Okay, so I found the sketches I did from the first week of my course. I had half-planned to do a sketch journal of the year, but things rather got away from me.
I was… pretty anxious going back to school after so long (do you think I said that enough in the sketches?) I had spent the previous seven years really anxious about myself, my choices, my judgements - things had gone badly, I was in a bad place. I was anxious all the time, and felt stuck in a shitty life, and that I wasn’t good at anything.
Since starting this course, everything I have done has made me feel confident, happier, and have more faith in my judgement. This WAS the right course for me, and I’ve gone from feeling not good enough to flourishing, and doing better than I ever have.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m still anxious about a lot of things. But I knew I would be - that’s how I am. I deferred my place so I could have two years to prepare emotionally, mentally and financially to do this. And it’s the best thing I’ve ever done. Between this and dying my hair blue, I’m feeling like I’ve actually found my fit.
I guess what I’m trying to say is - if you want to make a change, you should do it. I turned 29 just after I started this course, one of the other girls on it just turned 21 the other week. I am the oldest person studying, and yeah it’s hard sometimes looking at all these kids with their shit together, but you know what? I’m here too, I got my shit together too.
You’re never too old to find out what you want to do, and to make a positive change. Life’s too short to think you’re not good enough - you’ve just not found where you’re meant to be yet.
Anxiety is hard, finding ways to cope helps - whether that’s identifying support networks, or making preparations to make things easier for you - don’t let it stop you from being great.