me and textedit

what she says: i’m fine

what she means: i just love isle of flightless birds by twenty one pilots. do you love it? like c’mon! it’s just so perfect and deep and more people should listen to it and appreciate it as the perfect song it is. tyler’s voice in this song? man! it gives chills to the whole damn universe. the lyrics? so perfect and important. it changed my whole life and soul. how can someone not love this song? how can someone not see the amazing meaning that lies behind this masterpiece? isle of flightless birds is just something too big for this sad and awful world. it makes the day brighter and weightless. i just love this song.

Just try to focus on the fact that you are still here, fighting and breathing. After everything you’ve been through, you are still alive. You survived all these awful days and nights. Just think about that. You are so strong and brave! I couldn’t be more proud of you.

Maybe these fears and insecurities will not leave you right now, but one day everything will get better. One day you will see the light and everything will be clearer.

I know you can fight this. You can get through this. Even if you don’t believe in yourself, I believe in you. I believe in you enough for both of us and one day, you will believe in yourself, you will love yourself. You will see that you are enough! Until there I don’t want you to feel alone. I want you to know that I am here. Maybe you’ll think that I’m pretending that I care, but I’m not. I do care. I do love you and I want you to be alive.

When your nights are darker than ever and you can’t see a thing, I’ll try my best to bring a light. One day you will be able to hold this light by yourself. But until there, don’t worry… I’ll be there with you. I’ll keep the lights on until you feel that you are enough to keep them on by yourself. I’ll hold you hands if you want to. I will try to say some good words. If you don’t want any of these things, I’ll be there by your side in silence. Anything that make you feel confortable and safe, I’ll do it. And one day, one amazing day, all the lights will be on and you will learn how to fight the dark. You’ll learn how to be alone and feel safe in being alone. You’ll love to be with yourself just like I love being with you.

I just want you guys to be safe, okay? Hope you have a great day and if you don’t, I know that a better day is coming. You will get there. You will make it because you already made it this far. Nothing will stop you because you are so important and so capable. 

You are not a waste of space, you are what make this space something. You are the reason it exists and I want you to feel proud about this. Even if you believe that is a messy space, it’s yours! You can make it better. You can clean it up and I can help you. We can make it a better place. And one day, you’ll be able to keep it clean by yourself. Sometimes everything will get messy again. Some storms and hurricanes can happen and everything will seen lost again. But you can start over each day! You can clean it again and redecorate it sometimes. I will help you. I’ve got you.

Life is not easy. Death seems the easier answer sometimes I know… I believed in this once. I almost made something that I would never be able to undone. I was almost gone, but I can say that I’m proud of being here today. I should be, right? I’m a fighter and so are you. I am real. YOU are real! I know you can fight this! I love you so much and I can’t actually put into words how much I want you to be okay. I will always look after you.

So that’s it. Drink some water. Eat something. Take a deep breath. Stay safe. Stay alive. 

I don’t hate the clique. I hate the “clique”.

I will not be part of this “clique” that harass the boys and treat them like objects.

I will not be part of this “clique” that doesn’t respect them as human beings.

For me the real clique is the one that respects them, the one that is in here today because they love the boys and see them as real people. The clique that is together because of everything that suffered and that find confort in each other.

This clique still lives and we can’t let the “clique” ruin this. We have this. It’s ours and the boys are part of this too. We need to stick together and try to avoid people that doesn’t see the boys like they are: two real boys that need to live THEIR lives. Two boys that own us nothing.

a conversation with: TextEdit
  • me: There's no sand left at shore, it's all in your pockets and in your shoes.
  • TextEdit: Okay, now write something substantial.
  • me: There's a beach made of used neon foam Band-aids® but no one wears shoes.
  • TextEdit: This isn't working.
  • me: Fuck it, I'm going streaking—maybe down those neon foam shores. What do you know about NASCAR band-aids®, anyway.
  • TextEdit: Hey, that's pretty good...
  • me: Shut up, TextEdit.