me crying at your perfection status

translucenttbh-deactivated20160  asked:

Remus drinks bitter tea when he's upset. Sirius knows this, and starts to worry when he sees Remus drinking Earl Grey five times a day. Turns out Remus thinks Sirius is only with him because his parents don't like impure bloodlines. Please include a small fight, two days of shunning, and then Sirius falling apart not understanding why Remus is acting this way until BOOM Remus drops the bomb that he doesn't like being used. Sirius then starts listing all the things that he loves about Remus. -K

  • Sirius knew something was wrong when Remus got up to make his third cup of Earl Grey that morning.
  • He knew something was wrong when Remus skipped the sugar, skipped the honey, and let the tea bag seep for a good five minutes.
  • He knew something was wrong when Remus didn’t even flinch at the taste.
  • He sits carefully next to Remus on the love seat in front of the fire, “Re?”
  • Remus doesn’t look up from his book. He barely acknowledges Sirius, “Hm?”
  • “Are.. Are you alright, love?”
  • “Fine.”
  • Sirius bites his lip, “Are you sure?” He reaches out, smoothing his palm over Remus shoulder and back.
  • But Remus flinches away, standing quickly, “Yes, I’m sure.” He picks up his book and marches straight up the stairs to the dorm.
  • And Sirius is left sitting there alone, unsure as to what just happened.
  • Usually when Remus was upset, he’d come to Sirius about it… not run away… not hide.
  • Sirius tried to stay in the common room. He really did, but how could he when he knew Remus was right up those stairs upset? Hurting?
  • So, after an hour of trying to distract himself with a game of chess with James, he can’t take it anymore, taking the dorm stairs two at a time.
  • He shuts the door softly behind him, eyeing the curtains closed around Remus’ bed.
  • “You awake, Moons?”
  • With no response, Sirius begins to toe off his shoes anyway. He trades in his robes for a pair of plaid pajama pants and approaches the curtains.
  • He slips through them and is about to make himself comfortable under the covers, snug against Remus’ body, when-
  • “Not tonight, Sirius.”
  • Remus’ voice is muffled by the pillow but there’s no mistaking what he said.
  • Sirius freezes in shock, staring at the back of Remus’ head who’s facing away from him.
  • “W-what?”
  • Remus lets out a heavy sigh, shrinking deeper under his blankets, his shoulder blades sticking out against his tense muscles, “I said not tonight.”
  • And Sirius swallows hard, “Re, I don’t want to do anything. I just-“
  • “I know. And I’m saying not tonight.”
  • And Sirius feels his heart clench, his chest tighten up, “Oh. Oh, okay. Okay..”
  • And he shakily stumbles out from Remus’ curtains to his own bed that’s been perfectly made for over a month. He tears the stiff, cold, sheets back and lies between them, shivering.
  • He doesn’t get to sleep that night, not use to sleeping alone anymore.


  • Nothing changes the next day.
  • Or the day after that.
  • Remus refuses to look at him, refuses to talk to him.
  • Sirius is forced to watch him down cup after cup of his bitter tea and just sit there, wondering what could be wrong.
  • He’s started making a mental list of everything he could have done to upset Remus in the past few days but he doesn’t come up with much
  • Remus has taken to sitting with Peter in class
  • He eats quickly and his curtains are already drawn by the time Sirius comes up from the Great Hall.
  • It’s on the third day, as they’re leaving Potions, that Sirius decides he can’t stand it anymore.
  • Remus had been trying to find dried fairy wings in the store cupboard, when Sirius had come up next to him, finding it easily and tucking it into Remus’ palm as a desperate attempt for contact - any form of contact.
  • Remus had flinched so hard he dropped the glass bottle, shattering it on the floor. He’d stayed quiet at his station for the rest of the class, barely brewing at all.
  • Sirius decided he had to say something.
  • He was losing Remus. He could feel it.
  • He couldn’t stand it.
  • He walked out of the classroom with the rest of the students, but hovered by the door, watching Remus pack up slowly.
  • Remus had barely called his goodbye to Slughorn and shut the door behind him when he turned, starting at the sight of Sirius standing there.
  • He averted his eyes quickly, staring at the grimy dungeon floor, “Excuse me-“
  • “No.” Sirius moved, blocking his path around him.
  • Remus tried to force his way around him but again, Sirius blocked his way, hands finding the wall on either side of Remus’ face, “No, Remus.”
  • What do you want.” Remus still wasn’t looking at him.
  • “You really have to ask me that question?”
  • Remus jerked his head to the side, desperately trying to be as far away from Sirius as possible, he pressed himself into the slimy wall.
  • “You really don’t know?” Sirius felt, for the first time since Remus had started this, a new emotion; one other than sadness: anger.
  • “I want to know why you’re avoiding me. Why you won’t talk to me. Why you won’t even look at me.”
  • And when Remus didn’t respond, Sirius felt himself snap,
  • “Remus, look at me!” His hand slammed against the wall near Remus’ head, “Please.”
  • “Let me go!” Remus pushed Sirius’s arms away, breaking out of the makeshift prison. He started to walk away at a fast pace.
  • And Sirius’ heart was racing because no he can’t walk away. I can’t let him walk away
  • “Tell me what I did! Remus!” He was yelling after him, voice echoing in the empty hallway, “Tell me what the fuck I did. Why won’t you fucking look at me-“
  • And Remus spun on his heels, face hot,“Because I don’t like being used!”
  • The sudden outburst from the other boy, the one who’d been quiet for so long now, brought silence down upon the hallway.
  • Sirius swallowed thickly, “What..”
  • And Remus was taking great, shuttering breaths, “I don’t like.. being used. By you.”
  • And Sirius just gaped at him. Of everything, he was not expecting this, “I don’t-“
  • “I know what your family’s like, Sirius. Toujours Pur. Pure-bloods…” Remus was looking at Sirius for the first time in days, something Sirius would have killed for a second ago. But with Remus’ sad, hurt eyes on him now, he wanted nothing more than for him to look away, “And I know how you feel about your family… you’d do anything to defy them… And-“ His voice broke, “And I’m as un-pure as you can get.”
  • For a moment, Sirius still didn’t understand. What did his family have to do with anything? Why was Remus so worried about this? Why-
  • oh.
  • What?” Sirius’ heart hammered in his chest,
  • “You think I’m using you to, what, to get back at them? You think that’s why I’m with you?”
  • And finally, Remus’ eyes dropped back to the floor, giving Sirius all the answer he needed.
  • “Re…” And he was rushing forward, feet carrying him the short distance between them in a heartbeat, stopping right in front of him. He tilted Remus’ chin up so their eyes met again. Sirius took a second to relish in the color of Remus’ eyes - a color he had missed, 
  • “Re… You idiot.”
  • And Remus’ eyes widened, but he only had a moment to look appalled before Sirius’ mouth was crashing down onto his, capturing his lips in a needy, heated kiss.
  • “You idiot, you idiot, you idiot.” Sirius mumbled it against his skin before pulling away, cradling Remus’ face in his palms, “How could you think that? Merlin, Re-“ He felt at a loss for words.
  • He was just thankful Remus wasn’t pulling away this time - that he had kissed him back
  • “I don’t give a flying fuck what they think. What they believe in.” He made sure he was staring right into Remus’ eyes, “I don’t give a fuck about your blood status or your ‘pureness’ or- any of that fucking shit. I care about-“ He let out a sort of tearful laugh, although he was unsure why he suddenly felt like crying, “I care about the way you hold me at night and how I wake up to you reading and your fingers in my hair. I care about how you can kiss me until I can’t remember my own fucking name. I care about your big, stupid, god-damn adorable sweaters and those fucking reading glasses you have to wear… I care about how you can scramble the perfect egg, make the perfect cup of hot chocolate- fuck, I care about how you drink bitter tea when your sad that must taste like complete shit.”
  • His thumbs whipped at the tear drops that were now slowly rolling down Remus’ cheeks. They pressed at his bottom lip until Remus released it from his teeth, 
  • “I care about you, Remus.. Just you..”
  • And Remus practically fell into Sirius then, his face pressed into his neck, arms tightly wrapped around his waist.
  • They hung onto each other, systems flooding with relief because that wasn’t it. They were okay.
  • “‘m sorry… ‘m sorry, Pads…”
  • And Sirius just shook his head, holding on to him for dear life.
  • “You just have to know, Moons..” Sirius pressed a kiss to Remus’ temple, letting his lips linger there, “nothing’s gonna tear us apart.”