genuinely it is weird to think about, i generally think of myself as just, not existing to other people unless they are directly interacting with me? like its hard for me to fathom people, like. thinking about me, or. anything like that? i assume people just forget i exist unless we’re speaking directly, usually, so when people imply otherwise its always like. “..oh? oh!”
Hi, so this isn’t really like me, but I felt like I had to say this somewhere before I forget or loose this feeling inside my head.
I..I’m not really open on this, since it’s a more personal issue, but I’ve had difficulty with religion…my whole life. It’s always this back and forth feeling, and today it got the best of me.
I got so mad at myself for feeling that way…I just wanted it to stop. I needed a sign on what to do, on how to fix this empty feeling in me. And before I knew it I started to break down in my room… when I felt something…I don’t know what it was, or if it was even real, but I felt..safe and happy.
Something while I was crying. And I’m..not sure if this will make any sense, but I talked to whatever that was. Or I was just talking in my room to myself for all I knew, but whatever it was gave off this feeling I’ve never had before. And if it was what I feel like it was, I think it was a sign to pursue..what I felt in that moment.m
I’m going to try to pursue Christianity and see how that goes.
There’s only this one old friend of mine who’s part of it, and I feel this calling to go talk to him, since I feel like he’s the only one as of now who could possibly help me. For all I could know this could go horribly wrong, but I..feel like it’s the right thing to do
. I..don’t know exactly how prayers work, but if somebody can pray that I’ll have the strength to find guidance somehow, that would mean the world to me. Or just some thoughts, or if any of you guys have any advice or thoughts on this little experience of mine. That would mean a lot..thank you.
A/N: Hey everyone! This is my first time posting fics on here so hopefully it goes well. I wrote this cause I cause it wouldn’t leave me alone after i saw the idea online. These two are just so cute i felt like they needed more fics, all mistakes are mine and I hope you enjoy :)
“Babe are you ready yet?” Kat called out her voice echoing through
After putting it off for a month, Adena was finally meeting
Jane and Sutton. If Kat was being honest with herself she was incredibly nervous.
It wasn’t that she didn’t want Adena to meet her best friends, it’s just that
Kat had been extremely happy living in their little bubble. Ever since Adena
had been allowed back in the country the two had been spending as much time
with each other as possible, both desperate to make up for lost time.
“I’m coming, I’m coming” Adena assured sweeping quickly into
the room. Kat turned around from where she was standing by the apartment door
only to left speechless by her beautiful girlfriend.
“I…you…” Kat gulped chastising herself for acting like an
inarticulate fool. “Babe you look stunning.” Adena blushed as Kat’s eyes
continued to rove her body.
“You approve I take it?” She teased the blush fading slowly
from her cheeks. Adena had been nervous all week as the evening grew closer.
Although she knew that she didn’t need the approval of Kat’s best friends Adena
desperately wanted it as it would make her relationship with Kat that much
simpler. Her nerves had led to her changing her outfit at least four times in
the past half hour as she stated at her closet in frustration as nothing seemed
to be just right. She had finally settled on a pair of jeans that she knew Kat
loved, something about how it made her legs look, and a cream coloured sweater
with a slit up the side. She had decided to wear a pair of simple black flats
and her maroon coloured hijab so act as a statement to the rest of the outfit.
Adena had felt mildly confident with her choice when looking in the mirror
earlier but Kat’s reaction had reassured her that her choices were good ones.
“Like it? Babe you look amazing” Kat assured leaning in to
place a soft kiss on Adena’s lips. “You make me feel a little under dressed
though” Kat teased, indicating to her own outfit. Adena took a step back and
quickly scanned what her girlfriend was wearing, tight jeans with a white tank
top and a black leather jacket. Kat smirked as she watched Adena take in her
outfit, Kat knew she looked good even if she was a bit more casually dressed
than her Girlfriend.
“Well, you’ll do I suppose,” the small smirk Adena wore let
Kat know she was being teased.
“Hey!” Kat cried in mock indignation. “Don’t be mean or
we’ll see if I do that thing you like when we get home.” Adena’s jaw dropped at
the threat, her eyes narrowing in retaliation.
“You wouldn’t dare,” Adena grabbed Kat’s arm and pulled her
in close, her hands migrating to Kat’s back pocket.
“I might you never know.” Kat shrugged with a small grin.
“But I guess you’ll find out later if we don’t leave now we’re going to be
late.” Kat pulled away taking Adena’s hands in her own and placing a soft kiss
on her knuckles before pulling back in confusion.
“Babe? Why are your hands Purple?” Kat questioned,
confusion evident in her words.
Adena looked at her hands to see the remains of what looked
like purple paint dotting the back of her hands. “That’s a very good
question” Adena mused, thinking back to what she had been working on
earlier that day, chuckling when she figured out what had happened. “I was
painting earlier to try and distract myself from obsessing about tonight. It
worked for awhile,” Adena smiled “at least until you called. I was so startled
that I ended up putting my hand in the paint. I thought I had gotten it all off
but I must have missed some.” The light blush covering Adena’s cheeks made Kat
“Awww are you saying that I made my normally calm, put
together girlfriend act like a total spaz?” Kat teased lightly, “Oh man and I
wasn’t even there to see it.” The pout on Kat’s face made Adena laugh.
“I don’t know why you are so shocked by this. I’ve lost my
composure around you many times, this is not the first.”
“True,” Kat admitted with a grin. “But this is the first
time I had you lose composure over something not sex related.” Adena took in
the shit eating grin on Kat’s face and decided to even the score.
“Who said it wasn’t? You don’t know what I was thinking
about.” Kat’s face creased in confusion.
“I don’t understand.” Adena walked away from Kat grabbing
her purse and keys as she opened the door of the apartment.
“I think you looked lovely in your purple lingerie last
night and wanted to see if I could capture the look on canvas…I think I was
pretty successful.” Kat’s jaw dropped.
“Wait babe, what were you painting?” she called out as Adena
walked out the door only to be met with light laughter of her girlfriend as she
made her way down the hall.