school my friends used to tell me the world was really going to end april 1st and that was my phobiaa s a child, so i would spend most of april fools day hiding in the bathrooms having a panic attack whenever a plane sound would go overhead AND ONE APRIL 1ST my friends told me one of my friends was dead and they got half the school to pretend this guy was dead and i was frantically trying to figure out if they were really dead so i asked a teacher and he was fucking IN ON IT a TEACHER. the last 4 years i have gotten screamers, cruel jokes that I can’t tell are sarcasm, or chain posts that scare me so muh i can’t sleep at night. i now avoid the internet and tv all day on april 1st and just sit in my room alone and don’t talk to anyone. because of my dsiabilities, I cannot tell when something is a joke or when someone is being sarcastic, even if it seems obvious to toher people

tl:dr: DON’T USE PEOPLES DISABILITIES AGAINST THEM TO “PRANK” THEM THIS APRIL 1ST. DON’T SEND SCREAMERS OR CHAIN POSTS OR FAKE YOUR DEATH OR BREAK UP WITH SOMEONE OR SEND SOMEONE THREATS.JUST STOP YOU’RE MAKING OUR LIVES WORSE

anonymous asked:

"crazy detention stories"...go

They’re really not that crazy I don’t think but fine- but as I had detention at least once a week for 3 years you’re only getting the highlights here:

  • So again, I only ever got detentions because I was late to school basically every day. Every single day, the office wrote me a late slip with my name spelled horrendously wrong. Different spelling every day. The most famous butchering was writing my name as “Millie Hoagie”. On my very last day of high school, I was predictably late, and they spelled my name perfectly correctly.
  • So listen my ‘reputation’ in school was basically “quiet good girl who’s never done anything wrong, ever, in her life” and “teacher’s pet” and the like. And despite the fact I was there every time all the ‘Bad Kids™’ who were also always in detention were always incredibly surprised to see me??? Like they never got over it. Every time I walked into the damn room at least half the class would be like “MOLLY YOU DON’T BELONG HERE YOU’RE INNOCENT!!” 😂
  • Also despite the fact I was basically invisible in the school as a whole all the trouble makers knew me by name because, and I quote a kid from my 10th grade Spanish class who was trying to hook up with me at the time here, “Guys like me are afraid of you, Girl, we’re just plain out scared that we gonna corrupt you!” and I still don’t know what he actually meant by that???
  • Bu anyway, this apparent rep usually gave me an upper hand with the teachers monitoring the detentions. Because, you know, some were fine, some were bitchy, some were insane. But all of them were pissed about the fact they had to be there instead of heading home.
  • The rules of detention were literally just ‘stare at the wall and don’t talk’, depending on which teacher they might let the students do homework. But since I was apparently a great person and always had the class’ incredulous response to me being in the room, they usually let me get away with sleeping or reading a book lol.
  • Of course…no one said any of the other kids were inclined to following the rules lmao. These were like, all the class clowns™ shoved into one room. Things always got real funny real fast.
  • It would always start off with the coughing game. If you’ve ever stepped into a school you should know what that is.
  • It would then escalate to everyone in the room playing catch whenever the teacher looked away for a brief moment
  • Detention was always in the health classroom so someone always tried to steal a limb off the skeleton without being to obvious
  • Some teachers would let people talk ‘quietly’ so jokes were fucking abound
  • One time I was minding my own damn business and a kid slides me a note saying ‘in like five minutes ask to go to the bathroom but head downstairs to the English wing’ before he snuck out without the teacher noticing. I get down there and he’s at one end of the hallway and another boy is at the other end. Upon seeing me, these boys run full speed down the hall at each other, leap up in the air when they get to the direct center, high five with full force, both scream in pain, and then hit the floor, clutching their hands. I was cracking the fuck up and trying to convince them to go to the nurse but they wouldn’t listen. I asked the guy why the hell they did that. He told me ‘because we wanted a witness and no one will ever believe you’ 😂😂
  • One time my sorta-neighbor Mike comes in and the teacher asked why he had detention and apparently, the principal had asked him where to find his friend Jose, and Mike responded “he’s out picking cotton” and the principal flipped out at what he perceived to be a racist joke and gave him a month detention. But the thing was, Jose was in an agriculture class and he was literally outside picking cotton that they had planted there earlier. Jose found it fucking hilarious and refused to tell the principal to get his friend out of trouble.
  • As I haven’t been inside a school building for quite some time now I don’t know if turtling is still a thing but it was…quite an epidemic for my senior class.
  • It’s when you turn someone’s backpack inside out right? But it was a full blown war with these kids. Trust no one. Never leave the room. Never look away. Holy shit. One of the best moments of this occurred in detention, when a boy reached to get a book out of his backpack to find it was gone. After 15 minutes of searching the room, he found it, turtled, hidden in a filing cabinet in the front of the room. Everyone, including the teacher, was loosing their shit, because how did someone pull that off so quietly and invisibly without someone noticing??? No one fessed up. The class was in fear of the turtle ninja for the rest of the month, but they never struck again. No one ever discovered who it was.
  • Guys: It was me.
  • One time it was raining and the teacher was in a bad mood so he insisted all the windows stay open. He left for a bathroom break or something and this one poor kid, who was now completely soaked as he was stuck with a window seat, just said “fucking bye” and just…climbed out the damn window. Left his backpack and everything. Didn’t see him again for at least a month.
  • There was one guy who always sold ice cream out of his bag when the teachers weren’t looking. Where he was getting it from and how it stayed frozen is beyond me.
  • Oh my God sometimes all the indie singer kids would just come and sit on the floor outside the classroom and talk loudly to annoy us??? The hell were they trying to accomplish??? Your singing ain’t special and you won’t be famous, please let us die in peace.
  • One kid had detention because when we were running laps in gym class he jumped up to hit the arch of the ceiling and accidentally set off the fire alarm. The teacher that day insisted on continuously referring to him as ‘the delinquent’, as if no one else in the room had broken the rules or something
  • One time one of the gym teachers was in charge of it and long story short he started doing the jersey turnpike. True horror.
  • One time the teacher got a call and she had to go down to the office and the second she was gone this one kid’s friend runs in with a huge tray going “Y’ALL I STOLE THE LASAGNE CUPCAKES FROM THE FOOD AND NUTRITION CLASSROOM” and we dined like kings.
  • Everyone would sometimes just break out in song for no God damn reason
  • One time one of the guys in charge of the detention was A) Not someone anyone recognized as a teacher and B) Potentially Stanley Tucci. Like…I was about 80% certain that this guy was Stanley Tucci.
  • He refused to confirm or deny or even give a name
  • One time I was really absorbed in my book when all the sudden a letter flew onto my desk, an anonymous sender that just said “You have a soft, sexy voice.” Neither of which is true, I’m pretty sure, and I could not for the life of me figure out who sent it omfg
  • One time a teacher was freaking out because he went to a psychic over the weekend and was told there was a lot of activity around him so I looked him straight in the eyes and told him I’m a medium and I can see that the devil had marked his soul and he threw me out of the room and refused to take that class for detention ever again😂
  • It was a hot summers day. The ceiling fans were on their highest setting. A boy nudges me, with a small carton of ice cream in his hands under his desk. “What do you think would happen if I scooped out a huge chunk of this and threw it at the fan?” he whispered. “Jamil, no.” I pleaded, but it fell on deaf ears. Soon, the room was filled with confused screams.
  • Apparently all the other regulars™ had bought me candy grams around Christmas time so they were confused when I showed up to detention with no candy and apparently the student council member sent them all to the other Molly in the grade because she was the popular one and this lead to about 12 boys grumbling for two and a half hours like “The one damn time I attempt to be a gentleman” and “I know where she lives” and “Gonna gingerbread her fucking locker” I could not stop laughing
  • Oh God okay one time the teacher we had was literally. Off the charts.
  • Like there’s the chill teachers, and then the bitchy teachers. And then this lady. She literally reminded me of Stubel
  • So I didn’t even know who she was but I walk in and do my shy smile/quiet ‘hello’ thing and take out my book so she immediately zeros in on me as ‘the good kid’ as usual
  • But she literally seemed to think every other person in this class was a hardened criminal holy shit. She was all over the place barking orders and yelling. And of course, you’ve got a room full of class clowns, like they feed off teachers like this. So the madder she got the more ridiculous they got. I was literally almost in tears trying to force myself not to laugh because I didn’t want to risk her turning on me omfg
  • So she yelled and flailed about the room and they kept going with jokes and paper wasps and lying about their names and just doing literally every thing they could possibly do so this woman wouldn’t have the chance to rest
  • This escalated with every minute and came to a resounding end when the teacher decided the Australian Kid™ was chewing gum and picked up the trashcan and shoved his face in it, screaming at him to spit it out as he yelled back “YOU’RE ONLY DOING THIS BECAUSE IM AN IMMIGRANT
  • he was in charge of all the bullshit that day and it was hysterical but he wasn’t the one chewing gum loudly that was me
  • The vp came in to see what all the yelling was about to find a teacher shoving a boy’s head in the trash, one boy shirtless as another drew tattoos on him, the phone off the line with it’s cord wrapped around a kid’s neck, two boys dueling with skeleton arms, one kid with her leg out the window, a kid tying a skeleton foot to the ceiling fan, rubber bands and paper wasps flying from every angle, three people turtling backpacks, someone brandishing an epi-pen, sexual hangman being played on the chalkboard, someone eating ice cream and fanning himself with money, and me, crying into my book with my hand literally bleeding from all my efforts to not laugh at what I was witnessing
  • We never saw her in detention again😂
  • My one younger friend got a detention for being late and was really shaken up about it and I tried to tell her she’d be fine but then she got caught sliding me chocolate animal crackers during it, and subsequently got another detention because of this; somehow I was not viewed as an equally guilty party and didn’t get in trouble
  • This one guy came in complaining “You guys all told me to get a twitter and I get thrown in twitter jail my first day!” “That’s like a thousand tweets in one day, how the fuck did you mange that?” “Bitch I had a lot to say about McDonalds!”
  • One teacher came in and was like “I don’t feel like helping with homework but does anyone wanna learn how to hack a computer?”
  • Someone got caught pouring water out the window but when the teacher looked to see why she saw the youngest of the goats™ standing under the window with it’s mouth open waiting for more
  • One time the teacher wouldn’t let me go to the bathroom and after I asked for like the 5th time he said “It can’t be that important!” so I just pulled a pad out of my backpack and silently sat it on my desk while glaring at him and this 40 year old man looked like he was about to pass out and he finally let me go
  • I remember our final detention of senior year we were told that if we skip it we can’t graduate so everyone went into that room with a ridiculously nostalgic attitude and one guy finally stole the skull off the skeleton and we fucking tossed it around the entire time while singing and blatantly ignoring the teacher’s complaining lmao
  • I know there’s more but it’s 7am and this is long so all in all like…I do not miss high school but some memories are bearable lmao
me being (very) brutally honest with the signs

Aries- You’re such a goddamn hothead all the goddamn time. Not everyone likes to be constantly doing something every second of every day. You get angry with people for the smallest and most trivial reasons but god forbid someone take a dig at you. You’re such a hypocrite and it’s annoying as fuck. You act like an edgy teenager that’s constantly throwing a tantrum. You also boss people around and expect everyone to just follow your lead and if they don’t, you get pissed at them for having a mind of their own. You seriously need to take a look at your life and stop seeing everything as a fucking challenge that’s rigged against you. My god, I get tired just being in your presence. 

Taurus- You’re a lazy fuck and way too materialistic and possessive. You literally have no desire to do anything because you love to sit on your ass. You take “treat yourself” to a whole new level and not in a healthy way whatsoever. It seems like every chance you get you cause arguments and then you contradict whatever the other person is saying just because you can’t look at anything from a different point of view. Even if you get to the point where you realize you’re in the wrong and the other person is right, you’ll just continue to argue for the sake of arguing and god forbid your ego take even the slightest blow. It’s irritating as shit like you really think you know best when in reality you’re just a stubborn bitch. What a bore.

Gemini- Look, I know you guys get a lot of flak. But take this into consideration…… it’s because most if not all of it is FUCKING TRUE. You have so many different personalities I don’t know which one is even real. You gossip 24/7 and flip-flop between who you talk to and who you talk about. You’re completely unreliable and unpredictable and also clingy as fuck. Seriously, I feel like I can’t get away from you. I just want to go to the bathroom, I don’t need to hear the story right now about how Sarah said that Dylan said that Kimberly found a sock in the dryer that wasn’t hers. Literally no one cares. Another thing that you do is once you get tired of someone, you just throw them away like garbage. (Also Trump is a gemini, and I know you guys can’t control that but like come on. Of course he’s a gemini.)

Cancer- You really need to stop being so whiny or I’m actually going to lose it. Everyone has problems so stop acting like such a victim all the goddamn time. You’re so moody all the time and you act like a small child that needs to have their diaper changed. You also cling onto people as soon as you meet them and cry if someone doesn’t answer your text within 5 fucking minutes. Don’t you have your own life to live? Oh wait, I forgot you spend every second in a dark room and refuse to come outside unless it’s to answer the door because you ordered shitty takeout. You consider changing your clothes adventurous and honestly it’s so boring. Introverted doesn’t even describe you, you’re more like a complete hermit (CRAB. HA!)

Leo- Hey leo, wow, are you actually reading this? I’m kind of shocked because I never thought you’d ever stop looking at yourself in the mirror. Seriously, you’re probably the most vain sign out of all of us. So much so that if someone criticizes you in even the smallest way, you get so offended and act like you’ve been shot in the chest. You think so highly of yourself, and while it’s great to have confidence, you take it to the next level, which is extreme arrogance. You love to have the conversation focused around you. You’re the type of friend that if someone is telling you about their problem or just their day in general, you’ll interrupt them and start talking about yourself and it’s DAMN ANNOYING. How do you still have friends?

Virgo- I’m gonna tell you right now, you’re not as perfect as you think you are. You’re so quick to critique other people that you write them off as not good enough before even getting to know them. You’re the type of person that would tell their friend that they were breathing too loudly. For fucks sake, you’re such an over analyzing pedant it makes me want to slap you in the face with my fucking asymmetrical hand. Your pessimism is damn near blinding, I probably wouldn’t want to hang around you for more than 10 minutes or you’d make me feel self conscious about how I fucking walk or some shit. You can’t take or make a joke. You’re skeptical about everything and you’re completely inflexible. You like to think of yourself as an intellectual but really you’re stuck up, narrow minded and someone I constantly find myself rolling my eyes at.

Libra- You are manipulative as shit. You’ll tell someone they look good without even looking up from your phone. You lie all the time and don’t really give a fuck if you hurt other people’s feelings because you really only look out for yourself. You’re also a huge fucking coward. When your friends need you to have their back and actually be there for them, you run and hide and say, “Oh sorry I just didn’t want to get involved!”. What a lame fucking excuse for ditching your friend in their time of need. You’re also extremely indecisive to the point where it’ll take you 3 hours just to choose where you want to go eat. It’s tiring as fuck. Just MAKE A CHOICE FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE. Have your own fucking opinion. You’re like a goddamn sheep.

Scorpio- Why the FUCK are you so aggressive for no fucking reason? You manipulate people just for the fun of it. You get jealous so easily and usually you don’t even have a reason to be jealous. You just are. It’s pathetic. You like to think that you’re so cool and mysterious but in reality people just see you as a moody and brooding asshole that no one really wants to bother getting to know. I mean, why would they? What’s the point? Every time someone even tries to get close to you, you completely brush them off and act like you don’t care about them because keeping your “mystifying” aura is soo important to you. And if you do let someone in, you treat them like they’re your possession and it’s creepy as hell. You obsess over them and you want to control them. God forbid they hang out with someone that isn’t you and then you resent them for no goddamn reason other than having a life of their own. Do me a favor scorpio and don’t talk to me.

Sagittarius- Honestly if a sag is reading this, you’re just straight up getting a taste of your own medicine. You’re tactless as shit and it makes me not want to be around you, ever. You’re inconsiderate of others and impatient with everyone. If someone isn’t moving up to your standards you will become agitated and aggressive and then you take it out on the person. You constantly need to be doing something else because your attention span lasts about 2 fucking seconds. You act like an 8 year old. You’re also really superficial. You don’t bother getting to know the deeper layers of a person because, like I said, you’re impatient and also just plain lazy. You take people for granted and are careless when handling the feelings of people closest to you. You’re also a really self-obsessed know-it-all. Go climb a fucking tree, sag.

Capricorn- Four words. Lighten. The fuck. Up. You are by far the most power-hungry of all the signs. You take everything so completely seriously that I don’t even know if you understand what “fun” even is. You always have to have two feet on the ground at all times and you can never ever be spontaneous and it’s so fucking dull. You’re conservative and disdainful nature can be so overbearing at times that even your friends need to get away from you. That is, if you have friends. You’re a complete pessimist so who knows if anyone can actually tolerate that. You constantly have to be the most successful person in a room, and you make sure you reach this level of success through abusive and controlling behavior towards the people around you. Your selfishness grosses me out.

Aquarius- I asked you what time it was. I didn’t ask you if I was afraid of time passing or the fact that it’s a manmade construct. For fucks sake, just shut the fuck up about this deep shit for once. I don’t want to contemplate how large the universe really is at fuckin 8:30 am on a Monday. You’re rebellious even when it doesn’t matter and honestly all it does is piss people off. You’re constantly trying to deviate from the norm that you make the same fucking mistakes that other people already made, but you don’t fucking learn from other people’s mistakes because you always have to go your own way. Maybe listen to other people for once? You’re the most detached sign out of all of them and you hurt people by acting aloof all the fucking time but you don’t care because you chalk it up to “this is who I am!!! I need my freedom!!!!”. You need to actually think about how your actions affect people you care about because if you don’t, you’re REALLY gonna end up alone and you won’t be able to do a damn thing about it. 

Pisces- You need to stop feeling sorry for yourself all the time and get it through your head that you’re not always the damn victim. You don’t take responsibility for your actions and you always find a way to blame it on someone else because you’re NEVER in the wrong, are you? Poor little pisces. You’re not as innocent as you want everyone to believe. You’re constantly daydreaming and it becomes really annoying when I’m trying to talk to you and you just completely zone out because you love living in your little imaginary world. You’re the WORST at solving your own problems and conflicts because instead of dealing with them you just avoid it all together and end up leaving the mess for someone else to clean up. You’re really nosy- you love to get in other people’s business. But you don’t go to the person directly, you have to be sneaky about it and gather rumors from other people. You’re also very over-sensitive. Out of all the signs, you’re by far the most likely to respond to this post saying how this isn’t true and that I’m just a “big fat meany!!!” and then add a bunch of angry/crying emojis.


(disclaimer: Don’t worry, I don’t really hate your sign (unless you’re a  * * * * * * … lmao). This was just for fun and I know it’s harsh. Don’t take it too personally. You’re an individual and ultimately you determine who you really are. Except for you, * * * * * * . Fuck you.) 

You are my favorite what if
  • me coming out to my family: I have been struggling to tell u this for years,, I am not a straight. or a cis. I walk among you but I do not truly belong in your world, and never will. please accept me for who I am. I hope you understand.
  • me coming out to my friends: 1-800-im-a-lesbian
☆ sleepover saturday ☆

i wanna talk to you guys a little, so come at me:

  • rant/vent/complain about something that bothers you
  • have you ever..?
  • confess something/tell me a secret
  • would you rather..?
  • unpopular opinions
  • ask for advice (and i’ll do my best to be helpful lol)
  • tell me about your crush or best friend (or both)
  • ask me personal questions
  • tell me what you like most about yourself
  • make me choose between..
  • tell me about your dreams
  • send me headcanons
  • my top 5 of whatever
  • send me puns, jokes, and memes
  • your favourite fictional character and why you love them
  • send me recs (movies, books, anime, fics, music etc.)
  • ask me for recs (…)
  • fuck, marry, kill
  • tell me about your pet (or post pics of them and tag me :D)
  • …… 

these are just some suggestions that came to my mind right now, so feel free to send me whatever! and feel free to reblog if you want to have a sleepover too ☆

No, Wait, You Got it All Wrong

You know what there’s not enough of? Canon compliant future fic where Stiles is a cop and he runs into Derek again. What’s that you say? There’s a ton of that?? Yes, true, but NOT ENOUGH.

“…. so then he says, ‘No, Officer, I swear to God this is the first time I’ve ever smoked up! I’ve never been in trouble with the law in my life! And I say, Billy, my man, you’ve been in trouble with me personally twice this month.” Stiles snorts at the memory. “Kid was so fucking high.”

Amanda must be halfway past tipsy, because she laughs uproariously into her beer at the mediocre punchline.

Stiles smiles. He’s satisfied with her reaction, with the warm murmur of the bar, with the buzz he’s got going… with just about everything, actually. After tonight, he’s looking at two full days off before he’s back on the beat, and the night’s still young. He leans back in his chair and takes a pull of his beer, savoring it.

Amanda glances towards the bar, probably considering a fourth round, and then visibly perks up as something near the front catches her eye.

“Oooh, Stiles,” she croons. “Look over at the door, like, just glance over.” She’s adjusted her gaze down at the table now, faking casual disinterest. Badly.

Stiles raises his eyebrows at her.

“This dude just walked in, he’s so your type,” she hisses. “C’mon, look! I’m telling you, six feet two inches of ‘yes, please, give it to me’ muscles, with some salt-and-pepper scruff icing. Unff.”

“Eh,” Stiles says, tipping his weight forward to hunch over the table. It’s not that he isn’t interested, exactly, but this is a cop bar and he doesn’t want to shit where he eats. Metaphorically.

“No, really,” Amanda insists. “He's… oh my God, he’s looking over here. He’s looking at you. Oh my God, Stiles, he’s coming over here!”

“No, he isn’t,” Stiles scoffs. He’s filled out a bit from high school and he’s finally competent at styling his hair, but he’s not that hot. Only Amanda’s sitting straight like a rod, eyes fixed on a point behind him that’s about where a six foot two man’s eyes would be.

“Stiles?”

He turns then, shooting to his feet before his brain’s quite caught up, because that voice is familiar like the back of his own hand.

Keep reading

The silence before our kiss was the loudest moment of my life.
—  No One
Ace Keith Headcanons
  • He didn’t know it back then. He didn’t care about it. Ignored all his classmates who were passing around lewd magazines and just continued browsing why on earth pluto was no longer a planet. The injustice! 
  • When his classmates at the Garrison asked him if he ever had a girlfriend 
    “Never had one.” 
    “A boyfriend then?” 
    “Nope. None of that either.”
    “But why?”
    “I was not aware it was a requirement, Charles.”
    Others thought he was a snob and a bit snarky after that.
  • At night he just read books. Sometimes he drew things like spaceships and alien warships. He loved outer space and he was going to be an ace pilot and be the youngest pilot to go on a mission. His roommate gave up inviting him to parties to meet possible mates. “Have fun.” “You too.”
  • When he wanted to be alone, he snuck up to the rooftop just so he could trace the constellations and get more inspiration for his drawings. He liked the quiet and the natural light the moon gave him to see what he was drawing on his skethpad.
    “What are you doing in a place like this at this hour, cadet?”
    Keith looked up to see the one and only Garrison Golden Boy.
    “I could say the same for you, Sir.” He got back to drawing.
    Shiro sat beside him and just watched him draw in silence. 
  • It became a thing. Shiro finding Keith on the rooftop, reading or drawing. They usually didn’t even talk, until Shiro broke their usual silence.
    “How come you’re always up here? Why are you not with your friends? It’s not everyday you get to be in the city and have fun.”
    Keith shrugged. “Hmm. Not really my type of fun or thing.”
    “Huh. Interesting.”
  • They became friends after that. Their feet dangling on the rooftop as Shiro would tell Keith a joke or something that happened to him in class. Keith didn’t draw all the time, he’d have the sketchpad on his lap and just laugh and tell Shiro things too.
  • Their conversation led to talking about crushes one time, because that topic was always interesting.
    “Had my first crush back in elementary,” Shiro laughed. “A bit silly to be honest. Then she liked me back and we became a couple.”
    “Wow. That’s so… young.” Keith chuckled.
    “How about you? Who was your first crush?”
    Keith furrowed his eyebrows. “I’ve never had one.”
    “What?” Shiro asked, a bit scandalized at the revelation. “No way!”
    “I just haven’t seen anyone that way, I guess. If it happens, then it happens. But to be honest, I don’t think anyone will even like me since I’m not into that or see anyone like that.” Keith forced a fake cough. 
    Shiro was silent for a while and then he smiled. “Keith, do you know the word for that?”
    “The word for what?” Keith looked confused.
    “The word for what I think you are,” Shiro smiled fondly. “It’s asexual. Or ace for short. It’s basically someone who doesn’t experience sexual attraction.”
    Keith blinked. “Oh.” Then he smiled. “I like that. Ace. What a nice word.”
    “It is. You’re literally an Ace Pilot.” Shiro laughed.
    “Oh, shut up.” Keith nudged Shiro playfully, causing his skethpad to fall.
  • The next few months they were on the rooftop, Keith started the talk.
    “I think I have my first crush now.”
    “Oh really? Who is it?” Shiro raised an eyebrow, curious.
    “It’s basically someone you admire, right?”
    “Yeah.”
    Keith nodded. “Okay, I’m sure it’s a crush then.”
    “Keith! Who is it? Oh my god. Don’t kill me this way, man. I must know!”
    Keith laughed. “Oh, I’m pretty sure you’ll know one day, Shiro.”
    Shiro sat back, thinking that was probably enough of an answer. “Okay, so you have this crush on someone now. What do you want to do?”
    “I might want to hold his hand one day. If he’d let me.”
    Shiro smiled at his friend. “I hope you get to hold that boy’s hand, Keith.”
  • A few months later, Keith asked Shiro if he could hold his hand.
Fruits - Peter Parker

request -  hi! i was wondering if you could write something about a peter x fem!reader where she’s homeschooled and doesn’t have friends and then she meets peter and they become close ? thanks!! 

a/n - i changed the request up a bit, and made the reader tony’s daughter to give it an even more ‘fluffy’ feel to it and i think it failed horribly BUT thank you so much for 1k!!! i can’t even believe all the love i’m getting for these fics, it makes me so happy to know you guys like them :) don’t forget to request a peter parker/spider-man fic if you’d like and follow!

I sat at the dining table just across from the living room, headphones in as I watched a math lesson that was just uploaded onto my school’s website. It was just around 10 AM when my school day started, a bowl of freshly cut fruits on the table as I took notes in my small book, sometimes glancing around to see if something more entertaining was going on.

Being the kid of a billionaire had it’s perks, but some downsides to it as well. Sure, I was able to access anything through money, but I was stuck at home a good 99% of my life, hidden away from the public eye at the request of my father. I’ve never been able to go to school and have a ‘normal’ life, with my only friends being the middle aged people the world calls the Avengers.

I paused the lesson and took my headphones out, heading out to the kitchen counter to pour a cup of coffee for myself, only to hear the door opening.

Keep reading

Let Me Show You Why

Thank you @joeynihil for letting me use the Cody gif :D

Summery: Brett goes out of his way to make you blush or shy but he goes too far.

Warnings: sex, 18+ gif under cut


“Brett’s coming?” You asked when your friend finished listing off the people she’d invited.

“It’s a party to celebrate the team winning all their games so far… why wouldn’t I invite Brett?” She asked, glancing at you in the mirror as she put her makeup on, frowning when she looked over the jeans and t-shirt you were wearing.

“Well… because he’s kind of a jerk.” You mumbled, playing with your fingers as you scuffed your feet on the foot of her bed.

Keep reading

Just friends don’t act like this… luckily I love you both platonically and romantically
—  No One Important
Sleep: Interrupted - Theo Raeken

Originally posted by chimeracuddles

word count: 4627
summary: y/n finds theo sleeping in his truck, and it tugs on her heartstrings in such a way that she offers him a place in her bed.
warnings: gets a lil steamy, swearing, reader was low key abandoned by her parents
a/n: an anon asked for something somewhat like this when i was already writing it so i hope you like it :)
(written in theo’s pov)


I just want sleep.  It’s really all I need, one good night’s sleep.  Just one.  But for some reason, the Beacon Hills Police Department don’t think I deserve such a luxury.

Tonight was the ninth time that I’ve been woken up by one of the deputies.  I didn’t even say anything, just shoved my keys into the ignition and drove off.  I hadn’t slept peacefully for a full night, in over a week.

And to think, every other person my age right now is excitedly looking into colleges, waiting for letters to come, buying supplies for dorms and school.  But not me.  I missed enough school that I wasn’t eligible to graduate.  I’d be stuck in this town forever.

It was almost midnight when I just decided to pull over on the side of the road, and fall asleep there.  If I got interrupted by another cop, then so be it, but it can’t even be safe for me to be driving.  I could very easily fall asleep at the wheel.

I parked my truck and crawled into the backseat, settling on the blanket back there and pulling my hood over my head.  I relaxed and was so close to passing out when I heard a knocking.

“Alright you know what” I grumbled, sitting up.  “I know I’m not allowed to do this but I’ve got nowhere to-” I froze, seeing who was on the other side of the window.  It was y/n.

“Theo?” She called quietly, her brows crinkled together in confusion and what was maybe… worry?

“y/n?” I replied, rolling down the window to speak to her more clearly.  “What are you doing out here?” I asked.

y/n was one of the three humans in the McCall pack, also including Stiles and Mason.  Surprisingly, I knew nothing about her.  While practically every other member of the pack I was very familiar with.  Mostly because of the Dread Doctors thing, but it never concerned y/n, since she was a human.  Sure, I needed to know everything I could about Stiles because he was a threat and had close ties with Scott, and when Mason turned out to be the Beast,, I did my research on him too, but not y/n.  The only thing I’d ever picked up on from her was her shyness, her intelligence, and her kindness.

“I was walking, what are doing out here?” She replied, her hands on her hips as though she were scolding me.

“Well I was sleeping” I stated, and she laughed, rolling her eyes a little.

“I gathered that much, why are you sleeping out here? In your truck?” She asked, her sarcastic tone fading and concern filling it’s place.

“Oh, uh..” I pushed my hood off and rubbed the back of my head.  “Well I- you see after… I just-”

“Do you need a place to stay?” She asked softly, her thumbnail between her teeth as she looked at me nervously.  My brows rose in surprise at her offer.

“You sure about that?” I asked, half expecting her to bust out laughing before telling me to go to hell.

“Well. if you give me a ride home, I’ll let you stay overnight” She said in a voice so sweet that I couldn’t decline her.

“Okay” I said befor I could think about the answer.  y/n smiled, and walked around the truck to get into the passenger’s seat.  I made my way up front, zipping my jacket up further as I realized it was practically open.  I couldn’t tear my eyes off of her as I turned on the truck.

Why would she offer me this? Why would she even talk to me? And how’d she even notice and recognize my truck? What was she doing out here in the first place? Walking at 11:45 at night in Beacon Hills? Did she have a death wish?

“Uh, Theo?” She spoke, jogging me from my thoughts.

“Sorry, yeah?” I asked, blinking and noticing her big y/e/c round eyes were set on mine, a blush on her cheeks.

“You gonna keep staring or are you gonna drive?” She said, her words confident, but her voice soft.  I turned away quickly, pulling back onto the road as she told me where I was driving to.

“Sorry I just… what’re you doing?” y/n rose an eyebrow at me, her lips pursed.

“Could you repeat the question?” She asked in a mocking voice that I couldn’t quite tell what she was mimicking but chuckled anyways.

“Here? What are you doing here?” I restated, casting a quick glance to her, my gaze lingering as the streetlights lit up her features in a beautiful sort of way.  I turned back to face front quickly.

“I’m here so you can give me a ride home” She said, and I gave her a bored look, making her sigh.  “I’m here because you were sleeping in your truck because you’ve got nowhere else to sleep and it’s clearly uncomfortable and no one deserves that” She told me.

“Not even me?” I asked impulsively, and instantly regretted saying it out loud.  But her head turned from where she was looking out the window, her curious eyes set on me again as she spoke.

“And why would you deserve to sleep in the back of a car?” She asked, her voice velvety.  I don’t know how, but it was, and it was a sweet sound to listen to.  But I gave her a puzzled look.

“Do you realize who you’re talking to?” I asked timidly.  “Theo Raeken? I broke up your pack? Ruined, everyone’s, lives?” When she didn’t answer after a few moments, I looked over at her, to see her smiling gently, before looking away and staring out the window.

“Not mine” She said.  “Besides, didn’t you go to hell for that?”

“Yeah but-”

“Then it seems like you’ve already suffered the consequences” She all but whispered out.  I didn’t say anything, but the rest of the ride I kept stealing glances over at her.

How had I never noticed how absolutely breathtaking she was before?


She had me park about a block away from her home, in a parking space at a small bookshop that I assumed was near her neighborhood.  We got out and I began to walk with her when she grabbed my wrist.  I instantly turned to face her, the contact shocking me a little.

“Don’t you want some of your things?” She asked me, her thumb jerking over her shoulder to point to the truck.

“It’s just one night I didn’t-”

“Well maybe, but one night of good sleep in a bed, might as well enjoy it to it’s fullest and wear pajamas” She said in that gentle voice that I couldn’t argue against.  So I just nodded and heading back to collect some clothes.  “Charge your phone too” She piped up.  “Those things always die when we-” She stopped talking when I turned to face her, freezing up upon realizing she had been standing right behind me and was now incredibly close.  “-need them most” She finished shakily, blinking a few times before shaking her head and stepping back.  I slung my backpack over my shoulder.

“That’s everything” I said, closing the car door and locking the truck again before shoving the keys into my pocket.  y/n led the way as we began walking again.

“Sorry you have to park so far, my parents are home and I don’t need them making any… assumptions” I nodded, chuckling a little.

“I’m sure you bring guys home all the time” I said sarcastically, and she turned to me, smirking with a quirked brow as she linked her hands behind her back.  “That was sarcasm” I said quickly, and she was the one to laugh this time.

“And what made you use it?” She asked.  “What makes you think I’m not constantly bringing boys from the side of the road home with me?”

“Doesn’t seem like something you’d do” I replied with a shrug.

“Oh? And you know me so well?” She said pointedly, and again, I shrugged my shoulders.

“No, but from what I’ve seen so far, doesn’t seem like you”

“And what seems like me?” I looked at her, but when I found her eyes already on mine I looked away again, hiking my bag further up on my shoulder as we continued our walk.

“A quiet book girl who got mixed up in the wrong group of friends and was forced to move on from a normal life for something far more thrilling- and not in the good way” I said.  She snorted a laugh, shaking her head.

“You know nothing about me, do you Theo Raeken?”

“Well I wouldn’t exactly call you my best friend” I replied.

“So you’re saying you have friends?” She asked, and I rolled my eyes, giving her a look that only made her smile and shake her head.

“You don’t know me either” I countered.

“Don’t I?” She said, and from her expression I could tell she knew more about me than I knew about me.  “Theo Raeken, chimera, werewolf, werecoyote, a build a bear of a supernatural creature” She said with a small laugh at her own joke.  “Your parents left you and your sister a long time ago, I know the backstory, quite tragic, made me sad to hear what the Doctors made you do” y/n frowned, an expression I didn’t like to see on her pretty face.  “Becoming something far different than Beacon Hills had seen before, the first successful chimera sometime a year and a half ago give or take” She said with a shrug.  It was like she was reciting a speech to me.  “Worth about nine million on the deadpool”

“How’d you-”

“- know that?” She finished, looking over at me, and I nodded in confirmation.  “Because I was on the list sweetheart” y/n told me, and her eyes momentarily flashed a bright green color.

“Green?” I thought aloud.  “I thought you were…”

“Human?” She asked, and I nodded again, at a loss of words for the girl walking next to me.  “Nope, I’m quite like you Raeken” She said, popping her lips a few times.  “In the sense of being something different” She looked down, and I could see her hands wringing together anxiously behind her back.

“And what are you?” I asked her quietly, not wanting to push, but my curiosity getting the better of me.

“A Bisaan” She said, her hands tightening on themselves.  A what? “A spirit really, think of it as a kitsune if that makes it easier”

“Nothing about this town is easy” I told her, making her chuckle bitterly.

“Well I’m possessed by something I barely understand and have been since I was a little girl.  So nothing’s ever been easy” She spoke in a whisper.

“You seem to hold yourself together very well for someone who finds life difficult” I commented.

“Everyone finds life difficult” She said blatantly.  “Everyone’s depressed, anxious, nervous, everyone’s thought about death, not always in a suicidal sort of way, but we’ve all wanted to die at times” I didn’t say anything, I didn’t know what to say, she was completely right.  “Haven’t you? Correct me if I’m wrong”

“I was, well I sort of was” I told her.  “But here I am, I suppose” She watched me intently for a moment.  “My days in hell were limited, but up here I feel even more so”

“You think you’re going to die soon?” I shrugged.

“Seems likely, don’t see anyone ‘round here who wants me staying here” She gave me a soft smile.

“Well I enjoy your company Theo Raeken.  Even if I was going to kill you”

“You were going to kill me?” I asked, giving her a surprised look.  She nodded simply, her smile still present.  “When? I’d ask why but everyone in the McCall pack wanted me dead-”

“Before then” She said softly.  “Junior year, I was going to”

“I wasn’t even going to Beacon Hills High then” I said, and she shook her head.

“No, but you were on the deadpool, and I needed the money” I gestured wildly around her neighborhood, of large houses and green lawns.

“You needed the money?” She giggled, her eyes lighting up with delight that I could see even in the dark.

“My parents’ wealth has nothing to do with me, none of it goes towards me” y/n said.  “No college fund, nothing.  I even do my own grocery shopping” I looked at her with astonishment.  “Before you ask why, they know about me.  Me being a supernatural that is”

“And that has to do with this how?”

“They don’t like it.  But I’m still seventeen so they can’t kick me out” She said with a shrug that made my heart lurch.  I physically felt it slow down in beating.  “You’re sad, don’t be sad” She said quickly, her brows drawn together as she looked at me.

“What? Can you read chemosignals?” She giggled again and shook her head.

“No silly I’m not a were-creature like you” y/n said.  “I see it, in your eyes”

“Seriously?”

“Well not like, poetically or anything I mean seriously, when I look at them I can see what you’re feeling” She said.  I nodded, licking over my lips, unsure of what to say to that.

“Huh” Was all I could manage.

“You’re surprised?” She asked, and I nodded at her, making her laugh again.

I wish she’d keep laughing.

“Would you have tried to act differently if you knew that?” She pondered, and I gave her a look.

“What do you mean?”

“Hide your emotions like you already try to” She stated bluntly.

“What? I don’t-”

“Liar” She stated again, cutting me off.  I didn’t speak out again.  “I already know everything you’re feeling Raeken, you couldn’t hide it from me if you tried your hardest” She turned down a sidewalk swiftly and I jogged a little to catch up with her.

“I doubt that”

“Oh really?” She smirked a little.  “Let’s see, you’re drowning in your own guilt and regret, but anybody with regular ol’ eyes can see that” She said with a wink that made my mouth go dry.  “You’re sad, the depressed kind, more so than I usually see but it makes sense from all the self pity and guilt that you’re wallowing in.  If you could get drunk, I’d take you right to the bar and buy you a drink” I smiled a little in appreciation of her offer, silently wishing I could drink.

“I don’t think Deaton likes me enough to lend me some wolfsbane to spike my own drinks” I said, and y/n shrugged.  “So I’m sad and guilty all the time, big surprise.  What a superpower you have”

“I didn’t say I was finished” She said, her small laugh returning me and reminding me that I do, in fact, have a heart.

“Then do continue”

“You like me.  Which surprised me a little, but also not I guess.  Probably because I was the first person to help you out… in a while I suppose”

When I didn’t say anything, she turned and looked at me, her eyes rounded as she cocked her head to the side.

“What?” She prompted.

“I don’t- I just met you” She giggled, shaking her head and running a hand through her hair.

“I can see your emotions remember? You adore me” She said cheekily and poked her finger to my cheek.

“Adore?”

“Mmhmm” She said, swaying back and forth cutely.  “You liiiike meeee” She sing songed, her expression turning happy and bright, making me involuntarily smile.

“Yeah well,” He rubbed the back of my head.  “I’m a stranger to you and you offered me a bed in your home”

“You weren’t a stranger to me.  I’m the stranger” y/n said, and her small hand latched around my wrist as she pulled me up a driveway.  “This is me, but you gotta go to the backyard and climb to my window, okay?” I nodded, and she want up to her front door before I could ask her anything.

So did she like me back? Is that why she mentioned it? I wasn’t sure.  I tried not to think about it as I made my way to her backyard.  I took a moment to look around, just out of general curiosity.  It definitely made her look loaded.  There was a fucking water fountain with those creepy stone angel babies that spurted the water back into the fountain.  And she got none of the money they made? I mean, her parent’s banking was none of my business, and I am in no position to be giving financial advice..

But that seemed like bullshit.

“Hey!” I jerked my head up when I heard a whisper scream, and saw y/n leaning out of her open window, giving me a perplexed look.  “You want to sleep out there when it’s gonna rain, or in here in a bed with fresh warm sheets?” I rolled my eyes, and jumped up slightly, grabbing the side of the roof and hoisting myself on it.  Then walking awkwardly over to her window.  y/n was just leaning on the sill as I approached it.  “Romeo Romeo” She said in a fake posh accent, causing me to laugh.

“Well, now I know one more thing about you” I told her as she stepped aside so I could climb inside.

“Uh huh, and what’s that?”

“That you, are a huge dork” She giggled, closing the window once I was standing in her room.

It was… bare.  In a word.

The walls were painted grey, nothing hanging on them.  There was a dresser, a bookshelf, a desk, and her bed.  But those were the only pieces of furniture in her large room, but it only made it look bigger because not much occupied it.  I felt like I could run laps in here and still break a sweat.

“What? Why are you looking around like that?” She asked, drawing me back from my thoughts.  All I could think was, you deserve better than this.  “Stop that”

“Stop what?”

“Stop pitying me” She spoke like it was venom in her mouth.

“What I’m not-”

“Emotion reader, remember?” She asked blankly, the light that had previously been in her eyes completely gone, replaced by a vacant stare.

“Sorry” Was all I could think to say.  She walked past me, shrugging her jacket off of her shoulders, and hanging it up in her closet.  I just stood awkwardly in the middle of the room while she walked around, straightening out things that were already perfectly placed.  “y/n?”

“What?” She replied quicker than I thought.

“Do you want me to go?” She looked over at me, silent as her eyes flicked between mine, and a soft smile pulled on her lips.

“No” She spoke softly.  My brows furrowed.

“What was that?”

“What was what?” She questioned, going back to her pointless organizing

“That look you gave me, what was it?” I repeated.  She shrugged her shoulders innocently.

“Nothing.  I just like reading you” My eyes narrowed as my shoulders rose.

“You like reading me?” I asked, and she nodded.

“Uh huh, your feelings are very strong” She said.  “All of them” She added, opening a notebook and flipping through it thoughtfully.

“Um, okay” Was all I said, and I looked around some more, without moving my feet.  It’d feel weird to just start walking around her room.

“Just sit down or something” She said without looking over.

“Do you read minds too?” She chuckled and shook her head, her eyes still on the paper.

“No, it’s just weird with you standing there, stop it”

“You tell me to stop a lot” I mumbled, sitting down hesitantly on the end of her bed.  She turned and looked at me, her same smile on her lips.

“Well, stop doing things that make me want to kill you”

“But you wouldn’t get the money for it anymore” I said, quirking a brow before smirking.

“No, but it’d still pay off wouldn’t it?” I didn’t say anything, just gaped at her a little.  “Though I would miss that adoring stare” My mouth opened a little further, and she giggled, walking over and closing my jaw.  “I happen to like your heart eyes Raeken.  Make me all heart flutter-y” I chuckled at her words and she took her hand away from my face, going back to her closet.

“And do you have heart eyes for me?” I asked, watching as she pulled out shorts and a long sleeved sweatshirt.  She didn’t answer me.

“I’m gonna change, can you uh, turn around?” She asked, her finger making a small twirling motion.  I nodded, going through my own bag to change as well.  “You didn’t answer”

“I didn’t” She said as I turned my back, already pulling my hoodie off and my shirt over my head.

“Are you going to?” I asked again, shuffling out of my jeans and pulling on sweatpants instead, then a tee shirt.  I turned slightly, to see she’d already been facing me.  “Were you-?”

“Why didn’t you call Scott?” y/n asked.

“What? When?”

“For a place to stay, why not call Scott? He wouldn’t even say no to Peter, so why not call him?” My mouth opened but no words came out, it took a few tries.  “You’re nervous, why?”

“Okay, first, stop reading my emotions”

“I can’t help it.  I like it too much” y/n said with a smile.  She crawled onto the bed, sitting on one side with her legs crossed in her lap and curled her hands together in the open space between her bowed legs.

“Second,” I sighed slightly, sitting across from her in a same position.  “I can’t call Scott”

“Why not?” She asked.

“What- why? y/n I can’t just ask Scott to let me stay with him, he’d probably tell Stiles and then that’s just a mess and-”

“Okay, I doubt that, but I see your problem” She said.  “You’re scared”

Scared?” I repeated like she was crazy.  “y/n, I’m not scared”

“You are.  You’re scared you won’t be accepted again” She again, for the third time that night, made my mouth fall open.  “Which is understandable, I get it, and trust me I get it more than you think I do.  But you really shouldn’t be afraid of that” y/n said.

“Okay” I said.  “Okay” She smiled, clapping her hands quietly together, and I think she eve whispered a small ‘yay’.

“You know, I’m pretty glad that I didn’t kill you last year” She said, in a tone too sweet for the words she said.

“Yeah uh, I’m glad you didn’t do that..too?” She nodded, looking down at her lap and fiddling her fingers together.  “Did you know that I was out there? Is that why you were walking so late?” I noticed the way her tongue swiped over her lips, a nervous habit.

“No, no that’s not why I just uh… I like walking”

“In the middle of the night? In Beacon Hills?” She shrugged her shoulders.

“Why not? You worried about me?”

“Well-well I’d be worried about anyone aware of what goes on in this town and still goes out in the middle of the night” I said, and she shrugged again.

“I think I could take care of myself just fine” She said , her eyes flashing to the green tint from before then going back to normal.

“Still I mean-”

“Awe, you’re worried about me.  You really like me don’t you?” She asked, and moved forward just a little bit, sitting more in the middle of the bed while I stayed put on the edge.  Her eyes were staring into mine, and I could tell that she was reading me again.  “You do” She said softly, a small but genuine smile tugging at her lips.  “But you won’t do anything about it” She leaned back again, a cocky sort of smile on her face.  

“I won’t?”

“No.  Cause I make you shy.  Which is ridiculous by the way” She continued before I could say anything.  “Because you seem like a very confident person but for some reason you aren’t with me.  Why?” She asked bluntly, but her expression was inquisitive.

“Because,” I looked down so that I didn’t have to stare at her while I spoke.  “You’re the closest thing to a friend that I have and I don’t want that to get messed up” She was quiet, and after a few moments in silence I looked up to see her gaze set on me already.  Her features as soft as they had been all night.  She moved forward again, and gently slipped her hands into mine, then leaning forward and pressing a small and gentle kiss on my cheek.  She pulled back and smiled at me.

“At this point, there’s nothing you can do to mess it up” She said, her hands squeezing mine a little.  “Right?” I nodded a little, looking away from her eyes so she wouldn’t read me.

“I guess I can’t get any worse than this” I said bitterly, but trying to lighten the thick tension in the room.  She giggled, nodding her head slightly.

“I would guess not” She said, her eyes going up to the ceiling as her lips quirked up as well.  Then it was quiet again, and I just watched her as she watched me probably reading all of my emotions that were currently snowballing into one mess of adoration for this girl in front of me.  “You know what I wish though” She said faintly.

“Hm?” Her hands rose, still intertwined with mine, making hers look so much smaller, her elbows sat on her knees, and I mimicked the position while she stared at our hands.

“I wish I could read people’s thoughts.  Not always, cause it’d get messy, but every once in awhile”

“You want to read my thoughts?” I asked amusedly.  She smiled bashfully, a blush creeping up onto her cheeks as she looked down at the sheets.

“Yeah” y/n whispered out.

“What would you want to know that you don’t already?” I asked, she looked up at me through her lashes, her blush darkening and I could smell the nervousness coming off her her, but it quickly changed, to what I recognized as confidence.  But it was a weak fragrance.

She leaned forward, releasing my hands and setting hers on the mattress, to move forward more.  And in seconds I met her halfway and pressed my lips against hers.  I could feel her melt against me, and I wrapped my arms around her small waist to pull her closer, both of us sitting up on our knees, her arms winding around my neck and I yanked her further, her chest pressed against mine and the quick action earning a soft noise from her mouth.  I chuckled, holding her tighter as her tongue traced over my lips, then snuck into my mouth.  I turned her, lifting her up while I was still set on my knees.  Her legs wrapped around my torso before I pinned her down onto her bed, never once detaching my lips from hers.

What was once a gentle and timid kiss had turned into something much, much more.

Her hands cupped around my face, pulling me back slightly and her bright eyes staring into mine, filled with delight.

“You’re gonna make me fall for you Theo Raeken” She said in a whisper.

“Well then we’d be even, wouldn’t we?”


i like this and i’ve been on a theo kick lately

theo deserves so much better

xoxo ~ jordie