me and my girl crew

you don’t learn to love her. because learning to love her is like turning her into a routine you get used to, like you’ve been trying and you’ve just now seen parts of her you’ve never noticed before or maybe didn’t pay attention to. like the bad habit you’ve picked up and only just now become aware of the burning cigarette between your fingers, the money you’ve lost, the need for a fix, the jagged edges of your nails. no, it doesn’t work that way.

so, let me tell you what she’s like.

she’s always. not just coming to. not just on her way. you love her by means of night and day. she’s constant. you trace forever on her skin when she sleeps, the expanse giving you a universe that waits for you in it, just under your fingertips, and you want to explore the things that have inherently existed there. beautiful things, you’re sure. and so you don’t teach yourself to look for all the ways you can love her because you just do, like things that begin and end only to begin again— always the sunset, always the sunrise. 

Markiplier tour in Indianapolis

So today me (Q) and my partner Kin went to @markiplier‘s earlier showing of the You’re Welcome tour. I just wanna say holy shit it was amazing.

I wont’ spoil anything but the opening for the show was incredible, and actually connected to how i found Mark’s channel. (Although we were still getting our merch when it started cause we couldnt hear any announcement if there was one)

Both me and Kin have been watching Mark’s videos for about a year and a half now and we were so excited to have the chance to go to the show. Mark’s videos are what help us both when we are stress or dealing with panic attacks and it’s helped us through some very hard times just knowing his videos are there.

I’m gonna share some highlight’s from today’s show (specific to our show)

-Mark’s stepmom being in the audience along with Tyler’s parents i believe

-That one girl who thought she was called up but wasn’t but Mark was super nice and made her his assistant for that segment

-”I’M A STARFISH” -Ethan

-Mark tagging out Bob and saying “I’ll save you”

-THE drugs

-the 11 year old girl in the audience with a sign saying “Mark it’s my 11th birthday”

-Bob helping the girl who couldn’t figure out the switch controller

-Intense screaming anytime Mark changed jackets

-The girl behind me screaming “What’s up my cranky crew”

-Mark and Tyler can lift a couch super easy

-As an artist i find this interesting and guess Mark might be about 5ft 6? (Edit: people are telling me he’s about 5'10, thank you! I’m bad at guessing heights)

-Ethan may be smaller than Mark??? cant tell

-The dude who piggybacked on his super tall friend


-The room wasn’t very big and the AC was shit so at the end Mark had us all use the voting paddles to fan them

-Mark accidentally spitting into the audience

-Wade saying he won’t stop being a youtuber till YouTube quits him

-Mark saying he’ll create till he dies

-the chairs

-upon leaving the theater there was this grass patch and a tree and like 4 squirrels??? and they were everywhere on the walk to the car??? I think Mark might be summoning them somehow

edit:more stuff I’m remembering the next day

-Mark being a traitor and switching back and forth between red team and green team

The show was honestly amazing and we are both so happy. I don’t think ill be able to physically stop smiling for at least a week. Thank you so much for everything Mark, Tyler, Ethan, Bob and Wade. (also shout out to Amy and Kat being sweet and going in the aisles)

Thank you,

~Q and Kin

ps be on the lookout im gonna draw something cool and then maybe doodle some of my fav parts. I’ll post a few pics i took but maybe not till the tour is done idk

@markiplier @crankgameplays @lordminion 

  • Coxswain: Okay girls, we are just on the 500m marker lets push it through to the end.
  • Rower: *internal or possibly external screaming*
  • Coxswain *two minutes later*: Okay girls at the 500m marker lets gain some pressure.
  • Rower: wait what i thought
  • Coxswain *another minute later*: We have crossed the orange buoy 500m left and you are done, leave it on the water.
January 21, 2017 the day Jackson Wang had the audacity to notice me!

Hello chingus it is finally that time to tell my story about Jackson Wang and how he do love him some colored girls. So when me & my crew got into the venue we were on the rail right in front of the speaker and about two chairs the boys were sitting in when they finally came out Jackson was sitting in the chair directly in front of me so me being the extra person that I am, I had to wild out.

He could see me and my friends almost perfectly and we all happened to be WOC so at one point he had stared at all of us for so long and he finally just said fk it and paid attention to us lol. The WHOLE time during the I kept pointing at my eyes and pointing to him so i could get his attention like on the real.

He then like really looked at us so i stared blowing him kisses and what did he do BLOW A WHOLE KISS BACK uh i literally stood there like

then he laughed and looked away like no you didn’t just blow a kiss at me boy have you lost your mind

so throughout we like planned to just keep getting his attention because trendsetters and he kept looking like he really did. At one point he looked over at us like…

but honestly just like this i can’t even make this shit up right now. Then when it was time to call fans up to the stage he asked who wanted to come so I looked at him & said pick me bih & then he pointed at us!

After he pointed he proceeds to gesture us to come up like:

boy I’m TIREDT, NO HE DIDN’T. then during Just Right the music cut off & our group decided to keep singing & GOT EVERYONE IN THE VENUE TO SING TOO (Video).

So at one point in Just Right he came over to where we were, tryna look all sexy licking his lips. So I pointed at him like YES DADDY! WHY DID HE POINT BACK?….. WHYYYYYYYY?

He points back so i was like bih “Shoot Your Shot 2017” and I did the eye thing again to make sure he was looking at me and when i tell you… WHEN I TELL YOU HE TURNED TO BAM BAM AND DID EXACTLY WHAT I WAS DOING TO HIM TO BAM BAM I ALMOST…

the video is shaky but you can see him point and then turn to bam bam and………


so i’m officially shook to my core right but he kept coming to our section being EXTRA AF like nooooo why.

He looking right at my camera someone help me please [video].

OK so the concert is over and all that remains is Hi Touch so I’m sitting in my seat plotting how ima get his attention again. So i think let me just do the eye thing cause he know me as the eye thing girl so we’re all siting there lotion-ing our hands and plotting. This bitch uhkennedy had P1 so when she got on stage we start screaming YES BITCH FUCK IT UP GET YO MAN! So we’re screaming and all of Got7 start pointing at us and go “AYYEE“.

Alright so i walk on stage and the first hand is Jinyoung, i just stare at him because beauty, then YUGYEOM my bias wrecker next to him. Yugyeom eye smiling for days and my heart can’t take it WHY WAS JB THE NEXT PERSON AFTER HIM??¿¿???¿ so i just grabbed tf out JB hand and then i can’t remember who was next either Mark or Youngjae but i reach for Mark’s hand and his eye brows raised and he says OH… nigga what you mean??

So Mark said Oh and i just said MMMM and pointed at him like MMMMMMMMMM BITCHH. So next is Youngjae i think and i grabbed his hand with both of mine and just said YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL AND HE JUST LITERALLY MADE THIS FACE

then after is Bambam and i feel so bad but i literally ain’t even look at him cause last was JACKSON MF WANG BIH. YALL LISTEN TO ME WHEN I SAY I DID THE EYE THING AND HE DID IT BACK HE DID IT BACK! So im shook and i reach for his hand and he grabbed it and started rubbing his other hand on top of mine i’m..


to end this i started wildin on IG after and commented this on his photo about Miami i really hope he saw it lol ok bye 


its hard to tell if its just a natural way i view myself, or if it’s because i’ve never been seen as “Sexy” since im an A cup and im tall and lanky and kinda awkward and i dont have any curves, but its just… really hard for me to see myself as a sexual being? or to sexualize myself at all? i used to feel really guilty about never posting sexy pics on instagram and really insecure that people liked my friends more bc they were Sexy, but everyone always viewed me as like a 12 year old! but idk, now im just. really comfortable not being sexual? like im 100% in support of other people doing whatever tf they want, and i love hot girls posting pics they feel good about, but it feels good to be able to accept that i dont have to be Sexy to be valuable. i tried a few times to post some slutty pics but it took sooooooo much maneuvering of my body to make it look like a hot instagram girl, and even tho the positive reinforcement was really fun and good feeling, i kept looking at the pics and thinking.. wtf who is that? im prettiest when im happy and im happiest when im comfortable! it sounds stupid but its actually hard to exist in a world where a boob and a butt are seen as The End All Be All, and basically since high school every time ive gone out w female friends ive felt like “the ugly friend” and ive assumed everyone sees me w my crew as like “a crew of hot girls + the ugly one” but my friends love me even tho im tall and flat chested and cant wear bikinis. idk, im not Sexy but also i dont think i need to be sexy? why did i spend so much of my adolescence researching boob jobs and saving up for them. and also why have i felt so ashamed of not seeing myself as an inherently sexual being for so long