me and you & we all fall down

  • Canon!Ruby: So uhh...who are you guys?
  • Grimmfuture!Ruby: I'm you. But nothing matters to me anymore except hunting down Cinder Fall. And ripping her piece from piece. I could throw myself into a pack of Grimm after that for I care.
  • Spartan!Ruby: I'm you, but I was raised from birth to be a genetically-enhanced, unstoppable machine. However, rather than take up the mantle of a Spartan-II, I became the first Spartan-III that had a Spartan-II's upbringing. This decision has put a heavy strain on my relationship with Yang though...
  • AFD!Ruby: Ummm...I'm you and a part time music student...and uh....yeah. If we're all gonna talk about this anymore I'm gonna go get a drink...AND get my comfy pants.
[TRANS] SPRING DAY - BTS

Miss you
saying this makes me miss you more
i miss you even though im looking at your photo
time is so cruel, i hate us
seeing each other for once is so hard between us

it’s all winter here even in August
my heart is running on the time alone on the snowpiercer
i wanna get to the other side of the earth holding your hand 
wanna put an end to this winter
how much longing should we see snowing down to have the days of spring, friend

like the tiny dust like tiny dust floating in the air
will i get to you a little faster if i was the snow in the air 

snowflakes fall and get away little by little
i miss you i miss you
how long do i have to wait
and how many sleepless nights do i have to spend
to see you to meet you 

passing by the edge of the cold winter
until the days of the spring 
until the flowers blossom
please stay, please stay there a little longer

is it you who changed or is it me?
i hate this moment that this time flows
we are changing you know, just like everyone you know 
yes i hate you, you left me 
but i never stopped thinking about you, not even a day
honestly i miss you but ill erase you
cuz it hurts less than to blame you

i try to exhale you in pain like smoke, like white smoke
i say that ill erase you but i cant really let you go yet

snowflakes fall and get away little by little
i miss you i miss you
how long do i have to wait
and how many sleepless nights do i have to spend
to see you to meet you

you know it all, youre ma best friend
the morning will come again 
no darkness, no season can last forever

maybe its cherry blossoms and this winter will be over 
i miss you i miss you 
wait a little bit, just a few more nights
ill be there to see you, ill come for you 

passing by the edge of the cold winter
until the days of the spring
until the flowers blossom
please stay, please stay there a little longer

ok but
can we take the same road ??? two days in the same clothes ???? And I know just what she’ll say if I can make all this pain go CAN we stop this for a minute !!??! You know !! I can tell that your hEARt isn’t in it or with it !!! Tell me with your mind, body and spirit !!! !!! I can make your tears fall down like the showers that are British Whether we’re together or apart !!! We can both remove the masks !!!! and admit we regret it from the start !!!!!

this ask meme is based on the blog gravesuggestion.  i’ve divided it up into two categories  ( light  &  dark )  based on the themes.  some of these can be somewhat triggering seeing that the darker ones deal with a lot of death mentions.  please be cautious before continuing on!!

L I G H T

‘  at night i dream of you.  ’
‘  don’t give up yet.  you still have time to fix things.  ’
‘  falling in love with someone else is not a personal attack.  ’
‘  i am still so weak when it comes to you.  ’
‘  i can’t believe i let myself let you down.  ’
‘  i don’t care where we go when we die,  as long as i’m with you.  ’
‘  i dream of saying to you all the words i held inside until it was too late.  ’
‘  i feel so warm  &  safe when you talk to me.  maybe i could love you if you’d let me.  ’
‘  i finally let the right people in  &  i have never felt so loved.  ’
‘  i like the way your nails paint red stripes along my spine days after you’re gone.  ’
‘  i lived in your permafrost for twenty years  &  then you looked at me  &  i felt the warmth of spring.  ’
‘  i once wished you’d leave me alone,  but i take it back.  ’
‘  i want to be able to love someone else,  but you stretch your arms  &  spread your legs inside my heart so that there is no room for anyone or anything else.  ’
‘  i want to believe that we got it right this time.  ’
‘  i wonder how much longer i can cling to your light before it expires completely.  ’
‘  i would travel across the world to be by your side,  because as long as you are with me,  anywhere is a perfect place to me.  ’
‘  it took me awhile to realize it myself,  but you are not what other people say you are.  ’
‘  it’s not that i really need you,  but life would be pretty boring without you around.  there’s no one i would rather be with.  ’
‘  i’d like to stay like this for awhile.  ’
‘  life  &  death don’t have to be so boring,  let’s make both an adventure.  ’
‘  life imitates art,  they say.  i didn’t believe it until i started to notice the way your eyelashes look so much like tiny ink stroke.  ’
‘  live your life so that when you die,  souls will come for miles just to hear your historic tales.  ’
‘  make your exes jealous  &  your past self proud.  ’
‘  maybe you’re what i needed to find in order to move on.  ’
‘  never get caught falling harder.  they’ll never let you back up.  ’
‘  please don’t go.  ’
‘  some days it’s easier to just stop fighting it  &  succumb.  ’
‘  sometimes,  you’ll find it hard to keep going,  but you always will.  ’
‘  the desire i feel for you is that same itching,  insidious hunger that an addict has for their addiction.  ’
‘  the worst thing about you is that you weren’t all bad.  ’
‘  there is absolutely nothing  &  no one who can stop me.  ’
‘  there is no route of losing you that is without pain.  ’
‘  there’s still room for adventure  &  there is no one i’d rather have by my side.  ’
‘  things didn’t turn out the way i planned,  but i’m alright with that.  ’
‘  we could be really incredible together,  you know?  ’
‘  you are beautiful  &  vibrant  &  confident.  you are light  &  laughter incarnate  &  every fiber of your being screams freedom  &  joy.  when i am with you,  i am truly happy.  ’
‘  you are starlight incarnate,  from the grand way you sway your hips to the wide mysterious way you think.  blessed are any to be loved by you.  ’
‘  you are too afraid of the future to let go of a past that was never kind to you.  ’
‘  you call me yours  &  i have no idea what that even means to you.  ’
‘  you remind me of bubblegum  &  sweets;  soft  &  pink  &  warm.  you are strong in the gentlest way.  you are so stubbornly kind.  i wish i could be like that.  ’
‘  you still visit me while i sleep sometimes.  your fingers trace my spine  &  i listen to you breathe.  please stop haunting me.  ’
‘  ‘morbid curiosity’ is a wonderful way to describe how i feel about you.  ’

D A R K

‘  a thousand empty bottles  &  fist fights will never return to us what we lost that day.  ’
‘  everyone else has moved on,  but i am still here.  ’
‘  everything about you screams danger.  ’
‘  everything is worthless to you  &  you,  in turn,  became worthless.  ’
‘  for once in my life i want to be surrounded by people that i don’t feel like i need to impress.  ’
‘  freedom is really hard to get used to.  ’
‘  how could you do this to me?  how fucking could you?  ’
‘  i am becoming everything we always dreamed of  &  i am leaving you behind.  ’
‘  i buried you so well that you might as well have died.  ’
‘  i can rest easy knowing that the person i love is dead  &  not the monster you became.  ’
‘  i can’t look at you.  not now,  not ever.  ’
‘  i don’t ask how you’ve been.  what’s the point?  you’d lie anyways.  ’
‘  i dream of hearing the words i so desperately needed to lay your memory to rest.  ’
‘  i haunted this house first.  there is no room for you here.  ’
‘  i have a right to be upset.  i loved them too, you know.  ’
‘  i just want it to end.  i want it to all go away.  i want to go away.  ’
‘  i may be a wolf in sheep’s clothing,  but a snake hiding in the skin of a mouse is far more dangerous.  ’
‘  i saw your face today  &  didn’t feel anything.  i am free.  ’
‘  i tried to save you,  but you didn’t want to be saved.  you just wanted someone to suffer with you.  ’
‘  it’s almost as if you were never here.  ’
‘  it’s unhealthy to do these things,  you tell me.  you say it’s time to stop smoking,  time to stop gambling,  &  dammit,  i f you don’t stop drinking it’ll kill you.  i sure hope you’re right,  darling.  ’
‘  i’m always pleasantly surprised by how easy it is to kill you in my mind  ’
‘  i’m not really scared to die.  i’m more afraid that no one will miss me when i’m gone.  ’
‘  i’m not the person you left behind anymore.  there’s no one here to miss.  ’
‘  i’ve been dead far longer than i’ve been alive.  ’
‘  i’ve eaten nothing but flower petals  &  ivy for weeks because i want to be beautiful inside like you.  ’
‘  i’ve never been completely satisfied.  i most likely will still be unsatisfied long after my death.  ’
‘  no motive other than pleasure,  my dear.  ’
‘  one day i’ll go or you will.  either way,  it will be as if i’m losing a piece of myself.  ’
‘  our dreams  &  promises decay along with you.  ’
‘  the leaves change,  but nothing else does.  ’
‘  the only difference between avoiding  &  leaving is that now i’m not waiting up for you.  ’
‘  there is no such thing as a person who is required to love you.  ’
‘  there’s only so much that can be done to repair old damage.  ’
‘  things aren’t going as i hoped.  maybe if i die,  i can start over again?  better luck next time.  ’
‘  this is not something to be proud of.  this is a tragedy.  ’
‘  trying to get rid of me?  oh honey,  you’ll have to try much harder than that.  ’
‘  trying to get under my skin?  you’re nothing more than a pesky itch.  ’
‘  unlike you,  i can’t hide my identity when it becomes an inconvenience or a danger.  ’
‘  weeping is for gods  &  martyrs,  we cannot afford such luxuries.  ’
‘  would you even miss me?  ’
‘  you are not important enough to earn an eternal place in my heart.  ’
‘  you complain nonstop about being unloved  &  alone,  i can’t imagine what you’d be like if that were actually true.  ’
‘  you don’t know what it’s like.  ’
‘  you made this so fucking easy for me.  ’
‘  you should see me as a threat.  i will tear down everything you know until there is nothing left of you.  i am a walking threat.  ’
‘  you think i’m already gone,  but i’m still fighting.  ’
‘  you think i’m dead,  but i’m just dying.  ’
‘  you were never an addiction,  you were a fucking disease.  ’
‘  you wouldn’t dare cross me.  i am god  &  you are the soil beneath my feet.  ’
‘  your existence takes up so much more space in mine that we might as well be one entity.  ’
‘  your fingers are so cold  &  bruised,  but you’re still slamming your fists again the barricade as if it makes a difference.  ’
‘  your hair is tied in a noose  &  your fingernails are razor blades,  your lips are poison  &  i will gratefully kiss them.  ’
‘  your hatred has a body count  &  we will not forget.  ’
‘  your loss,  not mine.  ’
‘  you’re a sick fuck.  you know that?  ’
‘  you’re not gentle with me  &  i would never ask you to be.  ’
‘  you’ve trapped yourself so thoroughly in your own mind that it’s not even a rut anymore,  it’s a pit.   ’


A Khajiit, Elf, Pixie, and Half-Orc fail to walk into a church

Context: Our 3 characters have been set on a mission to enter a church and steal the relic inside it. However…

DM: You cannot enter the church.

Nameless (our elf): We talk to the priest inside.

DM: Alright. What do you want to talk to him about.

Nameless: About why we can’t get in.

DM: “This church is protected by wards. Only people with pure hearts and no bad intentions towards the church can enter.” The priest says.

Nameless: Ok. I exit the conversation.

Trump-Tinyhands (the half-orc): So, we need a pure heart, right?

M'riqa: Holy skooma the half-orc half-understands what we need to do!

Trump-Tinyhands: Therefore I think that we should find someone with a pure heart, take their heart, and use the pure juice from it to make us seem pure to the ward!

Nameless: The guards already want us for trying to blow up this fucking church we can not risk this shit.

Ricky (pixie): Well if we get caught we’re getting sent right back to prison for life so I don’t see why we shouldn’t.

M'riqa: Fuck this plan. Ricky, take Trump-Tinyhands to the bar and keep him supervised. Nameless, give me a fucking boost up. I’m going to climb the church and enter through the chimney.

DM: Roll a dext- Actually no. Hand me that Jenga set

M'riqa OOC: Wait, what??

DM: If you can move 15 pieces then your character successfully climbs the church. If you can’t, you fall.

M'riqa OOC: Khajiit does not land butter-side down.

DM: Well then. All the more reason to not fail then!

Trump-Tinyhands: I offer encouragement.

DM: Roll charisma.

Trump-Tinyhands: *rolls a 2*

DM: You try shouting “YOU CAN DO IT!!” At M'riqa, but your booming voice sends tremors through the ground.

DM: *starts shaking the table while M'riqa is trying to do the Jenga challenge*

M'riqa OOC: THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!?!

DM: Blame the half-orc, not me. I’m just doing my job.

Top 10 times my heart broke for Rhysand

#1 When she never smiled at him

I waited for you at breakfast, but you slept in. Or avoided me, apparently. And I tried to catch your eye this afternoon, but you were so good at shutting me out completely.” “Is that what got under your skin? That I shut you out, or that it was so easy for Tarquin to get in?” “What got under my skin,” Rhys said, his breathing a bit uneven, “is that you smiled at him.” The rest of the world faded to mist as the words sank in. “You are jealous.”

and that one time she finally did

His fingers tightened on mine, and I looked up. He was smiling at me. And looked so un-High-Lord-like with the glowing dust on the side of his face that I grinned back. I hadn’t even realized what I’d done until his own smile faded, and his mouth parted slightly. “Smile again,” he whispered. I hadn’t smiled for him. Ever. Or laughed. Under the Mountain, I had never grinned, never chuckled. And afterward … And this male before me … my friend … For all that he had done, I had never given him either. Even when I had just … I had just painted something. On him. For him. I’d—painted again. So I smiled at him, broad and without restraint. “You’re exquisite,” he breathed.

#2 When Rhys confessed to having his wishes unfulfilled

“Isn’t that what High Lords do?” My breath clouded in front of me in the brisk night. “Whatever they please?” He studied my face. “There are a great many things that I wish to do, and don’t get to.”

#3 When we find out what his nightmares were about

“I’m sorry I didn’t find a way to spare you from what happened Under the Mountain,” Rhys said with equal quiet. “From dying. From wanting to die.” I began to shake my head, but he said, “I have two kinds of nightmares: the ones where I’m again Amarantha’s whore or my friends are … And the ones where I hear your neck snap and see the light leave your eyes.”

#4 When the High Lord of Night Court physically flinched from an emotional wound

“What is it that you want, Feyre?” I had no answer. I didn’t know. Not anymore. “What is it that you want, Feyre?” I stayed silent. His laugh was bitter, soft. “I thought so. Perhaps you should take some time to figure that out one of these days.” “Perhaps I don’t know what I want, but at least I don’t hide what I am behind a mask,” I seethed. “At least I let them see who I am, broken bits and all. Yes—it’s to save your people. But what about the other masks, Rhys? What about letting your friends see your real face? But maybe it’s easier not to. Because what if you did let someone in? And what if they saw everything, and still walked away? Who could blame them—who would want to bother with that sort of mess?” He flinched. The most powerful High Lord in history flinched. And I knew I’d hit hard—and deep. Too hard. Too deep.

and when we learned how deep that wound went

“Why didn’t you tell me?” “You were in love with him; you were going to marry him. And then you… you were enduring everything and it didn’t feel right to tell you.” “I deserved to know.” “The other night you told me you wanted a distraction, you wanted fun. Not a mating bond. And not to someone like me - a mess.” So the words I’d spat after the Court of Nightmares had haunted him

#5 When he considered settling for ‘whatever pieces she offered him’

“You think I didn’t want to tell you? You think I liked hearing you wanted me only for amusement and release? You think it didn’t drive me out of my mind so completely that those bastards shot me out of the sky because I was too busy wondering if I should tell you, or wait - or maybe take whatever pieces that you offered me and be happy with it? Or that maybe I should let you go so you don’t have a lifetime of assassins and High Lords hunting you down for being with me?”

#6 When he cried…

“But then she snapped your neck.” Tears rolled down his face. “And I felt you die,” he whispered.

But I was being ripped apart from the inside out, and I thrashed, unable to out-scream the pain. “Feyre!” someone roared. No, not someone—Rhysand. Rhysand yelled my name again - yelled it as though he cared 

-A Court of Thornes and Roses

#7 When he spent 3 months thinking she hated him

“And for three months… for three months I tried to convince myself that you were better off without me. I tried to convince myself that everything I’d done had made you hate me.”

#8 When he put her happiness above his own

“I heard you were going to marry him, and I told myself you were happy. I should let you be happy, even if it killed me. Even if you were my mate, you’d earned that happiness.”

#9 When he thought he wasn’t that type of person for her

“I heard what you told him,” he said. “That you thought it would be easy to fall in love with him. You meant it, too.” “So?” It was the only thing I could think of to say. “I was jealous—of that. That I’m not … that sort of person. For anyone.“

#10 When we found out that all this time he had been in love with Feyre

“It killed me, Feyre, to send you back. To see you waste away, month by month. It killed me to know he was sharing your bed. Not just because you were my mate, but because I … ” He glanced down, then up at me again. “I knew … I knew I was in love with you that moment I picked up the knife to kill Amarantha.”

Quotes from ACOMAF and ACOTAR

On a happier note: Another Top 10 for Rhys

Things Happen

Summary: You wake up next to a man you don’t know, in a place you have never been in, not remembering what has happened the night before. What ensues after is hard to believe.

Word Count: 2,256

Warnings: Mentions of drinking and vomit.

A/N: Thank you to @whothehellisbella for her help, you are amazing, Bella! <3 I hope you all enjoy this one :D 

Originally posted by bucky-papichulo


The buzzing in your head was constant and obnoxious. You knew you had been stupid enough last night to drink yourself to stupor. Groaning, you reached for your pillow and instead your fingers threaded through long hair. Some part of you knew that you shouldn’t, but you still gripped tightly and pulled.

A loud yelp pierced through the air before a masculine voice began to curse. There was a sharp sting to the back of your hand and you hissed, pulling it back and cradling it to your chest.

Your eyes fluttering opened, you gave it a few seconds to fully focus on the person before you and you realized that you did not know him.

“Who are you?” you blurted out.

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ed sheeran’s divide | sentence meme.

eraser.

  • ❛ i was born into a small town. i lost that state of mind. ❜
  • ❛ so blame it on the pain that blessed me with the life. ❜
  • ❛ friends and family filled with envy when they should be filled with pride. ❜
  • ❛ when the world’s against me is when i really come alive. ❜
  • ❛ you know that i’ve got whisky with white lies and smoke in my lungs. ❜
  • ❛ i need to get in the right mind and clear myself up. ❜
  • ❛ i look in the mirror, questioning what i’ve become. ❜
  • ❛ i’m well aware of certain things that can destroy a person like me. ❜
  • ❛ i am happy on my own so here i’ll stay. ❜
  • ❛ save your loving arms for a rainy day. ❜
  • ❛ i’ll find comfort in my pain eraser. ❜
  • ❛ i chased the picture perfect life. i think they painted it wrong. ❜
  • ❛ i beg you, don’t be disappointed with the person i’ve become. ❜
  • ❛ the world may be filled with hate, but keep erasing it now, somehow. ❜

castle on the hill.

  • ❛ i was younger then. ❜
  • ❛ i found my heart and broke it here. ❜
  • ❛ i know i’ve grown. i can’t wait to go home. ❜
  • ❛ i miss the way you make me feel. ❜
  • ❛ we watched the sun set over the castle on the hill. ❜
  • ❛ had my first kiss on a friday day. i don’t reckon i did it right. ❜

dive.

  • ❛ maybe i came on too strong. maybe i waited too long. ❜
  • ❛ maybe i played my cards wrong. oh, just a little bit wrong. ❜
  • ❛ i could live, i could die, hanging on the words you say. ❜
  • ❛ i’ve been known to give my all. ❜
  • ❛ so don’t call me, baby, unless you mean it. ❜
  • ❛ don’t tell me you need me if you don’t believe it. ❜
  • ❛ so let me know the truth before i dive right into you. ❜
  • ❛ do you have a tendency to lead some people on? ‘cuz i heard you do. ❜

shape of you. 

  • ❛ the club isn’t the best place to find a lover, so the bar is where i go. ❜
  • ❛ your love was handmade for somebody like me. ❜
  • ❛ i’m in love with the shape of you. we push and pull like a magnet do. ❜
  • ❛ although my heart is falling too, i’m in love with your body. ❜
  • ❛ last night you were in my room, and now my bed sheets smell like you. ❜
  • ❛ we talk for hours and hours about the sweet and the sour. ❜

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The Fight

Warning: Angst


Dean was pissed.

 The car drove silently along the dark, empty road. Not even the sounds of Zeppelin played in the background. His knuckles were white. You knew you were in for it when you got home. You knew that you two were going to yell at each other until you were blue in the face and you were more than likely spending the night in your old bedroom. You had been spending a lot of time there recently. You were starting to wonder if maybe you should move your stuff back in there.

 You and Dean had been fighting more and more these past few months. It was about anything and everything. You didn’t pick up any beer. You forgot to pack an extra shirt and now I’m stuck giving you mine. It was everything. He had just started flirting with bartenders when you went out after hunts. It was only a matter of time until he forgot all about you.

 You were hurting. Dean was the love of your life. He was there for you when you needed him the most. He made your heart race and your knees weak. He brought out the best in you and sometimes the worst. He challenged you in the best ways. Now? Now it felt like you were the last thing on his mind unless he was pissed at you. You no longer felt like you were the girl he loved. You felt like it didn’t matter if you were there or not. You fought so much that you’d rather that than face life without him.

 Dean pulled into the garage and cut the engine. You were out of the car faster than you ever had been. You forgot about your bags and headed straight in, Dean hot on your tail. You weren’t ready for this fight. You weren’t ready for any of them. But this time, you were so close to your breaking point. You couldn’t handle it today. You didn’t want to have this fight. You wanted to feel your boyfriend’s arms around you, and just for once. Just once, have him tell you that everything was going to be okay.

 That was wishful thinking.

 “What was that back there?” he started, shrugging his jacket of his shoulders.

 “I made a mistake,” you admitted.

 “A mistake? You nearly got yourself killed Y/N!” he raised his voice.

 “Yeah I know. I’m sorry. It won’t happen again,” you practically whispered.

 “That’s what you said last time,” he scoffed.

 “Dean, I really don’t want to fight,” you said softly. “We fight all the time. Can’t we argue about this tomorrow and just go to bed?”

 “Fine. Don’t wait up,” he practically growled, grabbing his jacket. He was headed to the bar.

 “Dean!”

 “What?” He rolled his eyes.

 “What happened to us? We never used to be like this,” you breathed out.

 “You knew how hard this was going to be before we started-”

 “Of course I did, Dean! We’re hunters. We don’t know if we’re going to have tomorrow or not but that’s not what I meant. We never used to fight like this. Now it’s like every conversation we have, it turns into an argument,” you started. “Is this not enough for you anymore? Am I not enough for you?”

 “Can we talk about this later?”

 “No! No we can’t! I’ve been pushing this down for months Dean! MONTHS! Every fight! Every time you absentmindedly flirt with the bartender right in front of my face. You think I don’t feel it every time I sleep by myself? You think that this what I want hanging over my head every day? Constantly wondering if today is the day you kick me out or worse, tells me that you don’t love me anymore.”

 “Y/N, stop!”

 “You know, a part of me wished that I would have gotten seriously hurt on that hunt today. It’s a sad thought that I figured that if I got hurt that maybe my boyfriend would care. Maybe he would stop fighting with me to realize that I was hurting more than just physically.  But you don’t care and I can’t make you care. Just like I can’t make you fall in love with me again,” you sniffled, wiping away the tear that slipped down your cheek.  “I’m sorry that I wasn’t enough for you Dean. I can’t keep putting myself through this. I love you with all my heart, Dean and more. When we were happy together, you gave me some of the greatest memories. But I’m sorry, I can’t do this anymore.”

 “Don’t. Don’t walk away,” he pleaded.

“Give me one good reason not to.”

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The Front Bottoms Starters

❝ I know it’s so pathetic, I wouldn’t move to save my life. ❞
❝ They tell me you’re lonely. Well, it’s no surprise. ❞
❝ You and me could never be, ‘cause I don’t laugh at shit that I don’t think is funny. ❞
❝ You’re so eager to please. ❞
❝ You’d get on your knees for any fucking asshole who says he’s all you need. ❞
❝ You are water twelve feet deep and I am boots made of concrete. ❞
❝ We’re so drunk. We’re so cool. ❞
❝ They won’t know who I was before. ❞
❝ There’s beer and coffee mugs, water bottles and soda cups. ❞
❝ First, I am digging myself out of this hole. ❞
❝ I love your eyes. The way they look when you’re uncomfortable. ❞
❝ You’re high school and I’m just more like real life. ❞
❝ You were okay as a girlfriend. ❞
❝ I’ll do whatever you want all night. ❞
❝ There’s comfort in the silence of a living room when the TV is on for you. ❞
❝ We will eventually fall out. ❞
❝ It will someday make me very, very, very rich. ❞
❝ Know what I think’s really sad? To know how really sad you are. ❞
❝ Probably gonna leave real soon, just wanted to let you know, you were my life. ❞
❝ No need to hide. ❞
❝ You were my crime, I’ll serve this sentence the rest of my life. ❞
❝ I got so stoned I fell asleep in the front seat. I never sleep in the front seat. ❞
❝ Come on, baby, calm me down. You’re the only one who knows how. ❞
❝ God forbid I ever stop feeling sorry for myself for being selfish. ❞
❝ This is not the way I plan on living for the rest of my life, but for right now it gets me by. ❞
❝ She hopes I’m cursed forever. ❞
❝ My nightmares will have nightmares every night. ❞
❝ Say what you have to say and try not to cry. ❞
❝ This is just not what you wanted at this point in your life. ❞
❝ It’s so hard to stay when all you want to do is run. ❞
❝ I totally get you. I was a birdcage and you were meant to fly. ❞
❝ You are the poison I need less of inside my body. ❞
❝ You need a means to an ending, I need a spiritual cleansing. ❞
❝ That can be our thing, what do you think? ❞
❝ I can fight the rain clouds in your life every day, every night. ❞
❝ Can’t you see? I am delusional with love. ❞
❝ The love of my life is gone forever. ❞
❝ Get her back, you know I wish I could. ❞

brought to you by me spending midnight to six thirty am in the airport, the obligatory “dregs stuck overnight in an airport” post, written by me on no sleep

  • nina heads immediately for the late-night coffee shop
  • matthias is that friend who’s like “we should probably try and sleep” and insists that sleeping on seats in the departure lounge is manageable, also refuses to admit that nobody can fall asleep on them and lies there for a good three hours just to make a point
  • jesper spends a good amount of time just walking around and exploring, wandering in and out of all the shops, going up and down stairs and corridors just to see what’s there (until an irate security guard pointedly redirects him back into the central departure lounge).  he probably drags wylan with him 
  • there’s a small twenty-four hour restaurant that they both end up at and spend most of the night in.  they order full meals and drinks just because they can, and stay way past the time the staff should have made them leave.  wylan falls asleep sometime after four, lying across one of the benches with his head on jesper’s legs
  • jesper is more than alright with this arrangement.  sitting there absentmindedly running a hand through wylan’s hair and people-watching is more peaceful than you might expect a relatively crowded airport to be in the early hours of the morning
  • after a few hours, matthias finally admits defeat and joins nina at the coffee shop.  she grins and wordlessly slides a mug over to him.  they have a makeshift date in the early hours of the morning (matthias tells nina about the book he’s reading.  she makes him listen to an entire album of obnoxious pop music she stole from jesper.) and it’s actually matthias’ favourite part of the whole trip
  • kuwei’s been in the corner with his headphones and a book since they checked in, but will occasionally look up to complain about how uncomfortable the seats are or how long they’re waiting.  he’s also that asshole that can fall asleep anywhere and eventually does just that, curled up on one of the airport seats in the most uncomfortable-looking position, but he’s fine
  • nina finds out the duty free shop is open all night and almost misses boarding with how long she’s in there.  she emerges with armfuls of new purchases and has to sit on her suitcase to make them all fit
  • kaz is Not a fan of airports.  they’re too busy and bright and crowded and there’s nowhere comfortable to sit if you can even find an empty seat, there’s too many tourists, everything is overpriced,
  • he probably just sits in the least-crowded area he can find, sipping coffee and scrolling on his phone.  after a while, inej joins him.  she doesn’t sleep well in airports so they spend a couple of hours just sitting together in silence, until at one point kaz looks up and sees inej has fallen asleep, head resting on folded arms and hair falling across the table.  it doesn’t affect him in the slightest, not at all, he’s definitely not staring
  • (he certainly doesn’t drape his jacket around her shoulders before going back to his coffee and his phone.  nina didn’t see a thing.  shut up, nina.)

The key to love, my father told me, was to never love someone more than they love you. So when, after dating for five months, Christopher Moore was the first to say “I Love You”, I thought I had hit the “Love Jackpot”. I say this because, prior to him saying it at that very moment, I had never given thought to the possibility that I could love him in return. Standing in front of my apartment building, nervous and excited, facing him and his smile, I questioned whether love was the word to describe what I was feeling. High school love, after all, is quite trivial with it’s ins and outs. Nevertheless after weighing the theoretical pros and cons of love, I decided that I was in love, at least in some respects. He was handsome, smart, sweet, and I enjoyed his company. This is what I believed love boiled down to; four factors. Honesty, clearly, was something I overlooked. About a year and 7 months into our blissful love affair, after graduation had passed and we had spent the summer taking all the cliché couple pictures, Chris decided that he “just couldn’t go on lying to me anymore. “Jenine” he told me “this guilt is eating me alive!”. I imagine there wasn’t much of him left, as it had been “eating away at him” for 6 months. This is when I learned that there is no “key” to love; no guide, no tips, no 101 course, because love is lived and learned; never taught. Try as you may, to forgo the pain of love, you’ll find joy in knowing that it’s survive-able and moreover, sometimes the good outweighs the bad. No, Chris wasn’t the love of my life, but he gave life to my ability to love.

“Never” my father said “let love override your faculty of reason.” Easier said, than done. My next love was Jeremy Bishop. Before you ask, of course there were others between Chris and Jeremy. But this is a story about love; not “almost loves”,“semi loves”, and “could’ve beens”. Jeremy’s love was the worst kind of love. The kind that doesn’t have a reason to exist but somehow it does and you’re glad. Its sole purpose is to debilitate your mind, forcing you to follow only your emotions. While Jeremy was dreamy, I learned that the man of your dreams can sometimes be the root of your nightmares.

I met Jeremy my junior year at _________ University. It was a Sunday and I had been studying in the library for an anthropology midterm and decided that I would take a break. Putting my highlighter down & flexing my hand I stood up & headed towards the bathroom. As I walked through the stacks, passing my hand across the rows of books I’d never read, my friend Denise spotted me and waved me over. Walking swiftly I made my way to the table she was stationed it & gathered that she had been studying all day as all. Splayed papers, open textbooks, two highlighters, & her laptop with several window open screamed “cram session” to me. After having sat & talked for some time about school & it’s “scammagry”, I noticed that someone had taken a seat at the end of the table. You know those typical movies where two people look up at the same time & smile coyly at one another? Well that’s what happened with us…….minus the smiling. When Jeremy & I caught eyes it was more of an inquisitive stare down. I relented because who really stares at a stranger for lengths at a time? Apparently Jeremy does because every time I looked up he was looking at me or perhaps through me. Whatever the case was I asked Denise if she could “Excuse me for one second?” as I got up from my seat and sauntered over to Jeremy, running my fingernails along the wooden table that both separated and joined us.

He was brown skinned but it was a rich brown that I often found myself lost in. He had brown hair that was cut low to avoid maintenance & also to spite his mother who so much loved it longer. His eyes were almost black they were so dark, yet you never asked someone to hit the lights when staring into them. He had a slight dimple on the right side of face that only presented itself in the presence of his mother, its creator.

“I know you or something?” I said, to which he looked up & responded “No you don’t. But since you’re already here, I’m Jeremy. Nice to meet you….” he said moving his hand in that circular waiting motion “this is usually the part where you tell me your name”. He was sarcastic & forthcoming and I liked it. “This is usually the part when I’d say Jenine. My name is Jenine. Though I’m not sure it’s nice to meet you.” “Well Jenine, do you have HIST 256 on Mondays & Thursdays? I think that’s where I’ve seen you before.” “Well Jeremy, had I known you were a stalker I would’ve stayed at the other end of the table” “A stalker Jenine? Really? I think you’re mistaking my keen eye for details.” “I stand corrected then. I just had no idea I was noticeable to your "keen eye”, I said, making air quotes. He leaned in & said, “Maybe Jenine, just maybe there’s a lot of things you don’t know. I’d be happy to fill you in though. If you were ever free.” “Correct me if I’m wrong, but it seems to me, Jeremy, that you’re asking me out.” “It seems that way, because it is that way. But enough with this, would you be interested in going out?” “I’ll contemplate it.”

A week later Jeremy picked me up in his beat up silver 2010 Toyota Corolla. Got out & offered to close the door for me not because he was a gentleman but because I literally couldn’t close it myself. He told me he wanted to show me his favorite place in all of Brooklyn. We drove for about 15 mins and parked in DUMBO; my favorite place. As we walked to the pier he barraged me with every menial question from favorite color to top five movies. I stopped his questioning because I realized I knew nothing about him. “What about you?” I said. “Tell me something I don’t know about you.” “I’m a Taurus. Now back to you.” “Your sign. You gave me the third degree and in return you tell me your astrological sign??” “I’m really not that interesting. I kind of just go with the flow nothing special really.” “I could say the same about myself but you don’t see me spewing monotonous facts about myself” “That’s just it though. You’re very interesting. I see you twice a week & you never look the same to me. Always a different hairstyle, new lipstick, different outfit. You keep me guessing & well…I like that.” “Different outfit…Did you expect me to have the same clothes on like a cartoon character?”

Jeremy took my clothes off the way he took down my walls; slowly & intently. I never felt exposed or vulnerable. It was easy with him & who doesn’t like easy? The first time we had sex he kissed every scar and stretch mark on my body while he whispered beautiful and for the first time I believed it. This is when I knew I loved him; this is when I knew he loved me. We fell into a routine & inevitably, that’s how we fell apart. We saw each other four-five times a week in between work, school & our respective friends. I’d meet him after work or he’d meet me after class, we’d get some food or I’d cook, we’d talk, then go back to his dorm room or my house & somewhere in between there we’d fuck once or twice & that would be that. Talk, Eat, Fuck, Repeat. This, I should inform you, was the foundation for our dismantling. Jeremy grew tired of our monotony, I suppose, & because of that he started talking to a female customer who had “just so happened” to frequent his job. In talking they “just so happened” to find they had “so much in common” & somehow Jeremy’s dick “just so happened” to be in her mouth when I walked into his dorm room to get the spare phone charger I left there just in case. “Oh Mahh Gahhhh” is what Celeste said with his dick slighty tucked to the left side of her mouth because it wouldn’t have been polite to pull it out all together; though I’m sure there was no God she could ever call her own. Startled yet surprisingly indifferent I found my charger in the first drawer of his night stand now decoratively arrayed with ripped condom wrappers and I closed the door behind me.

Walking out of the apartment I didn’t feel anything but when I reached the stairs it hit me and when Jeremy came running out of his room, pulling his boxers up I looked up at him from the top stair I was sitting on & hit him right in the groin. “Shit! Ahh! Damn, J! Come on!” he winced . “Come on?? Excuse me?!? You’re such a fucking dickhead. Like what the fuck?” “I know. I know. I’m sorry babe. You gotta believe me! I swear it’ll never happen again.” & that’s what I wanted to believe after all; that this was just a bump along our road; that we could get through this because we could get through anything. So when Jeremy crouched down in front of me, put his hand under my chin, looked me right in the eye and told me he was “so sorry”, that he “really loved me”, that he was “mad stupid for doing that” I believed him & gave us another chance because I wasn’t ready to admit failure.

Celeste Soto was the average full figured broad who just “couldn’t help” falling for other women’s boyfriends, husbands, fiancés, you name it. Walking back into his room, I found her putting her left shoe on with one hand on his desk for balance. “You gotta believe mama” she said “I didn’t know he even had a girl. You feel me? I wouldn’t have done anything with him. Thas crazy disrespectful. My bad.” as she adjusted her bra strap and pulled her hair into a messy bun. Turning slighty towards Jeremy, I looked at him as if to say “really?!? THIS was the best you could do??” and he lowered his head, and stared at this one spot on the carpet that he could never get out. Not only had Jeremy cheated but he chose the lowest of women to do it with. “First of all, I’m not one of your friends so I don’t know why you’re calling me "mama” & no I don’t “feel” you nor do I intend to. Get your shit and get out!“ When she was gone I searched the apartment for remnants of her presence, prior to that days visit. An earring, a hair tie, maybe a lip balm. I found nothing or maybe I wasn’t really looking.

For eight months straight Jeremy was on his BEST behavior. He’d let me know where he was at all times as to ensure that he wasn’t out cheating; send pictures as proof on some occasions. I have to admit, though I was secure in his whereabouts, I was also sure that this was not how healthy relationships works. Nevertheless I looked forward to each notification because afterall "once a cheater……"you know the rest. One night I went over to his place to cook dinner, partially to ensure he wouldn’t be feeding Celeste or any other girl his penis but also because this is what I missed most about us. I had become so preoccupied with deciding whether or not I could trust him that I wasn’t concerned with trying to make us seem normal. After dinner we were in his bed tearing at each other’s clothes & after switching positions five times he looked down at me & said "I can’t do this”. Looking back at him I said “it’s cool I wasn’t feeling it either honestly”. “Not this” he said falling to my side, facing the ceiling “I mean like this….us”. Somehow though I knew that was what he had meant. This ball of something akin to both fear & anger welled up in my throat & grew until finally all I could say was “oh”. One tear fell from my eye & couldn’t allow myself to shed another. “This whole time” he said getting up from the bed “I wasn’t with you because I wanted to be. I was with you because I didn’t want to let you down.” He was pacing back & front at the foot of the bed, lifting his hands to his head then retracting them, looking over at me occasionally for assurance of my understanding. So he continued "I couldn’t let your last image of me be somebody who betrayed you. I had to prove you wrong & that’s selfish. I’m sorry. I don’t want to be in a relationship I’m not fully committed to. It isn’t fair to either of us J & you can hate me but I’d rather you hate me for being honest.” “Is this a joke? Please tell me you’re kidding right now” I said, half laughing half crying. “Let me get this straight” I said, sitting upright in his bed, pulling my shirt over my head “You cheated…..You lied…..YOU fucked up….You begged for another chance!…and my stupid ass gave you one. I’m just so lost right now.” This is when I realized I never should have sat on those steps & cried. I should’ve ran out of that building like it was on fire because guys like him will always burn you.

Some nights I could still hear his footsteps pacing the floor & I’d wonder when in the hell it would be over. When I’d stop crying; when I’d realize I was better off without him. But there’s this moment & I know it sounds cliche but you just wake up & you feel different you feel like you can begin again. One morning I woke up and knew Jeremy would never have a hold on me the way he did before, but more importantly I didn’t want him to.

The thing about baggage is that you never realize how much of it you carry around. In fact you assume that more often than not you don’t carry any at all because you’re “over it” or you’ve “moved on”. You’ll find yourself compromising because you just want someone to call at night; that wants only you. “Trust me.” my mother said “There will be others and don’t think that you have to look for them or that you have to settle.” My mother had a way with words. I’m not sure if that’s necessarily a good thing but the fact remains that when she said those words to me I wished she had kept her opinion to herself. I would never settle…..or at least I didn’t think I would.

I knew I didn’t love Benjamin the first time he came inside me & I wished I had never come to his apartment, let alone into his room splayed with dirty laundry that he was “gonna get to”. More importantly I knew I couldn’t love Benjamin, not the way I wanted to at least, when he told me I’m just like my mother. This sounds stupid I know, but let me explain.

After a week of working overtime, my best friend Selene dragged me out of my apartment for a night of bar hopping. Upon walking into our third stop, Benjamin grabbed my hand & told me I was pretty. That was it. There was no drawn out conversation, no playing hard to get, it was very low stakes. I gave him my number & before I got to the next bar he had called & asked when he could see me again. “Tomorrow” I said.

The next evening Benjamin showed up at my apartment with no plan other than to show up. We decided to see a movie.

The movie we saw doesn’t matter. Neither does the fact that we went to the movies. What matters is that after we left the movies, Benjamin grabbed both my hands & kissed me. When he stopped & I looked up at him he said “You taste like stale popcorn”. I thought “what the fuck?” & then he reminded me that we shared a popcorn. Our entirely relationship was like this; constant reminders of things I should have been aware of.

Ben was different from Jeremy because he never lied to me. That doesn’t necessarily mean that’s a good thing though. His honesty was one that I had to grow accustomed to. We had been dating for about two months, when I called him asking if he wanted to get dinner later & he simply replied “no”. No explanation, no rain check, no apology; he just hung up. Later he’d text me & say that we should get breakfast instead the next day because he liked being the first person I talked to in the morning. He never hid anything from me. Girls would text him, telling him how much they “missed him” how much “fun” they used to have & he’d show me his phone while laughing & ask what I thought he should say in his reply. It was almost inconceivable, how much he included me in his decisions when it came to other women. Co-workers would invite him out to dinner & drinks after work, over to their apartments, concerts & he would ask me, not if he could go (because he was going to do what he wanted regardless) or if I wanted to come with, but how I’d feel if he went it with them. We’d be waiting for our heart rates to drop back to normal after sex; our skin still dewy and tingling and he’d say “the last time was better” or “you faked it, but that’s cool” as he got up and ambled to the bathroom & I’d wonder if he had to be so honest with me all the time.

I woke up one day to him sitting at my kitchen table in just some sweatpants, signing a card. Next to him there was a huge bouquet of sunflowers. I walked over to him, fixing my bed hair into a bed bun & when I sat down he was startled. “I didn’t think you’d be up this early” he said & I looked over at the clock on microwave. “It’s after 11……does that even count as early?” I said. He looked up at me, then at the clock, then back at me & shrugged “I guess not”. I asked “Who’s the card for?” & as he sealed it, he handed to me & said “Happy Anniversary Sweetness” with no inflection. My face dropped to the floor, along with the card. “An anniversary?” I thought “have we really been dating a year? Maybe it’s like a six month anniversary? But that’s not even an anniversary!” After a few mental “Fuck!!”’s, I pulled myself together, awkwardly smiled as I picked up the card & opened it. It had been a year since I moved into my own place. In the card he wrote about how happy he was for me; that he knew how big of a deal it was for me to live on my own & he wanted me to know that it was just as important to him. I cried out of relief. He thought I was overwhelmed by his thoughtfulness, primarily because as I closed the card, hugged him, wiped my tears and sniffled into his neck, I whispered “Thank you. This means a lot.”. One year of independence; something I should have been aware of.

The first time he told me he loved me, I opened my mouth to respond & he placed his index finger on my parted lips. “Stop” he said. “Not everything I say deserves or should be met with a response Jenine. I love you. That’s it.” I of course flew into defense. “So I can’t say it back? I can’t love you in return? What kind of bullshit is that Ben? You can’t just say something like that & expect me not to say anything back.” “I never said you can’t say anything back. But think about it baby, I said I love you & your first instinct was to respond. You didn’t even really take the moment in. That’s what I’m saying. I don’t want you to love me back because I love you. I want you to love me because you actually love me.” I felt little, like a child, like I had been put in my place, handled, dealt with, but I wouldn’t let him know. “You’re such an asshole sometimes” I said “but that Benjamin, for your information, is why I love you. Because you’re only an asshole sometimes”.

There are two important things I remember from when I broke up with Ben:

1. It was raining.
2. He told me I should’ve ended us a long time ago.

I came back to the apartment from the gym. As I shook my umbrella walking through the door, Ben sauntered by in his usual attire, house sweats and no shirt, saying “You must love mopping.” in a condescending tone. I happily returned the tone saying “Definitely. I just love it! Can’t get enough.” as I rolled my eyes and the umbrella up, fastening it shut. I walked over to the kitchen & checked the fridge. All that was left was this chicken Parmesan “thing” I had attempted to make three days earlier & it looked like a big pile of mush at that point. I chucked it & decided that take out sounded good. I had a taste for some pad thai so the choice was easy. Picking up my phone & dialing the number I thought it might be a good idea to ask Ben what he wanted but I figured he’d eat whatever I ordered him. So I made the call, ordered Chicken Pad Thai and another peanut sauce dish with shrimp, and hung up. As soon as my phone had ended the call, Benjamin started an argument. “Why would you order food without asking me what I wanted?” he asked me walking out of the bedroom and I replied “I ordered food for us both. No need to say thank you”. He walked towards the window to look out but really it was all dramatics because our window looks directly at the alley behind our building that holds nothing but two dumpsters and a few forgotten cats. “Why would I say thank you to you for doing something I never asked you to do?” he said with his back turned to me “Sometimes” he scoffed, almost laughing, as he looked at the rain collect in the window sill. “Sometimes I don’t get you. Like after all this time you still do shit that irritates me and I wonder why the fuck I still want to lay next to you at night or wake up with you in the morning.” I was sitting on the sofa, absentmindedly playing with the tag on this pillow I bought two years before when he & I had just started dating. He told me the pattern on it reminded him of us; that the lines never intersected. They just changed direction. “Nobody is holding you here Ben. You can leave anytime you’d like.” I said as I picked up the remote & turned on the television.

Thirty-five minutes later I was annoyed that the food hadn’t arrived but also because Ben never left the window. He just stayed there staring at the rain while it sheeted down the window screen and when thunder roared he’d just sigh. “What could be taking this food so long? The place isn’t even that far.” I complained. “It’s the rain Jenine. Everything slows when it rains. People, cars, buses, trains, bikes, they all slow.” He paused “You also might want to factor in the idea that a bunch of people order take out on a night like this.” I answered back “I knew that!……why are you always telling me things as if I don’t know them? As if I’m not aware? It’s just annoying. You’re annoying.” Ben walked away from the window & towards the kitchen counter. He planted his two hands palm down on the counter, hoisted himself up to sit on it, looked at me & said “Maybe it’s not me that annoys you Jenine. Maybe you can’t admit that I’m ever fucking right! I can’t ever make a point without you saying “I knew that!”. If you knew it Jenine…..then why would you say half the shit you say or do half the shit you do.“ I paused the lifetime movie I had been somehow become invested in and pressed a metaphorical "play” on the scene that was unfolding in our living room. “I don’t know Ben. Maybe you’re right” I replied as I sat up, crossed my legs and interlaced my fingers over my knee. “Maybe I can’t handle the fact that you make valid points. Or perhaps it’s the fact that you can’t ever let me be wrong without making me look like a complete ass. You’re always so philosophical. "Oh thee "all knowing Ben!” Ohh he who knows more than anyone!“ I mocked. "It’s insulting. For someone who is just so wise you damn sure don’t know how to do your own fucking laundry, or wash a dish, or aim your penis directly into the bowl when you pee. Stop with the bullshit. We both have our faults.” My phone rang. The food was downstairs.

I threw on my worn out flip flops and shuffled down the 3 flights of stairs. Walking back into the apartment with food in hand, I saw that Ben had returned to the window. He walked over to the kitchen counter where I was standing, taking the food out of the brown paper bag & said “You said your ordered me food.” “I just ordered two things off the menu. I figured we’d just share.” I reasoned. “Right I get that but I don’t like peanuts. You know that. Don’t you? I’ve told you this. I’m sure I have as we’ve been together give or take I don’t know 2 & half years!” “Dammit! I whispered to myself. "I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking & I was hungry & I’m…..sorry. I’m just sorry.” “It’s fine” he said. “I should’ve just picked something up on the way home. It isn’t the first time you’ve done something like this. You’re like your mother in that way.” “Like my mother? All of this over some take out? Listen, good luck with dinner.” I said as I grabbed a plastic fork at the bottom of the bag & headed back to the sofa. “Yeah, like your mother.” he continued, following me. “You’re always complaining that she never listens to you; that you have to remind her of things you’ve already told her. Yet, here you are never listening to me. It’s not even about the apology. It’s that I just don’t think you’re really sorry at all.” he retorted. “Fair enough.” I said, putting my food down on the coffee table. “You wanna know what I’m really sorry about Ben? Huh? Fine. I’m sorry I moved in with you. I’m sorry I’ve been in this relationship for this long because we’ll never be good enough for one another. You know that right? We’re always going to be like this Ben.” I said, pointing at the pace between with both hands. “It’s never going to be enough that we love each other. There’s gotta be more to love than whatever the fuck we’re doing. I just don’t think this is healthy. I don’t think we’re growing here. Do you?”. “Now that J…that’s the most honest thing you’ve said to me. You’re always saying what you think I want to hear and that’s my problem with you. You never say what the hell you want because you think too much about it. We are growing, it’s just apart from one another.” He sighed, finally saying “Look, I’m tired.” as he walked exhaustedly back towards the bedroom, on an empty stomach & closed the door behind him. I couldn’t figure out if he meant he was tired of us, of the arguing, of never really getting back to how we were or if he was honestly tired.

I slept on the sofa & I use the term “slept” very lightly. What I really did was stare at the ceiling, trying to figure out if this was really it for Ben & I. If that was our last real conversation; if that even counted as a conversation. I planned out what I’d say in the morning after we’d both had time to think & reflect. I’d tell him I was sorry about going off & that it’s not that I don’t want to try to make it work but that I don’t even think trying is worth an actual try. I thought about it & felt like the whole relationship was a perpetual “try”. We’d just kept getting up, dusting each other off, & holding hands until we’d fall again thinking it didn’t matter because we’d fallen together. How many times do you have to fall before you realize that perhaps it isn’t the ground that’s tripping you up? That it might just be you. Do you have to scrape your knees a few times or fall flat on your face? How do you know when you’ve had enough?

I laid there falling in & out of sleep. I had this weird dream that I was baking a cake. I kept checking on it. Ben was there but he didn’t really say much. Finally I took it out of the oven & it was burnt around the edges. He shuffled over to the stovetop & looked at the cake with a somber face. “I told you it was done 10 minutes ago. You should’ve taken it out.” he said & I just stared at him blankly because he was right. I turned the pan over and the cake popped out. I let it cool, frosted it and cut a piece. Jeremy hunched over the counter top and watched me put the cake on a plate with confusion. “You’re just going to eat a burnt cake?” he questioned me. I had just taken my first bite and was going in for a second when I looked up at him and said “It still tastes good so what’s the difference?”. “The difference, Jenine, is that you know the whole cake doesn’t taste good. Only certain parts do. Why don’t you just throw it out and make another one?” he said walking over to the cake, lifting the plate up at different points and angles to get a good look at it. It was as though he was wondering how the frosting did anything but make the cake look even sadder. I licked the last bit of frosting off my fork and said “Because, burnt or not burnt, I still love cake.”

I woke up to a sliver of sunlight shining through the living room across the floor & stopping right at the front door. I sat up & checked the time. It was 7:06. I decided I’d go to the bedroom and get some real rest. I stood up & stumbled towards the bedroom. As soon as I reached the door, Ben was coming out of the room. He was dressed & had 2 bags with him not including the backpack he’d never leave the house without. All of the things I had planned on saying were forgotten. I could barely see straight, let alone gather the words I wanted to say. He looked at me then said “Sorry. Can I just get by?”. “Sure!” I blurted out as I moved to the left, almost jumping. He walked towards the front door & I asked “Umm can at least ask where you’re going?”. He stopped moving and turned, telling me “I thought about what you said J. About us not being enough for one another. I guess I just always thought it would work itself out. But I see what you mean. I don’t know the exact moment when you came to that conclusion, or maybe you decided it, but you should’ve ended us then instead of now. So I’m leaving. I guess I’ll pick up the rest of my stuff over the next couple of weeks.”. That’s it. He was gone. Whatever he had left, the “stuff” he mentioned, was never picked up. They were minuscule items really; a toothbrush, some body wash, a value pack of razors. Things that made you think of him, even though they were all replaceable. It didn’t take long for me to realize that much like the burnt cake, I still loved Ben.

To be continued or whatever…….

Happiness Is Homemade

also on Ao3


MooMaw’s kitchen is always filled with light.

It’s pouring through the windows above the sink and filtering through the blue and white checked curtains that hang above it.

Eric sits on the counter, right in the middle of a sun beam, and swings his little feet against the cabinets below as he licks brownie batter off a wooden spoon.

MooMaw has the phone tucked between her shoulder and her ear as she uses a spatula to scrape the last of the batter into the pan.

The cord stretches from the wall and Eric extends a sock covered foot out towards it and tries to touch it with his toes.

It sags before he can get to it as she steps forward and takes the spoon from him.

He only has a second to pout before she’s putting the spatula in the bowl and the bowl in his lap and ruffling his hair.

Keep reading

Can we just fall in love again without bringing the past? I’ll forget the heartbreak and I’ll pretend the all the scars were there because I fell down the stairs if you forget all the mistakes I done, how I take this love for granted and all the poetry I’ve written that weren’t always kind. They were never kind. Not to you and not even to me.

Let’s experience the things that makes us fall in love with each other again. Let’s saw each other face and smile instantly, how warm traveled all over me when I saw that light in your eyes. Let’s have those midnight phone calls and just skip sleep altogether. Tell me everything again like you never told me before. I’ll throw away the fears. I’ll throw away the “how many other girls he’s done this to”, the “I should reply this longer than he takes to reply”, the “I should talk to other boys so I don’t look so in love with him”

Because time is running out. It keeps blowing strikes to me at heart. Each a reminder of how I let this go. How I let my soul learn how to get used to all these spaces between us. When all I ever wish was skin on skin.

So let’s just fall in love again. Tenderly. Innocently. Quickly. Recklessly. Boldly. Bravely. Like we never hurt each other.

Don’t mind the scars. We can save each other later. Let’s just fall in love again.

—  in my defense part. 2
Curls (Shawn Mendes Smut)

requested: eh… not really.

pairing: reader x Shawn

warnings: smut

a/n: this is based off of a conversation @starrynightshawn & I had over the personal offense we took upon learning that Shawn cut his hair. Let me know what you think!

(picture is not mine- credits go to owner)

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Petition to make Dust and Gold by Arrows to Athens The Raven Cycle’s theme song. 

Imagine it when the episode starts , we’re shown small clips of a sword falling down on dust, a raven flying away, trees, cars and other things that make The Raven Cycle what it is.

And if you’re not sold yet with the song, here’s the chorus: 

All I see are kings and thieves-
When all I own is just dust and gold. So rescue me .

Still not sold?

Shit.

2,500 Followers Drabble

Prompt:  “Is it too soon to say that we’re fucked?”

Pairing: firefighter!Jensen x Reader

Requested: @atc74


You’re pacing frantically in front of the Austin Fire Station, doing your god damn best to not hyperventilate. The fact that you even made it here is a fucking miracle. You literally sat in your driveway for a good hour, stupidly turning the ignition on and off in your car.

Considering the predicament you’re in, you appear to be quite pulled together. You’re even donning clean clothes and light makeup, a vast improvement over the last few days.

So now here you are at your friend Jensen’s place of employment, meeting him to spill the news that has you in such a tizzy.

“Hey, hun.” Jensen somehow appears out of fucking nowhere, the sound of his simple greeting startling you.

Keep reading

What Do You Feel | 002

Who: Jughead Jones
What: Riverdale

Part One ||| Part Two

Veronica looked over her shoulder, frowning as she watched [Y/N] laugh and chuck a few french fries in Reggie’s direction. It had been weeks since the whole Jughead and [Y/N] incident and [Y/N] was keeping her distance from her normal group of friends. Turning back around, she reached for her milkshake and fiddled with the straw. “I know the topic of [Y/N] is sort of off limits but I miss her.”

Without missing a beat, Jughead’s eyes snapped up from his laptop, his cold expression icing her bones. Normally, he could tune out his friends but ever since the rift between him and [Y/N], his focus had been all over the place.

Putting her hands up in submission and then crossing them over her chest, she leaned back into the booth, frowning again. “Sorry but I’m just speaking the truth.” Lowering her gaze to the table, she sighed. “She should be sitting here with us, not with the fuckboys and fuckgirls of Riverdale.” Veronica shuddered at the group of people [Y/N] had taken comfort with for the past few weeks.

Kevin avoided Jughead’s ice cold stare, nodding in agreement. “Not trying to throw myself to the wolves but I agree with Veronica.” Running his finger over the faded design of their booth, he flickered a look behind him towards [Y/N]. He could tell that she wasn’t entirely happy by the way her smile would falter just a smidge after she finished her laugh, [Y/N] was extremely easy to read for those who truly knew her.

Archie, who sat directly behind Jughead and the others in a separate booth, chimed in. “It’s weird not having her here. I mean, have you tried talking to her since it happened, Jughead?”

Betty violently turned around, her eyes narrowed with a look that could have killed. She had been there for the aftermath and saw firsthand the broken state it left Jughead in. “Let’s change the subject, guys.” Throwing everyone dirty looks, she changed the topic onto an altercation between her and Cheryl that had happened earlier that day.




Slinging off his helmet from the day’s practice, Archie walked through halls of Riverdale High. Just as he was about to reach the locker rooms, movement at the end of the hall caught his attention. Squinting his eyes, he headed for [Y/N]. He watched as she placed a physics textbook back into her locker, he figured that she had just gotten done with a tutor session. [Y/N] always helped out her classmates whenever they needed an extra hand.

“[Y/N].”

She gasped, clutching the locker door from being startled. “Archie! Shit, you scared me.”

Leaning against the lockers, he frowned slightly. “Sorry, didn’t mean to.”

Pressing her lips together, she tore her eyes from his and started to shove some books into her bag. “Need something?” She finally asked.

“Yeah, I do. An explanation.” He firmly stated.

Closing her locker, she frowned. “Archie,” she warned.

Come on, [Nickname].” Archie pleaded. He hadn’t been lying when he said it had been weird with [Y/N] straying from their friendship. Even his father was noticing the absence of a certain girl.  “It’s been weeks and we’ve barely held a conversation long enough for me to know if you’re okay. We’re best friends or at least I thought we were. I care about you, [Nickname]. You just cut me off, you cut everyone off. I wanted to be there for you.” Archie reached out for her arm as she went to turn away, pulling her back gently, and shaking his head. “You and Jughead can coexist in our lives, [Y/N].”

“Shouldn’t you be at practice,” she asked coldly.

Letting go of her arm, he narrowed his eyes lightly. “It got cut short today.”

Frowning, she looked down, “I’m sorry, Archie. I didn’t mean it like that.” Looking back up, she sighed. Closing her locker, she gave a small smile. “I know you guys wanted to be there for me but I didn’t want to talk about it. I didn’t want you guys defending him and making me feel like I was wrong for ending things.” Adjusting the strap of her bag, she placed her back against her locker. “And to be completely honest if I stuck around, Jughead wouldn’t have. And he really needed you guys more than I did.”

Archie pressed his lips together, [Y/N] had a point. She was easy to get along with, people flocked to her. Jughead wasn’t necessarily a loner but he kept to himself and only trusted those who knew him. And that list wasn’t very long. Giving her a smile, he pulled her into a hug. Squeezing her tight and relishing the time he had left with her. He could tell that tomorrow she’d continue to avoid him.




“Juggie,”

Jughead looked up from his blank screen, finding Betty standing in the doorway of the Blue and Gold room. Clearing his throat, he lowered the laptop. “Yeah?”

Stepping inside, she walked slowly towards him. All Betty wanted was for Jughead to get out of his mood. “How are you feeling?”

Groaning, he ran both his hands over his face and kept them there. “Isn’t that the million dollar question.” Peaking through his fingers, he sighed, “I don’t know.”

Betty sat in front of him, frowning. “You don’t know or you don’t want to say? There’s a difference, Jug.”

Pulling his hands down, he narrowed his eyes. “What?”

Biting her lip, “You love [Y/N], you have to. And I’m not saying that you have to love her. I mean it as there’s no way that you don’t.” Betty had witnessed the romance between her friends happen. It was just a gradual fall. Every day, she’d notice that they’d sit just a little bit closer than the day before, their looks would linger for a second or two longer, and that their smiles were wider by the day. It was such a sweet, innocent kind of love that formed between them. Betty wanted nothing more than to talk about it but she knew that the minute she said something, they’d shy away and never return. 

Jughead closed his eyes, “Betty.” He didn’t want to talk about it. He just wanted to forget about it and let it die. If [Y/N] wanted to run off with another group then so be it. 

“Why didn’t you tell her how you felt, Juggie? This whole thing could have been avoided and your relationship would’ve been stronger.”

“You wouldn’t understand,” he mumbled.

“Try me, Juggie.” Betty murmured. 

Biting down on his thumb, he looked away from her intent gaze. Mumbling, he moved his thumb away from his lips. “When we were all little, my dad used to tell me that I was going to fall in love with her and that he could see it happening years from then.” Betty smiled lightly at the thought of his father calling his romance. Now that she thought about it, it was sort of easy to see that Jughead and [Y/N] would have ended up together all those years ago. They had always been attached at the hip, always supporting each other through everything.“He also told me that girls like [Y/N] were dangerous.” 

Betty’s brows knitted together, “I don’t understand.” Of all the people in Riverdale, [Y/N] was the least dangerous, she was always so calm and collected. 

Shaking his head, he shrugged. “I didn’t either until I asked him the other day what he meant when he said that.” Running a hand over his beanie, he sighed again. “He kind of looked at me and pieced it all together. I guess I’m not as good at hiding my emotions like I thought I could. He figured out that [Y/N] and I were more than friends and that we broke up. He just looked at me and asked me what I felt and that, that was the reason why she was dangerous.” Meeting Betty’s eyes, he frowned. “How do I tell her words that have never been formed or ever existed. Because that’s what I feel whenever I’m around her.”

Betty placed a warm hand over his, “Then you use words that already exist.” 




[Y/N] didn’t know how the fight started or what made it happen, all she did know was that she and Archie walked straight into a fighting ring in the student lounge. Their classmates all cheering and recording Reggie and Jughead brawling in the middle of the room. 

Exchanging looks with Archie, they both threw down their books and backpacks. Before Archie had the chance, [Y/N] beat him to it and grabbed Reggie by the back of his shirt and yanked him off of Jughead. 

Slinging him away from her, [Y/N] snarled out while Archie quickly helped Jughead up off the ground. “Back off, Reggie.” The crowd quickly dispersed as Archie threateningly told all of them to leave or else there would be another fight. 

Reggie scoffed, fixing his shirt from the scuffle. “He had it coming.” 

“I think it was the other way around, buddy.” Jughead sneered as he held his bleeding nose. “I hope you choke on all that shit you talk.” 

“That’s it, you little-” Reggie went for it but [Y/N] was quicker. Planting her feet firmly on the ground, she shoved him as hard as she possibly could causing him to stumble backwards onto the couch.

“-I said back off, Reggie!” [Y/N] snapped. She was absolutely livid, the fact that Reggie and Jughead were fighting infuriated her. [Y/N] hadn’t been a huge fan of Reggie but she accepted him for his flaws and tried to tolerate him. There were moments where she could see herself being friends with him but after today, she wanted nothing to do with him. Whether Jughead started the fight or not. 

“Don’t put your hands on me or-”

“-or what?” Archie growled. Gently grabbing [Y/N]’s arm, he pulled her behind him. Stepping directly in front of his captain, he squinted his eyes. Archie didn’t think Reggie would swing at a girl but he didn’t want to take that chance. Despite [Y/N] avoiding him for the last few weeks, it didn’t matter. He was going to protect his friends no matter who it involved. 

Reggie was about to respond but thought against it the second Betty, Veronica, and Kevin all came barging through the door to see the commotion. 

[Y/N] was fuming, it was clear to anyone that was watching her that her blood was boiling. The students that were left were all in shock at her current demeanor. She had never shown anger this way not even when Cheryl had it out for her. 

Taking a deep breath, she turned around to look at Jughead. He sported some cuts and a profusely bleeding nose. Glancing down at her wrist, she cursed silently, 2:54. The school’s nurse had already packed up and gone home for the day. Reaching over towards the table, she plucked a few tissues from the box and handed them over to Jughead. With her voice low and comforting, she placed a hand on his shoulder, ushering him towards the door. “Come on, let’s go.” 

All of her friends exchanged looks, surprised that she was even talking to Jughead. Veronica pursed her lips, leaning towards Betty and quietly whispering. “Do you think this will mean we’ll have [Nickname] back?” 

Betty watched carefully as [Y/N] gently guided Jughead past her, “I hope so but I don’t know.” 

Leaning down to grab her backpack and books, she heard Reggie scoff, “Yeah, go run back to your little freakshow boyfriend.” 

Tightening her grip on Jughead who tensed underneath her, she gave him a look as to not respond. Slinging her bag over her shoulder, her hand left Jughead as she turned to look Reggie in the eyes. “Cry me fucking river, Reggie. It was never going to happen.” Opening the door, she motioned for Jughead to go. 

“You would have been a waste of my time anyway.” 

Archie lost it, shoving him against the wall, “Hey! Watch that fucking mouth!”

Rolling her eyes, she gave Archie a smile, feeling stupid for shutting her friends out of her life. “Thanks Arch but,” looking at Reggie, she wore a look of disgust on her face. “you can only offend me if you mean something to me and Reggie, honey, you aren’t worth a damn thing to me.” 




The silence was killing him, but he didn’t dare speak a word. Jughead just sat quietly in the nurse’s office while [Y/N] sneakily shuffled through the cabinets. Looking up when she kneeled down in front of him, he met her eyes. A sharp pain shot through his chest because all he wanted was to kiss her and tell her how much he had been an idiot for not going after her. 

Biting her lip, [Y/N] handed him a wet rag to wipe his bloody nose. Watching him clean himself, she started to work on the cut just above his right eyebrow. After a few minutes of unbearable silence, she finally stood up and asked the question she had been dying to ask. “Why were you two fighting?” 

Jughead debated on responding, but knew that he could never really shun her out the way she did with him. Looking down at his hands, he shrugged. “Just said some things I didn’t like.” 

“Like?” She pushed. 

He stood up too, walking past her and leaning against the nurse’s counter. “It’s Reggie, [Y/N]. He says shit all the time and it just pissed me off.” Avoiding her raised brow, he mumbled. “He was just talking about you.” 

Tilting her head, she stood in front of him, with her arms crossed. “Saying what exactly?” 

Taking a deep breath, he met her gaze. “That he was this close to sealing the deal with you. That he was going to take you to one of the rooms during Cheryl’s party tomorrow night.” Breaking their eye contact, he gave an irritated sigh, “It just made me snap because the thought of you-” Jughead quickly closed his mouth. He didn’t want to go there. He wasn’t ready. 

Moving closer, she raised a brow. “The thought of me what? The thought of me losing my virginity to Reggie made you upset?” [Y/N] shook her head, her hands grabbing his. Her movement caused Jughead’s head snap up and look her in her eyes. 

Nodding, he chewed on his lip. “Yeah.” 

“Oh, Jug.” Dropping her hands from his, she brought one up to caress his cheek. “I already told you that you were the only one I wanted to claim it.” 

“Yeah but that was before you broke up with me.” He said coldly.

Pulling back her hand, she nodded. “Yes but,” trailing off, she scoffed at the idea of Reggie having her virginity and the idea that he thought he could take it. “you couldn’t have possibly believed that I would let Reggie Mantle of all people-”

“-it wasn’t that, [Nickname].” Jughead interrupted, getting slightly frustrated. Gently pushing past her, he paced a few steps before turning around to look at her confused expression. “It was the way he was talking about you, [Y/N]. Like, like you were some kind of score. A thing that could be won. You aren’t an item, [Nickname]. You’re a person, a person with feelings, a person with feelings that broke up with someone who also had feelings he couldn’t explain.” 

“Well,” biting her lip, “it means a lot that you’d stick up for me but,” she motioned towards his bruised eye and cuts, “was it worth bucking up to the Captain of the football team, Jug? I mean you got some really good licks in but not enough evidence on his face to back it up.”

“I wasn’t going to sit there and let him say those things about you, [Y/N].” Shaking his head, he scoffed, “It was a matter of time before Archie heard them and then what?” 

Sighing, [Y/N] stepped forward. Throwing her arms around his neck, she pulled him in close. Her grip tightened when she felt him embrace her back. Fighting back tears, she whispered out. “I miss you, Juggie.” 

Closing his eyes, he breathed, “I miss you too.” 

Pulling away just enough for her to look him in the eyes, she murmured, “Can we take baby steps? I’m not completely over the fact that you can’t tell me what you feel but I guess I have to accept that we just work better without words but I need to go slow.”

Jughead couldn’t resist kissing her, both of his hands flew up her cheeks and pulled her into a kiss. It lasted for a few seconds but it was enough to give him courage for what he had to say next. Resting his forehead against hers, he sighed lightly. “I know that wasn’t slow but I just want you, [Nickname]. That’s it. Nothing else but your flaws, mistakes, laughs, jokes, sarcasm, everything. I didn’t know what I felt until you walked away because everything I ever felt with you was normal. I had never felt any other way before. And then when you walked away. I felt broken. I felt like my entire world came crashing down around me and now…now I understand those lame sappy sad songs about broken love.” He chuckled with her, suddenly feeling a little bit better after hearing her giggle. 

“Juggie,” she breathed. 

“Love isn’t supposed to be easy. It’s supposed to be worth it and no one else is worth an ounce of my attention besides you. Years from now when we’ve said goodbye to this shit town, I want to look at you by my side and think how lucky I am to have kept you this long.” 

[Y/N] couldn’t respond, she was choked up. This was what she wanted to hear. That Jughead had the same exact plans as she did, that she wasn’t the only one feeling this way. Smiling, she pressed her lips against his. 


I didn’t see her love, I felt it plainly as the sun. -atticus 

Archie Andrews Soulmate!AU

‘Technicolor’

Request: aa can you do a soulmate au with archie wherein all you see is black and white until you touch your soulmate? like he bumps into you in the hallway or something and color just blooms before your eyes?? i dunno of that makes sense or not but your writing it great!! <3

Summary: (a Soulmate!AU) [In a black and white world where you find your soulmate when you touch for the first time. After your skin touches theirs, the two people can see each other in color, later on expanding into seeing the whole world in color.] Y/n has just moved to Riverdale and is starting her first day at Riverdale High. Will today be the day where she’ll find the one she’s been looking for?

Word Count: 1804

a/n: First of all lmao the summary I just wrote for this was so cheesy I apologize. I had fun writing this so I hope you have fun reading it but if not sorry I suck. I’m posting it without editing it so if you see any mistakes I promise I’ll fix them tomorrow I’m just currently being lazy. Don’t forget to request!

 —

You heard it happened to another girl from your old school last week. She’d been visiting family in another town when it happened. You heard it happened like some sort of rom-com. Apparently, she’d dropped her wallet and he’d tapped on her shoulder to return it to her. She turned and saw him, like actually saw him, in color. You’d heard it a billion times. When you touch the right person for the first time, you finally start to see in color. At first, it’s just them you see in color, everything else stays black and white, but after a while you can see everything. Something in you goes right with something in them and the rest is history.

It was hard to even conceptualize. You’d lived your whole life seeing black and white, what did it even mean to see in color. They compared it to The Wizard of Oz, like seeing in Technicolor. Before you touch them is like Dorothy in Kansas, but after was like when she went over the rainbow to Munchkinland. People who could see it had tried to explain it to you many times before, but they always ended up saying it was impossible to explain to someone who couldn’t see it; you’d see one day. But what if you didn’t? There were people who lived their whole lives and dies still seeing black and white. Maybe you would be one of those people.

You felt stupid even thinking about it. You were only in high school after all. There were people who didn’t see their person until they were 30, people who didn’t see their person until they were 60! Why were you so anxious?

You knew you didn’t need another person to survive or anything, you could take care of yourself. It’s just the thought of spending your whole life by yourself sounded pretty unappetizing. Even though so many people hadn’t found their person yet you couldn’t help the feeling like you were late. You knew a couple that had seen each other since second grade. You were patient, but you just wanted to know what you were missing.

Your first day at a new school. You’d moved into your new house in Riverdale a couple days ago, and it seemed like a nice town. All the people you’d met seemed welcoming enough and your room was bigger than in your old house. You hadn’t moved here to find your person or anything, your mom’s job had a great opportunity here for her, but you thought maybe this would be that place where it would happen. You didn’t want to get your hopes up… but what if?

You pulled up into a spot on the far side of the parking lot at Riverdale High. You took a deep breath before ripping the band-aid off and opening the car door, making you way toward the entrance. Various other students were laughing and talking with their friends. To say you were nervous would be to say that Mount Everest was a bit of a hike: a huge understatement. It was the first day back from summer, but you’d never been the new kid before. You didn’t know a soul.

You’d been to the office once before over the weekend to register for classes so you found your way there relatively easily once you got inside. You walked into the bustling office and tried to avoid getting hit by a receptionist who at that speed could have easily passed for a linebacker. You hesitantly approached a woman behind a desk who looked busy, but at least noticeably less busy than everyone else. She was typing up something with a level of ferocity that had to be breaking some sort of record. You waited uncomfortably for her to finish what she was doing and notice you standing in front of her. Was she going to finish?

After half a minute and a few final loud smacks on her keyboard, she pushed up her glasses and looked up at you with a weary but genuine smile. “Can I help you with something, honey?”

“Oh, yeah,” you said fumbling through the front pocket of your backpack for the right paper. “Here it is.” You slid the paper to her with your name and information they had given you when you’d registered. “I’m new.”

Her eyes scanned the paper and she turned to grab something from behind the desk. She turned back to you and passed a piece of paper to you. “So, this is your schedule. The school is a bit of a maze so let me see if I can find someone…” She looked around the office and her eyes landed on someone. “Aha!” You followed her line of sight and saw a boy with his arms full of books walking toward the door. You strained your neck to see his face but he was turned away.  “Mr. Andrews?!” The boy stopped in his tracks and swiveled around in search for the source of his name. Whoa. The receptionist waved him over and he made his way over to you.

You had tried your whole life not to think about the boys you met too much so you wouldn’t get too attached to them only for them to see someone else. But boy, oh boy, he was kind of a babe.

“Mr. Andrews, she doesn’t know her way around the school yet; Could you show her to her to her first class?”

He glanced quickly at you then back to the receptionist, “Oh, yeah. No problem!”

You smiled graciously at the receptionist and she turned back to her work.

“So we’re going to…” He looked over the schedule and mumbled to himself. “Ah, cool.” He looked up at you and smiled. “That’s not far at all.” You could feel your heart flutter. He started walking down the hall way and you stayed by his side, a couple inches away. “I would shake your hand but I don’t really have a free one at the moment,” he said nodding down to the comically large pile of books he was carrying. “I’m not trying to be rude, I promise.”

“No, don’t even worry about it.” You replied. Secretly though, you were kind of upset you couldn’t shake his hand. You wanted to touch him for a second, just to rule him out as your person. Now you were going to be thinking about him all day.

“So, are you a freshman? Or just new?” he asked while maneuvering through the populated hallway.

“Just new. My mom got a promotion so we moved to Riverdale last week. I’m actually a sophomore.” You explained. You had a feeling you would have to be telling this story pretty frequently in the near future.

“Oh, hey, cool! I’m a sophomore too! Maybe we’ll have classed together and stuff.” He said with a hint of excitement. You didn’t even know why you were getting your hopes up. For all you know he had already seen his person.

“I hope so. So far you’re the only person I’ve met at this school. It would be nice to have a familiar face in a class or two.” You tried to keep the sound of desperation in your voice to a minimum.

He stopped in front of a classroom on the right side of the hallway, “Well, here we are.”

You didn’t want to leave yet, but you knew you had to. “Thank you so much for helping me out, by the way.

He smiled and turned to face you, backing away in the opposite direction “Yeah, maybe I’ll see you around later?” It only hit you then that you didn’t know his first name. And he didn’t know your name either. You opened your mouth to speak, some guy rammed into him, knocking down all his books and making him fall right onto you.

The guy looked at the pile up he’d caused, “Oh, sorry dude,” and walked away.

“I’m so sorry,” he said lifting himself off you and turning to pick up his books without looking at you.

You looked down at your backpack and fixed everything that was misplaced. “It wasn’t your fault,” you comforted without looking up. “It was that stupid guy, he came out of nowhere.”

It was then that you looked up at him, and it happened. You could see him. You, quite literally, could not believe your eyes. You could see the way he really looked, with all the colors that belonged to him. He looked even more beautiful that you had thought. His hair was bright – you didn’t know what everyone else’s hair looked like, or what color to call his, but you knew it was special. You could see the blush in his cheeks as he fumbled with his books, you hadn’t known what blushing really looked like. You could see him, and for now, only him.

He still hadn’t looked up from the books. An overwhelming feeling of fear washed over you. What if he didn’t see you in color back? That happened sometimes. What if it happened to you? You looked at him and you wanted to say something, to ask him, but nothing could come out.

“Hey,” he said, “I just realized that I never got to ask you–” He glanced up and you and back down before he knew what he had seen. He froze, calculating in his head. He slowly turned his head up to face you. He didn’t say anything, he just looked at you and for a while, you just looked back.

You broke the silence, “Can, can you see me? In color?”

He nodded his head yes but remained silent. You could see his eyes scanning all over you, looking like it was the first time he had his eyes, because it kind of was.

With wide eyes he darted his to yours, realizing, “What did you say your name was?”

“I didn’t,” you laughed lightly.

“Well can you? Please?” He laughed back.

“It’s Y/n.”

“Y/n,” he said more to himself than to you, like he was feeling how it felt on him. “I’m Archie.”

“It’s a real pleasure to meet you Archie.”

“So… we’re…?”

“I guess so,” You were in as much shock as he was. This was definitely not how you had expected your first day at Riverdale High to start, but you certainly weren’t complaining.

“Do you want to get out of here? We can talk and stuff,” he asked standing up.

“There is nothing more I want in the world.” You reached out your hand and he pulled you up. You walked right out the school and onto the street abandoning all the papers and books. You had more important things to do. You were finally seeing in Technicolor.

Study Break (M)

Originally posted by jiminarmy

✕ pairing: Taehyung x Reader

✕ genre/warnings: smut, one shot

✕ words: 1,200

✕ summary: Having trouble studying for a test, you let your best friend Taehyung come over to help you. He also has a great way to help relieve your stress.

✕ notes: for the anon that requested this!! Hope you like it! 


“Why did I even invite you over to help me study when all you’re doing is complaining about not wanting to study?” I groan, falling against my bed, my body bouncing a little as it hit the mattress.

 “Hey, it’s not my fault that studying is boring!” he replied, throwing his pencil down against his textbook.

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