I think at this point I’ve lost any right to complain about feeling lonely in the fandom.
After at least five online friendships failing because I’m distant, space-needy, poor friend material, a failed group chat effort and several failed attempts at joining fandom discords only to put a foot in my mouth and get all bristly, prickly and confrontational then hightailing it, it’s not others.
It’s just plain old me. I have no idea how to make friends anymore, and if I do find someone who I click with, the crippling distrust from experiences not too much past rears its head.
Making friends or even regular acquaintances is hard when there’s three feet of reinforced plexiglass between people and you, manufactured and installed by yourself, but you’re just as clueless as anybody as to how to get rid of it. And most of the time I can manage it, it’s ok. But sometimes it just makes me so damned sad. And envious.
I don't wanna be rude, but how can someone sit around and ask people to buy them shit? Your wishlist is full of materialistic stuff. I'm starting to question you